Hello Darkness, my old friend
by HanRic82
Summary: After the death of Robin, Regina gives up hope on ever finding her happy ending. But when giant bolts shoot from the sky and threaten to rip Storybrooke in two, Emma realises that the magical lightening is tied to Regina's suffering, and only her presence seems to ease the destruction. Swan Queen end game
1. Chapter 1

AN: Hi guy's, so before anyone says anything. No, I haven't abandoned 'No Promises', I just hit some major writers block, but the next chapter is half written. This idea however, wouldn't leave me alone. With TPTB practically destroying all hope for a Swan Queen happy ending, I decided to run with the developments of series five and give it my own spin. You'll probably recognise the start of this chapter as it's taken from one of the series finale promos, but that is where the similarity ends. Nothing from this chapter on will mimic future episodes. Unless I'm psychic, but considering I write about love between our two favourite ladies I highly doubt that! Anyway, let me know what you think, and sorry for any mistakes.

NB: The only change the edit brought was the disclaimer, so you don't need to read the chapter again.

Disclaimer: Obviously OUAT and its characters do not belong to me. They are the property of Eddie and Adam, and ABC. If they belonged to me THIS is how it would end!

The entire diner shakes and for a brief, terrifying second, I fear that I'm the one that causes it. As magic is emotion, it's perfectly reasonable to assume that the shaking Earth is a manifestation of the cracks widening in my already broken heart. Emma's request however well intentioned, was filled with pity, and that is an emotion that my fragile state just cannot deal with right now.

But the familiar ring of the diner bell and the entrance of a man I thought condemned to the afterlife, stirs such feelings of hate that if the earthquake was caused by my pain, what I feel now would tear it asunder.

"Swan, is everything okay?"

My jaw drops, a silent scream tearing from lungs that in that last few days have found it increasingly difficult to breathe. Hook is alive. Hook is alive and Robin, is dead. It's a pain that strikes so deep I almost wish it would kill me where I stand.

I hear Zelena speak, then Charming, and then _him._ But the words don't penetrate the dark cloud that has descended on me in the last few seconds. It's a cloud that chokes me, sucking the hope from the world at the realisation that once again, I am the one punished. Rumplestiltskin's warning has never resonated so strong. I am a villain, and whatever good I do, whatever I willingly sacrifice, I will never get my happy ending.

I turn to Emma, searching for a reason, a sense of understanding, and she's smiling. _Smiling_ sickeningly at the man whose body was as cold as Robins just an hour ago. If Hook's appearance is the final, destructive, dagger to my heart, then Swan's happy expression has just given it the final twist.

"Delicate as always!" I growl, my voice dripping with sarcasm as I fix the blonde with a disbelieving look.

Why her and not me? Why Hook and not Robin? How many loves do I have to sacrifice while trying to protect the Charming family?

Why fight to be good when I always lose?

The dark cloud slowly turns to red and I fight the urge to rip out his heart and crush it in my hand. If I can't have Robin, then Emma can't have her pirate. Snow can't have Charming and Rumple can't have Belle. I have played this game before, and I am tired of coming last.

The weight of my glare burns into the Saviour and as real as if Robin's ghost just appeared before us, Emma suddenly remembers that her joy is not welcome at a wake. Her smile falters, green eyes shifting sideways as she actually has the gall to look apologetic.

"Regina I…"

My hands ball into fists at my sides, resisting the urge to conjure up a fireball that will burn this hypocritical town to the ground.

"No!" I interject, forcing the word past my silent rage. "I don't want your half-hearted apologies."

"Regina…" This time its Snow, hastily handing her son to Charming before she tentatively steps towards me.

"And I don't want your pity!" I howl, my anger and desolation bursting forth as I address every virtuous character in this overcrowded room.

This is Daniel all over again, the sad looks and encouraging speeches, but none of them know. They never did. None of them have felt the pain of loss like I have. None of them have been fated to a lifetime of loneliness.

I stalk over to the pirate, feeling joy in the fearful look on his face, "Why you?" I demand, my voice dropping to a tone that I thought I'd left behind in the Enchanted Forest. "What did _you_ do to deserve a second chance?"

At least he has the decency to look embarrassed. Villain to villain there is nothing to separate the crimes that we have committed, if he can't give me a fair explanation, then no one can.

"I don't think it's that simple, love…" He begins, his voice sympathetically soft.

I don't want his sympathy.

"I am not your love!" I roar, sick of the sugar-coated answers that everyone is trying to protect me with, "My love is buried six feet deep in the ground…"

The diner shakes again, a louder, deeper, rumble than the one before, and I find myself grabbing for Hook in an attempt to remain upright. I despise the fact that I have to rely on him for anything, and roughly shove him aside when the shaking abruptly stops.

When he glances back to me the sorrow is gone from his eyes and for the first time since Robin's death, someone looks at me as an equal again. "Zeus sent me back," he finally confesses, "A reward for helping him defeat Hade's."

The truth is as welcome as it is painful. "A reward?" I spit, the word like poison on my tongue, "So tell me, Pirate, what's Zelena's reward for murdering her true love in order to save us all? What's Roland's reward for sacrificing his father in the fight to bring you home? What's my reward for giving up everything I have in my quest to do good?"

His gaze shifts to someone stood behind me, Emma. A silent plea for the Saviour to come and rescue him from an unwinnable conversation. If Regina Mills was here right now she'd know, deep down, that this wasn't Killian's fault. She'd probably be happy that their mission was ultimately a success, that her best friend was free from heartbreak once more. But Regina Mills isn't here, in fact the current sense of betrayal coursing through me and my sudden, raging war with the world is far more akin to that of the Evil Queen.

"I think it was more a gift for finally finding redemption," He clarifies, swallowing sharply when his lover chooses to remain mute on the subject.

"Redemption!?" I can see the red cloud as clear as if it was here in front of me. It grows, spreading out to blanket the entire diner with my increasing sense of injustice. "What have you done that is so much greater than anything I've achieved?"

"Mom?" Henry's voice, a reminder of true happiness in a world that has abandoned me, gently reaches out. I glance over my shoulder to where he's standing next to his grandfather, and raise a questioning eyebrow. "I can write a new ending," he stutters, clearly scared that this change in me is permanent, "I'm the author, I can give you whatever happy ending you want…."

"How many happy endings do you think a person gets, Henry?" I challenge, trying to soften the harsh timbre of my voice but failing miserably. "I have had two loves and I've lost them both. I think my quota is done."

On the last word the Earth shakes again, not as violently as the other two but certainly more prolonged.

"Is no one bothered about what that is?" Merida asks, her Scottish lilt a calming sound that makes me curl my lip in distaste.

"Yeah we…we should check it out…" Emma agrees, finding her voice for long enough to issue an order that sounds more like a question.

I find it strangely ironic that the fate of our town rests in the hands of a woman so pathetically indecisive, and decide then and there that this is where our alliance ends. "You _heroes_ can do whatever pleases you," I reply coldly, "but I want no part in it."

The blonde pulls the same tight-lipped expression she always does when feeling sorry for someone less fortunate than her, and it only serves to fuel the fire inside of me. I don't want their sadness; I want the same chance at happiness as everyone else in this godforsaken town. I want _my_ second chance.

Emma opens her mouth to speak but Snow beats her to it, "Regina, we're on your side, you know that…"

And I do. Deep down I know that they all want me to be happy too. But pep talks and good intentions have brought me nothing thus far, and I'm just about out of good deeds.

"But I'm no longer on yours," I reply, a satisfied smile forming as I watch Snow's expression crumple before my very eyes. "I tried to be good, I fought every dark urge I have to be a better person, to prove myself worthy of redemption, and this is the ending I get…"

"Regina, you heard Henry this isn't your ending…."

It's Emma again, but between her and her upbeat mother I've taken all the hope speeches I can stomach for one lifetime. I silence her with a raised hand, "I'm done, Misss Swan. Take your incredibly lucky Pirate and your perfectly happy parents and go and save this town, that's what heroes do."

"You're a hero now, too!"

I clench my jaw at Charming's claim, Robin's freshly dug grave arguing otherwise, "I _was_ a hero," I state to the gasp of several patrons, "and take a long hard look at where that got me. Twice in my life I have risked everything to help a Charming, and twice it has cost me my happiness. Whatever is causing the Earth to shake, it can destroy Storybrooke for all I care."

As the ground begins to tremble more violently than ever and everyone scrambles for their weapons, I exit my lover's wake in a puff of purple smoke, leaving the heroes to fight a war that was never mine to begin with.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Wow guy's, thank you so much! I've never had such quick reviews, follows and favourites. It means so much more then I can put into words – which is pretty ironic for a writer, right? Anyway, here is part two, the last of the set up chapters so it's a little dark and quite short, but hang on guys, it's about to get tense - the sexual kind of tension of course ;-) I hope you enjoy, let me know what you think, and I promise to update as soon as possible. Hopefully before the end of the weekend.

The manor is empty when I return. The sound of silence, louder than it's ever been before. When Henry was younger, I used to crave the rare quiet moments. They brought me contentment, a sense that all was right with the world. But this silence is different, final, an unforgiving reminder that no matter how hard I try I will ultimately find myself alone.

I kick off my heels and shrug out of my jacket, dumping them both in the hall before padding through to my study. This house is large, too large, a testament to the castles I grew used to during my reign. When I left the Enchanted Forest I honestly thought I'd be happy here, that my pain would remain trapped in a world that never welcomed me, but I was wrong. The Dark Castle was never my prison, the darkness inside of me is.

I reach for the decanter of cider my fingers hovering over the glass, but the smell of apples triggers nightmares of an unhappy, forced marriage and the haunting memory of my time as the Evil Queen. My stomach churning, I pick up the Scotch instead.

I don't hate Emma. I don't even hate Hook. I just wish with a deep, aching longing, that for once their happiness could be mine.

I down the large drink and quickly pour myself another, walking over to the bookshelf and pulling out a book that I haven't touched for years; _Snow White by The Brothers Grimm._

I laughed when I first read the tale, almost wishing I'd been creative enough to order Graham to retrieve Snow's lungs and liver as the book suggests. I found it amusing that the brothers thought the Charming's intelligent enough to enchant a pair of dancing shoes that would ultimately kill me. But now, as I look down at the old, leather-bound book, I only feel sadness in the knowledge that _this_ is how the world will remember me. Either that or as an old, haggard witch offering a pathetically weak Snow White, a poisoned apple.

Mulan would probably call it Karma, and she'd probably have a point. I'm more than aware of the heinous deeds of my past, and I know that it would take a lot of good to right my wrongs, but even the Beast found his Beauty.

My gaze subconsciously drifts to the bow now mounted on the wall above my desk. Robin is an English legend, Snow the world's best loved Disney Princess, even Rumple has been immortalised in one of the greatest fairy-tales of all time. Why am I the one left behind?

Tossing the offensive book to one side, I stand and walk over to my dead love's favourite weapon. With shaking hands, I reach out to run my fingers along the smooth wood and closing my eyes, can almost imagine that Robin is here with me. I can still taste his last kiss as he told me I was his future. Why is that sentiment the one that condemns my lovers to death? Why is my love a curse?

The floor beneath begins to shake again, a sure sign that whatever the Charming's went to fight has not been defeated, and instinctively I turn to the largest mirror in the room.

I shouldn't care, the dark remnants of an Evil Queen tell me as much, but I do. These people helped me, they saved me, and though I have no desire to join them on their heroic quest I can't turn my back so easily.

With a wave of my hand my image disappears, replaced with a vision of the forest on the outskirts of Storybrooke. Emma, Henry, Snow, Charming, Hook, Merida and Zelena stand on the precipice of a large crack that has opened in the forest floor. It's a crevice that appears to be getting wider and longer, carving a curved path through the trees.

" _Is this what's causing the shaking?" Henry asks curiously, leaning over to peer into the large fissure._

 _Grabbing his shoulder, Emma pulls him back from the edge, "Or what the shaking has caused!" She replies indifferently._

" _Well whatever it is, if it keeps getting bigger it could tear Storybrooke in two," Snow warns, scanning its length from the bridge to the town._

 _Zelena steps forward, her hands hovering over the most recent part of the tear. "I can't detect any of the powerful magic that Hades used so I don't think it has anything to do with the Olympian crystal…" She pauses, glancing cautiously around the small group, "But it does stem from dark magic."_

" _What if this is the price of destroying Hades?" Hook ponders grimly, "This could all be my fault, Swan."_

 _The blonde reaches out, lovingly stroking Killian's cheek. "This isn't your fault," She gently reassures, "You saved us all!"_

 _Behind her Zelena loudly clears her throat, and Emma offers a weak half smile in return, "You both did," She quickly adds, finally acknowledging the Ozians role in Hades' downfall._

" _Well this has to mean something," Merida interrupts, sweeping her hand over the grass next to the crevice. When she shows her hand to the group, her palm is covered in a glittery purple dust._

" _What is that?" Charming asks, rubbing a bit between his thumb and forefinger._

" _It looks…." Henry begins to offer an explanation but quickly changes his mind, shaking his head as if to brush aside the idea._

" _It looks like what?" Emma presses, her tone a motherly scold that refuses to be ignored._

 _The teenager winces, the sort of pained expression that someone pulls when they're about to betray a secret, "It looks the same colour as Mom's magic!"_

" _Do you think Regina would do this?" Snow gasps._

 _Emma looks as reluctant to reply as Henry but does so anyway, "She was pretty upset…"_

" _Upset!?" Hook scoffs, "Love, I've seen that look on the Queen before and it never ended well for anyone she directed it at."_

" _She's not the Queen, anymore!" Henry shouts angrily, jumping to the defence of the woman who has only ever been a loving mother to him._

" _I want to agree with Henry…." Snow states, her voice drifting off uncertainly._

" _But?" Merida prompts._

" _But Storybrooke wouldn't even exist if she hadn't watched her first love die!"_

" _Vengeance is what she does," Hook adds._

" _And you coming back to me had to have hurt her," Emma deduces._

 _Ever the voice of reason, Charming steps forward, "Hold on," he argues, "Are we really saying what I think we are? Are we really going to accuse Regina of trying to destroy the town? Because…once we do there is no going back, she may turn dark for good."_

 _Emma shrugs sadly, "Who else could it be?"_

Who else could it be? The words ring hollow in the empty room, a killing blow that strikes down whatever remains of my hope. First I lose Robin, and now my family suspect me of returning to my old ways. Once a villain, always a villain, I guess truer words have never been spoken!

The accusation tugs at my battered heart, squeezing it tighter and tighter until my entire chest aches. It was Henry's idea, Snow's confirmation…Emma's doubt...the only people I love, the only people I have left in the world conspiring against me. Now I really do have nothing, I might as well be pacing the halls of my cold, lonely castle.

The floor begins to tremble again, the rumble strengthening with my pain, and I glance back to mirror just in time to see the crevice widen by several feet. Luckily, no one is injured.

My concern for the heroes eases the hurt I feel towards them, and slowly the rumble fades and stops. It can't be coincidence that both things occurred at the exact same time. And that dust _is_ the same colour as my magic.

What if Henry is right? What if my pain is inadvertently causing this? What if my insatiable thirst for vengeance is back?

Terrified, I reach into my chest, ignoring the searing pain as I remove my own heart to examine it. To my abject horror, a deep black rip the exact shape of the crevice in the forest, is carved into the left hand side of it. It's oozing a black substance, a mist that seeps from the crack like smoke from a chimney. My heart is physically and mentally broken, and the darkness inside of it will slowly poison my mind.

My gaze drifts back to the book still resting on the chair, its contents mocking me like a macabre self-fulfilling prophecy. The Grimm Brothers were right. Disney was right. Henry and Emma were right.

My darkness is returning. The Evil Queen is returning, and when she arrives she will rip this town and everyone in it, limb from limb.

And there is nothing I can do about.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Thank you, thank you, thank you! Your response has been brilliant; you guys are amazing. I promised to try and get a chapter to you today and your response to the story inspired me to do it. I know the first half of this chapter is dark but I'm trying to remain true to the character and her current feelings. Let's not forget that Regina has contemplated suicide a few times on the show! But don't worry I'm not going to get that dark, this story is fundamentally a romance and most of it will be light, fluffy and full of sexual tension, I just need to touch a little on her sense of hopelessness first. Anyway, there's a little Swan Queen goodness right at the end to sweeten the deal, so I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think.

 _The dungeon is cold, damp and dark. It thrives on misery and starves all hope. It drains the lives of my enemies and gives them a glimpse of my miserable life. It's proof that anyone, from anywhere, can be subjected to pain and torture._

 _The bleak atmosphere of the place helps me to understand that I never did anything wrong. My mother was a woman determined to see me lead the life she never could. She carved out my future, she chose my path, and she had no compassion for the abuse her ambition would rain down on me._

 _My power, the fear I instil on my subjects, it's cathartic. When I hear them scream, when I watch them cry, I hear my own hoarse voice in their desperation, I see my own tears in their hopelessness, and I don't feel quite as worthless anymore._

 _I approach the pirate's cell in quiet anticipation, pleased to find him chained to the wall like some rabid dog. His body is broken and bloody from hours of torture at the hands of my guards, and I can't help but smile at witnessing his downfall._

 _Yes, he survived when Robin did not, but I will relish the moment when I make him wish that it was his soul Hades obliterated so carelessly._

 _He coughs painfully, and a sick, twisted, satisfaction spreads throughout my body. This is retribution, a selfish man's punishment for trading the life of someone who did not deserve to die._

 _His bloodshot, swollen eyes peer at me through the bars and I instantaneously decide that he will not see out the day. He knows it too. Defeated, he is a man resigned to his fate, and I will enjoy of every second I spend helping him reach it._

" _Do you have anything to say?" I command, gifting him the chance for a final confession despite it being far more than he deserves._

 _He clenches his jaw, the resolute look in his eyes refusing to belie his fear. "Only that I never intended for this to happen," He replies, "I never wanted to hurt you. I understand your pain."_

 _I hate that he uses his last breath to offer sympathy and forgiveness. I don't want forgiveness, I want respect. Just once, I want the heroes to look at me and understand. I want them to feel what it's like to have everything you hold dear ripped away so unfairly. I want them to know what it means, to be me._

" _I love Emma," He continues after a beat, "And I would have done anything it took to get back to her…"_

 _Anger bubbles deep inside me, it's a rage so blinding that I want to scream and cry all at once. An emotion so powerful that if I don't give it an outlet, it will surely kill me. I step up to the bars, the metal gate the only thing preventing me from ripping out his throat._

" _Anything!" I scream, the overwhelming grief tearing from my lungs. "Even if anything is destroying another person's happiness, a person that was trying to help you!?"_

 _He looks ashamed then, only just realising the consequences of his selfish actions, "I'm sorry," He replies._

 _But sorry isn't good enough, sorry won't bring Robin back. Someone has to be held accountable for my suffering and that person is the half redeemed villain chained up in front of me._

 _With a wave of my hand his cell door flies open, and I swiftly enter. He presses his body against the wall, trying to get as far away from my advancing figure as possible but it's useless. I will have my revenge. I will ease this soul destroying pain that festers inside me like poison._

 _In the blink of an eye his expression changes, his face slipping into an emotionless mask. It's a look that I've seen before. It's the same expression I saw reflected back at me when I looked in the mirror on the morning of my wedding. Having been forced to experience it for so long, it's a silent plea that I have little sympathy for._

 _His biggest mistake was falling in love. Love is a weakness that only ever ends in pain, and I'm about to prove that to him now._

 _Without warning, I plunge my hand into his chest and grab onto his heart, giving it a rough tug. He grunts loudly, doubling over in agony, but I only feel joy at his suffering. His eyes widen but he doesn't fight back, and I can't ignore the euphoric effect it has on me. His death is the strongest painkiller, the great leveller, a reminder that despite our best intentions, sometimes life just hurts._

 _I imagine Emma's distraught face when she realises that her love has been stolen as cruelly as mine. I relish the victorious moment when I tell her that I was the one responsible. With his heart in the palm of my hand, I slowly start to crush it, and its destruction begins to heal my own. This is my triumph; this is the one battle I win._

 _As I watch him take his last, painful, breath I smile, feeling lighter, and the world suddenly doesn't seem quite so cruel…._

With a shocked gasp I bolt upright, surprised to find myself on the floor of my study, my heart still in my hand. Glancing around the room, I realise that everything is exactly as I left it. The book is still resting on my chair, and my drink is still perched on the corner of my desk. I must have passed out, the recent damage to my heart too agonising to remain conscious.

My head, cloudy from sleep and the disturbing images it brought me, throbs incessantly, and in my chest I can feel the faint echo of pain. I dreamt that I killed Hook. That I was back in the Dark Castle, dressed as the Evil Queen and thriving on other people's misery. And I liked it!

For a brief, imaginary moment, victory was mine and it felt good. I wasn't the one that lost for once. I wasn't the one left behind.

The thought reverberates through every nerve in my body, the realisation that I still crave vengeance making me feel sick. That dream wasn't just a reminder of my past, but a vision of my future. The seed of hatred that my mother planted so long ago is back, and growing so strong that it's ripping my town in two.

I haven't changed. I thought I had, but I haven't. I thought I was turning into someone that my father would be proud of, that Henry would aspire too, but I'm not. I'm too damaged to ever be good, to evil to ever deserve my happy ending.

The ground begins to shake again, my discarded whiskey glass dancing across the top of my desk. I look down at my heart and watch as the tear worsens, getting longer rather than wider this time. The rumble of the Earth isn't as loud or as violent as it has been, but as my heart slowly splits open before my very eyes, I can almost see the forest floor mirroring the damage.

The product of my hatred is tied to my magic, to the very root of me, and as surely as my heart is dying in the palm of hand, so too is the town that I built.

I don't want to make any more innocent people suffer. The residents of Storybrooke are my friends and I don't want to be responsible for their untimely demise. But darkness is my oldest friend, and its voice is louder than other inside my mind. If I leave my heart out then any good that I possess will be swallowed whole and the Evil Queen will take over, but if I replace it in my chest my pain will consume me and only darkness will remain.

The shaking increases, the rumble now so loud that it sounds like an earthquake. With my heart outside my body the pain is less but damage to the town is more. Damned either way, I make my only real choice I have and press my heart against my chest.

Suffocating pain wracks my body as soon as the blackened organ returns to its rightful place. The shaking outside calms. I need to get my vault. I need to lock myself away, protect my family from the monster that I'm turning into. I have to spend the remainder of my life alone.

The pain finally begins to ebb, the shaking earth calming to a gentle rattle before stopping completely. I slowly regain my breath, my eyes darting around the room for anything I might want to take with me into solitude. A few books maybe, my cider, Robin's bow…that photo on the mantle of Henry, Emma and the Charming's taken last thanksgiving. Any inconsequential trinkets that remind me that for a short time at least, I _was_ loved.

My attention flicks to the window and the orange hue of the setting sun. If I go now, before nightfall, no one will have the opportunity to try and stop me. No one will get the chance to convince me that I can still be saved. _This_ is the right thing to do.

"Regina?"

I hear Emma's tentative voice and spin around to see the blonde Saviour stood in the open doorway of my study.

"What do you want?" I growl, in a voice much harder than intended. I recognise that voice, it's _hers,_ the Evil Queens. My regression has already begun.

Emma flinches at my words, detecting the change in me, and I suddenly fear of how this conversation will end. "I came to see if you were okay," She replies, as caring as always.

My nose crinkles in distaste and I grind my teeth against the sarcastic response that I'm dying to give. I take a breath to collect myself, "Why wouldn't I be?"

The blonde's eyes dart to the window, "Well the entire town is shaking. Several buildings have collapsed and the hands have fallen off the clock tower…"

"I'm fine!"

Her gaze drifts over the room, taking in several points of interest. Robin's bow, the fairy-tale book, my half empty whiskey glass, and I know in an instant that she's assessing the situation. Searching for any visible signs of the Evil Queen. I find that it tests my patience.

"Why are you really here, Miss Swan," I demand, folding my hands across my chest in an attempt to assert what little authority I have left, "Because we both know that it's not out of concern for my wellbeing."

She shifts her weight from one foot to the other, and flicks back her hair. The subtle movement is a supposed show of strength, a warning that she's not to be messed with, but over the years I've come to learn that it generally means the exact opposite.

"Did you do it?" Abrupt and to the point. I have to admit that even I thought she'd be subtler in her accusations.

I smirk and offer a single nod of my head, my face a stony mask, "I did."

Her shoulders slump in disappointment, her mouth drawing into a thin line. I feel a twinge of regret pull deep in my chest and for a second I want to explain that though I'm guilty, the destruction is beyond my control, but what would be the point, they only ever see the worst in me anyway.

"Why!?"

I laugh, a dark sadistic chuckle that expresses none of the pain I feel inside, "Why not?"

"That's it?" Emma scoffs, unable to believe that 'why not' is the best explanation I have, "You're single-handedly ripping this town apart simply because you can?"

"You were expecting a different response?" I ask calmly, too calmly if I'm perfectly honest.

She shakes her head and begins to pace the large room, her frustration getting the better of her. "Oh I don't know," She bites back, "Maybe one along the lines of, 'my boyfriend just died and I'm struggling to cope…'"

A shooting pain bursts from my heart but I brace myself against it, unwilling to show her any weakness, "I'm a queen, I never struggle with anything," I reply.

She turns her head to me, green eyes fixing me to the spot. In three long strides she's across the room and invading my personal space, her nose scant inches from mine as she stares me down. "You are, aren't you, a queen?" She says, her words more a statement then a question, "Tell me she's back."

We both know who _she_ is and the denial is on the tip of my tongue but I can't bring myself to say it. The Saviour would never believe my side of the story anyway.

"Who else do you think caused that crack to appear in the forest?" I ask, and it's all the answer she needs.

"Why?" She demands, disappointment dripping from every word. "Why revert to her? Why now, after everything we've been through together, after all the good you've done?"

The accusation in her words coupled with the demanding tone of her voice is enough to stir the beast within. Anger consumes me and I just see red. Channelling my rage to my hands, I use my magic to toss her through the air like an insignificant rag doll. She flies several feet, hitting the back wall before dropping to the floor in a crumpled heap.

The attack wasn't enough to hurt her, just enough to shock, and she quickly springs back up to her feet. I wave my hand, freezing her on the spot.

"And what has good ever done for me?" I shout, sick of these do-gooders and their contradicting opinions. "I lost Daniel saving your mother, I lost Henry saving this town, and I have now lost Robin while saving your Pirate. I _am_ good, but only darkness brings me true happiness."

A single tear slips down my cheek, exposing my outburst for what it truly is, a cry for help. The fight leaves me instantly and I drop the spell holding the blonde captive. Her expression falls, sadness quickly replacing her disappointment as she hastily closes the distance between us.

"Gina that's not true," She's quickly replies, "You were never happy as the Evil Queen…"

I'm so lost in my own darkness that I don't even notice the tender nickname she uses.

"And you'd know this how?" I demand, my anger sparking to life once more as I roughly swipe at the tear. "You didn't know me in the Enchanted Forest. You have no idea what it's like to be me."

"No I don't," She admits gently, "But I do know what it's like to lose the man you love."

White hot hatred shoots through my body, the thought that she dares compare her temporary loss of Hook to my permanent loss of Robin, an insult that tempts me to destroy her. I lunge for her chest, intending to retrieve and crush her heart but when my hand hits her jacket, a powerful force field propels us both backwards and away from each other.

I can feel the aftereffects like an electric shock tingling up my arm. It's a warm feeling, pleasant almost, a feeling that is most unwelcome in my current state of mind.

Emma looks just as shocked, rubbing her chest as though she can feel the remnants of whatever _that_ was, too.

"What was that?" She gasps.

I swallow sharply, flexing my fingers and unable to find an answer, "Your good magic protecting you," I lie.

Her eyes flick up to meet mine, the distance between us suddenly greater than it's ever been, "You really wanted to kill me?" She asks, unwilling to believe the events that just transpired.

The ground begins to shake, the pain in my chest increasing exponentially until I fear that my heart may burst from it. I bite my tongue, aware that this argument with my best friend is only adding to the tear threatening to rip my heart in two. I fail to tell her that my pain is the cause of this newest quake, after what just occurred she wouldn't believe me anyway. Instead, I use it to my advantage, pretending that it's my angered response at being unable to take her heart.

"I did."

Her expression hardens and she opens her mouth to usher a response, an act of war, but hesitates before she actually speaks. Her brow creases with the weight of a heavy burden, her steely gaze softening when it meets mine.

"This isn't you, Regina," She finally replies. "And I'm not about to believe that the destruction of Storybrooke is what you want. So go, scream, cry, throw things, threaten to break this town in half but don't ever, for a second, think that I'm going to believe you."

The shaking ground steadies beneath us, the pain in my chest easing to a dull ache. If Emma notices, she doesn't comment on it, just closes the distance between us once more. "You may think that the Evil Queen is all you are, all that you deserve, but I know that it's not. And if you want to get lost in her for a little while that's okay, I understand. But know this, I _will_ come and find you before she has the chance to consume you once more. Regina, I will always find you."

Before I can reply she's gone, poofing herself away to leave me alone once more. Only this time I don't feel alone. The pain in my chest is almost gone and though the damage is done, for now at least, it has ceased getting worse.

In the bleak darkness of my heart a single, solitary candle burns. A ray of hope in the shape of Emma Swan.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Hey guy's, I know I keep saying this but your response to this story has just been amazing. Thank you all, so much. To everyone who has reviewed, thank you so, so much for your kind words. I'm sorry I haven't replied personally, believe me I want to, but for some reason it won't let me. When I log onto my reviews it doesn't display them, so while I can read them on my emails, I can't reply. If anyone knows how to rectify this, please let me know. In the meantime, thank you again for taking the time to let me know how much you're enjoying this, the reviews really do inspire me. Anyway, here's chapter 4 and it's the longest yet, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Let me know what you think.

" _I'm worried about, Mom. I haven't seen her since Robin's wake, and whenever I go home she's either not there or doesn't answer…"_

 _Henry was sat on a stool at Snow and Charming's breakfast bar, staring vacantly down at his inactive phone._

 _From behind the open refrigerator door Emma's blonde head popped up, casting her son a concerned glance as she drank orange juice straight from the carton. Snow's scolding tut quickly stopped her, and wiping the back of her hand across her mouth, Emma obediently placed it back in the fridge._

" _Don't you use your key?" She asked, closing the door and coming to rest on the stool opposite the author._

 _The teenager shook his head, "When she's in she puts a protective barrier over the house, I can't even get my key in the lock!"_

" _Give her time honey, she's grieving," Snow encouraged, affectionately ruffling the boy's hair in a way that was so similar to his adoptive mother. "Sometimes people just want to be on their own for a little while."_

 _From the table across the room, where he was sharpening the blade of his sword, Charming scoffed, "When did being alone ever help, Regina?"_

" _David!"_

 _He looked up at his wife, his eyes widening, "What?" He asked innocently, "We all know what happened last time she was grieving and alone!"_

" _And she has already ripped up half of the town," Hook agreed, walking into the kitchen to stand possessively behind Emma. "The boy's got a point, a quiet Evil Queen is never a good thing…" he tilted his head, "at least not in my experience!"_

" _I'm not a boy," Henry argued, suddenly defensive, "and my Mom's not the Evil Queen anymore. If she is responsible for the tear in the forest, then I'm sure there's an explanation for it."_

 _An awkward silence encompassed the room and Snow frowned, studying her daughter curiously when she didn't immediately jump in with a response. "Emma, your very quiet," She noted pointedly, "Didn't you go to see her the other day?"_

 _Emma's only reply was small nod._

" _Did you ask her about the tear?"_

 _This time the blonde looked up, meeting her mother's gaze across the breakfast bar, "I asked her if she was okay," She replied, agitated, "Because that's what real friends do. They look out for each other."_

 _From the tone of her voice it was obvious that she felt Regina was being unfairly judged and Snow was quick to pick up on her anger. Her face softened when she realised just how harsh the words sounded._

" _Of course they do honey," She agreed sweetly, "I didn't mean you should have accused her of trying to destroy us or anything…."_

" _No," Emma cut in sarcastically, finishing the sentence for her, "Just casually slip into the conversation that everyone she cares about thinks she's gone dark again!"_

" _Emma!"_

" _Your mother didn't mean that," David chastised, uncertain why his daughter was suddenly so protective of their one-time enemy. "We care about Regina, of course we do, but there's also evidence that we can't ignore and with her past…"_

" _She did it." Emma stated bluntly, thinking it easier to be truthful then to let her family speculate._

 _Snow blinked, "Excuse me!?"_

" _She did it," The blonde repeated, shrugging, "she admitted it to me."_

" _And you didn't think we'd want to know?"_

 _Snow's voice grew sterner, an irritated tone that she rarely used, it was enough to suggest to Emma that her mother was already assuming the worst._

" _I know that you want to know," She replied determinedly, "But I didn't want to tell you."_

" _Why not?" The bandit challenged calmly, "Is she the Evil Queen again?"_

 _Emma sighed and rubbed at her throbbing temples, "Mom, she was always the Evil Queen," She reasoned, "She just dropped the Evil. And no, I refuse to believe that she's reverting to her…former self."_

 _Charming stood up, walking across the loft to join his family at his wife's side, "What do you mean you refuse to believe it?" He asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously._

 _Losing confidence, Emma's eyes darted uncertainly around the rooms other occupants, "When I confronted her she didn't exactly deny it…" She replied, her voice trailing off._

" _Bloody hell, Swan, you've known that the Queen has been back for two days and you didn't think to bloody tell us?" Hook was annoyed, but there was an underlying fear in his expression that Emma didn't miss._

" _I didn't tell you because…" The saviour sighed heavily, "I think it's an act. The Evil Queen is her armour, and I think she needs that right now. I don't think she'd ever truly hurt of any of us."_

 _Behind her, her lover scoffed, "Easy for you to say love, you're not the one she'd try to bloody kill."_

 _Snow paused to consider the point, surprising her daughter when she chose to side with Regina. "I agree with, Emma, Killian. If she wanted you dead, she would have done it the second you walked into the diner. Regina was never one to waste an opportunity."_

" _It hasn't stopped her from ripping the town in half…" The pirate protested._

 _Pocketing his phone, Henry spoke for the first time since the start of the conversation, "I love Mom," he admitted truthfully, "and I know that she's hurting, but I have to agree with Hook. If she really means us no harm, why is she destroying Storybrooke?"_

" _She isn't," Emma replied, reaching across the bar to take her son's hand in hers. "It's a way for her to vent her anger and I…." She cleared her throat, "I sort of gave her permission to do it…"_

 _Four pairs of eyes landed on her, all burning with the same question, but the blonde didn't need to hear it in order to offer an explanation, "Well it's better than the alternative, the last thing any of us needs is for her to start ripping hearts out instead!" She took a deep breath, "Besides, there's been much less damage over the last few days, maybe she's found a better way to cope."_

" _Or maybe she's planning another bloody dark curse!" Killian argued. Snow agreed._

" _Emma, I hate to say this but if she really told you that the Evil Queen was back then I think we need to be worried."_

" _Your mothers right," David interjected, ganging up the blonde as though she were an insolent teenager. "I want to believe the best in her but the circumstances surrounding Robin's death are very similar to Daniel's…"_

" _And when she was talking in the diner, that was all the Evil Queen!" Snow added, finishing her husband's train of thought._

 _Emma sighed, understanding the root of her parents concern but finding herself completely unwilling to accept it. She shook her head, ready to make a case for her argument but her father cut her off before she could begin._

" _You didn't know her then," He explained gently, his eyes flicking between the blonde and her son, "neither of you did, and you don't know what a vengeful Regina is capable of. Maybe we should put her under house arrest? I don't want to lock her up when she's grieving but I think we need to monitor her movements. You could put a barrier up around the manor, make sure she doesn't leave…" He suggested._

 _Emma found her anger rising and she couldn't hold back on her caustic response, "And while we're at it why don't we slap one of those magic blocking bracelets on her too? For god's sake guy's the woman's heartbroken and we're supposed to be her friends. Did it ever occur to you that it was this kind of heartless attitude that caused her to turn evil in the first place?"_

 _She had no idea where the outburst came from, but at Snow's hurt look, she instantly regretted it._

" _Emma, we did nothing in the Enchanted Forest, she turned against us…"_

" _Maybe that's the problem," The Saviour pressed, refusing to surrender the fight. "You did nothing! Maybe if you'd done something she wouldn't have felt so alone. I won't let her feel like that again."_

 _Killian stepped closer to the blonde, placing a loving hand on her shoulder to try and calm her unexpected rage. "Love," he began softly, "the Evil Queen will kill me if she gets half a chance. Are you really prepared to risk my life, for your friendship?"_

 _The ground began to shake beneath them, various pots, pans, ornaments and photo frames rattling nosily in the small loft. "Speak of the devil!" he rolled his eyes. "What was that you were saying about her stopping this destruction?"_

 _Emma stood, having finally heard enough of their negative opinions, "I don't agree with holding her prisoner," she replied firmly, "and instead of treating her like a savage animal, I'm going to go and talk to her like she's a goddamned human being."_

 _The room fell into stunned silence, and in a puff of white smoke, the Saviour was gone._

At first, when I heard Emma defending me, I thought I'd made the right decision by deciding to stay at the manor and not lock myself away in my vault. It was difficult to learn how much my forced solitude was hurting Henry. After all, I decided to do this for him, to protect him from the true colour of my tainted soul. But finally having someone fight in my corner helped me to realise that I'd made the right choice for once, I was on the right path.

And then the Charming's threatened to lock me up. And Hook made Emma choose between him and me as though sacrificing a life wasn't one of the darkest things a person could do.

In my fragile state I'm not strong enough to repel the lure of dark magic when it promises self-preservation. I've never been the strongest of people, years of abuse at my mother's hands ensured that I'd never be one to speak out. It was only when I met Rumplestiltskin, when I discovered the sheer power of the magic running through my veins, that I realised no one would ever control me again. And no one ever has, except the very darkness that I harnessed to protect me.

I've spent most of my adult life watching my enemies plot my downfall through a mirror, and it never gets any easier. But watching helplessly as the family I just risked my life to save contemplate imprisoning me in my own home… it reminded me of my banishment, the last time I was locked away from society for _my own good._

Why is it that Hook can harness the power of the Dark One in an attempt to destroy us all, and we still risk everything trying to save him? Why does Rumple freely walk the streets when everyone knows that he's our single, biggest threat? Why do so many people continue to go unpunished yet the second I slip off my path to redemption, they want to lock me away like some hell-bent demon? Is it any wonder why I let the darkness protect me? Is it any wonder why I never truly trust them?

Since Emma's last visit I've been doing well. Her support gave me hope, a belief that just because life's unfair it doesn't mean I have to rage war against it. I felt better, stronger, I dared to believe that with my best friend by my side I could get through this dark period.

But hearing my family so quickly turn against me, it made me fear a return to loneliness, and after fighting so hard to ensure that I'd never be alone again, I felt scared.

I don't wat to destroy my town, I don't want to be the person that everyone fears, but if I'm tossed into the night without a single care for my feelings then I will do whatever it takes to protect myself.

"Why are you still doing this?"

As quickly as Emma's image disappears from the glass, I hear her voice in my study. The town is still shaking, a prolonged attack from a fearful heart. Even the presence of a Saviour can't calm the darkness inside of me. I turn to face her, my expression an emotionless mask as she looks past me to the mirror behind. She frowns.

"Wait, you're spying on us?" She challenges, looking more disappointed than angry.

I snort, detesting that she caught me doing something so…weak, and thrust my hands onto my hips. "I'm not spying on you," I reply, barely containing the disgust in my voice, "I was checking up on my son."

At her disbelieving look I scowl, "I hate to break this to you Miss Swan but if my aim was to spy, I wouldn't choose to do it on a family that can barely scrape together a single brain cell!"

The insult is designed to hurt, but Emma doesn't break so easily. She ignores the dig, choosing instead to focus on the root of my anger, "You don't need to watch Henry through a mirror," she cajoles gently, "You could just let him in when he comes here to see you."

She offers the suggestion as though its one I could never have envisioned on my own. It's yet another reminder that none of them really understand me, none of them know what it's like to constantly struggle with the desires of your own black heart. Rather than confess the truth, I take the opportunity to show her that I know I'm not trusted.

"Oh could I?" I growl, my voice dropping an octave, "Would that be before or after your father imprisoned me in my own home?"

Her shoulders slump, green eyes filling with regret at the unfair threats of her parents. She knows as well as I that no one ever gives me chance to prove myself, and I can't deny that she has always been the only one to stand by me.

"He's not going to do that!" She promises, but I take little comfort from her hollow words. Charming is headstrong and fiercely protective, if he sees me as a threat to his family he'll do whatever it takes to keep me away, and his daughter knows that.

"He probably won't have too," I reply bitterly, unable to refrain from pointing out Hook's role in my predicament, "by the time your boyfriends finished drinking his body weight in rum the entire town will know of my return. I'll have an angry, pitchforked mob at my door by dawn!"

She sighs, "You're overreacting!"

" _I'm_ overreacting!" I exclaim, failing to see how any of this ridiculous charade equates to wrongdoing on my part. "They haven't even spoken to me and they've got their buckets of water at the ready!"

Despite my anger she chuckles at the metaphor, a warm, lazy smile creeping across her alabaster skin, "Water is your sister's weakness, not yours," She teases lightly. "Yours is…" her brow creases in confusion, "I don't even know what yours is…but you can't you blame them? You're ripping their town in two."

However well intentioned, the implication that this town belongs to anyone but me incenses me. A sharp pain shoots from my heart, spreading across my chest. It brings a surge of darkness with it that increases the earthquake exponentially until the very walls of my manor are shaking.

"My town!" I shout, the Evil Queens possessive nature coming out to play, "Storybrooke is _my_ town. I designed it and I built it, and if I want to destroy it brick by brick that is _my_ decision."

A stack of official papers that were piled neatly on my desk tumble to the floor, and a picture falls off the wall. Emma braces herself against the violent shaking, her eyes wide as she scans the trembling room before they finally land back on me. On seeing my vicious expression, she raises her hands defensively.

"Regina, stop," She orders, raising her voice so that it carries over the sound of a house shaking from its very foundations.

I can't, what's happening is tied to my emotions and I'm upset. A part of me wants to admit that to the blonde, but if I do that then they'll all know my weakness. Fear causes me to opt for the more threatening option.

"No!" I reply, determined to prove that this destruction is completely under my control. If their scared of me, they'll be reluctant to harm me further.

"Regina, stop," Emma commands, pointing out the window to the street outside, "or you're going to do some serious damage out there!"

She steps towards me, to do what I don't know, but when her hand touches my arm a rush of warmth, of pure love, rushes through me. It unbalances me, smothering the darkness that rushes through my blood and the shaking instantly stops.

"Thank you," Emma half smiles, certain that I was the one who stopped the attack. For now, I'm happy to let her think that it was my choice, at least until I can figure out what the hell happened.

"You know," She continues once everything has stopped moving, "I really don't think you should listen in on our conversations while you're toying with the Evil Queen. Snow, Charming and Hook are always going to remember you at your worst and now they know that it's you doing this to the town, it's only natural that they'll worry about how far you're prepared to go. And we both know that the more they suspect you, the angrier you get."

Anger burns inside me once more, the nature of her thoughtless words fuelling a hatred that I long thought dead. But to my surprise, the town doesn't start shaking again. Whatever happened when Emma touched me, it was water to the fire that rages inside me.

"Hook will always remember me at my worst?" I snap, unable to believe that Emma could speak so out of turn. "When did _he_ become a paragon of good? The last time I checked he was just as willing to maim, rape and murder as I was!"

That revelation seems to knock the wind out of the Saviours sails and she staggers back a few steps, her face white with shock, "He…he raped…people?" She stutters, her voice suddenly small.

I smirk, aware that I've won the upper hand as my press my face to hers. We're practically nose to nose as I stare her down with wickedly joyful eyes, this is where a Queen should be, on top.

Feeling uncomfortable with my close proximity, Emma begins to back paddle, but her follow her step for step until she has nowhere left to go and her back hits the wall of my study.

"He was a pirate dear," I hiss, enjoying the ease with which I can ruin her image of Hooks perfect reputation, "How else do you think he satisfied his urges!"

She swallows sharply, searching my expression for any hint of a lie as she presses herself further back against the wall, "I-I just never thought he'd be like that…" She admits.

"But you have no qualms in believing me capable!" I reply, laughing coldly at the hypocrisy of the situation, "What an unsurprising double-standard."

Her expression falters, the implication of her words becoming clear to her. She quickly shakes her head, "It's not like that," She backtracks, desperately trying to take back an accusation she knows that she can't. "Regina, I'm sorry but with Graham and everything…"

"I may have controlled Graham's heart but understand this my dear," I drawl, "I never had to force him into my bed. While your one-handed lover had to rely on brute strength to get what he wanted, I just used my natural charm."

Pressing my advantage, I decide to see how far I can push this new power play between us. Leaning further into her, I brush the tip of my nose across her soft cheek and whisper hotly in her ear, "It's all in the voice," I tease, blowing gently across her neck as I stick my chest out provocatively, "the body language…"

I pause for long enough to press the full length of my body against hers, pinning her to the wall. She gasps, and I smile at the nature of my victory, "…the subtle press of a hip."

She swallows again but it's for a whole other the reason than the one before, and I hear the slight change in her breath. The way it speeds up and deepens, the tiny increase in the size of her pupils. "Why Miss Swan," I grin, "I do believe I could even seduce you if I ever decided it was worth my while…"

She wets her lips, those piercing eyes drifting down to my parted mouth, "But…I'm a woman…"

I laugh, shocked to discover that lesbianism is something she considers taboo to me. If I had a penny for every female lover I'd taken…well I probably wouldn't have had to cast the dark curse in the first place. I could have bought my happiness.

"Yes, believe me I'd noticed," I flirt, making a show of dragging my gaze the length of her body, "and I could do things to you that would make your toes curl. Things that pirate of yours has never even heard of…"

The mention of Hook seems to pull her from her lust induced state and her eyes meet mine, "So what?" she goads, "This is your idea of vengeance? Fucking me?"

My grin widens, my hand sweeping up to rest on her hip bone, "Well I didn't know the option was on the table but if you think it would break Killian's heart…"

With a rough shove she pushes me away, her expression hardening, "Back off lady," She warns dangerously, "If you took anything from that conversation you rudely overheard you'd know that _I'm_ the one trying to help you!"

"Oh I do believe the Princess is rattled," I chuckle darkly, ignoring the tiny part of me that agrees with every word Emma says. "Feeling a little hot and bothered are we?"

"I'm feeling pissed off," The blonde corrects, her voice rising with her anger. "What are you trying to prove here, Regina? That you'd fuck your best friend for payback? Do I really mean so little to you?"

Her last question strikes deep at the heart of me and the game suddenly losses its charm. I frown, masking the hurt behind a blank expression, "Do I really mean so little to you that you'd drag me all the way to the Underworld, place the lives of everyone I love in danger, and then stand back and do nothing while the God of death murders my true love?"

She takes a deep breath, uncertain of how and when we resorted to such underhanded tactics, "I'm sorry," She swiftly apologises, realising her mistake. "I'm sorry that happened to Robin, but I'm sorrier that it happened to you."

It's the first time anyone's apologised for what happened. The first time anyone's acknowledged that I was the one forced to pay the highest price. But instead of resolution, it just brings more pain, pain that cuts so deep I can barely breathe.

"I don't want your apologies," I reply, placing some much needed distance between us. "I want you to know what it feels like to lose, just once."

That pitying look is back, the one I despise being directed at me, "Would you really destroy this town to do that?" She asks gently.

It's a question that I can't answer. My magic is no longer under my control and I have no idea how far my grief will push it to go. Instead, I confess to the root of my darkness.

"I had a dream that I killed, Hook," I state, not proud of my murderous thoughts. "I shoved my hand into his chest and I ripped out his heart."

Her jaw drops open at my confession, her eyes widening in shock, "Is that what you want to do?" She asks. When I don't reply, the question turns into a demand, "Regina, is that what you want to do? Because if it is, you should know that there is no way in hell I'm letting you hurt anyone I love."

My heart breaks further, the pain in my chest as real as if she'd just stabbed me with her father's newly sharpened sword, "But it's fine for them to hurt me?" I ask.

Once again she understands the painful impact of her words, "Regina I didn't mean…"

But it's too late, the damage is already done. I know exactly where I stand with these people. I'm a pawn, useful in attack but always the most expendable.

"Just go, Miss Swan," I whisper, wiping at tears that threaten to fall. "My fight isn't with you, at least not today."


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Hi guy's, thank you, thank you, thank you. Your comments and feedback have been amazing as always. Whatever glitch prevented me from replying to your reviews previously, it appears to have corrected itself. As such anyone who has left a review should now have received a reply, and I will continue to reply in future. Here's chapter 4, dedicated to all of you for being such supportive people. Let me know what you think :-)

 _It's late. That time of night when the moon is high, and the shadows are soft in the candlelight. The manor is silent and dark, ready to welcome sleep, but sleep is the last thing on my mind._

 _I'm in my bedroom, staring out the large, open window. A gentle breeze brushes against my skin, and I can hear an owl hooting in a nearby tree. In the distance, the familiar chime of the town clock signals that its quarter past the hour._

 _The flicker of a candle draws my attention to my vanity, the light catching a long crack that runs down the centre of the mirror. It fractures the light, projecting a wavy orange pattern onto the wall and I frown, unable to recall when and how this damage was caused._

 _But the answer seems irrelevant because I feel a strange sort of contentment, the knowledge that for once everything is exactly how it should be. I smile, an expression of true happiness. It's an emotion that I never dared believe in until this very moment._

 _Strong arms wrap around me from behind and I feel the press of a body against my back. The smell of spicy sandalwood fills my senses. It's a scent I know well, but one previously never found in the privacy of my bedroom before. That, coupled with the warm presence encompassing me, makes me feel safe, secure…complete._

" _Who'd have guessed this is where we'd end up?"_

 _The loving voice belongs to Emma Swan, her arms tightening around my waist as she pulls me closer to her, resting her chin on my shoulder. I tilt my head to glance back at her and my smile widens. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know that nothing about this scenario makes sense and yet, having her here feels like the most natural thing in the world._

" _It's certainly not an ending printed in any of the fairy-tales I've ever read," I reply, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips._

 _She laughs against my mouth, "Then you've clearly been reading the wrong ones…"_

 _I turn in her arms, placing one hand at her hip and the other at the back of her neck, deepening our kiss. It's an action that feels normal but foreign at the same time. As though we've done this a hundred times before and yet, not at all._

 _She moans against my rising passion, her tongue flicking out to stroke mine. The sound sends a glorious shiver down my spine, a warmth that melts the coldest parts of my heart. This, right here, is all I've ever wanted. That feeling that you've found the other half of your soul, that despite all your past mistakes you were still worthy of true love._

 _I break the kiss with a tender sigh and rest my forehead against hers, "What did I do to deserve you?" I whisper through the dark, "How did I get so lucky?"_

 _She smiles, green eyes shining as her dimples make an appearance, "I'm the lucky one," She replies. "You waited an entire lifetime for me."_

 _I press a kiss to the end of her nose, "I'd wait two," I promise._

 _Her lips crash back to mine but this time the kiss is desperate, full of desire, a promise of what's to come. For the first time in my life I'm happy to let her lead, to surrender the control I've fought so hard to maintain and give myself freely. I'd give her anything she asked._

 _Her hands slide to my hips, her fingers slipping under the bottom of my blouse to stroke across my skin as she turns us around and begins backing me towards the bed. On the way I lose my blouse and she loses her jeans, our lips barely separating as we slowly undress._

 _When my legs collide with the bed, I tumble backwards, pulling her with me as we hit the mattress together. We laugh through our kiss, and the sound turns into a moan when I feel her climb up my body and slip a leg between mine._

" _You like that?" She teases, pressing harder until I'm arching up into her thigh._

" _You know I do," I reply, my body igniting under her touch. "Take me, Emma. Make me yours, please."_

 _She kisses me again, a meeting of mouths that's so much more than sexual. I pull her flush against me, wishing I could entwine our bodies to the point that I no longer know where mine ends and hers begins._

 _The hand she has in my hair slowly slides down, brushing across my neck and between my breasts, stroking my abdomen. When she reaches the waistband of my pants, she unsnaps the button and presses her hand inside. I gasp as she cups the most sensitive part of me, thrusting my hips and craving more contact. Her fingers pause at the edge of my panties and she breaks our kiss, opening her eyes to stare deep into my soul._

" _I love you," She breathes, and they're the truest words I've ever heard._

" _I love you t…" But my last word is lost to a cry of pleasure, her fingers slipping deep inside me as the room is blanketed in a blinding white light._

 _Later, when our bodies lie naked, sated, and entwined, my eyes find the mirror on my vanity once more. The crack has gone._

My eyes flicker open, drinking in the familiar sight of my dark, empty bedroom. In my chest I can feel my heart pounding against my breastbone and my hand instinctively reaches out to search the bedsheets for a phantom lover long since gone. I'm disappointed to find myself alone.

The dream felt so real and though the presence of Emma Swan – something I assume was the product of our earlier confrontation – was not ideal, it served to emphasise the loneliness I feel inside. The desire I have to share the very root of my existence with someone who just _gets_ me.

Rolling over, I grab the spare pillow and hug it tightly to my chest. Robin got me, he understood me. He knew who I was in the Enchanted Forest and it didn't scare him. He saw the moral struggle I faced every single day, and yet he gave me the strength to get through it.

I'm scared that I never have that again. Terrified that no one else will ever see past the Evil Queen.

I glance across the room to my vanity mirror, my reflection visible in the early light of dawn. The glass is unblemished, the crack I saw in my dream nothing more than a trick of the mind, but the image staring back at me is very real. It reminds me of the glamour spell I had Rumple use when I wanted to trick Snow White into letting me get closer to her.

When I looked at that peasant girl in the glass, I knew in an instant that no one would ever see the truth hidden beneath. I found it freeing, a chance to walk around my Kingdom and pick off every traitor who would dare plot against me. But then I watched as they hanged my effigy, heard them laugh as they threw fruit at it and cursed my existence. I stood helpless as my guards condemned me to death in _my_ name. And it hurt. I realised then that I had fallen so far from the person I wanted to be, and I had no idea how to crawl my way back up.

When I look at my reflection now I wonder if Regina is just a new type of glamour, but unlike before, one that only serves to trick me into believing that I'm someone I could never be.

A loud banging breaks the early morning silence and deep in thought, it takes me a few moments to realise that someone is pounding on my front door. For a moment I fear it to be the angry mob I so casually joked about a yesterday, but the dying remnants of my dream quickly returns my senses and I disregard the ridiculous idea.

Climbing out of bed, I pull my silk robe from the back of the door and wrap it around my body before tying it at the waist. My bare feet slip down the stairs to the beat of the incessant knocking and as it grows steadily heavier, I conclude that whoever it is, doesn't sound friendly.

When I finally pull open the front door, I'm instantly brushed aside by an irate Emma Swan. Barging past me, she storms into my hall, only turning to confront me once she's safely inside. Her hair is pulled into a loose, messy ponytail, and she's wearing no make-up and an old pair of track pants. She looks fresh out of bed.

"What the hell sort of a game is this, Regina?" She demands, clearly angry.

Given the rude nature of her unannounced, early morning visit I could ask the same thing, but the incensed look on her face tells me that she's not in the mood for sarcasm. Closing the door behind her, I casually fold my arms across my chest ignoring the uneasy roll of my stomach at the reminder of my recent, highly inappropriate, dream.

"Good morning to you too, Miss Swan!" I reply curtly.

She straightens her back and plants her feet firmly on the hardwood floor. It's a childish stance that reminds me of Henry's early tantrum years, and I find that I have to bite back on the patronising comment that lingers on the tip of my tongue.

"Don't act coy with me," She growls, unamused by my sass. "I want to know what the hell you think you're doing?"

I search my mind for any hint as to what she's referring to, but quickly come up blank. Ever since she touched me yesterday afternoon the destruction to the town has stopped and as I haven't left my manor in days, there's no way that I've inadvertently managed to threaten or hurt anyone.

Perplexed, I frown, "If you'd care to elaborate a little more on the context of your demands, you may find me able to answer."

She returns my glare with a glower of her own, "You know exactly what I'm talking about!" She replies, as if her point were as obvious as Sleepy's name.

"If you're referring to the tear in the forest…"

"I'm talking about the dream?" She interjects.

Lost and confused, I shake my head, wondering if I somehow got sucked into a parallel realm while I slept, "What dream?"

"The one I had last night!" She huffs, unimpressed by my refusal to submit.

Her cheeks flush pink and I smirk at the slight change in colour, all too aware of exactly what sort of dream caused it.

"Whatever twisted fantasies you harbour towards your pirate; I assure you that I have nothing to do with them!" I quip.

She thrusts her hands into the baggy pockets of her pants and breaks eye contact, embarrassed, "My dream wasn't about Killian," She replies, and I have to strain to hear her.

My grin widens, "Oh now that is a problem," I tease gleefully, "for him at least."

"Which is exactly why this reeks of you?" She snaps, angered by the enjoyment I'm expressing at her awkward predicament.

As her best friend I should feel sympathy for her obvious distress, but the darkness inside of me thrives on the knowledge that she's feeling guilty for something she just tried to pin on me.

"Me?" I gasp, feigning surprise, "How could I possibly…"

"It was about you, Regina," she blurts out, shocking us both with her brazen confession, "You and me!"

I can't resist the urge to goad her further, "And just what were we doing in this _dream_ of yours, dear?"

"I…you…we…" A flummoxed Emma Swan is quite endearing, and making her more uncomfortable is a torture I find quite exquisite. Swallowing sharply, she turns her back on me, running her hand through her ruffled hair, "It doesn't matter."

"I beg to differ," I press, taking satisfaction from watching her squirm, "If we were fighting I'd assume that was your sub-conscience trying to tell you something…"

"We were making love!"

The joke suddenly ceases to be funny, the intimacy of my own, very similar dream rushing back to taunt me. Blinking, I ask, "We were what!?"

"We were making love," She repeats, her eyes wide as though she can't quite believe the words she's spoken, "Here, upstairs in your bedroom. There was candles and an open window, and a crack in the mirror of your…"

"You dreamt that?" I gasp, unable to comprehend the remote possibility that we dreamt the same thing.

My heart begins to race again, my expression betraying an awareness of the dreams content.

"So you did do it?" Emma accuses, her eyes narrowing dangerously, "I knew it! When you joked about seducing me yesterday I thought you were just pushing the boundaries, I never actually thought you'd stoop this low!"

I scoff, offended that she'd assume such a dream to be of my doing, "I assure you I had nothing to do with the contents of that dream."

"Bullshit!" She rebukes, her voice laced with mistrust, "You want to break Killian's heart because you think he's responsible for breaking yours, you admitted as much to me yesterday…"

"This is ridiculous," I protest, disgusted that she'd think me even capable of such an unrefined tactic. "I have no intention of…"

"You know what?" She interrupts, raising her hand to silence my defence, "Save it, your Majesty. I am no longer willing to listen to your lies. If you want to give into your darkness and turn your back on everyone who cares about you then that's your choice, but don't expect us to stick around for the ride." She storms past me, knocking into my shoulder on her way to the door, "Consider this my first and final warning, stay away from me and stay away from _my_ family."

Her warning is filled with such bitter finality that it strikes deep in my heart. Once again these nauseating heroes have accused me without trial and decided my punishment, and this time it's a particularly hard one to swallow.

How many times is Emma Swan going to threaten to take my family – Henry - away from me? Why do they insist on dangling my son in front of me like a reward for a good behaviour?

The pain in my heart, which I haven't felt in days, is back with a vengeance. It starts as a dull throb but quickly spreads out, consuming my entire chest until I can't draw breath. The sharp pain is so unbearable that for a horrifying second I truly believe it will tear my heart in two.

And that's when the ground begins to shake, the coat stand dancing across the floor as a designer vase topples off the window and crashes to the ground. It shatters into a hundred tiny pieces.

With the pain growing worse by the second, I find myself unable to support my own weight any longer and my legs buckle underneath me. I drop to my knees on the hard floor, crying out in agony.

At the sound, Emma pauses with her hand on the door handle, spinning around to demand that I stop this latest attack. But when she sees my position, the pain I'm in, her expression instantly softens to one of concern.

"Regina!?" She exclaims, mouth agape as she watches me pull my heart from chest.

Her voice is cloudy, barely registering in my conscience as a wave of relief rushes through me at the easing pain.

"Oh my god, Regina," She rushes forward, dropping to her knees next to me to study the beating heart in my hand. Around us, the shaking becomes much more violent. "Are you okay? What's happening?"

"Just go Miss Swan," I order through clenched teeth, biting down on the pain, "You've made your feelings perfectly clear."

"But I…" Her words drift off as she witnesses the tear in my heart growing wider, and finally she puts two and two together. "Is that what the tear in the town is?" She asks, "The manifestation of your heart literally breaking?"

I nod, "I once taught you that magic was emotion so yes; I think this destruction is somehow tied to my pain."

Without thinking, she reaches out to cup my hands in hers and the second we make contact, that warmth begins to encompass my heart once more. A strange tingling sensation shoots up my arms as white magic pours into the wounded organ, and like cement to a crack in the sidewalk, it starts to heal the most recent damage.

"Have you lost control?" She asks, worried.

I nod again, wincing at the slowly dying pain, "To a degree, yes."

She releases my hands and the healing slows, making me wonder whether or not her presence had anything to do with it. Initially I assumed it was my own good magic doing the healing, but I can't ignore the timing of her touch and my rapidly easing pain.

Green eyes, laced with concern, meet mine, "And the Evil Queen?" She presses, but this time it's a question not a demand.

"Oh she's there," I chuckle darkly. "Inside. She's always there…"

She smiles sadly, but it's not pity I see in her expression. She's giving me a look I've never seen before, it's as though she's opened her eyes and is really seeing me for the first time. She finally understands.

"But you don't want her to be?" She asks.

The question say's little but to me, it means so much. For the first time ever someone has realised that I don't want to be the Evil Queen, that it wasn't strictly a choice, and it suddenly feels as though I can breathe again.

I shake my head, "I just want to be happy!" I reply.

And it's the truth, since childhood my only dream was to live a life of my choosing with whoever I dared to love. I never wanted to be a Queen, that was my mother's desire. I never wanted to use dark magic, that was Rumple's influence. I've always been a tool, a means to an end for whoever had the gall to manipulate me, and I always proved so easy to discard once my usefulness had ended.

But knelt here on the floor of my hall, the Saviour sitting crossed legged next to me, I honestly believe that Emma can see past that. She can see me, the lonely, scared, pain ridden woman underneath.

"She protects you doesn't she," The blonde states, deep in thought. "When you're at your lowest, in pain, the Evil Queen protects you by pushing others away."

I nod, "She's all I have now."

A gentle hand comes to rest on my knee, and Emma ducks her head, forcing me to make eye contact once more, "Regina that's not true," She replies earnestly. "You have Henry and Snow and Charming, and Zelena…you have me!"

"And you have your Pirate," I argue, loathing the inner hatred that forces me to lash out once more, "A man who should have died months ago. A man who threatened to kill our son before you stabbed him in the heart. A man who sailed to my town under false pretences and stole my happy ending from me."

Emma studies my expression, a slight frown creasing her brow, but when she speaks her voice remains calm, "Robin's death isn't Hook's fault…"

"Isn't it?" I snap, glaring unnecessarily cruelly. "If he'd never come to Storybrooke he would never have seduced, you. If he hadn't seduced you, you would never have become the Dark One. If you'd never become the Dark One, he'd never have died. We would never have gone to the Underworld, Hades would never have tricked us and Robin would still be alive."

"I became the Dark One for you!"

Her response is honest and true, but so far from the level of emotion that I can currently handle that I have no choice but to brush it aside. It's an option I can't consider because to do so would mean that Robin's death, Emma and Hook's suffering, were all ultimately my fault. And I already have a list of unforgiveable sins that I can never atone for.

"That's not the point!" I reply, pushing my feelings to the back of my mind.

Emma sighs, "You know what, it doesn't matter whose right and whose wrong, what matters is that we heal this!"

She reaches towards my heart, her fingertips brushing against it as softly as a lover's caress. For a moment I'm certain that I can feel it all the way down to my soul, a split second of completion that I don't want to let go, but I know that the tender warmth is only temporary.

"I don't know how to," I inform hopelessly.

She shrugs, a half smile forming, "We find you your happy ending," She replies, as if it's the simplest solution in the world.

A part of me roars to life at her determination to help, but the older, wiser, broken majority knows better than to place hope in happily ever after.

"Emma, I know you mean well," I begin gently, "But I have waited sixty-five years for a happy ending that I'm really beginning to believe doesn't exist. I doubt you can find it in the short amount of time it will take my magic to destroy this town."

"I can try!"

It's a promise, as true a promise as anyone has ever given me, but it's also a false one. "You will fail," I reply, desperate to make her see then any attempt to find my happiness is doomed to failure. "Your mother and father were right to banish me from the White Kingdom all those years ago. The darkness inside me is destructive, and it will stop at nothing to ensure that everyone I love ends up as miserable and lonely as I am."

"Regina…."

She tries to interrupt but I don't allow it. I appreciate her effort and unwavering support but the truth is, I'm done believing in fairy-tales. Now, isn't that the purest form of irony.

"No," I cut her off with a shake of my head, "My mind is made up, Miss Swan. I've discovered that the destruction is less when my heart is inside my body, and if I have no human contact then I can't be hurt." My eyes meet hers, "I'm going to lock myself in my vault."

"Indefinitely?" She exclaims, immediately rejecting my plan. "That's ridiculous! You can't live the rest of your life alone, and what about Henry, you're his mother?"

The thought of saying goodbye to Henry hurts more than anything ever has and I can't deny that it will be the hardest thing to cope with. But the truth is that I'm a danger, to him as well as the town, and I would never forgive myself if I did anything that could potentially cause him harm.

"He has you, his real mother," I reply, ignoring just how deep the words cut, "And pretty soon he'll have a father in Hook. He doesn't need me."

"Of course he needs you," The blonde protests, failing to see that her argument is futile, "We all do!"

I scoff, unable to take her words on face value, "The town needed my magic, and now it has yours and my sisters."

"Gina…" Her voice trails off, knowing that her plight is already lost. To be honest I'm not convinced that it ever had a chance to start with.

"I've made my decision," I reply firmly, "Kindly show me your support by respecting it."

An awkward silence falls between us, too many unspoken words hanging in the air. She's trying to protect me and I'm ready to give up. I doubt it's possible that we could ever reach a mutual understanding on the subject.

With a soft sigh of surrender, she eventually nods, "Okay," She agrees reluctantly. "I can see how determined you are in this, and I understand your fear that you might hurt someone. I'll agree to support a move to your vault on two conditions."

I roll my eyes, certain that I'm not going to like hearing what she has to say, "I'm listening?"

"The move is temporary," She negotiates, sucking in a deep breath, "and only until we can find a way to fix your magic…"

I nod once, happy to agree to something that is out of my control. After all the pain I've suffered during my lifetime I highly doubt that a fix is even possible, but I'm willing to accept if it placates the blonde staring so hopefully at me. "And the second condition?"

"You let me come and visit you once a week…."

The offer comes from nowhere and it both surprises and shocks me. Emma and I irritate each other at the best of times. We're Ying and Yang, light and dark, polar opposites, I can't begin to imagine what she'd have us discuss during these _meetings._ But I'd be lying if I didn't admit that the thought of a little company now and again was appealing. I open my mouth to reply but she cuts me off, determined to make an iron clad case for her point.

"It's not healthy for you to cut all contact from the outside world," She presses, unaware that my mind is already made up, "And I can protect myself against you!"

I smile, my most friendly gesture yet, and return my heart to my chest. "Very well, but you have to promise me something too." When her eyes meet mine I reach out, snagging her fingers between mine, "If this gets out of hand and I lose complete control, I want you to promise me that you'll do whatever it takes to ensure that I don't hurt anyone in this town."

Her eyes widen as she interprets my hidden meaning. It's the mirror request of the one she gave me back in Camelot, a promise to end my life if things get too rough.

She hesitates for a brief second, her lips drawing into a thin line, "I promise," She nods, resolutely.

"Then we have a deal."

Standing, she turns to the front door but a stray thought stops her in her tracks. She pauses for long enough to glance back at me over her shoulder, "Regina? It won't come to that," She promises, and we both know she's referring to the proverbial knife in my heart. "Whatever's happening to you, you've come way too far to ever hurt anyone that you care about. I truly that believe that."

I want to believe it too. I want to believe in her, but I can't. Life has taught me never to place hope in anything. I smile sadly, "Once upon a time I believed that I'd never hurt another living soul," I reply, "but unfortunately pain makes us do unspeakable things Miss Swan."

"Maybe," She concedes, "but you're forgetting one thing."

I raise a questioning eyebrow, "And what's that?"

She grins, "You didn't have me then."

"A-and I have you now?" I ask almost shyly.

I expect sarcasm, more heartbreak, anything other than the honest answer she provides, "Always…" She winks. "I'll come and see you on Friday night."

For the first time since Robin's death, I feel my heart soar.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Wow guy's, we've hit 100 follows! Thank you so much, you're all amazing! First off, I need to apologise for the tiny Captain Swan moment in this chapter. It is necessary for story development and there's plenty Swan Queen fluff to make up for it. Secondly, I apologise in advance for any glaring mistakes. As always, I hope you enjoy it, and thank you all for your continued support. Let me know what you think!

Tuesday Morning

 _Henry is unusually quiet at the breakfast table. He chases his cereal around the bowl with his spoon but doesn't actually eat any of it._

 _Emma notices as she leans against the sink, looking up from Killian's affections for long enough to register the downcast look on her son's face._

" _Are you okay kid?" She asks, ignoring the soft kisses Hook trails down her throat._

 _Henry shrugs in reply but remains silent, and the root of his sadness quickly becomes obvious to all present._

" _I know you miss Regina, lad," The pirate states, trying and failing to offer comfort. "But she's made the right decision. She needs to be in her vault for her own protection…"_

 _Henry looks up, fearful in the realisation that if freed his adoptive mother would be in danger from the townsfolk. Opposite him, Emma growls in disgust, roughly pushing her lover away at his thoughtless insinuation._

XXX

Wednesday Afternoon

 _Emma leans back in her chair, propping her feet up on her desk, "So you're here because Blue sent you?"_

" _Officially, yes," Tink replies sheepishly. "Unofficially…" She takes a deep breath, "Blue can sense a rise in dark magic. I can sense a rise in Regina's dark magic. I know you'll find this hard to believe but Regina and I were close once. I know how hard she's been trying to redeem herself and I'm more than aware that I'm the one who led her to Robin in the first place."_

 _Emma takes a bite of her bear claw, speaking around a full mouth and sugar-coated lips, "So you want to help her?" She asks doubtfully._

" _Yeah," Tink nods, offering the sheriff a genuine smile, "I guess I do."_

Wednesday night

 _After a milkshake at Granny's, Henry's walking down the street hand in hand with Violet. He looks nervous, scared, that uncomfortable feeling that comes with knowing that the night is about to end and you're totally unsure how to end it._

 _The young couple stop outside Archie's office, turning to face each other under the stars. Their eyes lock, a moment of inexperienced hesitation, and then the author takes a leaf out of his grandfather's book, and leans in to say goodnight._

 _Henry's first date ends with his first kiss._

XXX

Thursday Morning

 _Emma is at Rumple's shop, watching as the Dark One fusses over the placing of Pandora's Box. It starts out on the glass counter, then moves to the wall safe, and then after a quick shake of his head and a muttered 'no', ends up on a shelf with a host of other magical trinkets._

 _The Sheriff clears her throat impatiently, a not so subtle reminder that she's still waiting for an answer to the question she asked several minutes before. The sound seems to pull the shop owner from his untimely distraction._

" _You don't need me to help you, Miss Swan," he finally replies, barely concealing the irritation in his voice. "The Queens heart is figuratively and literally broken, her pain the vessel that is allowing her dark magic to consume her. The answer is the same now as it always was. Only true love can save her."_

 _Emma's shoulders slump in disappointment, an expected solution to an impossible problem, "But Robin is dead!" She reminds him, as if the Dark One had somehow missed the last five days._

" _That I know, and yet, true love remains."_

" _Are you saying that Robin wasn't Regina's true love?" Emma demands, her frustration mounting when Rumple refuses to elaborate. "At least tell me that, I know you can see the future!"_

" _Yes I can," Rumple grins, laughing giddily in a way that Emma hasn't heard for years. "But you've got nothing I want, Dearie, and I'm not in the habit of giving information away for free."_

 _He turns his back on her, the sole focus of his attention returning to his trapped wife. Emma immediately begins to plot a new strategy, pulling out her phone and cancelling her lunch plans with Killian before hastily exiting the small shop._

XXX

Thursday Night

" _You really want to watch that?" Emma asks, glancing distastefully down at the Hook DVD Killian holds in his hand. "It doesn't exactly show you in the best light?"_

 _The pirate seems to consider the Saviour's advice, studying the cover with strange curiosity, "Well admittedly this fellow has nothing on my rugged good looks. And I'd have never had such a ridiculous moustache, but if he's dashingly charming and frighteningly devilish, I think we'll get on just fine."_

 _The blonde flops down on the empty couch, tired after a frustrating day at work. "He's a murderer!" She argues, uncertain why she suddenly dislikes one of her favourite childhood films. "He repeatedly tries to kill the lost boys…"_

 _Hook grins, "Well at least we've got that in common," he replies opening the case and inserting the DVD into the player. He sits down next to his girlfriend, "I had a few scrapes with them myself back in the day."_

 _Emma's eyes widen in shock, "They're children!"_

" _Who worked for the father of the Dark One," Killian reminds, pressing a chaste kiss to the blonde's lips. "Don't worry Swan, I'm a changed man now, and I've found a much better place to plunge my sword…"_

 _The euphemism isn't lost on Emma and she smiles wickedly, "Maybe you could give me a personal demonstration," She drawls seductively._

 _Snaking a hand around her lover's neck, she pulls him down on top of her, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss_

 _The film is quickly forgotten._

XXX

Friday Afternoon

 _Emma strides down Main Street, trying to escape the seven dwarves that chase after her._

" _All we want to know is what the Sheriff plans to do about it?" Asks Grumpy, panting slightly with the effort of trying to keep up with the blonde._

 _The Saviour whirls around, stopping so abruptly that her followers all bump into each other. "I plan to help her!" She replies firmly, "Regina, is our friend."_

" _Regina is the Evil Queen!" Doc corrects, as if the fact is something Emma could so easily forget._

" _Listen, Sister," Grumpy cuts back in, talking before the Sheriff can even get a chance. "We get that she's changed, and we understand that you and her have that whole 'best buddies' thing going on but…" He puffs out a breath, "That woman is ripping this town in half, so I think it's safe to say that she's no longer willing to play nice. All we're saying is that if the police aren't willing to do anything about her, then me and my brothers are!"_

 _Visibly angered, Emma steps up to the self-appointed leader, "And all I'm saying, is that if you go within ten feet of Regina, I will arrest every single one of you and throw your asses in jail until this is over. Have I made myself clear?"_

 _The warning tone of her voice is enough for Grumpy and his gang to take a careful step back. No further words are spoken as Emma turns on her heel and continues on her way._

XXX

I stare at the inactive mirror on the wall of my vault. It's Friday night, just after eight, and Emma has yet to make an appearance. For the tenth time in as many minutes, I consider using the mirror to see where she is, or if she's even remembered the part of our deal that has her coming to see me once a week. In truth, it wouldn't surprise me if she's forgotten. I'm the sort of person that easily slips one's mind, and I'm certain that I'm not on her list of weekend priorities.

But the reminder of some of the more distasteful events I've witnessed this week, are enough to change my mind. Don't get me wrong, it was a pleasant surprise to see Tink offer to help Emma save me, and witnessing Henry's first kiss was something I never otherwise would have had the opportunity to do. But hearing the joy in Rumple's voice when he spoke of my _condition,_ and seeing the hatred that the dwarves still harbour for me…it hurt. And that's before I even contemplate the nauseating scene I had to watch unfold on Emma's couch…

"Regina?"

As if thought alone pulled her to me, Emma appears at the bottom of the vaults stone steps.

"In here," I call out, directing her through to the inner chamber while trying to mask the relief in my voice. When I agreed to the deal, I never thought I'd actually look forward to the blonde's visits, but it seems that a week on my own has left me craving company. Even if it is that of a Charming.

"Hey," She greets, smiling warmly as she enters the small room. She stops in the entranceway, thrusting her hands into the back pockets of her skinny jeans. "How you doing?"

The question is so Emma Swan, simple and ridiculous yet from a place of genuine concern, that I can't help but offer a half smile of my own. "As well as can be expected," I reply, glancing at my watch, "I see you're as punctual as always!"

I don't mean to sound angry or sarcastic, but this antagonistic banter is a natural form of communication for us. She'd be surprised if I greeted her any differently.

She raises an eyebrow, and begins a slow walk around the room, stopping at various objects that catch her interest, "I said I'd see you Friday night," She quips, tossing a look over shoulder, "I didn't specify a time!"

I roll my eyes at the disorganisation that seems to encompass my life every time Emma enters it, but refrain from my usual biting comment. Instead, I watch quietly as she picks up several potion bottles and holds them up to the artificial light. Her brow creases in curiosity at each individual one, before she replaces them all and moves on to an open box of jewellery.

The box belonged to my mother, and though there's nothing inside that I'd ever find of use, I can't bring myself to get rid of it after saying goodbye to her in the Underworld.

"Well this is gloriously awkward…" I state, when the seemingly endless silence stretches on between us.

She doesn't look up from her inspection of a gold signet ring as she replies, "What is?"

I take a deep breath, amazed by her continued stupidity, but then I can hardly hold her to account for her unfortunate DNA. "This not talking," I explain, "You said you wanted to come and see me once a week. I didn't realise that meant that's all you'd be doing."

My sharp tone finally catches her attention and she turns to face me, "Hey, you're more than welcome to start a conversation, your majesty!" She offers, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"What topic do you suggest I pick? The contents of this utterly boring magic book I've been reading," I retort, picking up said book for emphasis, "Or a debate on the exact colour of the stone walls?"

She rolls her eyes in much the same way that I just did, and comes over to sit next to me, "Yeah, I get it, you're bored!" She replies. "I guess I should have brought a bottle of wine with me or something, it might have made this a little easier…"

"I have apple cider?" I suggest, grateful for the distraction.

She nods, "That'll do."

I stand and walk over to the large shelf that holds my crystal decanter, pouring two large measures of the strong liquor. Taking a large sip of mine, I hand the other one to the blonde.

She takes it with an appreciative nod, sniffing the contents before taking a tentative sip, "Why do you think this is so hard?" She finally asks.

I sit back down, taking the time to properly consider her question, "Because we normally only talk when our very existence is threatened," I reply, realising how little time we've spent in each other's company when not in immediate danger. "I'm not sure that we've ever just sat down and had a conversation."

She raises her eyebrows in silent agreement, and takes another sip of her drink. The silence encompasses the small room once more, both of us searching for a suitable topic of conversation or a shared interest. It's Emma that finally comes up with the solution.

"So what have you been doing to keep yourself busy?" She asks, staring straight ahead like some nervous teenager.

"Reading mainly," I reply, unable to comprehend why the art of conversation is suddenly proving so difficult, "Catching up on some paperwork."

"And when you need a shower or…." Her voice trails off, and I quickly interrupt her before she can embarrass us both by making reference to my bathroom habits.

"I magic myself back to the manor for a short time," I inform.

Her cheeks pink slightly, "Right, of course."

She clears her throat and I fixate my attention on a notch in the wall, the unexplained tension rising between us. When the silence becomes so loud that I actually hear her swallow a mouthful of cider, I decide to put an end to our childish behaviour.

"I feel I should thank you Miss Swan," I begin, turning my head to look at the blonde. "The last time we spoke I was…abrasive, and since then you've gone out if your way to help and defend me."

"It's okay," She replies, shrugging like it's no big deal, "I did tell you to stay away from Henry. I'd have been pissed too." She sighs, her eyes daring to drift to mine, "I'm sorry I said those things to you. I'm sorry I accused you of something you didn't do."

I feel guilty for not admitting that I probably did cause her dream. I mean, what other reason could there be for us both dreaming the same thing? But despite the awkwardness between us it feels as though we're finally getting to a good place, and I don't want to ruin our progress by telling her something that she won't appreciate hearing. Maybe when I figure out why I created the dream I'll be in a better place to explain it to her, but for now, things are best left as they are.

"I think you've more than made up for it since then," I reply sheepishly. "I saw the cautious way you spoke to Tink, the way you were willing to make a deal with Rumple. I even saw you threaten the dwarves…"

"Wait, you've…you've been spying on me?"

I feel the colour rise in my cheeks and quickly look away, "Not you specifically," I hastily correct, terrified that she reads more into it then is really there. "Henry mainly, and the town. I saw Henry have his first kiss…"

"Don't you think that's a little creepy?" She asks, frowning in mild disapproval.

"I was protecting him!" I reply, offended that she'd think I'd do it for any other reason. "Besides, when you've spent most of your life looking out from a magical mirror you lose the meaning of privacy."

Her expression instantly softens, "That sounds so…lonely…"

"Don't pity me, Miss Swan," I growl, raising my defences to protect them from further pain and mocking.

She gives me a disbelieving look, "I think you can call me, Emma," She states firmly, "And I wasn't pitying you. I just never realised your life was like that."

Despite the Evil Queens best efforts to lash out, I can hear the sincerity in her voice. She's not trying to taunt me, to get a rise out of the darkness inside, her words stem from genuine empathy.

"Of course you didn't," I reply, far more viciously than intended. "By every definition I'm a fairy-tale princess, a queen. Everyone assumes my life to be sunshine, rainbows and talking animals!"

"You were a princess?" She repeats, green eyes wide with surprise. Sometimes I forget just how little she knows about me. "But wasn't Cora a miller's daughter?"

"As my surname would suggest," I nod, "But my father was a prince. Though he never would have been king and that was the one fault that my mother couldn't abide." I take a deep breath, the memory of her abuse stretching the tear in my heart. "She always wanted power, through royalty or magic she didn't care, and when her own plan failed, she forced that ambition on me."

Emma reaches out to place a caring hand on my back and the touch instantly eases the hollow ache in my chest.

"I'm sorry," She says gently, "No one should have to endure what you did."

The words feel like a much needed hug, a reminder of the love and support that my teenage self was never granted, but the feeling doesn't last. Yes, my mother used me abhorrently, but that doesn't excuse the suffering a brought to others. To Emma.

"And no one should have to grow up parentless in a foreign realm, wondering everyday who her parents were and why they abandoned her," I reply, resting my hand on the one that has now slipped up to rest on my shoulder. "You played no part in my misery Miss…Emma, but I was _wholly_ responsible for yours."

Releasing my hand, she traces her finger along the rim of her glass, "I've been thinking about that a lot actually," She says, deep in thought. "You said if Hook hadn't come to Storybrooke then Robin wouldn't have died and though I disagree that it's his fault, you are right."

At my questioning look she continues, "All of our lives are carved from the misfortune and ambition of others. Henry's from mine, mine from yours, yours from your mother and Rumple. All the way back to my Grandmother and the start of the White/Mills family feud." She takes a sip of her drink, "I'm not sure that any one individual is responsible, and I certainly don't believe that it's all down to you."

To hear someone exonerate me from blame in such a simplistic fashion causes a lump to form in my throat and I swallow sharply, fearing the strength of my voice.

"I used to think that everything happened for a reason," I reply, admitting a weakness that I've never confessed to anyone before, "That all these bad things would make me stronger. That they were tests to lead me to my happy ending. But misery just led to more misery and in the end…well I guess I've just given up hope."

"How do you know this isn't all part of that test?" Emma challenges, her voice soft. "How do you know that you're happy ending isn't still out there, waiting for you to find it?"

I laugh sadly, "Because I loved, Daniel, and I loved, Robin. If I had a true love then I've lost it, and even I know that we only get so many chances at happiness."

I pause to take a mouthful of cider, relishing the burn as it slips down my throat, "I'm sorry for what I said about Hook being a murderer and a rapist," I apologise, "I was angry and…I know that's no excuse…"

"Was it true?"

I sigh, wetting my lips as I carefully consider my response. Of course it's true, Killian was as much a villain as any of us, but is that really something that Emma needs to know?

"Does it matter?" I ask, cleverly evading the question. "Whoever he was, he's changed. The root of my anger stems from people judging me on my past sins and I did the same to him. He's your happy ending, Emma, don't let my bitterness cloud your judgement."

She breaks eye contact, tilting her glass and looking down to watch the cider slosh around inside it, "So why do you think the heart split didn't work?"

The question is quiet, barely muttered, "Excuse me?" I prompt, uncertain I heard her correctly.

Her eyes flick to mine, "When you tried to split our hearts in the Underworld, it didn't work," She repeats, "Why?"

I smile warmly, amazed how someone so strong can have such childish fears, "I told you, he'd been dead too long by then," I reply, happy to quell her doubt. "Besides, you both passed the true love test…"

She exhales through her nose and downs the rest of her drink, "You know I'm not so sure that we did!" She admits truthfully.

Shocked, I frown in silent question, and she quickly jumps to explain the reasoning behind her theory, "Only my heart was tested," She informs glumly. "If it were a test of our shared love shouldn't it have tested both our hearts?"

I don't offer a response because I'm certain that I don't need one. It's impossible to test true love without seeing inside both hearts, even a fool knows that.

"The test made me save his life," Emma continues with a small shrug, "and now no matter how hard I try, I can't help but think that all it proved is that I'm the product of true love. Of course I saved his life, I'm the goddamn Saviour!"

"Emma, are you saying that you don't love, Hook?"

I can hardly believe the question that leaves my lips, especially after everything we went through – everything we sacrificed – to bring him back. But though I know I should be angry, I find that I can't hate her for losing faith.

"No, I do love him," She replies, resolute. "I'm just beginning to doubt that it's true love. If it was true love, then his kiss would have saved me from the darkness wouldn't it?"

"In theory yes," I agree somewhat reluctantly, "but magic is complicated, Emma. I never shared true loves kiss with Daniel or Robin but I don't doubt my feelings for either of them."

"I don't doubt my feelings for, Killian either," She states bluntly, "but..." Her voice trails off as though she's searching for an explanation she can't find, "Don't you hope for something more?" She asks, searching my expression, "Something that just works without any effort?"

I think of the obstacles I faced with Daniel, the insurmountable differences between Robin and I, and I can't help but agree.

"Like Charming and Snow?" I scoff, unwilling to admit that the blonde has a point. She nods. "I'm starting to believe that whatever they have, is unique," I explain, "Follow your heart, Emma, it knows what it wants."

She shoots me a disbelieving look, "And when did you last follow yours?" She demands.

I smile sadly, "When it led me to, Robin," I reply, thinking of the bold move I made when I went to the forest and kissed him. "But clearly my heart is defective, and now apparently broken."

"Rumple told me…"

I instinctively know that she's about to tell me about the dire state of my most vital organ and quickly cut her off, "I know, I watched the whole conversation."

She raises her eyebrows, "So you also know that he said true love remains?"

I nod, and release a small sigh, "He once told me that I could resurrect, Daniel," I argue lightly, "Now I take little of what he says as fact."

Placing her empty glass on the stone plinth next to us, she reaches out to take my hand in hers once more, squeezing it reassuringly.

"We will fix your heart, Regina," She promises, "Together. I'm sure of it."

I offer her a weak smile and she studies me closely, using her free hand to tilt my chin up and force me to make eye contact with her, "You don't believe me do you?" She asks, surprised.

When I look into her eyes I see the strength of the hope held deep within, the determination, and for the first time ever I find myself grateful that she's a Charming.

"I believe that you believe," I reply earnestly, "Maybe that's enough!"

Silence descends on the vault once more only this time it's comforting, and suddenly sitting with Emma Swan doesn't feel like a torturous condition of an unwanted deal.

It feels like the most natural thing in the world.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Sorry for the delay guy's. I wrote chapter 7, hated it, scraped it, and started again. The new version I like, so I hope you do too. Now, to clarify a point that's been confusing a few of you. I purposefully wrote Emma out of character during the mirror scenes in the last chapter because the mirror scenes are from Regina's point of view who – unbeknown to her – is jealous and bitter about Emma's relationship with Hook. Therefore, the affection she witnesses might be exaggerated, and what happened between them on the couch after she stopped watching is very much an assumption. When Emma talks about that incident in a later chapter, we'll see that it didn't end as predicted and that things between Emma and Hook are far from fine. Hope that helps Anyway, as always thank you so much for the fantastic reviews, and hello to my new followers. Hope you enjoy the new chapter and let me know what you think.

 _ **Storybrooke ripped in two. Is the Evil Queen responsible?**_

The Evil Queen.

I stare vacantly at the headline of the Daily Mirror, the cruel words constricting my chest and pressing on my heart, making it hard to breathe. Though the statement is technically true, I will never understand why these fairy-tale folk always assume the worst when it comes to me. Yes, I terrorised them for years. I ruled with an iron fist and a frozen heart, projecting my pain onto people who did nothing to deserve it. I relentlessly hunted a woman for mistakes she made as a child. I was broken, bitter, mentally unstable and haunted by my demons, but I was _never_ the monster that they made of me.

Not a lot of people know that Snow tried to kill me once. She took an unmissable arrow and bribed one of my guards to tell her the exact path my horse would take through the forest. Then she took up position, aimed her deadly weapon at me and pulled back her bow. If Charming hadn't taken the arrow for her I would have died on that day, and she would have been a murderer. Good didn't stop Snow White from killing me, True Love did.

As for Killian Jones, the _reformed pirate_ , as the Dark One he was willing to destroy every single person in Storybrooke. He called on the combined essence of every Dark One that's ever existed. Pulled them back from the Underworld itself to reign havoc down on the innocent. He didn't care about friends, family, the young or the old, he just wanted to exact bloody revenge. Reformation didn't stop him from destroying us all, Emma did.

And then there's the saviour herself, a product of True Love. Henry's book describes her as a hero, a paragon of good in an often dark world. But where was that goodness when she pulled a gun on Lilly at point blank range? Where was the hero when hatred poisoned the very root of her soul? Being the saviour wasn't what stopped Emma from killing Lilly, I was.

So what's the difference between those four stories? What makes Snow, Killian and Emma better than the _Evil Queen_? The answer is simple, absolutely nothing. All that stands between who I am and who they're perceived to be, is an unforgiving tittle and someone who cares enough to stop you from making a mistake.

There's a reason the people of the Enchanted Forest, of Storybrooke, are ignorant to the life of Regina Mills. There's a reason they remain unaware that I was abused as a child and made to forget my own sister. There's a reason they don't know how I was used and manipulated with the promise of saving my fiancé when Rumple knew that I could never bring Danial back. There's a reason no one's ever stood up and said that I was puppet for the Dark One, a woman with enough power to cast the Dark curse and enough heart break to see it through. The reason is that if they knew any of that, they'd sympathise with me, they'd understand me, and the Evil Queen would no longer pose a threat to them.

Today the people of Storybrooke will read that headline and instantly see me as the threat I once was. Gone is the mayor that built this town and has protected its inhabitants for decades. Gone is the hero who only a few months ago they believed had changed for the better and was finally fighting beside rather than against them. Gone is the woman who just witnessed the death of her second true love. I am the Evil Queen; a villain they hate because of a name _they_ branded me with. And I always will be.

It's all about titles you see, and I have learnt the hard way that all a title serves to do is force you into a false personality that society will either love or loathe. Any title bestowed on you by a population is pure and simple propaganda. Good or bad, right or wrong, those of us who have them, live and die by them.

"Regina?"

Emma's voice seems to come from nowhere, cutting through the silence of my vault and making me jolt from my reverie. I look up to find her stood expectantly in front of the open fire.

"Miss Swan.," I greet tersely, pushing the newspaper under a couch cushion so that she doesn't notice it. "What are you doing here, it isn't Friday?"

"I…" She opens her mouth to respond but the words quickly die on her tongue. Frowning slightly, she tries again, "Well…the ground is shaking."

"You can feel that?" I ask surprised, aware that with my heart taking most of the pain the shaking is kept to a low rumble. The sort of vibration a house makes when heavy traffic passes by on the road.

"Yeah," She replies, apparently as shocked by that revelation as I am. "I guess I must be overly sensitive or something."

She takes the few small steps from the fireplace to the couch and tentatively sits down next to me, "Are you okay?" She asks, and I detect genuine concern in her voice.

"Aside from the obvious, yes," I reply, determined to keep my dark thoughts my own. But she see's straight through my act, her ability to detect a lie a trait that I'd stupidly forgotten. She raises a disbelieving eyebrow and I sigh in irritation, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because the ground is shaking," She reiterates more firmly, "and that hasn't happened since last week."

I grind my teeth in infuriation, her propensity to empathise reminding me a little too much of her mother. "Grief has no concept of time, Miss Swan!" I bark, hoping that she'll realise that the topic is not one up for discussion.

Thankfully, stupidity is not something she inherited from her parents. "Okay, I'm sorry," She quickly apologises, "I was only asking. And can we drop the Miss Swan, I feel like I'm back in school."

Silence falls between us and the atmosphere grows tense, but unlike her first trip to my vault it's not awkward, merely intrusive. It reminds me of one of the first real conversations I had with Daniel, when our friendship was new and though we wanted to press each other for more information, we didn't yet trust that we could.

"You don't have to stay on my account," I finally state, alarmed by the strange path of my thoughts and suddenly eager to rid myself of the unsure, uncertain feeling brewing deep inside. "I'm not so emotional that I'm about to rip the town in half."

She half laughs at that, "I know, I trust you, but I'm here now so you might as well tell me if you've discovered anything about your…" She struggles to find the right word, "condition."

"You don't have to say it as though I have some sort of disease," I reply, rolling my eyes at her analogy. "I'm not the first person that's ever suffered a broken heart."

Her grin widens, a cheeky dimple making an unexpected appearance, "No, but most people don't bring about earthquakes with their pain." At my unimpressed glance the amusement quickly drains from her face, "So have you learnt anything?" She presses more seriously.

I shake my head, thinking back to the endless pages of handwritten notes that I've spent the last few days trawling through. "Nothing even remotely helpful," I sigh, "I've read all my mother's notes on hearts, as the queen of them you'd assume she'd have had a little more insight but unfortunately, I fear that most of her opinions are fantasy at best."

"Why?"

I close my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger, "Because the closet she came to explaining my problem was unexpressed true love," I explain, uncertain why such a subject embarrasses me. "She believed that when two true loves lived in close proximity to each other without ever declaring how they felt, it could literally rip a town in two…"

Emma's frown returns, deeper this time, and I realise with abject horror that she's actually considering the theory, "But that doesn't explain why it's also ripping your heart in two?" She questions.

"Because it's nothing more than the perverse thoughts of a mad woman that's why," I'm quick to inform, "And just who exactly do you think would be my unexpressed true love in this sickening town of fairy-tale characters anyway? Grumpy? Granny?"

She laughs at that, and I know that's she's picturing me wooing Widow Lucas with a bunch of flowers and a new crossbow. I find that I don't appreciate her sense of humour in the matter.

"I was thinking more along the lines of someone we haven't met," She finally replies good naturedly. "You're a little touchy today, I'm beginning to understand why the ground was shaking."

I give her one of my patented death glares and she has the sense to sheepishly look away. Unfortunately for me however, her attention only goes as far as the corner of the paper which is sticking out from beneath the cushion. She quickly pulls it free to reveal the front cover in all its gruesome detail.

"Oh Regina you didn't read the newspaper?" She chastises, "Why would you do that?"

"Why wouldn't I?" I reply indigently. "I'm the mayor of this town and it's my job to know its business."

She cocks her head to one side, a mannerism I'm almost certain a misbehaving Henry is familiar with, "You don't believe this do you?" She asks.

"No," I state, too proud to admit the truth. "But they do."

She sighs heavily, folding the paper in half and dropping it into her lap, "It's just a story that sells papers…"

"And Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is a story that sells books," I argue, "but I'm not any less of a villain."

Another shorter silence passes between us, one in which I can see her studying me from the corner of my eye. "This is what's upset you isn't it?" She concludes, assessing my forlorn expression and putting two and two together.

It takes me a minute to decide whether or not I'm comfortable opening up to the blonde. We may be friends but that friendship is still new and untested. Not so long ago we were enemies.

In the end, I take a gamble on whatever _this_ is between us, and let her see a side of me that no one ever has. "Why won't they just see me?" I wonder aloud, "Why has no one ever just seen me?"

She smiles sadly, "Henry just sees you."

"After a year of trying to convince you to destroy me," I remind.

"Robin…"

"Hated me in the Enchanted Forest," I interrupt, cutting her off before she can say something that simply isn't true. "He saw the same Evil Queen as everyone else."

There's a beat, a still, silent moment before Emma takes a deep breath and says, "I see you."

The words are whispered, barely there at all, but in the silence of my vault they sound louder than anything. I look up, staring deep into emerald eyes that only reflect the truth of my words. She does see me, and I think that she's the first person that ever has.

"Emma…" My voice trails off as I find myself speechless, unable to formulate a reply to such a meaningful confession. She's quick to fill the silence that threatens once more.

"I do," She states truthfully, "I don't think I've ever told you this but the first time I read your story in Henry's book, I didn't hate you. I didn't even think you were a villain. I just…" She smiles that sad, wistful smile again, "I felt so sad for you. I have never seen you as the Evil Queen. To me, you've always been, Regina."

I swallow sharply, my heart beating so hard in my chest that I fear it may try to break through. No one has ever said that to me. No one has ever tried to see past my sins as if they're somehow inconsequential to who I am. Surprisingly, I find myself fighting tears.

"You thought I killed Dr Hopper," It's a weak argument at best but right now, it's one that I need to make. She quickly brushes it aside.

"You're right I did," She agrees, "I thought _you_ killed Archie, not the Evil Queen."

I don't miss the importance of the emphasis she places on the _you_ and I truly believe that when she accused me, she was accusing the mayor of Storybrooke, "I'm not sure there's a difference," I reply sadly.

"Of course there is," Emma corrects with an affectionate chuckle. "Regina Mills is a woman with a tragic and unfair past. The Evil Queen is just a crazy, vain, bitch who has an unnatural obsession with apples." She offers me a sly wink, "Besides you're prettier."

I have no idea where this easiness came from between us but suddenly, I feel safe in her presence. Safe enough to return a compliment of my own anyway, "Well for a child of the Charming's you're not so bad yourself," I tease. "And though it pains me to say this, your mother doesn't sing like she's underwater."

We laugh together, the sort of laugh that only occurs when you feel completely comfortable in someone else's presence, but the mood quickly turns serious again.

"It really bothers you doesn't it?" She asks once the laughter has died, "That after all this time they still just see the Evil Queen."

I think about the question, about my lonely thoughts from earlier, and for once feel compelled to speak from the heart.

"We followed you to the Underworld when your heart was broken," I begin, trying to explain the sense of injustice I feel in way that she'll understand. "If this," I gesture to my heart, "was happening to your mother everyone would rally around her and try to help ease her suffering. But because it's me they just automatically assume that I'm doing it for revenge, to hurt them, because someone like me couldn't possibly love anyone enough to feel true pain."

Her expression falls, the curiosity in her eyes turning to deep sadness, and that's when I realise that she gets it. "Well if they believe that then they clearly have very short memories," She replies.

I frown, "What do you mean?"

"I've never forgotten what Zelena said about your heart. And neither has Snow, or David, or Henry. You have the biggest heart, a heart capable of feeling so much deeper than any other. When put into perspective it really isn't all that surprising that you'd react the way you did to the deaths of the only men you've ever loved."

I feel the first tear break free and quickly reach up to wipe it away, but these aren't tears of grief or sorrow, they're tears of joy. Tears of happiness for finally knowing what it feels like to have someone understand, to have someone that cares. Maybe if I'd had Emma Swan by my side in the Enchanted Forest, things would have turned out very differently indeed.

"It doesn't matter," I finally reply, aware that though she's on my side, no one else is. "They'll never change their opinion of me."

She shrugs nonchalant, "It's a title, one that they gave you out of fear, so change it with love."

"Don't you think I've tried?" My voice is harsher than intended, harsher than she deserves, but with all the good I've done it's hard to believe that I'm not fighting a losing battle. "I've risked my life for this town and somehow it still isn't enough," I explain, "Yet all Hook had to do was flash his pearly white teeth and show of his ruggedly handsome good looks. Why does he get a second chance when I don't? Why does Zelena or Rumple, or Hades? Is this my punishment?"

She shuffles slightly on the couch, tucking her legs up under her so she can turn and face me. "Did you ever hear about the notorious bandit that stalked the Enchanted Forest?" She begins, "Or the wicked witch who was so jealous she turned herself green? Or the vicious wolf that ate her own boyfriend? Or the trickster that killed a little boy's parents? Or the puppet that lied so much he lost his chance to be a real boy…?"

"I see your point Miss Swan," I huff, cutting her abruptly off. "You don't have to recount every tale in Henry's book."

"Do you though?" She fires back just as passionately, "Because all of those characters, names, titles, there not so very different from the one about the Evil Queen who cast a curse to enact her revenge."

I cast her a doubtful look, unwilling to believe that their minor indiscretions even compare to my heinous crimes, but she refuses to let her argument go.

"Have you ever heard the tale of an orphan so wild she kept running away from her foster home?" She continues, "Or the teenage tearaway thief who had to give birth in jail? Or the ex-con who had the gall to call herself a saviour?"

Aware that she's talking about herself, I fold my arms impatiently, "What's your point?"

"My point," She concludes feistily, "is that everyone has a good and bad side. Everyone is labelled. You're a fairy-tale villain in a children's book, but fairy-tales don't exist. Life is more complex than that, people are more complex than that." She reaches out to prod a finger to my breastbone, "And you, Regina Mills, are so much more than her," She nods to the paper still in her lap, "You just have to believe it."

At her impassioned speech, I feel a jolt of pure pleasure explode from my heart. Unnervingly, it quickly rushes downwards, seeking out lower, far more sensitive areas. I gasp at the feeling of sudden arousal and rush to remove the offending organ before a moan is torn from my lips.

"What was that?" Emma asks, eyes wide as she studies the blackened heart now resting in the palm of my hand.

"I- I don't know," I stammer, flustered by the unexpected burst of lust and my uncontrollable reaction to it. I honestly have no idea what just happened, but I've never experienced such a rush of feeling before.

A flash of heat from the organ in my hand draws my attention down to it and I'm shocked to see that the very top of the tear is magically knitting back together. "My heart its…it's healing a little!"

"How?"

The question is one I can't answer and if I'm truthful, one I'm reluctant and a little scared to try and find out.

My eyes meet Emma's in shared amazement, "I don't know!"

"Well see if you can try to figure it out," She instructs, unaware that the hot pulse of desire is still coursing through my veins. "Whatever it was, we need to do it again and more often."

At her suggestion, a ghost shiver of arousal seems to caress my heart, almost as if her words are physically stroking it. I flush again, and quickly turn away before she notices.

"I'll let you know," I reply, my voice unusually strained.

"Are you going to be okay?"

Despite the moment that just occurred between us, her concern is still present. It's fast turning into the one thing I can rely on.

"Yes, thank you," I reply, surprised when my desire is quickly replaced with irrational anger as I catch her glancing at her watch.

The thought that she's probably going home to her undeserving boyfriend annoys me, his company doesn't seem good enough for her after the intimacy we just shared.

"I'm sorry to keep you so long" I blurt out spontaneously, "Is Hook waiting for you?"

I regret the words as soon as they're out, realising that they make me sound like a jealous lover. At her raised eyebrows, I'm quick in my efforts to take it back, "I'm sorry, that's none of my business."

For a moment I think that she'll storm out the vault without responding but then she does something that she's managed to do a lot just recently, she surprises me.

"I said I might text him when I'm done but I don't think I'll bother," She replies with a casual shrug of her shoulders.

Despite her light response I can sense something hidden underneath, an uncertainty or reluctance. Though whether its directed at me or her relationship I'm unsure.

"Emma, is everything alright between the two of you?" I inquire, before suddenly fearing that our friendship hasn't yet reached a level comfortable enough for girl talk. "Don't feel obliged to answer, but after our conversation the other day…"

"Its fine," She cuts in, probably too quickly for someone supposedly living their happily ever after. "Everything's great or at least, unchanged…"

Her voice trails off and I'm quick to say the words that she won't, "I feel there's a but somewhere in there!"

"There is but…" She smiles sadly and all I can think is how I want to make that smile go away. How I only want to see that goofy, happy smile of her fathers that I used to loath so much. "I think it's just me pushing him away like I do everyone else that gets close," She adds after a beat, "I just need time, and space, and I'm sure we'll be great again."

I ignore the doubt niggling in my conscience as I place a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I'm sure too," I promise emptily.

She shakes her head as if ridding it if unwanted thoughts, "Anyway, I didn't come here for me."

Picking up the newspaper that started this whole conversation she raises it between us and rips it completely in half. "That's what you should have done when you first read this," She says. "Yes, you're the Evil Queen and that will never change. But you're also a mayor, a daughter, a sister, a mother…" green eyes study my face intently, "you're so beautiful…"

For a split second I honestly believe that she's about to lean in and kiss me, but the moment passes so quickly that the second it's gone I begin to doubt that it ever happened.

"And you're my best friend," She finally adds, though whether she's informing me or reminding herself I'm uncertain. "Those are the names you need to focus on now. Those are the titles that matter."

"Thank you," I smile, reaching up to gently brush her cheek with the back of my hand, "I mean that. You might have just saved me tonight."

She returns my smile with one of her wide, beautiful ones, "It was my pleasure," She replies, still too close to be called friendly. "Goodnight, Gina."

Her affectionate nickname causes something to stir inside me, something that I've never felt before, a connection that just seems to make sense. Maybe my mother's notes on hearts are worth more than a fleeting glance after all.

I smile warmly and allow her to stand.

"Goodnight, Emma."


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Good evening guy's, the response to the last chapter was simply amazing so thank you all so much. I thought I'd show you all my appreciation by getting this chapter out to you as soon as possible. It's shorter than the last few, but heavy on plot and Swan Queen feels so I hope you enjoy it. This chapter, as with all my others, is unbeated, so I apologise for any minor mistakes. If you find any big ones, feel free to kick my ass. Hope you enjoy, and let me know your thoughts! Also, if anyone can tell me what specific song from a famous musical inspired the first dream sequence, I'll throw in a Swan Queen moment of the winners choosing, into a future chapter ;-) Good luck!

 _The forest is dark. I can't see the way ahead. The trees are tall. All of them looming over me. Threatening me. Judging me. I'm scared. I'm lost. I want to run. I want to find the light, the safety, but I know that running will only lead me to more darkness._

 _I search for someone, anyone, a person to stand by my side and help me find the way but I'm alone. I could scream and no one would hear me. I could cry and no one would comfort me. I could die, and no one would save me._

 _I squeeze my eyes shut and silently wish myself free of this empty abyss. I wish I was in a meadow, a wide open, sunny, space where I can clearly see the path in front of me. But I'm not. I'm lost. I'm trapped. I'm surrounded by darkness, and I'm completely alone._

 _And I'm filled with such rage - such hatred - but I have no one to talk to. I need a friend to guide me. Someone who cares enough about me to explain the reason for all these strong, impulsive emotions. But there is no one to help me understand, no one who dares venture into the woods and help set me free. All I can see is darkness and shadows. And I'm alone._

 _The forest gets thicker, the darkness absolute, and I know – an intrinsic, living, part of me knows – that this is the Enchanted Forest. This is home, but it doesn't feel like it anymore. I don't recognise the path I'm walking. I've never seen the twisted trees I pass by. The night is cold, the air oppressive, and every tiny sound feels like an enemy stalking me in the dark._

 _In my heart I should know that I'm safe here but for the first time in my life I don't know who or what to trust. Native animals, creatures I once considered friends, now feel like predators. Their whispers carry on the rustle of the wind, biting comments that mock and hurt me, and I swear I hear the voices of Snow, Charming and my mother in every single one of them. People I cared for, people I loved, abandoning me. Leaving me to face the dark forest alone and all because I wouldn't – couldn't – decide which one of them was on my side._

 _I walk for hours, searching for a way out that doesn't appear to exist. The darkness gets darker, if that's even possible, and the world that I knew - the forest I grew up in - is vast and unfamiliar. I look beneath damp beds of fern, crawl through hollowed out tree trunks, but find nothing. There is no one here to end my suffering and guide me home._

 _A wolf jumps out in front of me, baring his teeth but I don't know why. Maybe he fears me. Maybe he thinks I'm here to destroy his way of life. Maybe he just doesn't understand me. But he startles me, scares me, and I feel threatened, so I defend myself. I use my magic to end him with a simple wave of my hand, relief flooding my veins as his lifeless body drops to the floor. Was it the right decision? Did he deserve to die? I have no idea. But I'm scared, and I'm alone, and I don't know what to do anymore._

 _Then from nowhere there's a hand. A warm, comforting touch that grips tight at my fingers and makes everything alright again. Suddenly the forest seems far less scary, far less dark, and far less hopeless. Even the moonlight has found its way through the tree tops._

 _I grasp at the lifeline, clinging on with everything I have as I turn to look at my saviour. Emma Swan smiles back, her beautiful face a shining beacon in the night, a light that guides the way._

" _You're not alone, Regina," She whispers, her voice my saving grace, "No one is truly alone."_

I bolt upright on the couch, startled awake from my dream. The sound of Emma's voice still hangs in the air of the silent vault. The lingering trace of her fingers as real as if she'd just been here with me.

I take several deep breaths, uncertain what that strange, dark, metaphorical nightmare even was, and as awareness slowly begins to creep back in, I realise that I must have fallen asleep while studying my mother's notes.

The fire has burnt out, leaving nothing but glowing orange embers to light the room. I check my watch - two oh five - and consider going to bed. That's when my phone vibrates, buzzing against the stone floor to indicate the arrival of a message. I swing my arm off the side of the couch to snatch it up, curious as to who would wish to contact me in the middle of the night. My Curiosity is quickly sated.

Emma.

 **Are you okay?**

I frown at the strange message, wondering why she's still up at this hour, and quickly type a reply.

 **It's 2am, why wouldn't I be?**

I wait patiently for a reply, one that doesn't come, and resign myself to the probability that the lackadaisical blonde has fallen back to sleep. Rubbing my tired, aching, eyes, I glance down at the notes that have slipped from my lap during sleep and are scattered across the floor.

Maybe my dream was related to them. A strange amalgamation of my mother's theory on broken hearts and Emma Swan's unexpected support. Stretching my arm out I pinch the closest sheet between my fingertips and pick it up off the floor, but before I can ascertain which page it is, my phone vibrates once more.

 **No reason. Weird dream is all. Hope I didn't wake you.**

The message catches me off guard, confused by the rare coincidence that we were both awoken from an unusual dream. I type my reply, careful not to give anything away.

 **Weird dream?**

Her response is instantaneous.

 **It was nothing. Forget it. Go back to sleep.**

I take her message as read and decide to do just that, but before I can even sit up she's sent another message in quick succession.

 **You're not alone, Regina. No one is truly alone**

I scramble to sit up at her strange choice of words and the rest of my mother's neatly scrawled notes float to the floor. Why would she say that? What does it mean? Have we somehow shared the same dream again?

My thoughts flick back to the last paragraph I remember reading before I fell to sleep and I slip off the couch, kneeling on the floor to look for it amongst a sea of paper. I find it at the bottom of the unorganised pile, scanning the elegant black ink until I find the last part I read.

 _ **I have seen instances where the connection between two souls is so prevalent that they learn to communicate on an almost spiritual level. A sixth sense that allows them to know when the other is in need. Sometimes this is done through instinct or thought, other times feeling. In one rare case I even spoke to a couple who shared dreams. At first the dreams were normal, random, beyond either of their control. But as their connection grew stronger the dreams became lucid, a way for the pair to communicate, to say the things that face to face, they could not.**_

I reach the bottom of the page and make a note of the page number, frantically searching the floor for the remainder of the chapter. I find it on three separate sheets. The top one detailing my condition a little more and reminding me of the reason I began to read this particular chapter in the first place.

 _ **When the strongest of our emotions - love, hatred – do not get the outlets they need, they can manifest themselves in more physical ways. I have witnessed a heart tear in half with pain, explode with passion (both good and bad), to the worst extremes. If the person suffering has magic in their blood, this manifestation can spread to unrelated and inanimate objects. A vase exploding on a shelf, glass shattering before one's eyes, the very ground tearing in two.**_

I stare down at my mother's writing, wondering if somehow the words on the page were written as one last attempt to torment me. Did she foresee my future and plan to manipulate my actions one more time, or are these theories based on real observations?

If the latter is true, then maybe my condition is related to this specific chapter. Emma and I do have a connection unlike any other, we share a son. Is sharing dreams the saviour's way of supporting me when the rest of the town has turned against me? And if so, is the rip in my heart due to a combination of the pain I feel at losing Robin, and the hatred that has always tarnished my soul?

I skim the other two sheets but my thoughts become jumbled and my eyes grow too heavy to concentrate. The last thing I read before drifting back to sleep is the title of the chapter.

 _ **Chapter 6: The Consequences of Unexpressed and Unrequited True Love**_

 _I'm in a sort of stone chamber, but it's nowhere that I recognise, nowhere that I've ever been before. The ground is mud, but that dry, dusty, kind that looks like it hasn't seen rainfall for years. The chamber is long, with large stone walls and tree roots coming in through cracks in the ceiling. I must be underground._

 _I follow the path ahead, uncertain how the room is so well lit with no natural or artificial light, until I reach a large door at the end of the chamber. The door is intricately carved. It looks like the gateway to some fantastical world, but unsurprisingly its closed, and presumably locked. In front of the door is a stone plinth with a set of empty, brass scales on top. There's some writing, carved into the stone underneath, but it's in a language I don't understand. For someone who has visited many worlds and walked many realms, I have no idea where I am._

 _As if by magic Emma suddenly appears at my side, materializing beside me like some haunting spectre. And that's when I realise that I'm dreaming again._

 _I assume the dream to be Emma's, as there is nothing about our surroundings that I recognise. Our unique connection must have pulled me here though for what purpose I don't know, but I'm in full control of my thoughts and I know that I'm asleep. This must be one of the lucid dreams my mother wrote of._

 _Emma doesn't acknowledge me, simply stares vacantly at the scales in front of us._

" _Where are we?" I ask, curious as to what it is that she's unwittingly trying to show me._

" _It's the entrance to the Ambrosia Temple," She replies, unaffected by my presence._

 _When I realise that she's unsurprised to find me stood by her side I can only assume that she has yet to reach the same level of our connection that I have. She is merely dreaming. She isn't aware that she's asleep and probably has no control over her actions._

 _Now I know exactly where we are. This is where she brought Hook when we were trapped in the Underworld. This is where she performed the test of true love._

" _Why are we here, Emma?" I ask gently, suddenly reminded of her doubts about the validity of her test._

 _She shakes her head, refusing to look at me, she won't even turn to face me. I wonder if this is a reoccurring dream for her, a nightmare she relives every night. It might explain where her sudden doubts about her relationship have come from._

" _It didn't work," She says, but the words are mumbled as though she's talking to herself rather than directly to me._

 _Finally, her eyes flick up to meet mine, that uncertain, almost shy look that she often gets when she's scared or unsure. "Have you ever just known something to be true?" She asks, "Something that you wished with all your heart, wasn't?"_

 _My gaze drops to the scales, "Are you talking about the results of your test?"_

 _She nods, looking away from me again, her shoulders slumped in defeat. "Hook was stood right there, where you are" She replies, pointing at me without turning to look, "And I put my heart on the scales and he burst into flames."_

 _It sounds like a very strange way to test the love in someone's heart but since I'm hardly an expert on the subject of love, it's probably best to leave the mechanics of the test up to the God's that invented it._

 _I frown, confused, "And how do you know it didn't work?"_

" _Because they're scales Regina," She snaps, staring at me as though I'm stupid. An irony not lost on me considering her lineage. "They're designed to balance the weight of two separate things – to test the love in two separate hearts - but only my heart was tested."_

 _I shrug, "Maybe your heart was all that was needed."_

" _No," Her response is so blunt, so abrupt, that anyone would think she invented the test herself. At my raised eyebrow she explains the logic behind her certainty, "I told myself that." she informs glumly, "I told Killian that. And I wanted to believe it so badly but I was wrong."_

 _Though I'd never admit this aloud and certainly not to her, I find that I agree with her hypothesis. Something about the whole process just doesn't seem right._

" _It doesn't mean he's not your true love," I reply, uncertain what else to say given the delicacy of the situation._

 _She scoffs, kicking at the dirt beneath her feet, "It means that there's doubt."_

 _Despite agreeing with her theory, I fail to understand why it suddenly brings her whole relationship into question. So the scales tested her not them, does it matter? Surely, Emma knows if she truly loves her pirate or not._

" _Why does it mean that?" I ask, giving voice to my doubt. She doesn't reply._

 _Several long, silent moments pass between us and I sigh heavily, wondering why she began such a conversation when she has no intention to finish it. But before I can cast my opinion on the matter, she does the last thing I expected. She reaches into her own chest and pulls out her heart._

 _I study the bright red organ in the palm of her hand and there's not a hint of blackness contained within it. If it was the purity of her heart that was tested instead, then it's plain to see why she passed._

 _Reaching out, she carefully places her heart on one side of the scales but when nothing happens, she quickly turns her angry glare on me. "Why aren't you bursting into flames?" She demands, as though the fault is somehow min, "Why aren't I being forced to save you?"_

 _I find the question ridiculous and the answer blindingly obvious, "Because you're not in love with me!" I reply. "You must have been right all along. It was yours and Hook's true love test, and you passed."_

 _But despite what she sees, she still doesn't believe it. Her green eyes are brimming with tears, her mouth pulled into a sad, thin line. One of her tears breaks free to run down her cheek and as it hangs from the bottom of her chin, the tiniest fracture line becomes visible on her heart. Her heart is literally breaking before my very eyes._

 _I open my mouth to say something, to offer words of comfort or support, but before I can say a single word, searing pain erupts from the centre of my chest. It's sudden, and breath taking, and complete and utter agony._

 _I drop to my knees in the dirt, rushing to remove the offending organ before it surely kills me. And when I do, it's to see that the tear already tearing down the centre is widening, almost ripping my heart completely in two._

 _Unaware why, I suddenly have the strongest inclination to place my heart on the opposite side of the scales to Emma's. It's an urge unlike any I've ever felt before, an instinct telling me that it's the only way to save my life. Unsure exactly what compels me to do so, I follow the emotional instruction and place it on the empty scale._

 _At first nothing happens, but then the scales start to wobble and shake, the vibrations throbbing through the ground beneath our feet. Suddenly fearful that the floor will split open beneath us, I hastily stand and we both take a few, cautious steps back. Our eyes meet briefly, a moment of shared concern, before the entire chamber erupts in a brilliant white and purple light. Its brightness is blinding, and I have to shield my eyes against it._

 _In a brief second the light has gone, absorbed by the hearts which remain untouched on the scales where we left them. When my vision finally clears, I step forward to see that both of our hearts have completely healed, and the door to the Ambrosia Temple has blown wide open._

 _Emma looks straight at me, her eyes wide in realisation. We have just been forced to take the test of true love, and we have passed._

I jolt awake, sucking in a deep breath as my hand flies to my chest. My mother's notes are still scattered all around me, but suddenly her life's work makes perfect sense.

God help me for my foolishness, but I think I'm in love with Emma Swan!


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Hey guy's. Wow the support on this story has been amazing. I've got more follows, favourites and reviews then I've ever had before so thank you all so much. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. The first dream in the last chapter was based on 'No One is Alone' from Into the Woods and Laurathechef won. Her request will probably be included next chapter. Anyway, this chapter is HUGE in length, but very Swan Queen central, and though I've edited it several times there may be some mistakes I've missed so I apologise in advance. Hope you enjoy it, and as always, let me know what you think!

The more I think about it the more it makes sense. And the more it makes sense the more I come to realise just how blind I've been from the start. Since the day Emma Swan strolled into my town she has had this inexplicable hold over me. At first I mistook it for hatred, jealousy, a fear that she'd take Henry away from me, so I made an enemy of her. But even as I threatened her, tried everything in my power to ruin her character and drive her away, I felt pulled towards her. She intrigued me, challenged me, matched me in every possible sense, and I thrived on every one of our heated interactions.

Of course, if you'd asked me then if I thought our interactions were heated I probably would have thrown a fire ball at you, but when I look back on it now it's as obvious as the partially healed heart resting in my hand. More than once I tried to manipulate her with my allure. I dressed as provocatively as possible to try and win her favour. I even caught myself openly admiring her figure on several occasions. At times I despised her, truly wanted to kill her, but even then I couldn't have denied that I was undeniably attracted to her. Is it any real wonder why I never succeeded in driving her back to Boston?

I guess my feelings grew from there, as most feelings do, but it was such a subtle process – so slow in its development – that I never saw it happening. The way it hurt when she accused me of killing the cricket, my determination to give her the best life I could even when it meant sacrificing my own happiness. The way I followed her down to the Underworld without ever thinking about the consequences. For years I have taught her that true love is the most powerful magic of all, and yet I failed to notice that I was always at my strongest when stood by her side.

But though I can see her now, and boy can I see her now, she's in love with someone else. She worships Killian, her pirate that has never really done anything to earn such affections. She gave him darkness because she couldn't bear to live without him. She was willing to share her heart with him. She literally went to hell and back to rescue him. And I know she's worried that he isn't her true love, but if the thought troubles her that much then it's obvious that he is.

At least I now understand what's happening to me, it's simple really when you think about it, my feelings for her are completely one sided and my mother's notes were right.

My heart is being torn in two by unrequited love.

"Mom?"

The sound of Henry's voice jolts me from my thoughts and I quickly replace my heart, spinning from the fireplace to face him.

"Henry?" I greet, unable to conceal my smile despite my anger, "What are you doing here?"

He gives me one of his lopsided grins, an expression that now reminds me so much of Emma, and takes a careful step forward. "I had to see you…"

"It's not safe for you to be here," I interrupt, annoyed that he disobeyed my instructions but pleased to see him regardless. "You know I don't have control over my magic. I could unintentionally hurt you or…"

"Regina, it's my fault."

My scold is cut short when Snow appears from the around the corner. She looks more nervous than Henry, and I can't help but wonder if everyone fears angering me as much as they appear too.

She moves to stand beside her grandson, offering silent support before continuing to explain herself, "He stayed with us last night and when I saw what he came here to show you…" Her voice trails off and she gestures to the sheet of paper Henry is clutching in his hands. "Well you should see for yourself."

My curiosity piqued, I step forward, "What is it?" I ask, reaching out to take the sheet from my son.

"I wrote a few pages last night," he replies, "I don't remember doing them but they were on my desk when I woke up this morning."

Suddenly fearful, my eyes drift down to the authors latest work. On the page is a beautiful hand drawing of me capturing the exact moment that I woke from my revelational dream. Underneath, in perfect script, it reads.

 ** _With a start the ex-Evil Queen awoke from her shared dream. At long last she understood that her lost lover was not the reason for her broken heart, for she loved another. It would take time, hope and a little magic, but she finally realised that her heart could be complete once more._**

I feel my stomach sink, that awful, nauseating moment when you realise you're about to be forced to explain something that no one will understand.

"Henry what is this?" I ask, desperate to avoid the questions for as long as possible. Unfortunately, reality and my ever curious son determine that it won't be long at all.

"Is it true?" He counters, ignoring my demand for an explanation. His loving eyes fill with hope but I can't share in his enthusiasm. Hope is an emotion that will only end in disappointment. "Did you wake up and realise that you loved somebody else?"

I open my mouth to reply but find the words unwilling to come. How can I tell him the truth? How can I tell him that I've fallen in love with his other mother, and in front of Snow? Impossible!

As always, he instantly picks up on my hesitancy, "Mom, this is important," He pleads, pointing at the words written in his hand, "This could be your happy ending."

I meet his gaze, unaware how I've gone so long without noticing the similarities before but suddenly, I'm staring straight at Emma. The colour of his wide eyes, his crooked smile, her face etched into his every feature. How could I honestly believe that I could love him so deeply, and yet never fall in love with her?

"I..." The words stick in my throat as I stumble to find an answer, "…no of course I didn't…."

"But the book says your heart will be healed again," He protests, refusing to allow me the time to think of an appropriate lie, "And this book is never wrong."

I feel trapped, backed into a metaphorical corner where the truth surrounds me on all sides and I respond the only way I know how, defensively.

"It's a story Henry," I shout, my harsh words echoing off the stone walls, "a fairy-tale. Life isn't that simple, the real world isn't that easy!"

He flinches, cowering from me like a scared animal and I instantly regret my response. Though I no longer think of myself as the Evil Queen, she's still the first person to protect me when I'm feeling vulnerable.

Relaxing the sneer that I didn't even realise I was pulling, I reach out to affectionately ruffle his hair. "I'm sorry," I apologise, my voice soft once more, "I know you're only trying to help but the book has been wrong before. It was wrong about Robin and I meeting in the Enchanted Forest, and it's wrong about this."

"It wasn't completely wrong about you and Robin!" I sigh heavily and grind my teeth, more than aware that I should have expected Snow to sprinkle the argument with false hope and non-existent happy endings, "It knew that you were meant to be together…"

"And look how that turned out," I growl, fixing her with a dangerous warning glare. The sort of look that had people running from me back in the Enchanted Forest.

A low rumble begins to vibrate up through the floor as Snow and Henry share a nervous glance. My chest begins to tighten and my breath grows shallow as the pain in my heart flares to life once more. I silently curse Snow for thinking it was ever a good idea to bring my son into such a volatile situation and as if reading my mind, she raises her hands, instantly trying to calm me.

"Okay," She soothes, quickly realising that placing Robin and happy endings in the same conversation is not something likely to comfort me, "Okay, I'm sorry!"

"Yeah, Mom," Henry cuts in, though unlike Snow his caring tone does help and the shaking slows to a stop. "We didn't come here to make you mad."

I take a deep breath, once again reminded of the irony of my newly discovered feelings, "I'm not mad, Henry its…it's just complicated!"

Something in my reply triggers a sense of understanding in Snow, "So you know what's going on with you?" She asks, gesturing around my vault, "With this?"

I nod, "I think so, yes. I just need to stay down here until I find a way to deal with it."

"What's going on?"

And just like that I feel my control slowly slipping away from me once more. Emma Swan saunters into my vault as if her presence here is the most natural thing in the world. She offers her mother a warm smile, drapes a bare, toned arm across Henry's shoulders, and fixes me with emerald green eyes that suddenly make my stomach do strange, unfamiliar flips.

"Miss Swan?" I acknowledge curtly, trying to hide the effect her proximity has on my equilibrium. "It's a good job that Storybrooke doesn't stand on a tectonic plate or I'd find you forever by my side!"

The unnecessary sass is for self-preservation, my go-to response when I have no idea how to deal with an overwhelming situation. The woman I so recently realised I'm in love with responds to it with an exasperated eye roll.

"Henry sent me a text," She replies, gripping our sons shoulder, "he told me to meet you all here." Her eyes flick back to mine with a one shouldered shrug, "The earth shaking is just a coincidence."

Failing to pick up on the slight bristle of tension between his two mothers, Henry takes the newly written page from me and hands it to the blonde. "I wrote this last night," He informs, proudly.

Green eyes pull from mine, fluttering down to the sheet in her hand, but her confident expression quickly disappears as she reads the words on the page. There's something in the subtle movement of her mouth, the rapid blink of her eyes, that suggests she's more attuned to the meaning of Henry's writing then she'll ever let on. Snow picks up on it too.

"Emma? Honey are you okay?" She asks concerned.

The saviour visibly swallows, licks her lips and shuffles her weight from one leg to the next. "Yeah," She squeaks, clearing her throat at the surprising sound, "I-I'm fine." Her confidence quickly returns, "Is this true? Are you in love with someone else?"

My blood runs cold as her eyes search mine, searching for an answer that she won't have to look hard to find. My mouth dry, I force myself to keep a neutral expression and tilt my chin defiantly.

"If I were I'd hardly tell you," I scoff, feigning superiority. "Between you, your mother and your boyfriend he'd be lucky to survive the week if I did." I sniff, a trait left over from my Evil Queen days, and fold my arms across my chest, "I have no idea why you all suddenly have such an invested interest in my love life, but if you'd kindly refrain I might actually be able to heal my heart and get back to running this town."

The emotionless speech is straight out of the Enchanted Forest. Snow knows it, I can see it in her indignant expression. Emma knows it too, her only response an eyebrow raised in disdain.

I feel bad for my unfair reaction, I maybe even regret it, but this is all I know. When I'm attacked, threatened, when I'm forced to respond to an emotional situation that I don't know how to deal with, I lash out.

But as excusable as my harsh words are, I can't ignore the hurt look in Henry's eyes as he turns to Emma. "I wasn't trying to interfere," He explains, his voice small. "I didn't even know what I was writing…"

Emma turns on me then, leaning forward to encroach on my personal space, her jaw set tight in a way that I haven't seen since some of our earliest confrontations.

"Our son was trying to help you," She growls angrily, "I know you're going through a rough patch right now but I'd really appreciate it if you didn't take it out on him…"

"A rough patch?" I chuckle, inching forward to stare her down, my lips curling in distaste, "Is that what you called it when your pirate was killed?"

We lock glares for several long seconds and from the corner of my eye I see Snow's fingers lightly brush Emma's hand, pulling her back and reigning her in. She's seen this look on me before and if memory serves me right, it ended with her eating a poisoned apple.

"Why am I the only one not allowed to have real feelings?" I state, continuing my rant, "Why am I the only one who can't have a broken heart?"

The bandit steps in front of her daughter, protecting her as the ground begins to shake once more, "Regina, it's not like that we…"

But I'm past the point of listening, past the point of reason, if I allow them to continue down this path then the truth will out, and then what? My feelings are one sided and I will not betray them. I would choose subjects that fear me over friends that pity me, any day.

I quickly decide to hide behind my mask, the easy explanation that everything I feel is related to Robin's death.

"I may be nothing more than the Evil Queen to you peasants but when you cut me I still bleed," I snarl cruelly, "Once in a while it would be nice if you all tried to remember that."

Snow recoils so fast anyone would think I just kicked her puppy, and Henry despite understanding, looks fearful. But it's Emma that catches my attention, the way she narrows her eyes to study me, the firm set of her jaw.

"Mom," She begins, carefully, "would you take Henry home so that I can talk to Regina alone?"

Snow instantly protests, as always fearing my response, "Emma, I'm not sure that's a good idea. The ground is shaking again and Regina's clearly upset…."

"I'll be fine," She interrupts, her eyes never leaving mine, "She'll listen to me."

I grind my teeth in anger, still not certain what it is that I'm truly angry at. Though if I hazarded a guess I'd assume it to be my unwanted feelings.

" _She_ can hear you right now, dear!" I retort sarcastically.

"Regina," Snow sighs, her voice the same patronising tone that I've always hated, "Contrary to what you believe, we're only trying to help you."

Frustratingly, it seems to be the one thing that actually breaks through my Evil Queen armour and I finally back down, realising how ridiculous my whole response has been. The shaking stops as my shoulders slump.

"I know," I admit begrudgingly, my voice returning to its usual timbre, "but this is something I need to deal with by myself."

Snow nods in understanding as Henry reaches out to snatch my hand in his, squeezing tightly, "I miss you, Mom."

I squeeze back, enjoying the comfort his touch can bring. Sometimes he seems more adult than child, but times like this remind me that a part of him will always be the same frightened toddler that used to cling onto my legs for dear life.

I smile warmly, "I miss you too, Sweetheart."

Mother and daughter share a brief, silent exchange and then Henry and Snow are gone, leaving me feeling extremely vulnerable under Emma's intense stare.

"Why are you lying?" She asks after a moment of absolute silence.

Every muscle in my body tenses and I suddenly fear that I'm not strong enough to be in this tiny space with her. My emotions are too strong, too obvious, and it's only a matter of time before she figures it all out and laughs in my face.

I make a desperate attempt to stall for time, "Excuse me?"

She huffs, not falling for my divertive tactics, "My super power maybe off at times Regina but it is never wrong about you," She replies, "You were lying to them, why?"

I feel the anger bubbling inside me once more and attempt to cut her down, "This may come as a surprise to you Miss Swan, but I'm not obliged to tell you the inner workings of my mind."

"Miss Swan again is it?" She laughs, shaking her head at my failed attempt to intimidate. "Why are you being like this? We've been getting along great, haven't we? Why are you suddenly pushing me away again?"

I feel the fight physically drain from my body, her concern a blanket that I want to wrap myself up in and hold onto forever. She makes me weak, breaks down my walls and strips me bare. She's always had that effect on me, and I find the realisation absolutely terrifying.

I break eye contact, suddenly fascinated by the flagstones beneath our feet, "I don't want to talk about it," I reply in a voice I barely recognise as my own.

She sighs heavily, sweeping her gorgeous blonde hair behind her shoulder in a move that makes her look every inch the princess she truly is. She's beautiful. Independent, strong-willed, loyal to a fault and most crushingly of all…Hook's.

How could I ever dare to hope that a woman like her would want someone as tarnished and broken as me?

I have to let her go.

I'm so wrapped up in my thoughts that I fail to realise that she's walked over to the other side of my vault and has discovered the notes I was reading last night.

"Chapter six, the consequences of unexpressed and unrequited True Love?" She reads aloud, throwing me a questioning look.

I silently curse my stupidity for leaving something so telling lying open to the room and pinch the bridge of my nose

"Henry was right, wasn't he?" She asks, her eyes widening when I fail to respond. "You're in love with someone else but you don't believe they return your feelings…"

My heart sinks deep into my chest and I shake my head, wishing more than anything that she'd just leave the topic alone, "Emma…"

"Who is he?" She presses gently, "How can you assume you know how he feels?" Her voice is soft, undemanding, but the questions cut through to my very soul.

"I don't want to know," I reply, scared too look at her for fear that she'll see the truth. "I'm past the days of hurting others for my own gratification."

"He's married!?" She gasps, and I can read the alarmed look on her face, the disgust and horror behind what she believes to be my reason for silence.

I roll my eyes, insulted, "Oh for heaven's sake if for one second you think that I'm in love with that idiot father of yours then you're more stupid then I thought," I snap, far closer to blurting out the truth then I feel comfortable with.

Her brow creases as she visibly searches for another candidate, "Who then?" She asks, unwilling to drop the subject, "Why can't you just tell him?"

I raise a quizzical eyebrow, "And if I said it was Hook?"

"Is it Killian?"

I sigh, mentally weighing up the consequences of confessing my feelings against this almost painful guessing game. At the moment it's a tie.

"Don't be ridiculous," I chastise in a way not dissimilar to how I scold Henry, "But hypothetically if it was, how would that make you feel?"

She pauses to consider the question, and when a frown creeps in to mar her beautiful features, I know that she's figured it out. The answer not the person.

"So he is in a relationship?" She states, her expression softening as soon as she realises what that means for me. "Regina, I know this poses a problem but if it's true love…"

Ever the saviour, she can't bring herself to suggest a pursuit regardless of relationship status and instead, opts for the closest example, "Robin was in a relationship for a while."

I shake my head, "Robin stopped loving Marian long before he met me," I reply.

"So this person is in love?"

I nod, terrified that any moment she'll work out the obvious. And then I remember she's a Charming, and strangely enough, the fear quickly passes.

"That sucks," She finally, somewhat childishly agrees, "but I still think you should tell him."

For a moment I'm caught in her gaze, in the open honesty laid bare in emerald orbs, and I can feel the words on the tip of my tongue. Three little words that to her will mean nothing but to me, mean the world.

I take a deep breath, open my mouth to enunciate the 'I', but when I look at her warm, friendly smile I just can't bring myself to lumber her with such a burden.

"You look tired," I state, finally settling on something far less damaging. "Does it have something to do with your _weird_ dream?"

Despite the question being linked directly to my feelings I have to know if we're really sharing dreams, because if we are…if we are it's only a matter of time until she discovers the truth anyway.

Her cheeks turn a light shade of pink, "Which weird dream?" She asks innocently, "I-I mean what are you talking about?"

"You text me at two this morning to ask if I was okay," I patiently remind her, knowing full well that a reminder is the last thing she needs. "You said that you'd had a weird dream. I take it from your response that you had more than one?"

"Oh that?" She huffs, brushing it aside as though it was nothing when she clearly feels otherwise. "I had a dream that you were lost in the Enchanted Forest and I had to find you. I assumed it had something to do with the amount of time we've been spending together because when I woke up, I had this irrational fear that you were upset or in danger or…" She shakes her head, searching for the right explanation but coming up blank, "…something." She shrugs, "I've had a few weird dreams just recently."

Surprised, I raise an eyebrow, "About me?"

"About…" Her gaze drifts to mine and her pink cheeks darken to red, "…a lot of things."

Emma Swan may have a super power but I'm in love, and if there's one thing a woman can do it's tell when the person she loves is lying to her. "Friendship goes both way Miss Swan," I chastise lightly, desperate to get her to open up so that I don't feel quite so alone in this bizarre scenario, "and I'm a good listener…"

She stares vacantly at the notes still in her hand, caught somewhere between indecision and outright denial. I can sympathise with her internal struggle, it's the one that I've fought several times myself in the last twenty-four hours.

When her eyes flick back to mine, her expression has lost its usual confidence. "When I fell back asleep I dreamt that I was back at the Ambrosia Temple," She confesses, causing me to release a relived breath. "I was upset because the test didn't work the first time, so I did it again and…" She stalls, staring straight at me, " _We_ passed."

From her emphasis I know that by we she means her and I, but I want her to say it aloud. I want to hear her actually confirm that we shared the same dream, that this whole thing between us isn't solely down to an overactive imagination and wishful thinking on my part.

"You and the pirate?" I ask, giving her the perfect opportunity to dodge the truth if that's what she wants. At least then I'll know where I stand.

"Me and y…" She stops herself before she can finish the sentence, her eyes widening in fear. "Of course Killian," She snaps somewhat aggressively, "who else would I do the test with?"

I purse my lips, trying my hardest to disguise the deep disappointment that courses through me. I'm not stupid, I know full well that she doesn't return my feelings, but it would have been nice to know that she at least welcomes the strong connection we apparently share.

Tired of dancing around the truth, something I'm certain will only make our relationship more complicated in the future, I make the quick decision to be open and honest.

"Let me guess," I state calmly, leaning back against the wall to study her body language, "When you put your heart on the scales it caused Hook great pain so he ripped out his own heart and placed it next to yours. Then you were both engulfed in a blinding white and purple light, and the door to the temple opened."

Though her back is to me I can see her entire body tense. It's clear that Henry's newly written pages have caused her to suspect a connection between our dreams but the question is, what will she do now that those suspicions have been confirmed?

"H-how do you know that?" She asks, her voice small as she refuses to turn and look at me. Even now, she's still unwilling to accept the truth, choosing to remain ignorant to whatever this is between us.

I take a deep breath, "Because we both know that Hook wasn't your partner in that dream!"

I watch as her shoulders slump and her head drops, fully aware that she can't escape reality any longer. She shrugs, turning her head in my general direction but still unable to make eye contact with me.

"I…I just thought it was a dream!" She replies, her voice so quiet that I have to strain to hear it. Slowly, she turns to face me, "Are we sharing dreams now?"

I want to be angry with her, so much so that I can hear the Evil Queen cursing my response. Emma has gone out of her way to ignore what's between us and though I know that for her it isn't love, it hurts that she won't even acknowledge the possibility that we're soul mates.

Does she even know that soul mates don't have to be lovers? That they can be mother and daughter, sisters…best friends? Of course she doesn't, and she wouldn't want to know because she'd never want to admit that I was hers.

My instincts are begging me to retaliate, to make her feel bad for rejecting me so easily, but I can't. As much I'd like to, I now know that I could never do anything to intentionally hurt the woman I love.

"I believe so," I reply after a moment of absolute silence. "I also had a similar dream to the one you first described, and I know that the text you sent me was the same thing you said to me in that dream."

She shakes her head in disbelief, laughing in spite of herself, "This is crazy!" She snorts, "I can't believe that we can share dreams. I mean, what kind of fucked up situation is this?" A stray thought causes her expression to darken as she finally looks at me through narrowed eyes, "Is this something you're controlling?"

Deep inside I can hear the Evil Queen screaming at me. She's ordering me to take offense, to be angry that once again the blame has been laid squarely at my feet, but try as I might, I can't do it.

"It's more complicated than that," I explain, my voice soft. "I believe we're sharing them because of the connection we share with Henry but the content…" I hang my head in embarrassment, too afraid to maintain eye contact in case hatred is all I see staring back, "I believe I'm responsible for the content."

But she isn't angry, and when silence falls between us I dare to glance back to her. She's frowning, that adorable confused expression contorting her face.

Green eyes flick to mine, "I don't understand?"

I briefly consider telling her to forget it, to go home to her pirate and ignore the dreams completely. But something inside pleads with me not to let go so easily, to give her a chance, to give _us_ a chance…

"Do you remember when this all first started and you had a dream that we were making love?" I ask, seeing no reason to keep anything from her now.

She nods, "Yeah, I accused you of trying to manipulate me."

"I wasn't," I swallow, reiterating the truth despite being uncertain of how she'll react. "I had no control over that dream…"

She instantly detects my hesitancy, "But?" She prompts.

I close my eyes, silently praying that I'm not about to ruin a friendship that took far too long to build, "But I had it too!"

"And you didn't tell me?"

The question is more of an accusation though I don't blame her for her anger. I should have told her at the time but I was scared, I didn't understand any more then than she does now.

I shrug, "Would you have believed that I wasn't trying to manipulate you if I had?"

"Yes…no…" She shakes her head, uncertain what to say, "I don't know!" She shouts, frustrated. Her voice softens when I wince, "What do the dreams mean?"

I knew the question was coming but it isn't any easier to hear. How do I tell her that we're soul mates and that because I'm also in love with her my subconscious is trying to tell her through our dreams? I can't!

I nod to the notes gripped tight in her hand.

"I think you should go home and read my mother's thoughts on the subject," I reply.

At least if she figures it out on her own and away from my presence, I might just survive the experience.

"Regina…"

I know that voice, it's her soft, pleading voice. The one that convinces lost boys to go home and ogres to set her free, but it won't work on me, I refuse to let it. If she's ever going to know how I feel about her then she has to work it out for herself. I don't have the strength to say it aloud and I'm not stable enough to stand the humiliation.

"Please Miss Swan," I beg, "don't make this any harder than it already is."

She nods once and smiles softly, walking past me towards the stairs, but before she can place a foot on the first step she stops dead, her gaze fixated on the notes in her hand…

 ** _Chapter 6: The Consequences of Unexpressed and Unrequited True Love_**

And suddenly I know that gets it. That she's put all the pieces together and has figured it out.

"It's me, isn't it?" She whispers, spinning to face me with shocked, wide eyes. "You're in love with me?"

I fight the tears that instantly threaten, my hand reaching up to rub at my aching heart. "I'm sorry," I reply, an apology the only thing I can think to offer.

Her lips pull into a thin line and I'm certain that my eyes aren't the only ones wet with tears. "How long?"

I think back to my earlier thoughts and if I were to be brutally honest, with myself as well as her, I'd have to say since the moment we met. But that's a confession that neither of us are ready to hear.

I feign ignorance, instead, "I honestly don't know," I lie, "but I fear far longer than I ever could have imagined."

A long silence passes between us, a moment that is as painful as it is final. I know exactly what's coming, and I know what it will do to my heart, but as much as I want this to be over, I'm terrified of hearing the words.

"Regina I…I love Killian."

A single tear rolls down my cheek, pain erupting from my chest, but unlike the searing pain from all the times before this time its duller, permanent.

"I know," I reply, struggling to hold my composure, "and I would never do anything to come between you and him. Please understand that this is a new and shocking discovery for me. I will deal with it. I just need time."

She nods, and I swear I see her swipe at a tear of her own, "You can have all the time you need," She promises, "I won't tell anyone."

With no words left to say she turns to leave. But as her foot hits the bottom step she pauses to glance back over her shoulder, "Regina, I just want you to know that in a different realm, a different time…"

Her words trail off but I know what she's trying to say. She _does_ feel something for me, and without Hook, without our past or the history between our families, then things could have been so different between us.

I stop her before she can say as much, certain that my heart wouldn't survive the fall.

"But we live in this one, Miss Swan," I reply heartbroken, "And in this one, you chose him."

I hear her deep, almost sad, exhalation and know that on this we're in agreement.

Without another word, she's gone.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Two chapters in two days, don't say I don't do anything for you wonderful people :-) There's a scene in here for our competition winner laurathechef – hope you like it – and for the rest of you, I know the last chapter was sad but sometimes you've to go backwards before you can go forwards. Hope this one makes up for it. Thanks for your reviews and continued support, you all rock, and please forgive any minor mistakes. Hope you enjoy, and let me know what you think.

Downing my large glass of apple cider in one mouthful, I lay down on the plush, soft bed in my makeshift bedroom and stare emptily at the ceiling above me.

Today has been surreal, a twisted, nightmarish, spectacle that simply won't end. It started with the realisation that I'm in love with the one person I simply cannot be with, and it's ended with too much alcohol, too many exposed truths, and the confirmation that I will never have what I truly want.

My chest aches, a pain that hasn't stopped since Emma declared her love for her pirate so brazenly. In truth, I never expected the situation would end any differently, but today has been a rollercoaster of emotion for me, and there's no real way to describe the crushing finality that comes with learning your affections are not returned and never will be.

Don't misunderstand me, the pain I feel is far less severe than anything I've felt previously, but now it's constant, deep, and something that I know will never fade.

Immediately after Emma left I took out my heart to examine it. The tear is no worse, but my heart has dulled somewhat, draining in colour and life, shrivelling up like a rotting apple. I have no idea what this change means, for me or the town, but I do know that Emma can never learn of it.

Isn't it strange that even with our hearts ripped out and our emotions rejected, we still fight to protect the feelings of those we love. This isn't Emma's fault. She's never so much as hinted that her affections lie anywhere else but with Killian. I can't blame her for what's happened.

No, this is the consequence of my years in the Enchanted Forest. The pain I caused, the deaths I ordered, the many happy endings that I tried to destroy. I don't deserve to be happy, so there's a strange poetic justice in the knowledge that my happy ending has already found hers with someone else.

Music plays softly in the background, a local radio station halfway through its late night love show. Maybe I'm a sadist for listening to such songs, the Evil Queen would certainly despise the side of me that's choosing to wallow in self-pity and defeat, but the truth is that I honestly don't know what else to do.

Yes, I could scream and shout, get angry in the way that everyone expects me too and threaten to wreak havoc on the citizens of Storybrooke. I could reign down vengeance on Emma and Hook, rip the pirates heart out and crush it before her very eyes like the old me would have done. But what good would it do? It wouldn't make her love me, quite the opposite in fact, and I am tired of raging war against the world.

I roll onto my side, my gaze drifting to the beautifully carved bow that I brought with me from the mansion. Did I ever really love Robin? I cared for him deeply, of that I have no doubt, but was he ever my true love? The more I think of Emma the more the idea plays on my mind. Hook has been a constant in our lives since Neverland, and he's always been ruthless in his pursuit of the Saviour's heart. If I'm honest, I saw their relationship coming the first time I saw them kiss. I told myself Emma did it out of gratitude, because Hook had just saved the life of her father, but maybe even that was just wishful thinking.

Was that the moment I gave up? Without even being aware of my love for her, was that the point at which my heart slowly started to break? Was Robin just a band aid? An overcompensation for the love I could never have?

Has my every thought and action since the day she entered my life, been centred around Emma Swan?

The cider begins to take effect, numbing the ache in my chest and quietening the doubts in my head. My eyes drift closed, the world around me fading to black, and that's when I recognise the now familiar song playing on the radio. I fall asleep with a smile on my face, thinking of my son.

 _'_ _Looking from a window above_

 _It's like a story of love_

 _Can you hear me?_

 _Came back only yesterday_

 _I'm moving farther away_

 _Want you near me'_

 _I open my eyes to the dulcet tones of Alison Moyet, surprised to find myself sat at Henry's favourite spot, the playground castle that I jealously destroyed years ago. I have no idea what I'm doing here, this place was always a safe haven for Emma and my son, the only spot in Storybrooke where I wouldn't find them. It makes no sense for me to be here, to dream of those challenging, less certain times._

 _From nowhere the music continues to play, it seems to carry across the water on a continuous loop, a soundtrack playing from an invisible source. I glance around my strange surroundings but see no reason for my presence here. It's funny what too much alcohol and a broken heart will do to your dreams._

 _"_ _Hey!"_

 _I glance over my shoulder, surprised to see Emma approaching me from me behind._

 _"_ _Emma? what are you doing here?" I ask, watching as she sits down next to me, her legs hanging of the edge of the castles wooden frame. A sense of dread overtakes me, "Did I call you here?" Suddenly fearful that I pulled her unwillingly into my dream, I offer a hasty apology "If I did I'm sorry, it was never my intention…"_

 _"_ _I think I did it," She admits, her face scrunching up adorably._

 _"_ _You!?"_

 _She nods sheepishly, "Yeah, I don't know how but I was thinking about you and…" She offers a small shrug, "I guess I fell asleep."_

 _I raise my eyebrows at the realisation of what she's saying, "You know you're dreaming?" I ask, failing to hide my shock._

 _She smiles timidly and runs a hand across the back of her neck, "Well, either that or I fell through another time portal that transported me back in time about five years. But if that's the case I'm pretty certain you wouldn't be talking to me right now."_

 _I can't dispute her logic, if I was the same Regina that used to prowl Storybrooke when this playground was still standing then I probably would have threatened her by now, or worse. But irrespective of that, I can't ignore the magnitude of what her underlying admission really means._

 _"_ _You read my mother's notes?" I ask, though it's more a statement then a question. "You understand what it means to lucid dream?"_

 _She turns to look at me, mildly insulted by my surprise that she even understands them, "I'm not a complete moron!" She protests, making an effort to defend herself despite the humour dancing in her eyes._

 _I smile lightly in return, grateful for the ease with which we've resumed our friendship. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't a little worried about this morning's revelations. It's not every day that the once enemy, often friend, other mother of your son learns that you're in love her with. I'm impressed to discover that Emma is handling it so well._

 _The song ends, only to start again immediately after, and the blonde shakes her head regrettably and gestures towards the night sky, "Sorry about the song," she grimaces, "it was on the radio when I fell asleep. It must have made me think of Henry."_

 _My breath catches at discovering yet another similarity between us, and my thoughts drift back to my mother's written words about connections and unspoken communication, "I was listening to it too!" I blurt out, uncertain whether or not I even wanted to confess to such a thing._

 _"_ _Really?" She exclaims, her eyes widening in surprise, "That's weird."_

 _The conversation quickly falls away and I'm disappointed to learn that our relationship has slipped back into uncomfortable silences and awkward shuffling. I'm not entirely convinced that we'll ever get past the one step forward, two steps back phase of our friendship._

 _"_ _So we really can share dreams huh?" Emma finally asks, and I find myself grateful that she found the courage to break this awful tension that has formed between us. "Your mother's notes implied that only unexpressed True Love's shared dreams…"_

 _She leaves the sentence hanging and I instantly know why. She fears that the both of us being here means that we're each other's true loves. I thought I may have shared if I didn't already know better._

 _Though the darker side of me would love nothing more than to make her believe it for a while – if only to make her pay for the almost pained look on her face – I no longer possess the bitterness to do so._

 _"_ _Yes well," I blithely reply, quick to put her put if her misery, "As advanced as some of her thinking was I doubt she was always right," I offer her a sideways glance, "and I have a theory of my own."_

 _"_ _You do?"_

 _She seems genuinely interested, but I can't help but wonder if she'd truly thank me for expressing my opinion. I shake my head, brushing the idea aside, "It's not one I think you'd welcome hearing, Miss Swan,"_

 _"_ _Try me," she challenges._

 _I sigh heavily and stare out into the horizon. The sky is filled with a thousand stars, the dark, almost black colouring of the ocean visible in the distance. It's one of those settings that all fairy-tales have. That perfect moment when the mood is just right, and hearts are bared. But that moment will never happen for Emma and I, and so maybe my theory is the best I can hope for._

 _I take a deep breath, uncertain how best to begin. "My unrequited feelings aside," I carefully explain, "I think the connection that allows us to share dreams, to communicate in the way we're doing now, is because we're soulmates."_

 _"_ _Soulmates?" She states, repeating the word as if it's foreign to her. "But don't soulmates have to be lovers?"_

 _Ideally yes, but I wouldn't dream of telling her that._

 _"_ _No," I reply with a confident shake of my head. "The dwarfs are soulmates, as are Geppetto and Pinocchio. The term simply pertains to two souls that are joined together…"_

 _Her brow creases to consider my point, "And you think we are?" she asks._

 _I shrug, reluctant to say anything that could be construed as manipulative, "It would explain why we're always saving each other's lives!" I suggest._

 _She ducks her head, conceding to the possibility of my point but doesn't verbally cast her thoughts on the subject. Silence falls between us once more, and I'm content simply to remain in her presence._

 _For several long minutes I watch the sky, noticing how more and more stars slowly flicker out of sight. It's a sure sign that a new day is on the horizon and I'm content to greet it in silence. Emma on the other hand, has other ideas._

 _"_ _So, why now?" She asks, a question that while out of the blue, needs no explanation. "We've known each other for years, why now start sharing dreams?"_

 _I offer her a timid half-smile, aware that it's the same thing I've asked myself a hundred times already._

 _"_ _That could be my fault," I shamefully admit, "I've only just realised that I'm…" I can't bring myself to say those five words out loud so quickly change my sentence, "…how I feel about you…and maybe I've been subconsciously reaching out for you in some way." My eyes flick to hers, bridging the small distance between us, "But who's to say we haven't always shared dreams, we may have just been oblivious to it until now."_

 _She raises an eyebrow, "You think so?" She asks doubtfully, "Go on then, tell me about one of your dreams, let's see if I remember it."_

 _The idea of baring my soul to someone who may yet decide to mock me, is not one that sits comfortably at all._

 _"_ _I'm not sure it works like that," I reply thoughtfully, "I don't think we share all dreams. For instance, you didn't share the dream in which I killed Hook…"_

 _Her face drains of colour at that particular unpleasant reminder, "At least I understand your reasoning behand that a little more now!"_

 _"_ _Quite!" I agree, having drawn the same conclusion myself earlier in the day. "But my point is that I think we only share dreams when we need each other, when we're feeling lost, or alone, or vulnerable."_

 _"_ _Like…?" She prompts, expressing her need for an example._

 _I sigh, wracking my memory for any hint of a long forgotten dream. Suddenly the answer comes to me, "Just before the dark curse broke I had a dream - a nightmare really - that the entire town, led by you, turned up at my door seeking revenge for the curse." I shiver at the reminder of that particular night, "You tied me…"_

 _"…_ _to your apple tree." Emma cuts in, aghast. "And I crushed one of the apples in my hand, it was rotten. And then I picked up my sword and I killed you."_

 _My mouth drops open in silent horror, "We shared that dream!?"_

 _She nods rapidly, as stunned by the news as I am, "Apparently so. That dream was the reason I protected you in the aftermath. It was the only thing that saved you." She turns slightly to face me full on, "Do you really think that we've been…unknowingly communicating with each other for that long?" She asks._

 _"_ _What I think is irrelevant," I honestly reply, "The evidence appears to speak for itself."_

 _We turn from each other to look back out at the horizon, the connection between us growing faster and stronger than either of us are comfortable dealing with._

 _"_ _Have you ever…" Emma begins to say something but the words catch nervously in the throat, "Have you ever come across anything like this before?"_

 _I swallow sharply, "No. I wasn't even aware it could happen."_

 _From the corner of my eye I watch her pull her leather jacket tighter around her torso. There's no breeze so it's a completely defensive gesture. She erecting her armour against these sudden, unexpected emotions rushing between us, and I can't say that I blame her for it._

 _"_ _So what do we do?" She eventually asks, her voice quiet._

 _I shake my head, as lost in all this as she is, "I don't think we need to do anything," I reply, hoping to play down the power of our connection, "They're just dreams, Miss Swan."_

 _"_ _Yeah," She eagerly agrees, as happy to ignore the truth as I am, "Besides I could think of far worse people to spend my nights with."_

 _That simple statement carries so much weight, a subtle suggestion of exactly what could be if we'd only just let it. Our eyes meet in the dark, twin gazes locking in equal amounts fear and longing. The silence stretches between us, and the world around us seems to fade away. Her eyes flick down to my mouth and she licks her lips, but just as I begin to believe that she's going to kiss me, the moment passes._

 _"_ _Do you think they mean anything?" She asks, shaking her head as if clearing it of unwanted thoughts._

 _"_ _Only in the same way that all our dreams mean something," I reply, offering the explanation that I need to believe, and the only one she wants to hear. "The settings appear to be chosen by one of us subconsciously so I'd recommend trying not to read too much into that," I tilt my head, deep in thought, "As for the dialogue, now we're both aware that we're asleep I doubt it will differ too greatly from the conversations we share while awake."_

 _"_ _Kinda hard not to read too much into it when we're naked and in bed together..."_

 _The comment is muttered under her breath, but in the silence of the night it's as loud a gunshot. My cheeks instantly flush at the memory of such an intimate dream._

 _"_ _That dream was completely subconscious for both of us," I quickly explain. "I believe it likely had more to do with the strain our relationship suffered following Robin's death and Hook's return…"_

 _Despite the unlikely nature of my response, it is the only explanation I'm willing to aspire too. Neither of us were aware of our connection at that time and I certainly didn't know of my feelings, therefore assuming the dream meant anything other than troubled friendship is absolutely ridiculous._

 _"_ _Then why do I still remember what it felt like to be inside you!"_

 _Emma's words come from nowhere, and they instantly shoot a hot fire of arousal through me. Does she really remember it that vividly? I mean I remember every last detail but I'm in love with her. The thought alone is a reminder that my feelings are destined to fail and unaware of her intentions, I quickly halt her train her thought._

 _"_ _Miss Swan…"_

 _"_ _I know," She interrupts, raising a hand in apology. "I'm sorry, but they all just seem so real you know?"_

 _I feel the ghost touch of her kiss, the heat of her caress, and nod my agreement, "Indeed."_

 _"_ _Was this ever about Robin's death?" She asks curiously, pointing to my heart, "Or was it always about how you feel about me?"_

 _I want to scoff, to mock her for being so vain, but I find that I can't. Not when the truth is hanging so temptingly between us._

 _"_ _I honestly don't know," I finally reply. "I think the initial damage was caused by the loss of Robin, but it's hard to ignore the fact that the destruction only began in the town once Hook returned."_

 _She nods, having already suspected as much from her own observations, and fixes me with sad smile, "I'm sorry for doing this to you."_

 _"_ _It's hardly your fault," I scoff in spite of myself. "You didn't make me…feel the way I do."_

 _She reaches out to rest her hand on top of mine, our fingers entwining in the space between us. "You will get past this you know," She promises earnestly, "Gold and the book both said that your true love was still out there."_

 _I know that she means well but selfish pride refuses to hear her "This really isn't something I want to talk about, Miss Swan, and certainly not with you."_

 _I didn't mean to sound quite so curt but what she's trying to do isn't so dissimilar to young Snow offering me her condolences for Daniel. A hope speech always loses its power when the person giving you it is the reason you need it._

 _"_ _Okay, I get that," She says softly, quickly grasping my point. "So what do you want to talk about?"_

 _I roll my eyes at her exuberant insistence for conversation, almost wishing for the days that everyone avoided talking to me. "Do we really have to talk about something?" I ask, sighing heavily when she nods enthusiastically in reply. "You're such a child! Why can't we just sit side by side and silently watch the sunrise?"_

 _She turns her attention to the sky, a gentle smile forming at the sight of the dark orange hue just breaking the horizon._

 _"_ _Do you think that means it's dawn in the real world?" She asks after barely a moments peace. I roll my eyes again._

 _"_ _I have no idea. I suppose our body clocks are attuned to such things so, possibly." I watch as her smile crumples into a cute little pout. "Somehow I always knew that you wouldn't be a morning person."_

 _"_ _It's not that it's…" Her voice trails off bashfully and she breaks eye contact, "I like being here with you!"_

 _"_ _Excuse me?"_

 _She shrugs, "I like your company. We're soulmates, is that really so hard to believe?"_

 _Though it doesn't seem like much, hearing her say those words breathes life into my heart, "So you agree with my theory?" I ask hopefully._

 _"_ _I agree that it's the only one that makes sense," She affirms. Huffing petulantly as the song permeating the air begins once more. "Geez how many times do we have to listen to this song? It's Henry and Violet's thing not ours!"_

 _Her irritation is endearing and unable to resist a jibe, I smirk, "And what, pray tell, do you consider our thing, Miss Swan?"_

 _She sucks in a breath, taking the time to seriously consider the question. "Arguing, fighting, hurling insults back and forth," She flashes me a wide grin, "We're like Cinderella's ugly sisters!"_

 _I scoff at the comparison, insulted that anyone would dare think of me in such a way, "Speak for yourself!" I tease lightly, "I'd prefer to think of us as Lady and the Tramp…"_

 _She likes that suggestion, nodding happily in agreement until a confused frown creeps in, "Wait, am I the Tramp?" She gasps, shocked._

 _"_ _Of course, dear," I confirm, laughing loudly, "I'm a queen, a mayor and a powerful sorceress while you're…" I look her up and down, pulling my most regal expression, "…you!"_

 _Her grin widens, "You haven't quite grasped this love thing yet huh?" She jokes, feigning hurt, "You could have at least said Jasmine and Aladdin!"_

 _I don't consider myself a particularly cruel person, not anymore anyway, but there's something about Emma Swan that just invites me to tease. It's almost as if the point of the woman's very existence is to provide a constant source of amusement for me._

 _"_ _I've met Aladdin actually," I reply with a dismissive wave of my hand, "and he's far more charming than you could ever be!"_

 _"_ _Oh really, Regina?" The blonde goads, challenging me with laughter filled eyes. "What are you going to do next, pull my hair? Put worms in my bag? I maybe the so called childish one but at least I'm not acting like a school kid with a crush!"_

 _I know that the words are meant in jest but something about them plunges deep into my broken heart. An untimely reminder that regardless of the apparent ease between us there is an inescapable imbalance in our relationship. My smile instantly fades._

 _"_ _A crush?" I shout, the humour from before quickly forgotten. "Is that what you think this is Miss Swan? Do you think that I am so desperate for someone to care about me that I'd destroy my own heart for a crush?"_

 _Shocked by my sudden change, her mouth moves wordlessly. It's then that I realise that this is how things will always be between us. We can try to be friends but ultimately, our conversation will always circle back to my feelings._

 _Desperate to get away, I stand on suddenly shaky legs, "I think it's high time I woke up."_

 _It takes her a split second to figure out that I intend to leave her and before I can, I feel her hand grasp tightly onto mine. She looks up at me with large, pleading eyes._

 _"_ _Wait, Regina, I'm sorry," She begs, pulling me back when I try to move away. "It was a joke, an insensitive one I know, but still just a joke. Please don't go."_

 _I take a deep breath, knowing in an instant that I could never refuse her anything. Aware that I'm doing something I'll likely, later regret. I hesitantly sit back down._

 _The sun has broken the horizon now, it's bright glow reflecting of the ocean and bathing the world in warm glow. I turn to Emma, watching her as she watches the dawn. The sun dances gloriously in her green eyes, it highlights her hair in golden streaks, and I'm transfixed. No one has ever looked as beautiful to me as she does right now._

 _As if sensing my gaze, she slowly turns her head to look at me. "You know," She begins, her voice dropping to a low raspy whisper that I've never heard before, "If we really were the Lady and the Tramp, this is the part where I'd kiss you…"_

 _I swallow sharply, unable to tame the wild beating of my heart as my eyes drift down to her so close and so tempting lips._

 _"_ _Emma…"_

 _My protest is lost on a breath as her lips press against mine. It's chaste, and soft and so completely perfect that for a moment I actually forget to breathe. When we open our eyes it's to stare deep into the others soul._

 _"_ _Emma!" I repeat, her name whispered reverently against her lips. And then I press forward and capture them with my own._

 _The second kiss is harder and filled with desperate passion. I grip at her jacket and pull her closer to me, relishing the feeling of her fingers sliding into my hair to hold me against her. Feeling brave, I snake my tongue out, tracing it across her top lip. With a moan she opens her mouth to me, and I can't prevent a moan of my own as our tongues meet for the first time._

 _But just as soon as the kiss begins, it ends, and scared green eyes pull back in fear._

 _"_ _God I'm sorry," Emma stammers, pushing me away and darting to her feet. "I have no idea why I just did that."_

 _I feel my heart break anew._

 _She glances down to me, must notice the disappointment and hurt in my expression, and her face crumples before my very eyes. "I'm sorry," She apologises, unable to fight the tears that threaten. "Regina, I'm sorry…"_

 _And before she can even finish what she's saying she's gone. Doing what Emma Swan does best by waking up and running away._

 _A part of me knows that I should probably feel angry. She's hurt me in a way that she hadn't managed before and for what? She's just going to run straight to her pirate._

 _But for the first time since this all began I feel something new stirring within, something I don't think I've ever felt before. Hope. Emma kissed me, not the other way around. She kissed me and that can only mean one thing. She wanted too._

 _Content to let the moment rest there for now, I turn to face the new day. The sun is high, the sky is clear and blue, and the air is filled with the words of a song that suddenly seem far less about Henry, and far more about a Queen and her Saviour._

 _'_ _Sometimes when I think of her name_

 _When it's only a game_

 _And I need you_

 _Listen to the words that you say_

 _It's getting harder to stay_

 _When I see you_

 _All I needed was the love you gave_

 _All I needed for another day_

 _And all I ever knew_

 _Only you'_


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Wow guys, 100 reviews and nearly 200 follows! I cannot thank you all enough! Chapter 11 is dedicated to each and every one of you, and it's one that I'm immensely proud of so I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Sorry for any tiny mistakes, and love it or hate it, let me know what you think ;-)

The world feels a little less dark today. The streets of Storybrooke, a little less lonely. After our _dream date_ last night – a term I'm certain Emma wouldn't appreciate but I find somewhat endearing – I woke feeling strong enough to venture from my vault. It's the first time I've been outside in nearly ten days and amazingly, everything seems so different now.

Isn't it funny how one special person can make the whole world vibrant? I've never noticed how truly picturesque my town really is. It was built on a bed of hatred as a prison for revenge, but when I look at it now, all I see is love.

I carved the streets and painted the buildings from the memory of a dream. An ideal life created without my knowledge, a friendly community where everyone cared and people welcomed the fact that I was the one in power. Though it was done subconsciously at the time, for I was far more concerned with plotting my victory, Storybrooke is everything I ever wanted growing up. A safe haven, a place to call home, a town bursting with family, friends and warmth.

It may have taken me a long time to see it – the best part of thirty-three years to be exact – but Storybrooke _is_ my happy ending. Now all I need to do is convince a certain blonde sheriff that her happily ever after is standing right by my side.

I've thought long and hard about our dream. Why Emma called me there in the first place, what it was that she truly wanted to say. Whether or not she ever intended to kiss me. And the only conclusion that could possibly make sense, is that she's scared.

Emma is a runner; she always has been. When her life gets too tough, when someone threatens to get too close, she pulls away. Though I'm certain that she'd tell me she's no longer like that, that Hook was the one who broke down her walls, I beg to differ. While Hook has undoubtedly been good for her, she still hasn't truly let him in. They've never shared True Love's kiss, and despite whatever tale they spin they didn't pass the test of True Love either. I split her heart in two with my own hands so that she could share it with him for eternity, yet her magic physically rejected the move. And yes, I am more than aware of the irony that I was the one left holding the other half!

No matter how I view this, whatever angle I come at it from, I can't help but feel that Hook was simply meant to clear a path, to open Emma's heart to the possibility of love. And I'm now more certain than ever that I'm the one meant to swoop in and sweep her off her feet.

I have spent a lifetime living in fear of love. I was so scared of getting hurt that I chose hatred instead. Emma wasn't born when I spent every single night alone in my cold castle, creating Storybrooke and planning the dark curse, but I do believe that even then her name was written on my heart. I unknowingly froze myself in time, I stopped myself from aging until the blonde had the chance to catch up with me. We were two souls lost and alone in the world, two women with so much to give but no one to share it with, until the night a nervous bounty hunter knocked on my door.

I have waited a lifetime for Emma Swan, and I know in my heart that she has waited just as long for me. We _are_ true love's, of that I'm now certain, and I will not stop until the day I can finally call her mine.

From across the street I hear the sound of raucous laughter and look up, half expecting to find Dopey doing something completely uncouth and ridiculous as usual. Instead, I'm surprised to find the street empty.

The noise has clearly come from inside Granny's because the place is packed full, a strange and unfamiliar sight for a Thursday afternoon. Curious, I decide to take a detour from my path to Emma's house, and quickly cross the road.

I push the door open to find the diner bursting with more fairy-tale characters than Disneyland, but it isn't the impromptu party that makes me see red. It isn't even the hand painted banner that reads **_welcome home, Killian_**. No, the thing that makes my blood boil and my heart painfully constrict, is the sight of Emma sat cosily in a booth with her head resting affectionately on the pirate's shoulder as she laughs at something her parents have said.

The vibrations start small, nothing more than a slight rattling of the bell above the door. But when the floor begins to shake beneath our feet and the crockery begins to dance across the shelves behind the serving counter, everything stops. The laughter dies, the smiles fade, and every eye in Storybrooke turns to me.

Unexpectedly finding myself the centre of unwanted attention, I defensively fall back on old habits, "Well, isn't this just adorable!"

My voice is dripping with venom, the acidic tone of the Evil Queen, and though I couldn't stop it if I tried, I take comfort in the protection that she never fails to offer.

Grumpy is the first to find his voice, bravely stepping forward as if he somehow has the power to stand against me.

"Back off sister," He instructs, his tone that aggressive growl that has always been all bark and no bite. "This town didn't survive the Underworld just to get ripped apart by you."

I feel my trademark sneer slip into place, instantly reminded of his recent threat against me, and take a menacing step towards him. "Oh you were there where you?" I ask sarcastically, "That's funny because I don't recall seeing you, Dwarf!"

He squares up to me, straightening his shoulders and puffing out his chest in way that is more laughable than intimidating, "Well I'd have been a damned sight more helpful then you, Witch!"

I resist the urge to laugh out loud at his petty insult, though it's amusing to think that after all these years he still believes that his words can unhinge me. I raise my arm to silence him with a wave of my hand, but before I can unleash my magic, Snow jumps in to intervene.

"Grumpy!" She chastises, playing up to her role as mother of this town. When she turns to me her gaze softens, "Regina, I know how this looks but we weren't hiding anything from you…"

"No of course not," I gripe, irritated by her show of sympathetic pity, "My invitation just got lost in the post!"

"Mom, please don't be angry," Henry pleads, standing from his position sat opposite Emma to stand by his Grandmother's side, "We just wanted to do something nice for Hook…"

The sound of the pirate's name causes the pain in my chest to increase exponentially. I raise an authoritative hand to silence him, scared that if my anger continues to grow I'll lash out at my defenceless son.

"Henry!" I warn, the motherly scold enough to stop him in his tracks.

"Well I'm with you, sis," Zelena interjects, gently rocking my sleeping niece as she punctuates the air with her biting sass. "I said this was a bad idea from the start. I mean, if the lovebirds hadn't created this entire mess in the first place then Hook never would have gone anywhere that we'd have had to welcome him back from."

"Regina…"

The overlapping voice stands out from the crowd, and when my eyes follow the sound I'm not surprised to find myself looking straight at Emma. For a split second a serene calm washes over me, she's left her boyfriend's side, has stood up from the table to focus solely on me. She sees me, she notices me, I matter. But then her pirate stands up next to her and wraps his arm around her waist, claiming her, dividing her attention, and the pain returns sharper than ever.

"Don't Regina me, Miss Swan," I snarl, gritting my teeth as the shaking turns into a violent rumble. "Not now, not after this."

Either brave or stupid - and considering her ancestry I'm inclined to go with the latter - she ignores the warning sign of a town shaking on it's very foundations and continues regardless.

"You don't understand," She fruitlessly tries to explain. "This wasn't my idea. You know what this town is like for throwing unnecessary party's…"

"Yes," I bite back, tiring of her endless excuses and blatant denial, "and if I recall I wasn't welcome at any of them either." I narrow my eyes and dangerously scan every person in the room, "Did it not occur to any of you idiots that as a member of the rescue team I might have earned my invite? Or was the thought of my grief too much for such a happy soiree?"

"Calm down, love," Hook intercedes, raising his hands as if his influence would ever have a bearing on my state of mind. "We wouldn't want to destroy the town now would we?"

My glare shoots to him and I can almost feel the tempting fireball forming in the palm of my hand. "Calm down?" I shout, glorifying in the way that half the room flinches and takes a cautious step back from me. "My lover sacrifices himself in the quest to bring you back alive and all you can say to me is calm down? Try sorry, Pirate. Or thank you…"

"Regina, we didn't do this to upset you," It's Snow again as the Charming clan take it in turns to valiantly try and tame the Queen, "But we are all relieved that Hook came home, and Robin's been gone nearly two weeks now. We have to start living our lives again someday."

"Oh really?" I reply through gritted teeth, the shaking now so violent that plates are tumbling from the shelves in the kitchen. "Well let's see how well you can live your lives with a tear down the centre of the town…"

"Regina, stop!" The Saviour commands, heroically stepping forward to challenge the out of control villain that everyone is poised to label me. "I can clearly see that you're hurting, but we both know that Robin's death or a lack of invite isn't why you're doing this."

In an ideal world Emma would have been referring to our kiss, but the knowing raise of a single, blonde eyebrow indicates that she's vetoed that little occurrence and has chosen to blame it all on my _unrequited feelings_ instead.

Defeated, I come to realise that Emma will not be lured out of the closet today. My eyes lock onto hers, conveying the disappointment I feel at her cowardly rejection.

"I should never have left my vault," I state, but the admonishing words are aimed more at myself than the blonde I'm speaking to.

Desperate to retreat, I concede round one to the pirate that she so desperately clings to and turn on my heel, swiftly exiting the busy diner.

I'm barely half way up the path before I hear the door open behind me.

"Gina wait!" Emma calls out, bounding down the steps to chase after me.

"What now, Miss Swan?" I sigh, stopping in the middle of the road to confront her.

She almost walks straight into me, only stopping the collision at the last second, and when our eyes meet once more whatever she was about to say is quickly lost. She stares at me blankly, green eyes studying every inch of my impatient expression. Finally, she finds her voice once more.

"What the hell was that about?" She demands, looking every inch the hero this town expects her to be.

I scoff at the audacity of her selective ignorance and fold my arms across my chest, "I know you're not the brightest heart in the box but I'm pretty certain that even you can figure that out!" I reply brusquely.

She immediately tenses, "I-I would have invited you I just didn't think you'd come…"

"I came last night didn't I?" I snap, tiring of her refusal to address the proverbial elephant in the room. "When you called me to your dream."

Her chin tilts up defiantly, "You were there first. How do we know that you didn't call me?"

"Because I never spent any time at that playground when it was real!"

My words are blunt but I'm growing weary of this game, and I'm far too refined to be caught up in such a petty, immature, squabble. If Emma wants to ignore what happened between us then that's her choice, but I won't be pulled along for the ride.

She frowns in confusion, determined to maintain her ignorance on the subject, "What has that got to do with anything, anyway?"

"You kissed me, Miss Swan!" I reply firmly, unsure whether or not she intended to force my hand. "You _kissed_ me, and that gave me something…" I want to say hope but the word sticks on my tongue, "…it made me dare to step out of my self-made prison for the first time in over a week." I lean in so that we're face to face, contempt lacing my every word, "And what do you think was the first thing I saw?"

Her eyes widen almost comically, "Gravestones?"

"You and Hook," I inform, unamused by her ill-timed humour, "all over each other, playing happy families and acting as though nothing at all has changed."

She's taken aback by that, "We weren't all over each other," She corrects, huffing in offence. At my disbelieving look she takes a deep breath, "Regina I know that things have changed, especially for you, but what do you want us do? Stop living until you're feeling better again?"

"I want you to acknowledge what happened between us!"

There's a second of absolute silence, that moment when you both realise that the truth has been set free and you can't escape it no matter how hard you try. I said I wouldn't stop until she was mine, but I hadn't intended to declare myself quite so brazenly.

Emma quickly breaks eye contact to stare at the still shaking ground, her face flushing in embarrassment. "Nothing happened between us," She denies, though her argument lacks strength.

"Then why wasn't I invited?" I challenge, accepting that there's no reason to protect her any longer. "You can deny the truth all you want but we both know you were scared that if I came, Hook would see what's really going on."

"And what's that?" She replies, her voice rising to an angered shout. "That I'm suddenly being stalked by a crazed Evil Queen?"

My hand strikes her cheek before I even realise what's happening and though the assault is uncharacteristic of the new me, I don't regret it for a single second. Shocked, Emma reaches up to touch her stinging flesh, but even at the pained look in her eyes I can't bring myself to apologise.

Pain erupts from my heart. It's a crushing feeling that couldn't feel more real if the blonde thrust her hand into my chest and physically squeezed the life out of me. Maybe she didn't deserve to be assaulted, but I deserve better than to be brushed aside like a discarded toy.

"Go to hell, Miss Swan," I snarl through clenched teeth, outright refusing to give her time to reply before I disappear in a blanket of purple smoke.

Re-appearing moments later in my vault, I let my rage consume me. Conjuring up a fireball, I hurl it at what's left of my mother's notes with a frustrated scream. Watching in satisfaction as they incinerate before my eyes.

I don't blame Emma for her fearing what's between us, it's strong, powerful and completely beyond our control. But it hurts to be in this alone, to see the way she looks at me even as she continues to deny her feelings. My happy ending has never been so close, and yet so utterly out of reach.

The smoke rising from the ash of my mother's work has barely cleared when Emma appears beside me in a plume of white. Her eyes instantly land on the target of my recent outburst before she turns her uncertain gaze to me.

"Regina, I'm sorry…" She begins, but I've heard enough of her fickle apologies.

"You've been saying that a lot just lately!"

"I know," She agrees, in a voice laced with regret, "but I really am. You know I don't think you're the Evil Queen, and you didn't deserve that."

I find that I can't ignore the sincerity of her words and sigh heavily. The pain in my chest eases slightly in her presence, and I'm suddenly more understanding of her difficult position.

"Fear can make us do terrible things," I reply, forgiving her easier than I ever would have in the past, "Believe me I know."

"Fear?" She repeats, and I know in an instant that she didn't come here to admit to her feelings.

Despite a desire to simply magic her away, to banish her from my company until she's ready to face reality, I find that I can't. The truth is that I'm single and available, there's nothing stopping me from accepting the way I feel and yet I still find myself struggling. If Robin hadn't died I might have remained as oblivious to this as she is. If I'm ever going to win her heart, then I need to do it with patience and tenderness.

"We kissed," I reply gently, "and being in a relationship with Hook I know that must have been confusing for you…"

"We didn't kiss!" She rudely cuts in, her eyes flaring with barely concealed anger. "For god's sake Regina, it was just a dream!"

In spite of my decision to do this right, my own anger flares at her hurtful excuses and I spin around to fix her with a deadly glare.

"But it wasn't just a dream was it?" I challenge, my voice rising to match hers, "It was lucid. We we're both fully aware of what we were doing at the time and you, Miss Swan, kissed me!"

Her shoulders slump in resignation as she realises that she can't hide from the truth forever, "I know!" She finally admits, and the confession lessens the pain in my heart. "I know I did." She runs her hands through her long, loose hair and begins to pace up down, "God I know I screwed up and I'm sorry," she apologises again, "but that doesn't change anything you know that I…"

"…love Killian?" I interrupt, finishing the predictable sentence for her, "Yes, so you keep saying."

I close the distance between us, gripping her hips tightly to stop her pacing, "But can you honestly say that you wouldn't kiss me now, right here in the waking world, given half the chance?"

Our eyes lock for what feels like the millionth time and her whole expression dissolves into one of deep longing. Emerald green orbs flick down to my lips but she still can't find the courage to speak the answer that's written all over her face.

"I-I wouldn't," She lies.

Overcome with emotion, I take a huge risk and propel her back against the wall, claiming her mouth with my own. The kiss is hot, vicious and wet, a complete contrast to the tender moment we shared in our dream.

I force my tongue into her mouth, unsurprised when she welcomes it with a desperate moan, wrapping her arms around my back to pull me flush against her body. She tastes of bear claws and Granny's coffee, exactly how I always imagined a kiss from her would taste, and I growl low in my throat.

When she slides a leg up to hook it around my waist, pulling my hips into hers, hot desire floods every never ending in my body. I want to ravish her, strip her naked and make her scream so loudly that she completely forgets Killian's name, but now is not the time for such drastic measures. If I move too fast, push too hard, then I'll scare her right back into her pirate's arms. No, this has to be a subtle seduction. I have to make her come to me.

Nipping her bottom lip between my teeth, I groan as I give it a sensual suck before breaking the kiss completely. I can't prevent the resulting smirk of triumph.

"You're a terrible liar, Dear," I gloat, unashamedly.

The dreamy, lust filled expression disappears from her beautiful face as she roughly pushes me away, "Regina stop," She orders, as if she wasn't at all to blame for the heated moment we just shared, "Just stop."

I step away from her to lean against the wall as she pushes completely off it, putting some much needed space between us.

"You had no right to do that," She berates, trying and failing to not look aroused. "I have been nothing but supportive of you since you told me how you felt and this hasn't been easy for me either you know!"

I roll my eyes at her overdramatic response but it only serves to anger her further, "I was the Dark One," She continues relentlessly. "My boyfriend died and then came back, my friend died trying to save him, and my best friend told me that she was in love with me…"

"Oh woe is me," I mock, heightening the pitch of my voice in a poor imitation of the blonde, "I'm Emma Swan and my life's so hard!" I curl my lip in distaste, "You really are every bit the princess, aren't you, _Princess_ "

Her jaw clenches as I emphasise her unwanted title in a drawn out drawl, and she shakes her head in exasperation, "Sometimes I don't even know why I bother trying to help you," She rebukes, ashamed by her response to my kiss and trying to overcompensate for it, "I should have given up on you when the rest of this town did."

Her voice is dripping with disdain, her eyes blank and emotionless and that's when I realise that I've pushed her too far. She's a second from running and if I don't give her a reason to stop she might never come back.

"Emma…" I begin, my voice softening as I offer her an understanding smile, "I know I promised that I wouldn't come between you and Killian, but you started this. _You_ kissed me."

Thrusting her hands into the back pockets of her jeans she tentatively looks away, knowing my words to be true and hating herself for it.

"I know you're worried about your relationship with Hook," I press carefully, "and maybe worry is all that this is…" I take a deep breath, steeling myself for the confession about to come, "But I used to think I was in love with Robin and yet the more I spend time with you, the more I look at you and really see you, the more I doubt that I ever was. You need to take a long hard look at your life and decide if your pirate is really the one you choose."

For a brief moment our eyes lock and in the silence of my vault a thousand words are exchanged between us, endearments we can never say aloud and feelings we can never show. It's a look of raw longing, that instant when every molecule in your body calls out to another.

She opens her mouth to say something, but from her unreadable expression it's hard to say what and the sentence never materialises. Before I can say anything further, she's disappeared in a puff of white magic. I find myself alone once more.

xxx

Later, when I'm lying in bed and contemplating the events of the day, my phone vibrates on the nightstand. Reaching out, I snatch it up. The screen illuminating the room with Emma's name.

 **I do love Killian**

I release a breath, possibly the same one I've been holding since the blonde left this afternoon. Hope is a very rare thing for me to place my trust in, and once again I've been betrayed by it.

I return my phone to the nightstand and stare sightlessly into the dark. Despite her parent's timeless love story, their struggle to defy all the odds in order to be together, Emma has taken the easy option. For the first time since this all began, I allow my tears to fall.

A minute later my phone vibrates again, and I pick it up to see that Emma has sent me another message.

 **But I've always wanted you**

Since the moment I woke up this morning my day has been an emotional rollercoaster but at last, it's one that will end with a hopeful smile.

Killian Jones 1, Regina Mills 1

Game on.


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Hey guy's, sorry for the length between posts but I'm currently on holiday and actually posting from Edinburgh. As such, I'm also a little tipsy, and though I've edited this before posting I may have missed more mistakes than usual so please forgive them. As always thanks for the reviews, follows, favourites and feedback (good and bad), it all helps to make me a better writer and I really do appreciate it. Here's chapter 12, hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think :-)

 _I open my eyes and find myself sat in the front passenger side of Emma's Bug. The blonde is sat next to me, forearms resting on the steering wheel as she stares longingly out across the harbour we appear to be parked in front of. I have no idea where we are, but considering the obvious assumption that this is once again Emma's dream, I'd hazard a guess at Boston._

 _It takes the distracted Sheriff several minutes to realise that she's no longer alone. When she does finally register my presence it's with wide, surprised eyes and a startled gasp._

" _Regina?"_

 _I offer her a soft smile, taking comfort from our now regular, nightly meetings, "Hello, Emma."_

" _Geez," she bemoans, and I feel my smile falter as her shoulders slump, "Can't I get a moment alone anymore!"_

 _I almost respond with a biting remark reminding her that as this is her dream, she's the one who must have called out to me, but I quickly change my mind when I notice the sadness in her expression._

" _I can try and wake up if you want me too?" I kindly suggest._

" _No!" Her reply is immediate, almost desperate, as though she fears that I'll suddenly disappear. "No. Stay, please," she repeats, softer this time, "I like being with you, I didn't mean that."_

 _I nod my head, having had no real intention to leave anyway, and a strangely awkward silence falls over the car. The space is small and confined, forcing us into each other's personal space whether we like it or not, and the close proximity only serves to thicken the newfound tension between us._

" _I'm sorry," Emma eventually says, rallying her inner strength to stop the downward spiral our relationship is taking, "I asked you to stay but I don't know what to say."_

" _We don't have to say anything," I reply with a small shrug, "I'm perfectly content to just sit here in silence."_

 _Though the opposite was true a week ago I have to confess, Emma's presence has a calming effect on me. It eases the pain in my heart, stops the violent shaking of the town. It reminds me that no matter how ostracised I feel, I'm not alone._

 _She glances across to me, and for the first time since I've known her she looks genuinely scared. Looking at me right now is a woman so far removed from the Saviour that she's barely recognisable. This is the lost, orphan girl that nobody wanted._

" _You don't want to ask about my texts?" She asks, her voice so small that I have to strain to hear it._

 _I shake my head, "Not if you don't want to talk about them."_

 _The silence stretches on. I watch a boat drift across the harbour, see a happy couple stroll hand in hand across the ocean's edge, hear every breath that Emma takes…_

" _I didn't know!" Her admission comes from nowhere and catches me completely off guard. When I turn a questioning gaze her way she's quick to continue, "When I said I always wanted you I meant it, but I didn't know how I felt at the time. It was only when I realised how you felt - when I started thinking about our relationship - that I saw what was really there."_

 _I take a deep breath, only too aware of how unsettling it can be to realise that you have feelings for your best friend._

" _I didn't know either," I admit in a moment of brutal honesty. "I'd be lying if I said that I'd been silently pining for you all these years. The truth is, if Robin hadn't died I may never have known…"_

" _It isn't unrequited love is it?" She asks, interrupting me before I can finish. I find myself silently grateful that she did. "It's unexpressed because…"_

 _This time I cut her off, the words she's about to speak too powerful to be ever given a voice, "It doesn't matter what it is," I reply quickly. "You love Killian, you've chosen Killian, and together we have to find a way to deal with this." I blow out a tired puff of air, "Maybe there's a spell or potion to sever this connection between us, to stop us sharing dreams."_

" _But I like the connection," Emma protests, pleading like Henry used to when I told him he was grounded. "Now that I know we have it I don't want to lose it. It makes me feel safe. You make me feel safe."_

 _I feel a pang deep in my heart, her confession all that I want to hear but everything I can never have. Why did it take us so long to see what was always between us? How do we move past this now that we know what we share?_

" _Then I'm pleased one of us feels safe," I grumble, quickly turning it into a joke when I realise that she has no more control over the situation than I do. "Do you mind telling me why I find myself seated in your death trap on wheels?"_

 _She grins, "Hey! Leave the bug alone, she can hear you, you know?"_

 _I roll my eyes, failing to understand how one can refer to a rusty tin can as living, breathing, entity, but the exasperation quickly gives way to affection. Emma is nothing if not adorable, and under duress I believe that even I would admit to having a…warmth…towards this vehicle. After all, it did bring its owner into mine and Henry's lives._

 _Emma strokes her fingers tenderly across the steering wheel, "This was my safe place for so long, "She informs, lost in thought. "I've slept in this car, eaten in it…" She gives me a cheeky sideways smirk, "…done other things in it…"_

 _The thought of her and anyone, especially Neal or Hook, getting intimate is one that does not sit comfortably with me, "Thank you for that very disturbing imagery!" I interrupt._

 _She laughs, more than aware of the effect that thought has on me, and swiftly moves on. "It's always been my mode of transport when I wanted to run."_

" _Do you want you want to run?" I ask, suddenly feeling nauseous._

" _Honestly?" She takes a moment to consider the weighty question before nodding, "Yeah! Running's always been my instinct. But I won't. I couldn't."_

" _Because of Henry?"_

" _Because of…a lot of things." She loses the courage to say whatever she'd originally intended when our eyes meet across the central console. "Of course, Henry," She finally confesses, "He's a given." She sucks in a deep breath, "But also Killian, and mom and dad…and you."_

 _Something inside feels infinitely lighter at her confession, but as my heart soars my brain laments. She cannot be declaring her feelings and we cannot be having this conversation. This will just make everything worse. This will divide Emma between me and the lover she has sacrificed everything for. It will put us both in an impossible situation. It will crush my heart to dust._

" _Do you want me to leave instead?"_

 _I blurt the words out on instinct, hoping beyond hope that she doesn't actually take me up me on my reckless offer._

" _What!?"_

 _But when I see the pain in her eyes, the way that her feelings for me are tearing her in two, I suddenly begin to see the sense in such a proposition._

" _You have so many more reasons to stay in Storybrooke than I do," I press on, ignoring the internal voice that's chastising me for throwing myself in front of the Emma shaped train. I shrug, "I could go, give you a little space…"_

" _No!" Emma barks, apparently hating the idea as much as I do. Though at the moment I'm unsure whether that's a good or bad thing. She sighs heavily, pushing her long loose hair behind her ear, "Regina, Storybrooke is your town, and I'd never ask you to give up Henry."_

 _I give her a sad, half smile, "I wouldn't be giving him up. He could come and visit me. But you could move on, settle down with your pirate."_

 _She shakes her head in that way that people only do when they're tired, "Do you have to refer to him with that much disdain?"_

 _As soon as my jealousy is called out I regret it. I don't want to make her feel bad for loving someone. I know how that feels better than anyone and it's not an experience I would wish on my worst enemy. "I'm sorry," I reply, the apology sincere, "it isn't…intentional."_

 _She scoffs, "Sure it isn't."_

 _My expression falls, a reflection of the hatred she still thinks I harbour inside and when she notices my pain her expression softens._

" _I don't want you to leave," She whispers, and though the words are barely audible their meaning is the loudest thing I've ever heard._

" _Emma…"_

 _She stops me before I can say what neither of us want to hear, "Can't we just…carry on as we were?"_

 _I'd love that. I want nothing more. If I could turn back time, stop my heart from ever calling out to her then I would. But love isn't that easy, and feelings can't just be erased._

" _You've seen what this is doing to my heart," I reluctantly reply, hating that mine has to be the voice of reason. "You've admitted that you want me. We kissed!" I shake my head, "Emma, we can't just go back."_

 _She releases a long, suffering breath, unknowingly echoing my thoughts, "I know, but wasn't it just easier then?"_

" _Ignorance is always easier," I smile, "and if we could go back believe me I would."_

" _Will it kill you?"_

 _The question is unexpected, "What?"_

 _She shifts in the driver's seat, turning to an angle so that she can face me. When her eyes meet mine they're full of concern, "Whatever's happening to your heart?"_

 _I think of my mother's notes and curse my untamed anger for not having the time to finish reading them, "Honestly, I don't know," I reply, having not even thought of that until now. "I don't think so. I hope not…"_

" _I can't lose you…" She cuts in, her voice more passionate than I've ever heard, "…Henry can't lose you."_

 _I shake my head, my promise as empty as her feelings for me, "That won't happen!"_

" _But you just said…"_

 _Without thinking, I reach across the handbrake to grasp her fingers in mine, "I've lived close to two lifetimes and my heart has lost far more times than it's won," I reply, exuding a confidence that I don't feel. "I'll survive. I always survive."_

" _But what if…"_

 _I shake my head again, determined to assuage her very real fear that I'll become the Evil Queen once more, "I won't become her," I try to reassure, "Not completely. I've come too far for that."_

 _She turns her attention back to the ocean in front us and I do the same. The sun is flickering off the clear water, a thousand tiny crystals dancing across the waves._

" _Do you ever miss her?" She asks after a beat, "The Evil Queen?"_

 _I stop to seriously consider the question and am reminded of how much strength she's given me in the last few days. Courage I would not have survived without._

" _Every single day," I reply truthfully. Certain that Emma is the only person I could admit that to without fear of repercussion. "I hear her voice and so often it's the one of reason, but it's also the wrong one. If I was still her I would have never have fallen for you."_

 _She frowns, her brow crinkling in a way that is simply adorable, "What do you mean?"_

" _I became her when I found out Snow betrayed me, not when I lost Daniel," I begin, explaining an often misinterpreted conception. "The vengeance I felt stemmed from hatred, not love. If anything ever happened to you, then…" I laugh in spite of myself, "well let's just say Storybrooke would have reason to worry."_

 _I see her confusion before she even expresses it, "But Robin just died!"_

" _And yet I'm still me!" I reply, "Another reason to assume that I was never in love with him in the first place."_

 _Once again the silence falls between us. Those elongated moments of uncertainty where so much is said in the words we don't say. Eventually the silence is broken by Emma's deep, thoughtful, sigh._

" _We're not perfect you know?"_

 _Unsure exactly who she's referring to, I turn to her curiously, "Who isn't?"_

" _Killian and I."_

 _At her unexpected admission I feel that tiny tendril of hope begin to grow inside me. If Emma and Hook aren't happy together then maybe they're not meant to be. If Emma and Hook aren't happy together then maybe, I still have an outside chance…_

 _But then I remember watching them through my mirror a week before and the renewed hope quickly flickers and dies._

" _Oh I know," I reply, the words bitter, "you've told me as much. But you still seem to…connect…well enough."_

 _I can't think of a better way to phrase what I'm obviously trying to say but I find that I don't need to, if Emma's blush is anything to go by she knows exactly what I mean._

 _Green eyes narrow challengingly, "What's that supposed to mean?"_

" _I watched you through my mirror that night you watched the film, Hook," I reply, unashamed of my blatant invasion of privacy. "I saw what happened!"_

 _Emma's eyes grow wide with horror "You watched?" She gasps, shocked. "Regina there's something fundamentally wrong with your obsession for voyeurism!"_

 _Amused that she'd ever think watching her fornicate was a constructive use of my time, I snort at her arrogance, "Please," I reply, "I didn't watch the whole underwhelming event. I watched until you forget that you were even planning on watching a film…"_

 _Her frown deepens, "Exactly what do you think happened?"_

" _Do I have to spell it out for you?" My tone naturally drifts back to the dripping sarcasm so often used by my alter ego. "The same thing that happens between any consenting adults that are in love!"_

 _Emma laughs, breaking eye contact to look out at the harbour, "Then you should have watched longer!" She replies flippantly._

" _What?!"_

 _Her cheeks darken with embarrassment but ever the hero, she fights to defend her honour. "Regina, Killian and I haven't…done that…since he came back from the Underworld!"_

 _I think of the few times I've seen them together. Their closeness, the private knowing looks they share, and briefly wonder if I've read far more into their relationship than was ever really there._

" _But…"_

" _He tries," She cuts in, ending any argument I may have made to the contrary. "He tries all the time. But I just keep thinking of the failed True Loves kiss and the weird True Love test, and the rejected heart..."_

 _Her voice trails off and I can tell that she's thinking about those testing events again. She shakes her head, "You said he was a rapist, and it made me realise that I have no idea who he used to be."_

 _Her doubt is something I should rejoice in but disappointingly, I find that I can't. The old me would have taken this opportunity to sweep her off her feet, to entice her into my bed, but I'm not that person anymore. Now I understand that feelings for one person can be misinterpreted by hopeless feelings for another._

 _It's perfectly reasonable to assume that Emma's newfound feelings for me are simply a manifestation of the fear she has for losing her pirate. I'm not a quick fix, a fun distraction or a dawn regret. If she truly does want me, then she'll have to prove it, but until that day my voice will be the one of reason._

" _You don't know who I used to be either!" I reply, slightly curious as to why I've chosen now to start playing devil's advocate._

 _Maybe it's pride. That deep sated pride that my mother instilled within me during the years I endured her humiliating abuse. Or maybe it's fear, a genuine fear that if I allow myself to hope in something that will never happen, the Evil Queen really will return when it all goes wrong._

" _Yes I do," Emma states, confidently interrupting my train of thought. "Everyone in this town has a horrific tale to tell about you. The book details every bad decision you ever made, and you wear your heart on your sleeve. You've always admitted your mistakes and regrets."_

 _While I find that I can't disagree with that, I also can't ignore the fact that she's painting a far darker picture of her pirate then is really the case. "Hook wasn't as bad as me," I admit, uncertain why I'm suddenly so eager to defend my rival. "He was a villain and he did many unsavoury things, but he never committed the heinous acts that I did."_

 _She shakes her head and I can almost see her dismissing my crimes without really knowing the true extent of them. It's times like this that I see how much she truly cares for me. How much I realise that she genuinely believes I've changed for the better._

 _No one has ever given me the second chance that she now offers so freely._

" _I don't even think that matters anymore," She finally replies with a soft sigh. "What matters is that I know everything there is to know about you, and I know next to nothing about him."_

 _Once again I feel that pang deep in my heart, the one that says I'm a liar and a con artist. An Evil Queen toying with the Saviour's good nature, to her own end. "You don't know everything about me," I confess, quietly ashamed, "You just think you do."_

 _Her beautiful, expressive eyes fix on me and it feels as though she's trying to see through to my very soul, "So tell me," She insists._

 _I stifle a sarcastic chuckle, thinking the request nothing more than a hero's dream, the protagonist's belief that nothing is ever as bad as it seems._

 _It seems however, that Emma is deadly serious. "Tell me about you," She presses, sensing my reluctance. "Come on, I want to know."_

" _What, exactly, do you want to know?"_

 _She shrugs, clearly not thinking the question through, "What makes you laugh?" She asks, her voice light and full of good humour. "I've known you close to five years and I'm not sure that I've ever seen you really laugh."_

 _Flummoxed by the unusual question I say the first thing that comes into my head, "Apart from your parents?" I joke, grinning at the smile such a comment pulls from the blonde. "Henry's laugh makes me happy," I add, seriously. "He could brighten up a day with just one giggle." I half shrug, "Apart from that, I used to like a show called Sex and the City…"_

" _Seriously?" Emma teases, the relaxed, playful conversation coming easily, "You watched Sex and the City?"_

 _I turn to her, disgruntled that she assumes me so backwards that I can't even enjoy a popular sitcom "That surprises you?"_

 _Instead of the criticism I expect, I'm surprised to see her expression soften to something almost tender in nature "Regina, you surprise me every day," she replies truthfully. "You've given so many orders, passed so many laws…" her eyes narrow as she stops to consider exactly what it is that she truly wants to ask. "What's the most you've said with the fewest words?"_

 _In an ideal world the answer to that question would be romantic and bittersweet. But then in an ideal world this conversation would be as perfect as it appears on paper. I swallow sharply, mentally preparing myself to admit a truth that I've never expressed to anyone before, "I do."_

 _The memory of saying those words while stood next to a king I didn't love and never wanted marry reminds me of how trapped I felt - how completely alone I found myself – and I instantly feel sick._

 _Emma must notice as the colour drains from my face, "I'm sorry," she quickly apologises, desperate to heal the distress she's unintentionally caused, "that was insensitive…"_

" _It's fine, dear," I reply, hating that she now feels guilty for a situation that was never her fault to begin with, "I didn't have to say it."_

" _You did though," She argues, and though it's a topic I know she's not comfortable talking about it warms me to know that she's embarrassed to associate her bloodline with my forced marriage. "I know you tried to escape and your mother wouldn't let you" She tilts her head to the side, studying me closely, "Was that your longest night then? Your wedding night?"_

 _If anyone but her had asked me such a personal, painful question they would have found themselves hurled across the room by an invisible force. But this is Emma, and I could never keep anything from her. I want her to know the truth about my past, every harrowing detail, because she's the only person in the world that I trust it with. I'd trust her with my life._

" _No..." I begin, but she detects the dark undertone in my voice and quickly cuts me off._

" _You don't have to tell me."_

 _In that moment I know that I don't, and I also know that she'd never judge me if I decided not to say, but for the first time in my life I want to talk. I want her to know everything there is to know about me, good or bad._

" _It was the night I murdered an entire village," I bravely reply, fighting the tears that threaten at the unwanted memory. "It was such an easy order to give, but when I smelt the scent of burning wood, when I heard the screams of all the scared children…" I shake my head, the images as clear as they were they day I witnessed them first hand, "I didn't sleep at all that night. I think I lived a hundred lifetimes in those few short hours before daylight."_

" _How did you do it?" The question isn't judgemental in any way, it's curious, gentle, as though she genuinely wants to learn about all the parts of me no one else ever cared for._

 _I raise a questioning eyebrow, "Kill all those people?"_

" _No," She shakes her head, the grim subject already forgotten. "How did you get by? How did you get from one day to the next when your life was so sad and hard?"_

 _I look at her, at the goodness the exudes from every inch of her body. I think of her family, Snow White and Prince Charming, the true love that runs through her veins, and I want to lie. I want to tell her that it wasn't easy, that I struggled every day but I never lost sight of who I was. I want to be worthy of her._

 _But I'm just not._

" _I surrendered to the darkness inside," I finally reply, aware that I will never be able to hide my past from her now that I'm in love with her. "I wouldn't recommend it."_

 _My tone is spikey, laced with the threat of a once Evil Queen, but instead of meeting it with anger she smiles, a warm tender smile that very few people have ever directed my way._

" _I know you wouldn't," She surprisingly agrees, "You were the only one who stopped me crossing that line when I was the Dark One…"_

 _Realising that the entire conversation is becoming more about us and less about her boyfriend, I swing it back around to the one person that started this, "I think your pirate had more to do with it than I did!" I reply._

" _Well you're wrong," Her response brooks no argument and even if it did, she doesn't allow me the opportunity to voice it. "A part of me thinks Killian would have enjoyed it if I'd gone completely dark!"_

 _I take a second to digest the severity of her words. If she really believes that then a part of her must also believe that Hook still thrives on the darkness, that he misses being a villain. And that is someone that Emma could never truly give herself to._

" _Are things really that bad between you?" I ask._

 _She takes a deep breath, "They're not bad they're just…" her voice trails off tellingly._

" _Different?" I offer._

 _She flashes me a sad smile, "Yup!"_

 _Sometimes it seems as though Emma and I will forever dance around the truth. We toy with it, flirt with it, but neither of us possess the confidence, courage or strength to give voice to what this really means for us._

 _Maybe it's a sign that we're never meant to be. Or maybe it's a promise that at the right time, everything will work out exactly as it's supposed to. But those dreams are for people who still believe in fairy godmothers and happily ever after. I'm not one of them._

" _Love is hard," I state, as though I'm somehow an expert on the matter. "You should never give up on it just because it gets a little tough."_

 _Our eyes meet across the car, the distance between us growing infinitely smaller the longer we talk, "Are you saying that with regards to Killian…" She asks pointedly, "or you?"_

 _My heart beats double time, this is the first time she's really acknowledged that her feelings for me are real but at the same time, I'm more than aware that she's projecting her emotions back onto me. She wants me to be the one to put my heart on the line, to take that irreversible leap and I won't, I can't. So instead I do the only thing I know how, I project them right back._

" _Are you saying that you love me!?"_

 _Her cheeks flush pink, her pupils dilating with desire and it's then that I realise that at some point during our conversation we've gravitated towards each other. We're both leaning over the hand break, silently reaching for the other, our lips mere millimetres apart._

 _She noticeably glances down to my mouth, coming to the same realisation as me, "I'm saying that even though I know it's wrong, I really, really, want to kiss you right now," She replies._

 _I release a breath, desperately trying to collect myself and regain some control over my raging emotions, "Why?" I ask, wanting nothing more than to give her what she wants but still too proud to surrender. "You have the man of your dreams lying next to you in the waking world. The man you risked everything for. The man who made you feel again. Why do you want me?"_

 _It may seem like I'm taunting her, that I'm trying to make her feel bad, but I'm not. If I give myself to her only to have her reject me then my heart will surely die. I'm willing to fight for her, but she needs to reassure me that it's not a hopeless battle._

 _That reassurance starts when she tenderly reaches out to stroke my cheek, "Because you and I…" She whispers, the words heavy in the minimal space between us, "we just work you know. We make sense."_

 _I close my eyes and lean into her touch, knowing exactly what she means. When we're alone together it seems as if we're two sides of the same coin, a perfect fit, but then the rest of the world creeps back in, cruelly reminding us of all the reasons we cannot be. Her pirate boyfriend being one of them._

" _And Killian?" I ask._

 _She shakes her head, torn, "…is the hero I always dreamed would sweep me off my feet. But he isn't you. What if I was never looking for a hero? What if I was just looking for the missing piece of me?"_

 _I lean forward to press my lips against hers, desperate to feel her against me once more, but I stop myself before any contact is made._

" _Emma, you need to think long and hard about what exactly it is that you're trying to say."_

 _She nods, and presses her forehead against mine, "I know. What would you do if you were me?"_

 _Mustering every last inch of self-restraint, I answer in the way that I know she wants me too, as her best friend. "I'd take my time," I reply, even as I curse my honesty. "I wouldn't let anyone tell me what I want or how I feel!"_

" _You think that Killian does that?" She pulls back slightly, and I inwardly wince when I realise that my weighted point was more transparent then intended._

" _To an extent yes," I admit, "but in his defence he's from a very different time. He loves you, Emma. As much as it pains me to say that I'd be wrong not to tell you. He loves you."_

 _Her breath brushes against my lips, "But so do you!"_

" _Yes. And only you know which one of us you want."_

 _Her tongue flicks out to wet her lips and I swear I feel it brush against my own. I moan quietly in the back of my throat and try not to think about how much I want her._

" _And if I want you both?" She asks._

 _The question is as promising as it is devastating, "Then I'd tell you to pick…"_

 _I never get to finish my advice as Emma closes the gap between us by capturing my mouth in a passionate kiss._

I open my eyes.


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Hi guy's, I'm back off my holiday and back to work tomorrow :-( so I thought I'd end the weekend with chapter 13. A shorter chapter than the last few and no Swan Queen, but it's a very significant plot chapter so I hope you enjoy it. Never fear, Swan Queen feels will return in chapter 14 :-). Thank you all for continuing to read this story, and for all your wonderful reviews. You are all, very much appreciated. Please excuse any minor mistakes in this chapter, and let me know what you think!

 _And if I want you both?_

Those words keep playing over and over again in my mind. Like a broken record they repeat on an incessant loop and I can't switch them off. I've never been in love with two people at once so I can't imagine the torment Emma must be suffering. But I do know that as the one on the outside, I'm never going to win.

After inadvertently waking myself up during our kiss I've been able to think of nothing else. I was angry at first, annoyed that my brain saw fit to interrupt such a sweet moment, but then I realised that it wasn't my brain that had made the decision. It was my heart.

Regardless of feelings and needs one of us has to rise above this. One of us has to be the one to put an end to this would be affair before it's too late. It just so happens that someone is me.

Emma has been through so much, and though I could argue that I have too, I have experience on my side. She's still young, and I can't expect her not to make youthful mistakes. I've lived twice the time she has, and the wisdom of maturity knows that if I want her to be happy then I need to step aside.

"Good afternoon, Regina."

The crisp, English accent catches me off guard and I glance from the fireplace, over my shoulder, to see Zelena stood at the bottom of the stairs.

I'm not sure when it became the norm for townsfolk to wander into ones living space without invitation but it's starting to become annoying.

"It might be nice if you'd knock before counteracting the blood spell I designed to protect my vault," I retort, failing to hide the irritation in my voice as I turn back to the fireplace.

I hear her brazen footfalls on the stone floor as she walks over to me, sitting down in the armchair adjacent to the couch I currently occupy. She offers me the patent Mills smirk, "Ah, what's a little counteraction spell between family eh?" She jokes lightly.

"Indeed," I reply, unable to argue with her logic, "What are you doing here?"

"Can't I drop in on my little sister to check that's she okay?"

A quick scan of the room shows that she came alone and I briefly wonder who it was that she entrusted with Robyn's safekeeping, given that she's still considered a villain to many in this town. Snow, instantly springs to mind.

"You can," I reply after a beat, "but since you've never had the inclination to do so before…"

My voice trails off and I can tell by the change in her expression that she's more than aware that I'm referring to our turbulent past and the violent way we first met. At least she has the decency to look a little embarrassed.

"Yes, well," She states, clearing her throat, "I didn't remember our childhood before did I."

The sharp response is a stark reminder of the memory spell our mother placed on us as children and feeling a little guilty for the harshness of my comment, I nod in solidarity. "Quite."

"I feel I should apologise for that actually," She adds awkwardly.

"For what?"

"For making it my life's ambition to destroy you," She explains. "I always thought you were the lucky one, the one that got everything. It turns out I was wrong."

Though I always knew that to be true, it feels good to finally hear her say it. To know that she now understands that like her, my life was far from perfect. Still, as much as I appreciate the gesture, her apology really isn't necessary.

"We're all guilty of making errors in judgment, Zelena," I reply, only too aware of the many I've made over the years. "It's what we do once we realise we were wrong that makes the difference."

She nods in agreement and a loving smile forms over her sometimes stern features. She looks lighter than I've ever seen her, as though the dark cloud hovering over her has finally lifted.

"I am trying to be better," She says earnestly, "for Robyn." Her eyes drift up to meet mine, "but I have to say that there are some things that I just don't get."

I take a sip of my lukewarm coffee, grateful to be discussing someone else's problems for once, "Like what?"

"Like why you're locked away down here?" She replies, loosely gesturing to my homely, underground, vault. "You've done nothing wrong. This town is quick to forget that I was with you in that final battle with…" She swallows sharply, her face paling at the thought of her lost love, "…Hades."

Despite her outward appearance it's obvious that she's still hurting and that's something I can sympathise with. The Mills women have always bared the biggest losses; I guess that's just our lot in life. Unlike me however, she doesn't dwell on the matter.

"You sacrificed the man you loved for the good of this town," She continues, failing to mention the sacrifices she made on that day, "they owe you their support."

I smile sadly, clearly remembering a time when I believed in reciprocity, "That's the thing about being a hero," I reply knowingly, "No one should ever have to owe you anything for making the right choice."

A small, confused frown creases her brow and I realise that good is still a lesson she has to learn. "Don't worry," I encourage warmly, "I struggled with that concept too at first. Besides, I'm here by choice, not force."

"I still don't think it's fair," She grumbles.

"Thank you, your concern is…" I struggle to find the right word until I realise that the right word is something based in familial love, something neither of us is familiar with, "…touching."

She smiles at me then, in the gentle way that only a sister can, and I suddenly feel so grateful that we found each other. Something tells me that we're going to need each other in the next few months.

Though her expression looks its usual, self-important way, I can detect the sadness in the depth of her eyes and wonder if anyone has taken the time to ask her how she's coping. "How are you doing?" I ask.

At first she looks surprised by the question and that just makes me sad, no one should ever think that their feelings don't count, that their grief isn't important.

"I'm okay, really," She finally replies, though her tone isn't as convincing as her words. "Robyn is great," at this her smile widens into one of true happiness, "she makes every single day worthwhile. I never imagined how fulfilling being a mother would be."

And that's another thing we have in common, the realisation that motherhood can heal all the broken, empty parts of your heart.

It still isn't the response I was looking for though.

"I meant…" I don't get to finish the sentence, or to say his name.

"I know what you meant," She cuts in, her voice edgy at being asked to address a topic that's still raw for her. "And what I did still hurts, but I could never have been happy with Hades. Not if he was determined to take my family away from me." She takes a deep breath, "Despite… _that_ …I feel happier than I ever have. I just wish I could share a little bit of that happiness with you."

I feel warmed by her concern but quickly disregard it, "I'm fine…"

"You're not!" She replies, and I find myself wondering when we became the sort of siblings that could second guess each other. "There's a crack in the middle of Storybrooke that proves just how far from fine you are!"

I rub at my scratchy, tired eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose, "You know about that?" I ask, wishing the world would just leave me alone for a little while.

She grins pityingly, "Word travels fast in this antiquated little town of yours."

My instinct as always, is to shut down, to deny everything. But there's something in the tone of her voice, her undemanding expression, that lets me know I can talk to her.

"I'm trying to move on," I reply, finding the strength to finally open up. "I'm trying to heal my heart. But it seems to have a mind of its own and I can't control it." I shake my head, "I don't want to destroy the town but…"

"It's hard watching Emma play happy families with her pirate?" She finishes for me.

I look up, seeing a kindred spirit in the woman sat opposite me, and nod. "Yes, it's difficult to accept that Hook came back when Robin couldn't."

Her smile softens, "Harder still to watch him sail off into the sunset with the love of your life!" She adds.

Shocked that she's discovered that Emma's the real reason for the earthquakes, I open my mouth to respond but I have no idea what to say. I don't want to lie, not now we're finally in a good place, but I can't bring myself to speak the truth either. In the end I don't have too, because she does it for me.

"Oh please," She scolds affectionately, "I'm your big sister, do you honestly think that I can't see how you feel about the Saviour? I saw it the day I first entered this realm. The way you'd chase after her like an obedient pup desperate to garner her attention. It was so sweet it was sickening…"

"You knew?" I gasp, surprised that even then there was a connection between us.

She nods, "Yes. The question is, what are you going to do about it?"

I want to fight. I want to throw down my gauntlet and challenge the pirate to an old fashioned duel but what would be the point? Even if I won Emma would still pick him. My thoughts return to the same dilemma that's plagued me since I woke up.

"Nothing," I eventually reply.

Zelena is taken aback, "You do realise that she…"

"…feels the same?" I interrupt, still able to feel the phantom trace of Emma's lips against mine. "Yes, but it's too late. She's in love with Hook."

The Wicked Witch snorts derisively, "My sister defeated by a handless, misogynistic pirate?" She scoffs, "Not on my watch!"

I think of all I've said about him to Emma. The crime's I've accused him of without really knowing, and I suddenly feel bad. "He's not misogynistic," I reply, aware that I maybe should have said as much to the blonde. "Quite the opposite in fact, and if I can change then so can he…" I shrug, "He already has."

"Only because he was persistent enough to wear Emma down!" My sister argues, unconvinced. "When I first came to this town she wanted very little to do with him. I remember watching her shun every one of his advances. I heard her respond to his flirtations with biting sarcasm. What changed? If that's an example of True Love at work then I've been reading the wrong fairytales!"

Despite the bite to her words I can't deny that I haven't thought them myself a hundred times over. I don't think I'll ever know what he did to secure Emma's heart because he certainly didn't have it from the start. In fact, if that had been me, Snow would probably have accused me of cursing her precious daughter by now. But regardless of the circumstances I can't pretend that Emma's feelings for him aren't real, and I need to respect them.

"Sometimes love is blind!" I reply with a small sigh. "And anyway, I'd hardly call mine and Emma's relationship a match made in heaven. We spent the first two years trying to kill each other!"

"And you've saved each other a hundred times since," Zelena counters, much to my chagrin. "Besides, trying to kill someone requires passion, so it's arguable that there was always something between you."

I feel the persistent tugging of my heart once more. This was so much easier when I only had my own voice to contend with, but now I've got Zelena's and it's firmly fighting on my side, I can't help but question whether or not I've made the right decision by surrendering.

"It doesn't matter what may or may not lie between Emma and I," I finally reply, determined to remain realistic, "It's never going to happen."

At my sisters doubting look I'm quick to press my point, "Up until the dark curse broke my whole life was consumed with stealing happy endings. I won't do it again. Not now, and certainly not to, Emma."

She ducks her head, acknowledging my difficult position before she drops an absolute bombshell, "You might not have too."

"Excuse me?"

Suddenly renewed with hope, she slides to the end of the armchair, "Have you ever heard of, Thanatos?" She asks almost gleefully.

I search my memory for any hint of the name in the realms I've travelled but come up blank. I shake my head, "No."

"Well according to Greek mythology, he's the personification of death," She informs, far to enthusiastically for my liking. "A sort of winged Grim Reaper. He's also a God, not an Olympian God, but a God nonetheless. And if my magical senses are anything to go by then I don't think he's too pleased that Zeus returned one of his souls back to the living world."

A pit of dread forms in my gut at the realisation of exactly what she's implying, "Hook?" I ask, though it's more a statement then a question.

"Yes," She replies. "Thanatos' presence is here, in Storybrooke, I can feel him. At first I mistook it for your dark magic but I was wrong."

"What does he want?"

She shakes her head, "I'm not sure, but from the little research I've done I'd say that he wants to reclaim what was taken from him. He's the son of Night and Darkness, the twin brother of Sleep. My best guess is that he's some sort of soul sucker, similar to a Wraith, only he drains your life force while you dream."

I try to ignore the reverence with which she seems to relay this shocking information – she is in the process of redeeming herself after all – and focus solely on the implications of what she's suggesting. "Do you think he wants to kill, Hook?" I ask, horrified.

She shrugs, "It certainly makes sense."

"This is terrible!" I reply, the pain of having my own soul sucked by a Wraith still fresh in my memory. I may not like the pirate, but no one deserves such a fate. "Does anyone else know?"

My first thought is for Emma, of how this knowledge will kill her after everything she's already been through to save him, but Zelena shakes head.

"We have to stop it!" I say the words without thinking them through, a sure sign that I really have become one of the good guys, a hero. But my sister isn't quite so quick to jump to Hook's defence.

"Stop it!?" She guffaws, her expression turning quickly serious when she picks up on my blind determination. "Are you mad? Isn't this exactly what you want, a non-villainous way to get rid of the competition?"

Her eagerness to take advantage of someone's misfortune shows exactly how far she still has to go in her redemption…and just how far I've already come.

"Zelena this isn't a competition," I chastise, disappointed that she thinks I'd relish in Hook's demise. "This is a choice. Emma's choice, and knowing what it feels like to lose someone you love…" I instantly think of the pain I felt when I lost Daniel and more recently, Robin. "I have to protect her. I have to save him."

Her enthusiasm fades as soon as she understands that my intention is a rescue mission and she shakes her head, "You can't," She protests futilely. "The only way to do that is to trade places with him…"

"Then that's what I'll do!" I reply, not stopping to give a second thought to the consequences of such an action.

She stands up at my brave response, suddenly terrified that she's made an error in judgement by bringing this information to me. Maybe she has, because I know the response she was hoping for is the one I would have given as the Evil Queen. One of quite joy and smug triumph. Instead, all she's done is direct me towards danger.

"Regina…"

I don't allow her time to voice her protest for fear that she might convince me to change my mind. Since this whole _thing_ began with Emma I've been searching for a way to resolve it without hurting anyone or reverting to my former self, and this could be it.

"It isn't up for debate" I interrupt, silencing her with a wave of my hand. "I love Emma, and if I can make her happy by giving her the person she wants, by ensuring her future with Hook, then that's what I'll do."

"But…" She stares at me, her expression a mixture of fear and regret, "…you'll die! And I only just found you."

I swallow sharply, having not considered that particular scenario when I so carelessly offered my services. But if my death is what it takes to settle this for all of us, then that's what I'll do. This whole thing began when Emma took the darkness for me, and many have sacrificed themselves since that fateful night. Maybe it's only fitting that the final sacrifice is mine.

I reach out to grasp my sisters shaking hand in my own, "If that happens I'll be with you, always," I promise. "Storybrooke is my town, it's a part of me, and it's where you're going to find your happy ending. You always wanted my life, and now you can have it with my blessing."

She grips tightly onto my fingers, refusing to let go when I would have pulled back, and I know that this is her silent way of begging me to change my mind. I reassure her the only way I can, "But, it might not come to that," I add hopefully. "As you well know I have a few powers of my own. I'm sure Thanatos isn't prepared for a fight with another magical being."

"Please don't do this…" She pleads.

I can tell by the fear in her eyes that this is a fight she doubts I can win. But how can I turn my back on Emma now? I went to the Underworld to save her True Love from the jaws of death, I lost my own lover in the process. All I want is for her to be happy.

"I have too," I finally reply, resigned to my decision and the consequences it may bring. I stand to grip her shoulders, affectionately, "And I need you to find out how, without telling anyone," I request, aware of the magnitude of what I'm asking her to do.

She opens her mouth to speak but the words don't come and I can see the reluctance in her expression. "Please," I beg, "I need my sister now more than ever."

Realising that I've made my decision and I won't be swayed, she finally nods once,

"Okay," She agrees, "I'll help you."

I throw my arms around her, hugging her tight, "Thank you!"

"I'll be back when I have news," She replies, disappearing in a puff of green smoke.

Alone again, I glance around my empty vault, taking a moment to process the enormity of what I've just committed too. If I've learnt anything over the course of my turbulent life, it's that True Love is sacrifice.

Maybe it's time that sacrifice, was mine.


	14. Chapter 14

AN: Good afternoon guy's, nearly at 100 favourites! I can't believe it! I really cannot thank you all enough for sticking with this story. Here's chapter 14, and though its all Swan Queen it's one that threatens to tug at the heart strings so don't say I didn't warn you ;-) I hope you enjoy it, and let me know what you think :-)

"It's Friday!"

Emma's cheerful voice startles me from the pages of the large, Greek mythology text lying open on my legs. Not wanting the blonde to see what I'm reading, I quickly snap the heavy, book closed and magic it to a nearby bookshelf before she has the chance to see it.

In truth, I'm grateful for the distraction. I've been studying since Zelena left this afternoon and have failed to come up with any sort of plan. Though it doesn't help that the limited texts I have contain very little information on my latest enemy.

Thanatos is a lesser God, or as he's more accurately described, a demon. He rarely appears in person and is often associated with peaceful death, something that backs up Zelena's soul sucking claim. But he's also regarded as merciless and indiscriminate, hated by God's and mortals alike. I've read poems about him, studied pictures of paintings and sculptures, but still I'm no closer to figuring out how to save Hook.

The thought of the pirate brings me back to Emma, and I turn to greet her with a warm smile.

"It is Friday," I carefully repeat, "But as we're seeing each other nightly you really don't have to come here in person anymore."

My words aren't spoken with any real conviction because I'm only saying them for her benefit. I've enjoyed our talks just recently, they've brought us closer, given us a greater understanding of each other, and I have no desire for them to end anytime soon.

But the closer we get the more difficult the situation becomes for Emma, and I never want her to feel uncomfortable or awkward around me.

She drops down onto the couch next to me in a casual, unrefined manner and not for the first time, I wonder how someone so uncouth could ever call herself a princess. When she props her heavy boots on my coffee table I cast her a chastising scowl, but she shrugs it off carelessly.

"I want to come here," She replies, offering me a timid half smile. "I know the dreams are real but they're still just dreams. It's different actually being here with you."

I know exactly how she feels because I've just lamented over as much. When I'm with the Emma it's like the world just stops. My worries fade into the background and my regrets suddenly feel insignificant. When we're together everything just fits and life makes sense. No one has ever made me feel like that before.

I return her gentle smile but can't ignore the niggling voice in the back of my head that's warning me to protect my heart. "I agree," I reply, completely unable to deny her anything, "But given the circumstances it might not be the best idea."

"Why?" She teases, her smile stretching into a playful grin, "Are you scared you're going to jump me?"

The light flirtation is meant in jest but it still causes an unfamiliar fluttering in the pit of my stomach. I raise an eyebrow, "You're the one who keeps kissing _me_ , Miss Swan," I state pointedly.

"Yeah…" She rubs the back of her neck in embarrassment, her cheeks colouring slightly, "Sorry about that…"

I feel the old me stirring deep inside and can't resist the urge to tease her further, "It's fine dear," I reply, in a deep mocking tone that is all the Evil Queen, "You had me alone in your car, at night. I understand that it was a situation your teenage boy mentality found hard to resist…"

She takes the joke in good humour and lightly thumps me in the arm, "I've missed your sarcasm," She drawls mockingly, "It's just not the same when you're being nice."

Smiling broadly, I stand and walk over to the drinks cabinet next to the fire. Upturning two glasses, I pick up the decanter and hold the bottle towards her, "Cider?" I ask.

She nods enthusiastically and with my back to her, I pour two large drinks, "How's Hook?" I continue, wincing at a question I know she'll find unusual.

"Way to kill the mood, Regina!"

Expecting a different, more abrasive, response, I'm surprised to hear the disappointment in her tone.

"I didn't realise there was a _mood,_ " I reply, uncertain as to the meaning of such a comment. Picking up the drinks, I return to my spot on the couch and hand her a glass."And he is your boyfriend," I press, "The one who only a few short weeks ago, was dead!"

Her face falls at my bluntness and though I hate having to use this rare alone time with her to discuss the man she chose over me; I need to know if Thanatos really is trying to kill him.

"Don't you feel weird talking about Killian after…" Her voice trails off, the silence speaking the words she refuses to say and I instantly know that she feels guilty for the intimacy she continues to share with me when she should be with him.

"After we've admitted that we have feelings for each other?" I finish for her. "No, because I, Emma, am an adult, and I understand the difference between what I want and what I can have."

"I guess that's a fairly new understanding then huh?" She quips.

I can't help but laugh at that. It's rare for me to be able to see the funny side of the anger and hatred I harboured as the Evil Queen, to be able to look back at those days with anything but regret. But somehow, Emma reminds me not to take myself too seriously, to see how completely ridiculous I was back then.

"Touché," I concede, tipping my glass to her. "So how is he? Has he recovered well?"

My concern for Hook's welfare finally registers somewhere in her sub-conscience, and I watch as her brow creases slightly in confusion, "Why do you suddenly care?" She asks.

Not wanting to give anything away, especially not the potential danger her lover could be in, I give her a one shouldered shrug, "I don't," I dismiss carelessly. "But I care about you and I want you to be happy!"

She snorts into her glass, "Well you're certainly being far more mature about this then I could ever be…" She replies, taking a sip of the cider. "But then considering you're old enough to be my…"

"Don't go there, Miss Swan," I warn, my voice dark and eyes dangerous as I glare at her across the couch. "Splattered internal organs really wasn't the wallpaper I planned for my vaults interior decoration."

Her smile returns at my faux threat and I can't help but wonder when our relationship became so easy. We fought each other for so long and over every little detail, when did we reach the point where light flirtations and playful banter became the norm?

"He's fine," She finally replies, the serious answer to my original question distracting me from thought. "A little tired I guess…"

That catches my attention, "He's sleeping a lot?" I ask. Suddenly fearful that this is proof that Thanatos is here.

She shakes her head, "Not a lot. A little more than usual maybe, and he doesn't look all that rested when he wakes, but…" She shakes it off, failing to see the potential threat that I do, "He's still adjusting."

"Is he having nightmares?"

"I have no idea," She replies, "I've been a little too preoccupied with my own dreams of late."

At her pointed glance I look away, only too aware of how much of her time I've been monopolising recently. She easily detects my awkwardness and the undertone of agitation that courses through my tense muscles, "Regina, what's going on?"

I clear my throat and take a sip of strong liquor, "Nothing!" I reply, in a manner that's far from convincing.

Green eyes widen in disbelief, "You seriously expect me to believe that?"

"I…" I hastily search for a plausible explanation or at the very least, one that will convince her to back off. "…It's nothing, really. Resurrection is a type of magic I've never seen before. I didn't even think it possible. I'm just curious."

She eyes me suspiciously and I know she doesn't buy it, "Okay," She replies, purposefully dragging the word out, "I'm not sure that I believe you but I'm also not sure that I want to hear the truth so…"

She leaves the sentence hanging, waiting for me to fill in the blanks and ease her uncertainty but I don't how. Emma may lack grace and intelligence at times, but she always knows when I'm lying. The less I draw her attention to our new _problem_ , the better.

I make a split second decision to change the subject.

"I'm sorry for what I said about, Hook," I state, taking the opportunity to correct a mistake I should never have made in the first place. "I've been thinking about what you said to me during our dream last night. About how what I said has affected your feelings for him." I take a deep breath, feeling guilty for my harsh accusations, "The truth is that I don't know if he ever did what I accused him of…"

"Rape?"

"Yes," I reply, cringing at the mere meaning of what the word implies. "There _were_ rumours at the time, but there were also untrue rumours about me too. I have no proof that he ever mistreated women…I know as much about him as you do."

To my surprise she isn't angry, she doesn't even look disappointed. Her voice is calm when she replies, "So why did you say it?" She asks.

I take a moment to consider my answer but come up empty. At the time I was in pain, both physically and mentally. It's human instinct to attack with force when feeling the most vulnerable.

"I don't know," I finally reply with a shake of my head. "I was jealous maybe, angry because I didn't understand the true nature of my feelings. Either way it was wrong, and I apologise."

She smiles softly, her expression one of understanding, "Well, thank you for being honest" She says before blowing out an elongated breath, "And just because you're not sure that he did do it, it doesn't mean he didn't. I'm still no closer to knowing who he really is."

"It never bothered you before."

She takes another sip of her drink and I notice something that I've never seen in her expression; uncertainty, fear. Emotions that generally aren't associated with the confident, independent, Emma Swan.

"I was blind before," She unexpectedly admits, her voice so quiet that I have to strain to hear it. "I was so caught up in the idea of True Love that I never stopped to consider anything other than what I wanted."

She swallows sharply, and when her eyes rise to meet mine they're filled with regret, "I've been so selfish, Gina," She confesses, unable to stem the tide of emotions. "I made him the Dark One against his wishes. I allowed you all to follow me to the Underworld. And now Robin is dead, and Zelena's heart is broken and you're…"

"I'm fine!" I cut in, feeling my own heart squeeze painfully at the sight of her unshed tears.

How long has she been silently carrying this burden around? Since we returned from the Underworld? Since she was the Dark One? She has so many people that care about her, so many people to talk to, why keep it bottled up for so long?

It's moments like this that I'm reminded how similar we all truly are. Villain or hero, good or evil, we all struggle with the same self-doubt.

"I just feel like I've lost sight of myself, you know?" She says, thinking aloud. "I look in the mirror and I don't recognise the woman staring back!"

Now that I can sympathise with. There was a time when my life was governed by mirrors, and though I watched my orders and crimes carried out through them, nothing I saw in the glass scared me as much as the sight of my own reflection.

"Do you blame Hook for that?" I ask, basing the question solely on my own self-deprecation.

She firmly shakes her head, "No! I blame me for that. I have never been one of those weak women in love. I've never chased anyone before. I've never sacrificed who I am to make someone else happy, but with Killian…" Her voice trails off, the answer lost somewhere amongst her confusion, "I don't know what happened!" She finally offers. "I can't explain it."

"Are you saying that you don't want to be with him?" Though my words sound hopeful they aren't. The question stems from genuine concern, not from some sick fantasy that I might somehow benefit from her suffering.

She takes a deep breath, "Yes…no…" Her eyes meet mine, desperately searching for the answers she seeks. "What if I'm only with him out of guilt? After everything that's happened, everything that I've put you all through…if we break up now it'll have all been for nothing. Robin's death, Zelena's sacrifice. Belle trapped under a sleeping curse and stuck in Pandora's box…for nothing!"

I offer her an understanding smile. Guilt is not an easy thing to contend with, I should know. It eats you up from the inside, slowly stripping you of all self-worth until there's nothing left.

But unlike me, Emma has done nothing wrong, and guilt has no place in her conscience.

"Robin died for me and now I don't even know if I ever loved him," I reply, sharing my own remorse in the hope that it will help ease hers. "If I thought the way that you did I would never forgive myself. I know I've said differently in the past, but everyone who played a part in this made their own choices. If there's one thing I've learnt the hard way it's that although our life can be influenced by those around us, we are the ones responsible for the choices we ultimately make."

I can see the effect my words have on her, I can almost hear the cogs in her mind mulling over my point, but she's not convinced.

"Whatever happens now between you and Hook, it has nothing to do with the decisions we made as individuals in Camelot and the Underworld," I continue, pressing my argument when she threatens to protest. "Emma, you can't think like that!"

Tear filled eyes fix onto mine, "And yet I can't seem to think any other way!" She replies.

Something deep inside of me dies at hearing her conflicted response. Emma is a good person. She's pure and beautiful, strong and true, she should never have to fight the demons that I do.

Taking a sip of my cider, I place my glass down on the coffee table and turn on the couch to face her head on, unconsciously slipping closer to her.

"This is my fault," I state, more than aware of the recent weight I've added to her burden. "You were distraught when Hook died. Elated when he came back. You would never have questioned your love for him if I hadn't confessed my feelings to you…"

"That's not true," She interrupts, sliding towards me until our knees bump into each other. "You know I started questioning our relationship the second True Loves kiss failed. I doubted it when the heart split failed but I was scared."

"Scared that you'd put us all in danger for someone that wasn't even your True Love?" I ask, already knowing the answer. She nods once. "Let's say that Hook isn't your True Love – a theory I don't ascribe too by the way – would you have just let him die, even though it was your fault he was the Dark One?"

I can't believe the words that I'm saying. I can't believe that I'm defending the one-handed wonder. But the truth is, despite the way I feel for her, I'd rather lose her forever then watch her live with this pain. And I am partially responsible for some of the conflict currently tearing her in two.

She shakes her head, shocked that I should even think such a thing "Of course I wouldn't!"

"No," I agree, "Of course you wouldn't, because you're a hero. You would have done exactly the same thing that you did and followed him to the Underworld. And we would all have still followed you because we're heroes too, and that's what heroes do."

If anyone ever tells Snow about this little speech they won't live to see the end of the day, but for once it feels good to instil a little hope instead of fear. And if the smile Emma is now directing my way is anything to go by, then maybe being one of the good guy's isn't so bad after all.

"I thought you said you weren't a hero anymore?" She grins, the appearance of her dimples a welcome sight.

I return her smile, the memory of that empty threat still fresh in my mind, "I'm sure that by now you've noticed I have a tendency to behave overdramatically when I'm upset," I reply.

"Oh, so that explains the outfits you wore in the Enchanted Forest then!"

I laugh at that, and my heart skips a beat as I watch the blonde do the same, "Amongst other things," I confirm lightly, switching back to more serious topics when I recognise the shadow of sadness that flickers through her eyes. "Emma, you've been through so much in the last few months, a little doubt is understandable."

She tilts her head to the side, studying me with such fascinated curiosity that I begin to shift uncomfortably in my seat.

"Why are you being like this?" She asks, her voice free from any hint of malice or mistrust. "Why are you being so nice?"

My grin widens, "Because I tried the whole evil thing and it's really overrated," I reply, "…and if I'm honest with myself, because despite my feelings all I want is for you to be happy. And if someone had asked if I thought Hook was your True Love before this all began, then I would have replied that he was, and I would have believed it with all my heart."

The words break me even as they make her stronger, and I fight to control the tears that threaten, "Don't give up on him just yet," I advise, unable to encourage her when I face a fight I may well not survive.

She leans forward, resting her forehead against mine, "So you're asking me to give up on you instead?" She whispers.

"Emma…" I reach out to gently cup her cheek in my hand and feel her lean into my touch. "You can't give up what you never had."

"But what if…"

I'm not strong enough to hear her talk about ifs, buts and maybes. It's taking everything I have to muster the courage to let to her go.

"I'm not going anywhere," I interrupt, trying not to think of the impending fight with Thanatos. "Whether you live happily ever after with your pirate or not, I will always be right here by your side."

At the very least, and God willing, that's the one promise I can keep.

I feel her fingers snake into my hair as she presses her head tighter to mine. She doesn't want to let me go, even though she knows she has too, she doesn't want to leave. Right now, that's the biggest show of affection she could give me.

Taking a deep, composing breath, I press on, "If it turns out that Hook isn't your True Love, then I truly believe we'll find our way back to each other. Look at your parents. An Evil Queen, several curses, a coma, even death, couldn't keep them apart. If we're meant to be together then we'll find each other."

I feel her lips skim across mine, I feel her breath on my cheek, and I have to close my eyes to stop myself from kissing her.

"But Emma," I whisper, wanting so desperately to reach out and taste her once more, "our time isn't now. I'm still grieving for, Robin. You're still in love with, Hook. We owe it to them to give them the piece of our heart that's theirs."

Our eyes lock with such intensity that I feel the delicious shiver of arousal run all the way down my spine, and I know in an instant that if she doesn't come back to me, my heart will be broken beyond repair.

She brushes her nose affectionately against mine, "And if all of my heart is Killian's?" She asks, daring to speak the words that neither one of us want to hear.

I smile sadly, "Then give it to him. Be happy."

Her lips brush lightly against mine, the barest of touches reminding us that though we're so close, we're as far apart as we ever were. I open my mouth to capture a kiss, wanting it so badly that it hurts, but a sub-conscious, mutual decision causes us both to pull back at the final moment.

"I- should go…"

I nod, "Yes!"

In a second she's stood up, her breathing heavy and cheeks flushed pink as she hastily brushes herself down. Her gorgeous eyes meet mine one final time.

"Regina I…" The words are on the tip of her tongue. Those three little words that once spoken can't be taken back, but she quickly covers them up, "I'll see you soon."

In a puff of white smoke, she's gone, and I finally allow a single tear to break free.

Reaching for my phone, I pick it up, surprised to find a text from Zelena.

 **I've discovered a way for you to fight, Thanatos. And it's a way that I know you can win.**

I half smile at my sister's efforts, but for the first time since this all began, I almost wish that I'd already lost.


	15. Chapter 15

AN: You guys are all awesome, there really isn't anything else to say! Oh except, please ignore any minor mistake, and please let me know what you think of chapter 15 :-)

It's a usual Saturday morning in Storybrooke. Archie is out walking Pongo, smiling warmly at everyone he passes. Geppetto and Pinocchio are working together in the carpenter's small workshop. Mr French is arranging buckets of flowers on the pavement outside his shop, and across the street, Granny's is bustling with early risers in search of their morning caffeine fix.

This is a happy town, a caring town, where daily routines are predictable to a fault and everyone is quick to band together when times get tough. It's a town I built, a community I helped flourish. Yet somehow, I'm still public enemy number one.

I notice the way Archie's eyes shift nervously away from me when we pass on the street. His usual cheerful greeting turning awkward and unsure when directed at me. I see the way Geppetto subconsciously moves closer to his son at the sound of my heels. Even Belle's father darts back inside his shop as soon as he realises that I intend to cross the road.

The only person to offer me so much as an acknowledgement is David. And even then I feel several shocked gazes stare at us when he winds the window down on the cruiser to wave at me as he passes on his morning patrol. Sometimes I doubt that this town will ever truly forgive me for my past sins, and it saddens me to admit that this morning I feel as much an outsider as I ever did back in the Enchanted Forest.

Not for the first time I find myself questioning my judgement when it comes to risking my life for this ungrateful populace. But the sight of the police car as it turns the corner at the end of the road, quickly reminds me why I continue to do it.

Emma.

The truth is that I would do anything to protect her happiness. Sacrifice myself to destroy a crystal that was threatening to blow up the town. Give up my life with, Henry so that the two of them could forge a future together in New York. Fight a God so that she can marry the love of her life…

You see, Emma deserves a love she can be proud of. A lover she can walk down the street with and not fear judgement or ridicule. I'm not that person. Not yet. But I'll never stop trying to become someone worthy of her affections. I'll never stop hoping that one day, I _will_ be enough for her.

Stifling a yawn, I push open the door to Granny's and silently curse myself for my tiredness. After Emma left last night, I refused to go to sleep. I was scared to dream. Scared that we'd meet up again in our own perfect little world.

I forced myself to stay awake. I read, watched TV, researched Thanatos, anything to prevent me from going to her. Finally exhausted, I fell into a dreamless sleep at about five o clock and when I woke to prepare for my meeting with Zelena, it was with a sense of emptiness at not having seen the blonde. That feeling hasn't left me since.

The ringing of the bell alerts the diner's occupants to my presence but no one really pays attention to it. Granny's head briefly pops through the service hatch where she offers me a tight smile, and Grumpy turns from his bacon and eggs to throw me a dark scowl.

Ignoring his obvious animosity, I hastily walk over to the booth Zelena is sat at and slide in opposite her.

"Did we have to meet up here?" I ask, my voice low as I can feel that wretched Dwarf's eyes burning into the back of me. "I feel like the latest attraction at a freak show!"

Replacing her tea cup back onto its small saucer, she smiles at me amused, "Oh stop being so dramatic," She chastises affectionately. "If you don't want the attention, then you have to learn to stop making a scene!"

I detect the pointed tone of her voice and instantly bristle at the implication that this awkward reception is somehow my fault, "Are you talking about Hook's welcome home party?" I ask, already aware of the answer.

She pauses as one of Granny's new waitresses stops at our table to pour me a black coffee and I nod my appreciation at the young woman.

"Well you did go all Carrie at the prom!" She replies as soon as we're alone once more.

"Carrie at the…" I frown at the surprising comment, and add two sugars to my delightfully bitter drink, "How do you even know that reference!?"

She shrugs, "I've been trying to understand this realm a little more…"

"And you thought that Stephen King was a good place to start?"

Despite our budding relationship, I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't concerned about her choosing murderous, insane teenagers as an example of life in this world. After all, it wasn't that long ago she was stealing babies and challenging me to death duals in the street.

"What can I say?" She replies, smiling sweetly, "It turns out that I like horror!"

Her response does nothing to ease my worry, and when Grumpy overhears our conversation and growls low in his throat, I can't stop myself from throwing him one of my Evil Queen glares. If we're not careful, he'll have told the whole town that we're plotting against them by lunch.

"And you can stop sneering at everyone that so much as looks at you," Zelena adds, noticing my silent threat and leaning forward to whisper across the table to me, "Most of them are just concerned."

I scoff at her misguided assumptions, and take a sip of my drink, "After the story I read in the paper and the way they all automatically assume that I'm trying to destroy them, I highly doubt that!" I reply, still bitter at the negative way they reacted to the unintentional crack I caused in the town.

Determined to prove that their opinions aren't important to me, I straighten my back and raise my chin, staring down my nose at the dwarf who has finished his breakfast and is pulling his jacket on. I hear Zelena sigh.

"For someone who claims to be a changed woman, you're still very good at playing the Queen…" She comments, offhandedly.

I continue to watch Grumpy until he's left the diner, and then turn my attention back to my sister. It irks me to know that she's right. Despite doing good some regal habits are harder to shake off than others, and I do have a tendency to look down on the townsfolk as though I still believe they're the peasants they once were.

Still, I'm not about to give her the satisfaction of admitting it.

I snort, "Say's the Wicked Witch who was very recently planning her happy ending with the God of the Underworld!?"

Given the role she played in Hades fate my words are a potential low blow, but she doesn't take them as such. Her cavalier response – a simple eye roll - is a testament to how our relationship has changed.

"Look," She says, ending our petty squabble with something that resembles true concern, "I know that they have a tendency to assume the worst about you, and your unwavering superiority complex certainly doesn't help matters, but after Emma's speech the other day…."

"Emma's what?"

Her eyes widen at my obvious surprise and I can tell from her reaction that she's probably just told me something that the blonde didn't want to me to know.

"Oh!" She states, shamefully chewing on her bottom lip, "You…don't know about that?"

I shake my head, wracking my brain for a reason as to why Emma would keep such a speech a secret but unfortunately, come up blank.

My sister offers an embarrassed laugh, "It was nothing, really," She replies, her words a poor attempt to make light of a situation that was clearly something. "There was a little unrest after your appearance at the diner. Some of the townsfolk…"

I glance knowingly back to the stool that Grumpy so recently vacated, "The Dwarfs? Whale?" I offer, naming a few of my adversaries.

"Among others," She nods, "Some of them demanded your arrest…"

I feel the beginnings of a sharp pain in my heart, a pain that I haven't felt for several days, and Zelena is quick to detect the fall of my expression. "But as sheriff, Emma called a meeting at the Town Hall to try and calm the situation," She adds, unknowingly stopping the pain before it ever really begins.

"What did she say?"

My sister smiles fondly, "She defended you. She reminded everyone of exactly how far you've come. She listed all the things you've done for Storybrooke. How many lives you've saved. And then she explained that what was happening to the town was beyond your control. It was all very romantic…" She pauses to give me a sympathetic wince, "…or at least it would have been if her pirate hadn't been standing gallantly by her side the entire time."

I find Hook's presence irrelevant in the grand scheme of things because Emma defended me. She stood up in front of a town baying for my blood and made them believe that my life was worth saving…

"She really did that? For me?"

If I sound in awe it's because I am. No one has ever done anything like that for me. No one has ever been willing to take the chance. Snow got the closest when she stopped my execution, but even then it was on the proviso that I accept exile and lifelong banishment from society.

Maybe Emma's speech is the reason for some of the looks I received this morning!

"Yes," Zelena affirms, her changing tone enough to drag me from my dreamlike state. "Which is exactly why she'll bloody well flip when she realises what you intend to do!"

My mind is instantly brought back to the present and my reason for being here in the first place. I glance back to my sister, "She isn't going to find out," I instruct, reiterating her promise not to say anything about my plans.

"In theory that's a nice sentiment," She replies, clearly knowing something that I don't, "but I think you'll find the reality quite different."

She reaches into her bag, producing a golden apple which she puts on the table between us. It looks like some sort of ornament or paperweight, and at the very least appears gold plated.

I frown, having never seen anything quite like it before, "What's that?"

"Did the Evil Queen seriously just ask me what an apple was?"

I roll my eyes at her poor attempt at humour, "I know that you find yourself amusing, but I've met Ogres with more wit. What is it?"

"It's an apple of discord," She finally replies, sliding the it across the table towards me, "And you may find me irritating but I had to beg Rumplestiltskin for this!"

I pick up the strange object, testing the surprisingly light weight in my hands. There's an energy to it, a mystical power that reaches out to me. Whatever it is, it has strong magical properties.

"You got this from the Dark One?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at the mere suggestion of such a careless deal. Things that come from, Gold, are rarely worth their price.

She nods, detecting my hesitancy, "Don't worry, it's fully paid for."

"With what!?"

She looks offended, annoyed that I'd consider her naïve enough to fall for one of Rumple's underhanded deals, "With money!"

"Oh!" I reply, slightly ashamed at being so quick to judge her. "I'm sorry, I just don't trust that Imp."

She gives me a look that suggests I'm not the only Mills to fall prey to his devious schemes. "You and me both, Sis," She quips, and I mentally file away her bitter response as story to ask for on another day.

I return my attention back to the apple in my hand, it's power sending a not unpleasant thrumming down my arm. "So what's it for?" I ask.

"Well, if its name isn't self-explanatory enough, Greek mythology records it as tool to upset harmony and cause argument."

"And that's useful to me how?"

Zelena grins, "Because in layman's terms it's just a glorified messenger. One that has the ability to transcend realms."

I lift the glittering apple, closely studying it's smooth and shimmering surface. There's nothing overly interesting about it. No elven writing or magical markings, it's just an apple. And yet, something about the way it excites my magic tells me of it's worth, and I instantly know that Zelena's plan is to use it to communicate with Thanatos. I'm just not sure what she intends me to say.

"You want me to send a cease and desist to the God of death?" I ask, arching a disbelieving eyebrow.

She scoffs, finding the very idea ridiculous, "No, I want you to challenge him!"

Despite the Evil Queen's illusions of grandeur, Regina Mills is more than aware that she doesn't have the strength or power to take on a God, "Are you out of your mind?" I vehemently protest.

"Quite the contrary, little sis," She cheerfully replies. "Thanatos has only ever been defeated once, by the hero Heracles. Heracles challenged Thanatos to prevent him from taking the life of the Queen of Pherai. They fought, Thanatos lost, everyone survived!"

"And you think that _I_ can beat a God?" I choke, realising that stories of the Evil Queen's exploits have been grossly exaggerated if she genuinely believes that.

She sighs, "Regina, you're a magical being. And that's all Greek heroes are. Besides, challenging him will force him to travel to this realm where he'll have to take on corporeal form to fight you. Face to face you're as strong as he is. Maybe stronger if Heracles story is anything to go by." She reaches across the table, gripping onto my hand in a show of sisterly support, "You _can_ win this."

I briefly consider her logic, confident that on an even battlefield my magic is strong enough to match that of the most formidable foe. Maybe she's right, maybe this really is the way to win.

"And how do you propose we get this message to him?" I ask, toying with the idea of issuing such a challenge.

She smiles, "He has a conduit open which allows him to feed off Hook's soul. It links the Underworld to Storybrooke and as a God, Thanatos should have the ability to travel through it. We can also use it to send the apple to him."

"Where is this conduit?"

"In the forest. Near your tear. I detected it when we first investigated the earthquakes but I couldn't figure out the source…"

"Regina, you left your vault!"

Emma's surprised voice interrupts Zelena's plan and I look up to find her stood at the serving counter. Dressed in her trademark skinny jeans and red leather jacket with her latest accessory, Hook, standing faithfully by her side. I'd been so preoccupied with our conversation that I didn't even hear the diner bell ring as she entered.

I open my mouth to reply but my mind draws a blank. It's so hard to see her stood there with _him_ \- Storybrooke's second favourite couple reunited and completely inseparable – especially after the intimacy we've so recently shared.

I may have told her to give him another chance, but I certainly didn't want to be around to watch her try.

"I forced her to join me for breakfast," Zelena hastily cuts in, jumping to my rescue when she realises that I'm lost for words, "I had to drag her here, kicking and screaming."

For the first time ever, I find myself grateful for the quick thinking of an overprotective sister, but my appreciation quickly deteriorates when Emma begins to walk over to our table.

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me," The saviour quips, sharing a knowing smirk with the once wicked witch. "What's that?"

Observant as always, the blonde's eyes quickly land on the apple of discord, making it the attention of our awkward group.

"It's a gift," Zelena informs, saving me again with the speed of her lies. "I saw it and thought of, Regina."

"Just make sure she keeps it away from any turnovers," Emma jokes, her hand unconsciously slipping down to rest just above the sheriff's badge that's clipped onto the waistband of her jeans.

Feeling slightly insulted, I'm quick to find my wit amongst the rubble of my heartache, "You need not fear another attack from me, Miss Swan," I reply. "There's no point in putting someone under a sleeping curse when she has a dashing pirate to rush in and the save the day!"

The comment is light, but it's filled with such hidden undertones that when our eyes lock across the table, the sexual tension sparks to life between us once more.

I had meant is as a passing observation, a way of reminding Emma that despite our shared feelings she doesn't have to hide her relationship from me. Unfortunately, however, it's only served to draw light to our own desires and the very real possibility that if the Saviour should ever fall under such a curse, it would be the Evil Queen that would ultimately set her free.

We share a prolonged, heated gaze until an oblivious Hook unknowingly pulls us apart.

"Dashing indeed," He replies, smiling smugly. "And always happy to save a damsel in distress."

He presses a chaste kiss to Emma's unsuspecting lips and I snort at such a sickeningly macho display. If Emma did ever need such a rescue, she would certainly never welcome being referred to in such a weak, inferior way.

"If you're looking for damsels then you sailed to the wrong town," I sass, unable to stop myself from having one small dig at the man who holds the heart of the woman I love. "Though I'm sure it's escaped your notice, it's the women of Storybrooke who are the real heroes around here…"

His confident gaze flits back and forth between Zelena and I, and I detect his biting response before he even speaks, "Present company excluded."

Rage, which in truth is probably fuelled by jealousy, flares to life deep inside my chest. I clench my jaw, reining in my magic before I accidentally detach his manhood.

"Killian!" Emma scolds, detecting my change of mood and trying desperately to placate me, "Zelena and Regina are part of the reason you got to come back…"

"It was only a joke, Swan," The pirate is quick to reply, though something in his voice suggests otherwise. "When did you so get so protective of the Queen anyway? It wasn't that long ago you told me that you thought she was overbearing, egotistical and likely to be the reason for your murder trial!"

Stunned, my enraged glare flicks across to the suddenly nervous, blonde.

"It was ages ago…" She hastily defends, quick to explain further when the fire doesn't instantly leave my eyes. "…when we we're fighting the Ice Queen and you wouldn't talk to me…"

My expression finally softens at the timely reminder of the last time the tension was high between us. Only then, it was for a whole different reason.

"You look tired, Hook," Zelena cuts in once more. Expertly reading the direction our conversation is taking and quickly concluding that a continuation wouldn't be pleasant for anyone present.

He takes a long, deep breath at the careful observation, and it's only then that I realise she's right. His eyes are red, heavy and dull, his skin is almost grey, and his usually immaculate facial hair is overgrown and unshaven. Has Emma really not noticed the change in his physical appearance?

He grins salaciously, "You'd be tired too if you shared a bed every night with this one!"

He gives Emma a lecherous wink and I feel my stomach roll with jealously. It's one thing to be the bigger person in these situations, but it's something else entirely to remain gracious in the face of such obvious defeat.

Abruptly, I stand. "Excuse me," I state curtly, pushing past the grinning pirate as I exit the small booth and make a beeline for the bathroom.

As soon as I find myself alone in the small, two stall room, I go to the sink and wet my face with cold water. I have to get a grip on my out of control emotions. I told Emma to go to her pirate. I gave her my blessing. I have no right to react this way, no right to be angry at the thought of him kissing or touching her.

So why does the very implication boil the blood in my veins?

Wiping my face with a paper towel, I examine my reflection in the small mirror. It's been a while since I stared at my image with such self-hatred. Only before, where that hatred stemmed from the cold, murderous, expression I saw starring back, it now stems from weakness, my complete inability to either take what I want or just walk away.

Before I have time to fully collect myself, the door to the bathroom swings open once more, giving way to, Emma.

"Regina I'm sorry…." She begins to apologise, but I find that I don't have the patience or strength to hear it.

"You told me you weren't fucking him!" I shout, spinning on my heel to confront her.

Shocked by the tone of my voice and the use of a curse that I doubt she's ever heard me say before, she stops abruptly at the door to the first stall.

"We're not," She replies, green eyes searching mine.

"So why did he say that?" I accuse, venom dripping from my every word.

"Because he's Killian," She screams, her own anger rising to match mine, "He'd much rather say that then truth. Which is that we haven't slept together in close to two months."

I open my mouth to shut her down, to call her out as a liar and demand to know why she led me on, but I can't. I know she's telling the truth because I can see it in her hurt expression. And I also know that means that Thanatos really is a threat.

"Why do you even care?" She demands, her cheeks flushing red with anger at my continued silence. "This is what you wanted isn't it? You told me to give him a chance…"

"I told you to take what you wanted…" I argue, my words bitter though they have no reason or right to be.

The anger instantly falls from her expression, the rage in her eyes quickly replaced with a deep look of longing, "I want you…" She replies, her voice barely above a whisper.

Overcome with white hot desire, I grab onto the lapels of her leather jacket and haul her towards me, crashing my lips against hers. She groans deep in the back of her throat and her hands instantly rise to tangle up in my hair, pulling me closer.

"I want you so fucking much, Regina. You're all I can think about."

She gasps the words against my mouth, my name turning into an elongated moan when I suck on her bottom lip and slip my tongue inside.

Arousal pulses through every nerve ending in my body, igniting a burning lust that I've never felt with anyone before. I want to consume her, become a part of her, give every last inch of myself to her. But I can't. Not yet, and not like this.

I break the kiss, twisting my head to sever the thin trail of saliva that still joins us together. We're both panting, our bodies pressed tight together as we struggle to get as close as physically possible while still entirely clothed.

"You can't have us both," I finally reply.

We take a mutual step back from each other, and as I straighten out my clothes, I find that I have to restrain myself from snapping the button on her jeans and slipping my hand inside, taking what we both so desperately want.

Emma has Hook, and though their relationship is far from perfect, I have to at least allow them the chance to try. Otherwise I'll always wonder if she only came to me because it didn't quite work out with him.

If I am ever to be Emma Swan's, then it will be as an equal. As a hero whose revered and loved by everyone, a woman that she could never imagine being without. Currently I'm only second best, and that simply isn't good enough.

Without another word, I exit the bathroom and walk straight up to Zelena. I know what I have to do now, and I know why I need to do it.

"Come on," I instruct, gesturing for her to stand up, "it's high time that I challenged the God of Death to a dual that he's never going to win."

Regardless of who's heart Emma does finally chose there is one thing that I am now absolutely certain of.

I will make myself worthy of her, and I will earn the respect of this town.


	16. Chapter 16

AN: You guys had such love for the last chapter that I decided the only way I could possibly thank you all for your wonderful comments, was to spend my day off writing you the next one. Let me know what you think ;-)

"The well!?"

Zelena and I are stood in front of the old well, in the middle of Storybrooke's forest. The same well that I once absorbed a death curse from in order to save Emma and Snow from my mother's clutches.

"Why not the well?" My sister replies.

"It just seems so…" I search for the right word, "…clichéd!"

Though I created this town and have run it for the best part of three decades, I realise now that I have no real idea where this well leads to. But as it seems to be the focal point of anything dark or magical that occurs in Storybrooke, as mayor, I really should look into getting it removed.

Zelena snorts at the irritation such a trivial fact instils within me, "Then be sure to tell Thanatos that his use of wells as conduits isn't very original," She quips, humour lacing her words.

Taking a deep breath, she spreads her hands wide as if sniffing the air, "Can't you feel the dark magic?" She asks.

If the joy in her expression is anything to go by, then I'm pretty certain that I can't feel it the way that she can. But then, as my magic is now a mix of light and dark, maybe there's a reason for that.

Either way, I can feel something. A sort of energetic buzz that ripples the air like static electricity.

"Yes," I reply, ignoring its dangerous pull as I reach into my bag to retrieve the apple of discord, "I can feel it. So what do I do?"

As if suddenly remembering that we're actually here for a reason and not just to glorify in the powerful darkness that surrounds us on all sides, Zelena turns to face me. "Rumple, said to use your magic to carve the apple with whatever you want to say," She informs.

I glance down at the mythical item in my hands, and pause to carefully consider how best to express what I want to say. Past mistakes have taught me that when making any kind of deal, when issuing any sort of challenge, your chances of coming out on top are greatly dictated by the original wording.

Look at Gold's current predicament with Belle and his unborn child for example, or the Charming's when they used Lilly to ensure that Emma would always be good. If these things aren't worded exactly right, they can have disastrous consequences for those involved.

Confident that my challenge is clear, concise and not open to misinterpretation, I generate a small amount of magic in the palm of my hand and slowly swipe it across the top of the apple.

I watch, amazed, as my carefully thought out words appear ingrained on the gold surface in a beautifully written script.

 _ **As the champion of Killian Jones, I, Regina Mills, challenge the God, Thanatos.**_

Simple, elegant and straight to the point.

With an air of determination and only a hint of trepidation, I step up to the well, preparing to toss the apple into it's dark, murky depths.

"Wait…" Zelena suddenly calls out, grasping my wrist to prevent me from letting go, "Are you sure?"

The concern in her voice though touching, only serves to feed my rising doubt. Yes, I'm confident of my own abilities, but I also have a son to think about, a family that I need to consider before I undertake this potentially dangerous quest.

"You said I could win this?" I state, needing to hear her reaffirm my odds.

She nods, "And you can, but these things never come without risks."

I think again of Rumple's recent error in judgement, of the price that Belle has ultimately had to pay, and I never want that to be Henry.

I glance back down to the apple in my hand.

"I know that," I reply, willing to place my faith in the wording of my challenge and the strength of my magic, "But I _have_ to do this."

She sighs heavily, searching my determined expression for an explanation that she can't find, "Why?" She demands, her voice gentle but firm, "Who are you trying to prove yourself too?"

Her question is one that I've asked myself a hundred times over in the last few days and though she probably assumes differently, the answer is the same as it always was. "Me," I reply simply.

She shakes her head, her brow creased in confusion, "I don't understand."

"This town was so quick to judge me when this happened," I explain, gesturing to the large crack that runs through the forest, perpendicular to the well. "They always are. The second something goes wrong, it's my fault, the Evil Queen is back. They're still scared of me. Despite the fact that I've changed, they still think that I'm going to hurt them…"

Zelena huffs, clearly disagreeing with my sense of logic, "They're idiots!" She shrugs.

"They're not," I reply, having finally seen what they do when they look at me. It's the same thing I see whenever I look in the mirror.

"I tormented them for years in the Enchanted Forest," I continue, determined to prove why this fight is suddenly so important to me. "I cursed them all to forget who they are. And the Evil Queen, she _is_ still inside of me. She still hates every person in this town."

A single tear slips down my cheek and as Zelena notices it, she grips tighter onto my fingers, "I _need_ to prove to myself that I really am redeemed," I confess sadly. "I need to know that _she's_ never coming back. I can't expect them to forgive me if I can't even forgive myself."

She offers me a sympathetic smile but her expression remains steeped in doubt, "But why now?" She asks, "Is it because of, Emma?"

I think of my initial reason, of how it hurt to realise that Emma would never chose me over her pirate, of how the town were so quick to see the worst in me, and I know that she certainly had some influence over my choice.

But then I think of how this all began. The bitterness I felt the second I saw that Hook was alive. The dream I had in which I ripped out his heart. The way I cursed my friends for having their happy endings when I was left with nothing… and I know in an instant, that this is about so much more than them.

"I'd be lying if I said that my feelings didn't play some part in this decision," I admit truthfully, "I want to be someone Emma could be truly happy with. I want to be a mother that Henry can be proud of…."

"Henry is proud of you!" Zelena interrupts, her determination to change my mind as strong as my determination is to see it through.

"But it's not about how _he_ sees me!" I reply, finally getting to the root of all this, the inner demon that plagues me night and day. "It's about how _I_ see me. You and Emma are the only people who know how I feel about her so I'm not doing this to prove myself to any of them."

I take a deep breath, swiping at the tears that now fall freely, "But all I ever wanted was to be happy, and the Evil Queen was born from that desire. If I can risk my life to save that of the man Emma loves, to ensure that if she chooses to spend the rest of her life with him then she can…" I shake my head, struggling to find a way to accurately articulate my feelings, "…it means that for the first time in my life I'll have put someone else's happy ending above my own. It means that _she_ doesn't have control of me anymore."

Finally understanding, Zelena reaches up to wipe my tears. The hand still gripping my fingers, moving to push the apple over the opening of the well.

"Do it," She instructs, and I can see the strength of her blessing in the loving expression she directs my way. "Just make sure you bloody well come back."

I nod my reply, a silent promise between two sisters, and together we both toss the apple into the well.

There's no watery splash, no echoing thud as the message drops into the abyss, no way to know whether or not the apple has even gone anywhere. We wait in silence. Anticipating a rush of dark magic and the sudden appearance of a flying, winged God, but the still forest and the soft bristle of the wind in the trees is the only thing that greets us.

"Nothing's happened!" I announce, casting a questioning look towards Zelena.

She shrugs, as clueless about the whole process as I, "It must take time," She replies, "I guess we just wait."

I try to hide my disappointment. Having psyched myself up for an immediate fight my body is coursing with adrenaline and ready to strike. At this moment in time, waiting is an almost unbearable thought, and my sister can sense that.

Stepping down from the well, she holds her hand out to me, smiling warmly. "In the meantime," She suggests calmly, "How would you like to spend the rest of the morning with your big sister and your niece?"

I smile at the thought of spending such quality time with my family, and realise that a little love is exactly what I need right now.

Reaching out, I take my sisters hand in my own, "I'd like nothing more," I reply, quickly forgetting the impending fight, as we begin to make our way back through the peaceful forest.

xxx

 _I'm in my bedroom. Laid in my bed. The room is dimly lit by several candles and an apple and cinnamon incense stick burns on my vanity. The atmosphere is intimate, romantic, and if I dared to look under the duvet cover I'm pretty certain that I'd discover I was wearing my most expensive lingerie set and not a lot more._

 _Everything about this setting is exactly as I'd imagined it. The time, the place, the company, but something about the scenario just doesn't feel right. And I'm not talking about the obvious fact that as this is a dream, none of it is real._

 _Without turning my head, I continue to stare at the ceiling as I whisper the name of the person I know I'll find lying next to me._

" _Emma…"_

 _A blonde head pops up from the pillow next to me, and my gaze subconsciously shifts across to greet the smiling saviour._

 _Her princess curls fall perfectly, framing her beautiful face, and her eyes are full of adoration and love. She looks so happy, the way that I always hoped that she would if we ever found ourselves alone together in this way._

 _My eyes slowly drift down her delectable figure and I swallow sharply when I realise that like me, she's wearing nothing but a lacy set of lingerie. A flare of heat rushes through my body, pooling in my lower abdomen, and I have to wet my lips against a suddenly dry mouth._

 _I sometimes wonder what I did to deserve this level of torture. How am I supposed to get through the night without laying Emma down, and taking her in the way that I've so often fantasised about._

" _What's going on?" I ask, finally finding my voice and wondering what we're supposed to do now that our shared subconscious has placed us in such a tempting situation._

 _She leans teasingly towards me, her eyes skimming over every inch of my bared flesh, "I would have thought that was obvious!" She drawls._

 _Her words set my entire body ablaze with raw lust, and I fight the urge to simply throw caution to the wind for one unforgettable night of passion, with the woman of my dreams._

 _I swallow again, trying desperately to clear my mind of dirty thoughts, "But…" I protest with little conviction, "we agreed that we weren't going to do this. You said you were going to give Hook a chance…"_

" _I never agreed not to do this," Emma replies, her voice dripping with pure sex as she runs a teasing finger down my exposed cleavage. "Besides, this is a dream. It isn't really happening so we're not doing anything wrong."_

 _Somewhere in the back of mind I hear a warning bell signal. A gentle reminder that something about this still doesn't feel right. But it's a feeling that is quickly forgotten when I feel Emma's near naked body sliding closer to mine._

" _Emma, we've talked about this before," I gently chastise, distracted by the warmth of her body heat under the covers. "It may only be a dream, but it's lucid. To act on our feelings here is as wrong as if we acted on them in the waking world."_

 _She leans in closer still, her lips mere millimetres from mine, "This is your dream, Regina," She whispers sensually. "It's your bedroom."_

 _Those lips push forward to lightly brush against mine before playfully pulling back, "This is your desire. I'm not doing anything that you don't want, am I?"_

 _My gaze is pulled down to the mouth that was so recently pressed against mine, "No," I reply, quickly losing the argument to my raging desire. "I do want you, so much, but..."_

" _Sssh," she interjects, hooking a muscular thigh over my hip to pull me closer, "just let it happen. Give in."_

 _Completely helpless to resist her, I surrender, capturing her lips in a searing kiss. But the kiss doesn't taste right, her tongue is too rough, and when I pull back briefly it's to notice that the colour of her eyes are just slightly the wrong shade of green._

" _You're not, Emma…" I gasp, scrambling backwards to the other side of the bed. It's then that realisation dawns on me, "…Thanatos!"_

 _The room instantly begins to transform, twisting and turning until my bedroom simply disappears. Before I can so much as blink, I find myself stood on a marble plateau in the middle of the Acropolis, thankfully I'm now fully clothed._

 _I watch as a winged Thanatos circles in the sky above me like a vulture moving in on its prey. He lands with a soft thud, directly in front of me, and I get my first full look at my new enemy._

 _In truth, he's a very handsome man. His hair is thick, black and shaggy, his eyes a pale lilac. His features are chiselled and his body muscular. He's topless, wearing only a pair of black leather trousers, and the wings that protrude from his back are large and bat-like._

" _Good Evening, Ms Mills," He greets, in a voice as smooth as silk. "It's such a shame we had to meet like this."_

 _I study him suspiciously, uncertain how or why he'd chose to confront me in my dreams, "What are you doing here?" I demand, drawing off the confidence of the Evil Queen._

 _He smiles, a dazzling, perfect smile that shows off his pearly white teeth, and bows down to me in respect, "Why taking you up on your challenge of course!"_

" _You got my message?"_

 _He folds his arms across his hairless chest, and his large wings retract onto his back, "If you mean the apple of discord, then yes," he replies. "It dropped out of the sky right in the middle of dinner, a most inconvenient distraction."_

 _I briefly contemplate what - if anything - the God of death would actually eat, but quickly abandon such curiosities in search of his much needed response._

" _So you accept?" I ask._

 _His smile widens into a broad grin, forcing the appearance of a single dimple, "You think that I'd seriously turn down the chance to drain your life force?" He guffaws. "You're the Evil Queen, one of the most powerful magical beings of any realm."_

 _I wince at the mention of an alter ego that try as I might, I can't seem to free myself from. But despite the hatred I feel towards her, I have to admit that a little of her gumption would be most welcome right now._

" _Do you promise that Killian Jones won't be harmed?" I demand, determined to procure my terms before I agree on a time and a place for this fight to occur._

 _He shrugs, the thought of Hook as insignificant to him now, as Sidney always was to me. "Why would I want him when I can have you," He replies courteously, "This is quite the conquest for me."_

 _I offer him a dangerous smirk, allowing the Evil Queen to come out to play, "On the contrary you haven't won yet," I confidently remind. "When it comes to the fight I think you'll find me quite the formidable opponent."_

 _He laughs loudly, a raucous sound filled with equal parts humour and pity, "Oh my sweet, naïve child," he condescendingly replies, "The challenge has already begun."_

" _What?"_

 _I feel my stomach drop with fear, my heart beating double time at the thought of being played. That can't be true. It can't…_

" _Why do you think I took on the form of the one you most desire?" He informs, my hope fading with every word he speaks. "Seducing you is an easy way to drain your life force. It's also the most pleasurable for you."_

" _But…" I search my brain for a clause to get me out of this potential disaster, a way to turn this back in my favour, "…we're supposed to meet in the waking world, in Storybrooke…"_

 _With a wave of his hand the apple of discord appears in his palm and he studies my written challenge intensely, "Now where does it specify that?" he inquires._

 _I close my eyes, silently cursing my stupidity when I realise that it doesn't. I thought about the wording so carefully. I thought that I was the one in control. But just like Rumple, the manipulative little bat has found a way to turn the challenge to his advantage._

" _You bastard!" I growl, channelling a burst of my magic into his chest._

 _The impact knocks him back a step but causes no further damage than that. I swallow sharply, aware that there should have been enough power in that strike to knock him clear across the Acropolis._

" _You're immune to my magic?" I gasp, a sense of dread flooding my body at the realisation that while here, I'm completely defenceless against him._

 _He shakes his head but the cocky grin that spreads across his smug face indicates that I'm not going to like his answer. "Not immune as such," he informs blithely, "but your asleep you see. You're regenerating your energy. Your magic can't possibly be as effective while your unconscious." He thumps his chest in a show of strength, "My magic however, is designed for this world. Here, I'm at my strongest."_

" _So I can't defeat you?" I ask, already fearing the answer and imagining the distraught look on Henry's face when he discovers the truth._

" _In theory you could," He disagrees, though his tone holds no hint of someone who fears for their life. "But your magic drains my life force at a fraction of the speed that mine drains yours. Who do you think is going to succumb first?"_

 _The truth hits me like a ten tonne truck. I tried to outwit death and I lost. It was a reckless decision based on a selfish desire, and once again the results of my actions will bring pain to those that I love._

 _But surely, when the grief passes and the pain heals, they'll all see that I was just trying to do the right thing for once. Despite his heartbreak, Henry will be proud of me for that. Zelena will forgive me for breaking my promise, and Emma will know that I loved her enough to guarantee her happy ending._

" _Fine," I reply, trying my best to make peace with the poorest of my choices. "Just do it. As long as Emma has Hook then I know she'll be okay."_

 _I brush down my jacket and straighten my shoulders, preparing to meet my fate like a queen. "Do it," I instruct, "Kill me."_

 _He actually has the gall to wince._

" _I'm afraid it's not that simply or that easy, my dear," He informs almost apologetically. "These things take time. Draining a life force takes a lot out of the both of us. No, this will take several days at least."_

 _He gestures to the sky, pointing to something unseen, "Are you sure you don't want to go back to my original scenario? I assure you, you'll know nothing of what's really happening to you."_

 _I suddenly remember reading about how Thanatos is normally associated with merciful deaths and realise that he's as genuinely reluctant as me, to take my life in this way._

 _But the thought of making love to a dream manifestation of Emma hurts more than the thought of leaving her, of leaving them all._

 _I shake my head, "No."_

" _Very well, don't say I didn't give you the opportunity."_

 _His magic strikes me in the centre of my chest, spreading out like white hot needles over every inch of my body. It feels exactly how I would imagine being struck by lightning would feel, only this isn't painful as such._

 _I feel the energy slowly drain from my muscles, and when my legs no longer possess the strength to hold me upright, I drop to my knees._

 _I briefly consider fighting back, but knowing the minimal effect it will have on him I know that at this moment in time it will only drain precious energy._

 _No, he said the process will take time, so I'll concede round one to him. And when I wake up tomorrow I'll meet up with Zelena, regroup, replan, and be ready to come back stronger._

 _The last coherent thought I have before I pass out from sheer exhaustion, is that if there is a way to beat him then I'll find it, because Regina Mills never goes down without a fight, and this is one fight that I don't intend to lose._


	17. Chapter 17

AN: Hey guys! Wow, we've passed 100 favourites, thank you all so, so much! It's late here and I'm at work tomorrow so I had to rush to get this chapter finished for you. Therefore, please forgive any tiny mistakes :-) Let me know what you think!

It's early afternoon when I slump over the serving counter at Granny's, waiting for Widow Lucas to return with my black coffee.

Though it took me all morning to even muster the strength to drag myself out of bed, I feel as though I haven't slept for a week. My brain is foggy, my eyes are heavy, and my muscles ache in the same way they do after a particularly gruelling workout. If this is what it feels like to go one round with Thanatos, then I dread to think what I'll feel like after three or four.

I know I'm not looking my best either. My hair is pulled back into a short ponytail, my blouse is creased, and I'm wearing far less make-up than usual. Granny noticed the physical change immediately, I could tell by the slight flicker of her expression, and Even Grumpy refrained from his usual biting comment as he pushed past me in the doorway.

Tiredness momentarily consumes me and my eyes slide shut, but I'm quickly jolted awake when my chin drops off the hand that's propping it up. Widow Lucas places a steaming cup of hot coffee down in front of me.

"It's extra strong," She informs, watching carefully as I rub at my red-rimmed eyes, "You look like you could use it."

I offer her a grateful smile, "Thanks!"

The diner bell rings and I glance to the door, pleased to see that Zelena is on time for our scheduled meeting. She takes a hand off Robyn's stroller for long enough to give me a small wave, and gestures over to a nearby booth. Nodding in acknowledgement, I pick up my coffee and turn to go over to her, walking straight into Hook in the process.

"Careful, love!" He exclaims, raising his hands to steady me. But his movements are too slow and I drop the Styrofoam cup, tipping hot liquid across my hand and onto the floor.

"Ow, shit…" I gasp, shaking the quickly pinking skin of my hand. I glance an apologetic look towards the pirate, "Sorry…"

"It's fine," He replies with a courteous smile, "Most of it missed me. Are you okay?"

I nod, ascertaining that the damage to my hand is superficial at best, "Yes, thank you."

"I'll bring you a new one over," Granny calls out, studying me suspiciously as one of her waitresses rushes over with a mop and a wet floor sign.

I smile my appreciation and side-step to move around Hook, but the firm grip of his hand on my shoulder prevents me from moving away. He ducks his head to get a better look at me, an expression of confusion slipping across his handsome face.

"You look tired, Regina," He observes kindly. "I appreciate that things…have been hard for you just recently. And I haven't exactly been myself…." He clears his throat, "I just wanted to say thank you, for everything you did for me in the Underworld. And sorry about…well you know…"

I do know. He's talking about Robin. Finally, I have my apology but suddenly it doesn't seem important anymore. The only thing that matters is that the sparkle has returned to his eyes, his cheeks are full of colour, and he once again appears the epitome of the man that Emma originally fell for.

Thanatos has done as I asked and left him alone. I've successfully guaranteed Emma's happy ending.

"It's fine," I reply, discovering that even formulating words takes precious energy that I don't appear to have. "I don't blame you. I'm pleased to see you looking so well."

I leave him with a friendly smile, slowly making my way over to my sister, Robyn is fast asleep, and I press a soft kiss to her forehead before sitting down.

"What was that about?" She asks, nodding towards Hook as a waitress comes across to our table with two coffees.

"Nothing," I reply, sounding anything but subtle. "I spilled my drink…"

"Are you okay, sis?" She presses, her voice laced with concern as she studies me closely. "You don't look too good?"

I take a deep breath, relieved that I don't have to uphold the charade any longer, "No," I inform, stifling a yawn, "It's why I called you here. Thanatos took up my challenge but he's refusing to meet me in Storybrooke, he's started draining my life force in my sleep…"

"He's attacking you?" she gasps, lowering her voice so to avoid anyone overhearing our very private conversation. "Has he given up on, Hook?"

I glance over to where the pirate is leaning against the serving counter while playing on his phone, "Does he look better to you?" I ask.

Zeleana's gaze follows my own, "His usual charming self," She replies somewhat sarcastically.

"Exactly!"

Her eyes flick back to mine, noting every dark ring on display, "But this isn't what we wanted this is…"

"A very clever trick!" I inform, quickly updating her on the underhanded tactics at play.

I detect her fear almost immediately, the sudden, irrational worry that not only might she have to contend with killing her True Love, but also her sister too. "Can you fight him?" She asks, her voice uncharacteristically optimistic.

"I believe so," I reply, feeling confident. "But I need more power. At the moment my attacks are weak at best. We need to find a way to boost the strength of my magic while I'm asleep."

Off the top my head I can only think of one way - teaming up with, Emma – but as I currently have no idea of Thanatos' abilities it's a risk I'm not willing to take. What if he saw Emma as the bigger target and changed his focus to her? Or worse still, what if our power combined still isn't enough and he drains us both? I could never do that to Henry.

"How long do we have?" Zelena asks, and from the look of deep concentration on her face I'd say that she's already begun mentally listing the names of people she thinks might help us.

I shake my head, uncertain, "Thanatos said that draining me will take time but I suggest we act fast. Every time he attacks I become weaker."

"I can speak to Rumple, see if he knows of anyway to boost your magic? But even if he did I'm sure we'd find him reluctant to help…" It's clear from her tone that she doubts the possibility of that solution as much as I.

Silence falls over our table as we both think. I've met many magical beings in my time and several with the ability to help but unfortunately, most of them only know me as the Evil Queen and still bear very understandable grudges.

Across from me Zelena bites subconsciously on her thumbnail, obviously faring no better than I. Getting nowhere, she eventually takes a deep breath, resigning herself to the one option that neither of us particularly want to consider.

"We need the others…"

I know instantly that she's referring to the Charming's and their little family of heroes but truth be told, even if I didn't fear Emma's impulsive response, I still have far too much pride to actually ask them for help.

"No," I reply, rejecting the suggestion before it's ever really materialised. "I'm doing this to save Hook, to ensure Emma's happiness. I don't want them to know."

As if on cue the diner bell sounds again, the door opening to allow the entrance of Emma and Henry. I watch as they walk over to Hook, feel my chest ache as the blonde leans in to press a chaste kiss against the pirate's lips, and slink down into my chair. Silently hoping that neither one of them sees me.

It's a hope born from exhaustion, having forgotten my earlier run in with the pirate, it suddenly comes rushing back me to me when I see him say something to the others and then nod in my direction. Henry's expression instantly brightens, and I hastily turn back to my sister, determined to finish my point before I'm forced to change topic.

"If Emma finds out what I've done she'll try and stop Thanatos herself, and look at what happened the last time she tried to protect me." The horrifying image of her absorbing the Darkness is one that's burnt vividly into my memory and I know without doubt, that I'll never let her make a sacrifice like that again. My sister however, needs further convincing.

"Zelena, you have to promise me that you won't say anything," I beg, "We can beat him if we work together. I'll read all the magic books I have back at the vault, and you can speak to the Imp. Please…"

As a rule, I never beg for anything. It's a wholly demeaning trait that forces you to concede power to someone who rarely deserves it. But for Emma I think I'd do just about anything, and considering what that may entail in the near future, begging seems the least of my problems.

Zelana sighs heavily, "Alright, I promise…for now."

"Regina!" I close my eyes at the sound of Emma's concerned voice, silently wishing the Saviour away. It's not that I'm not happy to see the blonde, far from it, it's more that smiling sweetly as she makes eyes at her pirate requires more strength then I currently possess right now. "You look terrible!"

I try to respond to the comment in the same way I would have had anyone else remarked in such a way, sassily. "Why thank you Miss Swan, elegant as always I see."

Her soft expression crumbles a little, though I'm uncertain if it's because of what she said or the tone with which I replied. "I'm sorry," She quickly apologises, indicating that it was probably the former, "I didn't mean…"

She stumbles over her words in exactly the same way Henry does when he's talking to Violet, and I find that I have to bite my lip to refrain from laughing. I'll never understand how someone so brave, fearless and fiercely independent, can so easily become so socially inadequate. It's adorable.

"…you look good…" She corrects, finally finding her voice amongst a sentence of nervous stuttering's, "I mean you always look good, but you look tired, ill even…"

"Ma's right, Mom," Henry readily agrees, the worry in his expression instantly sucking the humour from the moment. "You look like you did when you got the flu."

I feel my heart tug at his caring comment. As one who isn't often ill, Henry was only eight the last time I got the flu. I can still remember the way he lovingly brought me a glass of water and my medication, and the way he insisted on sleeping in my bed every night in case I should wake up scared.

I smile warmly at the now proud, young man who stands before me, "I appreciate your concern, but there really is no need for it. I'm fine."

"Mom…" I'd know that tone anywhere, though he's always seen me as a fairly strict parent, there are a few rare times where our roles are reversed.

"I'm fine, Henry, I promise," I reply, feeling guilty for the ease with which the lie comes. "Admittedly I'm a little tired but I didn't sleep too well last night, that's all."

"I don't suppose you know of any way to boost one's magic do you?" Zelena interrupts, directing her somewhat cold glance towards Emma as a way to distract attention from my obvious exhaustion, "You know, being the Saviour and all."

"No," The blonde replies, and I feel a rush of warmth flood my body at the total lack of suspicion in her tone. "I'm kind of new to the whole magic thing. Everything I know, Regina taught me." She raises a curious eyebrow, "Why?"

I share a private glance with my sister, silently instructing her to evade the question. If Emma Swan catches so much as a whiff of a lie, she won't stop pestering us until she knows everything.

Zelena offers a dismissive shrug, "Just curious," She informs. "My magic feels weaker in this realm."

"And that's a bad thing?" Hook taunts, not as quick to forgive as his caring girlfriend. Which is ironic considering that out of all of the Charming clan, he has the most to seek forgiveness for!

My sister narrows her eyes threateningly, "Not if you're an annoying, one-handed, Pirate, no!" She deadpans.

"Ignore her," I quickly intervene, grateful that she's willing to take the brunt of their questions but wanting to protect her from suspicion all the same. "She's just grumpy that we're all more powerful than her now. I've told her that her magic will improve once it's adapted to this realm but…"

"Is there a specific reason that you need it?" Emma asks.

Zelena suddenly looks uncomfortable, "…No…"

"Oh, it's just that whenever Regina and I have needed more power we've joined our magic together."

Once again I'm reminded of how much stronger Emma and I are when fighting together, and though it's tempting to reach out and ask for her help, it really would defeat the whole point in challenging Thanatos in the first place.

"Sounds kinky!" My sister smirks.

I give her a hard, discreet kick under the table, "Zelena!" I scold, more than aware that she's hinting at the current situation between Emma and I.

"What!?" She replies, feigning innocence, "I'm not going to try that with you it sounds far too intimate!"

A witty, queen-like response is on the top of my tongue when from nowhere, blinding pain shoots out from my heart. I gasp in shock, doubling over in agony as I struggle to draw breath against such an all-consuming feeling.

Henry is by my side in a second, "Mom!"

"Regina!" Emma cries, sounding equally as concerned as my son, "What's wrong?"

I want to speak but can't seem to form the words. I can't seem to think of anything beyond the crushing tightness in my chest. This is by far the worst one yet.

"The ground is shaking again!"

I hear Zelena's voice somewhere in background and a distant part of me is aware that she's right. The diner is shaking once more, and several customers have already scrambled for the nearest exit in fear.

Gritting my teeth against the pain, I finally manage to grind an instruction out, "My…vault…"

"I'll take her…" Zelena quickly responds, but Emma is even quicker to interject.

"No, you have Robyn," She replies, laying a gentle hand on my shoulder, "I'll take her back."

Like a well-timed dose of morphine, Emma's touch eases the pain somewhat. Enough to at least allow me to speak again.

"Mom?" Henry asks, tentatively stepping closer to me.

I smile, though it's forced and weak. I feel about ready to pass out. "I'll be fine, Henry," I reply reassuringly, "Don't worry."

The last thing I hear before I lose consciousness, is Hooks infuriating voice as he attempts to comfort my son.

"It's fine lad, your mother's a lot stronger than she looks…"

xxx

I wake, an indiscernible amount of time later, on my bed in my vault, to the sound of an incoming text from Zelena.

 **Are you okay?**

Though tired and a little sore, I can't prevent the warm smile that appears at just knowing that someone cares. I type out a simple reply.

 **Yes**

Several seconds later, my phone vibrates again.

 **What was that?**

In truth, I have no idea. Up until now my attacks have always been in relation to Emma, but as we weren't arguing and she didn't do anything to hurt me, I can only assume that it's a side-effect of my fight with Thanatos. I can't imagine an already weakened heart would cope well with being drained entirely of energy.

Uncertain, I refrain from saying too much.

 **I don't know, but I intend to find out.**

When I don't get a reply, I lay my phone down on the makeshift bedside table and lie back down, throwing a heavy, tired arm across my eyes.

I try to think of the events leading up to the moment I lost consciousness but the memory is stunted and hazy. I remember how Emma's hand seemed to ease the almost unbearable pain, I remember Henry's worry… Henry, I should probably ring him to let him know that I'm okay…

"Hey."

Lowering my arm, my gaze flicks to the wide archway and the entrance to my sleeping area. I'm surprised and a little comforted to find Emma studying me with one of her cute lopsided grins.

So it _was_ Emma who brought me back to vault, I'd suspected as much, but never in a million years would I ever assume that she'd stay.

"Hey!" I reply, trying and failing to hide my shock at seeing the blonde.

She walks gingerly over to my double bed and carefully sits down on the end, "How are you feeling?"

Though my chest is still sore I'm confident that it's only a residual effect of the trauma, my tiredness however has risen to new levels, and if Emma left now I'm not certain that I'd wake anytime soon. "Okay," I finally reply, my words slurring slightly as I struggle to keep awake, "A little tired."

She shifts slightly closer to me, "Regina, what caused that?" She asked, each word laced with the protective confidence of a saviour. "Was it because of what happened in the bathroom the other day?"

"No," I shake my head, certain that too much time has passed between our heated moment and now for it to have played any part. "At least, I don't think so. When things have affected me in the past the reaction has been instantaneous."

My hand subconsciously rises to my chest where I can feel the steady beat of my heart beneath my breastbone, "Is there any further damage to the town?" I ask.

Emma nods, "Hook said the crack in the forest has widened. Which means…" Her voice trails off and I instinctively know it's because she doesn't even want to consider the implications.

Feeling bold, I finish it for her, "That the damage to my heart is worse, yes."

Closing the remaining distance between us, her hand slowly slides across the mattress until she can link it with my own. Her fingers interlock with mine and she grips on tightly, as though she fears what will happen if she lets go.

"Gina, you can't keep on like this!" She finally says, her voice choked.

"I know," I reply, sitting up once more so that I'm face to face with her. "But what caused this latest attack is something completely different to the previous times. Something, that with time, I should be able to control."

Despite not wanting her to know the truth, I also can't allow her to believe that my pain is in anyway her fault. This was my decision, my sacrifice, and regardless of how it ends I never want her to shoulder the blame.

Unfortunately, as with her mother, a vague explanation isn't enough. Ever the hero, Emma instantly demands to know more.

"Regina, if something's going on with you then you owe it to me to tell me," With her free hand she reaches out to pull at a loose thread on the patterned duvet cover, her voice dropping to a guilty whisper, "At the very least you owe it to, Henry."

A spark of anger flickers deep inside, a disappointment that she would try to use my love for Henry to coax me to confession. "Don't play the Henry card with me, Miss Swan," I snap, a completely defensive response to a situation I don't want to discuss. "I know exactly what I owe _my_ son…"

Green eyes flick up to meet mine, "When you call Henry _my_ son and refer to me as Miss Swan, then I _know_ something is wrong!" She replies, bravely standing her ground.

Though I'm annoyed, Emma's tenacity is one of the things that attracts me to her. There are very few people who ever dared to challenge me, even fewer who still refuse to back down after a fight. Yet from the day Emma stepped foot in this town, she has never simply let me win. If she thinks she's right she'll fight me until the bitter end, and that's why I feel safe with her, because I know that she'd never fully allow me to become the Evil Queen again.

That tenacity isn't welcome now however, "Emma can you just drop it?" I ask, but the question is more tired than demanding. I give her hand a gentle squeeze, "I know that you're worried, but I assure you I'll be fine."

She seems to consider my words but apparently doesn't put much faith in their value. Whatever is causing her to question my behaviour, it isn't anything that she's seen today.

"Why didn't we meet last night?" She asks almost flippantly.

Caught off guard, I blink, "I'm sorry?"

"Last night," She explains, taking a deep breath, "We didn't share a dream. Why?"

I suddenly fear that she saw or heard something while sleeping, something that alerted her to Thanatos' presence, and I quickly scramble for yet another vague answer.

"I don't know," I reply, offering her a one shouldered shrug, "I told you I didn't sleep well, maybe we weren't asleep at the same times."

"You're lying."

Those two words used to excite me, back in the day when we were in a constant battle of one-upmanship I used to long to hear her call me out in such a way. But now, they fill me with dread, an irrational fear that she'll somehow learn the truth and demand to rush in and save the day.

When I offer he nothing further, she continues, relentless pursuing me in her quest for the truth. "I had a lucid dream," She informs, "and I know that I was waiting for you, but you didn't come. And the crazy thing is, something deep inside of me knew that it was because you couldn't, not because you didn't want to."

I swallow sharply and force myself to look away, afraid that if I don't I'll confess everything to her.

"I searched for you all night," She says softly, "but I couldn't find you. And I had this feeling, like the energy was being sucked right out of me."

I take a deep breath, having been unaware that our connection reached to such a deep level. She notices the hitch immediately.

"Today you turned up looking less than your usual perfect self with your heart splitting in two…"

I can't listen to anymore of her speech, too afraid that if I let her continue she'll guess the entire thing. I quickly cut her off with a fake smile and an unconvincing response, "I'm fine…"

"You're scaring me!"

The words are spoken from the heart and I feel them reverberate all the way through to my soul. I am scaring her, I can see it now, the way she's gripping onto my hand, the fact that she stayed with me, the speed with which she volunteered to bring me home…

I don't want to scare her!

"Emma, please…" I plead, uncertain of exactly what I want to say, "don't ask me to tell you what's going on. I can't. I won't!"

"Is it to do with your heart?"

Refusing to let the matter drop she takes to blindly guessing, and I find that I don't have the energy to fabricate a new story. "Yes," I reply, determined to reveal nothing more.

The hand that was pulling the duvet cover moves up to gently tilt my chin, forcing my head back so that I meet her piercing green stare, "I can't lose you, Regina. Not now."

The words are the truest I've ever heard, and I feel my heart break for an entirely different reason. I have to fight to hold back tears, "You won't!" I promise.

She shakes her head, choking on the emotion that catches in her throat, "So why do I feel like I will?"

I can almost hear Thanatos taunting me from his dream world and in that moment, I want nothing more than to grab onto Emma and promise to never let go. But I'm tired, so tired, and if this is one of the last memories she ever has of me, then I don't want it to be of a promise that I couldn't keep.

"You should go," I instruct, clearing my throat to rid it of the constricting lump that has formed. "I'm feeling a lot better now but I'm still tired. I'm probably just going to sleep anyway."

Her grip on my hand tightens, "I'm staying."

I begin to protest but I can barely keep my eyes open. Exhaustion has taken over and blessed sleep is calling out to me through the wilderness… "I really don't need you too…"

"But what if I need to?" Emma argues, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and gently laying me down. "I'm staying," She states, and I'm just about aware enough to realise that she lays down next to me. "Get some sleep, I'll be here when you wake up."

My eyes slide shut and I know that I'm being called to round two with Thanatos, but for the first time in my life I go to a fight peacefully, because it's wrapped up protectively in the arms of the woman I love.


	18. Chapter 18

AN: I hate to say this guys, but I reckon there's only 4/5 chapters of this story left :-( though for some of you I'm sure that will be a relief ;-) Thanks for all the wonderful comments. Amazingly, they just keep coming, and I really do love to read all your thoughts. Anyway, this chapter is filled with Swan Queen fluff so let me know what you think…and heads up; next chapter Emma makes a decision and Regina gives into her desires… ;-)

" _Good evening, your majesty."_

 _I'm back in the Acropolis, and it's the middle of the night. The moon is high in a sky, clear and filled with stars._

 _I can feel Thanatos' gaze pinning me from above, and I look up to find him sat atop a tall stone pillar. In the shadows I can only make out his outline, but he's crouched down, his shoulders hunched and wings folded back like a life sized gargoyle._

" _It's, Regina!" I correct, refusing to be addressed by such an ill-fitting moniker._

 _He dips his head in gracious acknowledgement and the long shadows move with him. "Good evening, Regina," He tries again, his voice echoing across the stone buildings of the empty plateau, "How are you feeling?"_

 _Having so recently fallen asleep in Emma's arms, I can honestly say that I feel better than expected. I'd happily facedown every god in Greek mythology for the chance to end every day in the same perfect way as today._

 _I'm not about to tell him that however._

" _You're here to drain my life force and you want to make small talk?" I ask, disgusted by his attempt to engage in conversation, "Even the Evil Queen would have baulked at that."_

 _He blinks through the darkness, his eyes shining like tiny, flickering stars, "There's no excuse for poor manners!"_

" _Well don't expect a response!" I huff._

 _Jumping from the pillar, he dives towards the ground, his large wings unfolding to catch him before he falls too far. He flaps them once, and the motion is enough to allow him to swoop down to my side. He lands a few feet in front of me._

" _Very well," He replies, "If that's the way you want to play it we'll just get straight down to business."_

 _He raises his hands to begin draining me, but stops short of hitting me with a powerful burst of magic. "Oh, but a word of warning before we do," he chastises, "I know that you've got some strange sort of relationship going on with your True Love, but don't think about seeking her out for help. I've blocked your ability to call out to her in your dreams."_

 _The importance of what he said must have registered in some part of my brain but right at this moment, I only hear a few choice words._

" _Emma's my True Love?" I gasp, the very idea filling me with a comforting warmth. Of course it was a possibility that I always suspected, but one that I could scarcely believe in. Even now, I'm not sure whether I can truly trust the words of the God of death._

" _Why of course!" He replies, his wide grin filled with merriment. "Just because she continues to fool herself with that pirate of hers, it doesn't make what you share any less real." He steps forward, tapping me patronisingly on the end of my nose, "Only True Loves can communicate through dreams, you know."_

 _I feel several conflicting emotions at once. Excitement at the realisation that what I feel isn't unrequited. Nervous that at some point in the near future, Emma and I will have to talk about it. And scared at the thought that for the first time in my life, my happy ending is within reach._

 _But above all that, the one emotion that I feel stronger than any other is determination. Determination to beat Thanatos at his sick little game and return to Storybrooke to claim what is mine._

 _Squaring my shoulders, I clench my jaw and stare him down in the dark "You won't win this," I state, finally believing it true. "I will find a way to beat you!"_

 _He laughs, a low, dark chuckle that sends a shiver down my spine, and raises his hands once more. "Remind me to worry about that when you actually find a way to fight back, dear!" He retorts, his body oozing with confidence as the magic flows from his fingers._

 _I close my eyes, bracing myself for the energy drain that I know is coming, but it doesn't feel the same this time. Last night it felt like being hit by lightning, I could actually feel the life being sucked from my body. This time however, it feels more like a gentle vibration, like a massage that's making my entire body relax._

 _His attack stops almost as soon as it begins, "…oh now that is unexpected!"_

 _I open my eyes to catch him staring at me with a puzzled frown._

" _What is?" I ask, uncertain as to what has made him stop so abruptly._

 _A long finger slowly points up and down my body, his eyes studying me intensely, "You appear to have erected a shield," he informs._

 _Shocked, I glance down at myself, "What?!"_

 _To prove his point, he fires a single bolt of magic at me. I watch in amazement as most of it is absorbed by a shimmering white film that only appears when the magic hits it._

" _It's powerful magic too," he observes curiously, "and light." His eyes narrow suspiciously, "Now where did a dark magic user such as yourself, get that sort of power?"_

 _I offer him a smug grin, "I have light magic!"_

" _Not anywhere near enough to stop me dear," He laughs incredulously, snorting derisively at my hopeful suggestion._

" _This is enough to stop you!?"_

" _Well…no," He smirks proudly, "but it'll certainly slow me down. It now takes more of my energy to drain less of yours, you see. We'll need a few more sessions than I thought we would. Unless you would be so kind as to take the shield down?"_

 _As I didn't consciously raise the shield I have no idea how to take it down. My thoughts instantly flick to Emma, to the connection we share and the fact that I fell asleep in her arms. Is her magic somehow protecting me? Is that even possible?_

 _If Thanatos is right and we really are True Loves, then in theory, anything is possible. All I need to do now is convince Emma to spend every night with me until this is over. Though considering I just sent her back to her pirate, I highly doubt her willingness to cooperate without knowing the truth._

 _Masking my own confusion on the subject, I confidently refuse his ridiculous request, "The shield stays until I find a way to fight back…." I reply. Pretending to have complete control of the situation._

 _Testing a theory, a quickly fire off a burst of my own magic, but the strike barely knocks him off balance._

 _I'm disappointed that my attacks haven't strengthened with my defence, but I'm now more certain than ever that the shield has something to do with the blonde Saviour lying in my bed. If nothing else, Emma may have bought me the time I need to discover a way to fight back._

 _A devilish smirk forms on my lips, and it's an expression I know the Evil Queen would be proud of. For the first time since this war began, I genuinely know that I can win._

 _Oblivious to my new belief, Thanatos grins triumphantly, "Still don't pack much of a punch do you!" He remarks._

" _Oh but I will," I reply, my voice dripping with dark promise._

 _His cocky grin falters, and a look of slight fear passes over his face. Finally, he's seen the strong, dangerous woman that an entire realm feared. He knows that he's finally met his match, and it worries him._

 _With no immediate comeback available, he begins to attack me the only way he knows how, by draining me once more. Certain that my greatest hour is yet to come, I stand back and let him._

 _Thanks to Emma, this attack won't drain me as much as the previous one and I'll wake tomorrow with more energy, and a determination to win._

 _I always believed that Emma and I were stronger together, and tonight was the night that the blonde finally proved it to me._

xxx

I violently jolt awake, an unpleasant side-effect to signal the end of Thanatos' attack, and find myself ensconced in the arms of a sleeping, Emma Swan. The rush of adrenaline slowly ebbs, the fight or flight draining from my battle-ready limbs when I realise that I'm safe, and I'm exactly where I want to be.

Blinking away the final remnants of sleep, I take a moment to glance around my surroundings. The vault lies in darkness, the clock on my bedside table informing me that it's a little before dawn. Emma has lovingly placed a glass of water by my bedside, and her red leather jacket is hanging off the bottom bedpost. It's not much, but those little signs of her continued presence create a peaceful tranquillity that I never want to escape from. If I could always wake feeling this safe and content, then I would never want or desire for anything more.

As reality slowly creeps back in I realise that I'm still tired. Not as exhausted as yesterday, but certainly not as rested as I should be after more than twelve hours of sleep. My muscles ache in an unpleasant way and I have a slight headache, but for now the pain in my chest seems to have subsided. Whatever Emma unknowingly did, it very possibly saved my life.

Without disturbing my sleeping companion, I prop myself up on my elbow to study the blonde. She's laid on her stomach in her jeans and tank top. Her arm is thrown across my abdomen and her hair is gloriously splayed across her pillow. She's smiling gently and the sight catches my breath. She truly is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

Reaching out, I gently brush a stray strand of soft hair from her face. Thanatos said she was my True Love. Was he telling the truth? Was I right when I wondered if everything I've ever done in my life – every decision I've ever made – was to lead me here, to her side?

I have been many things in my life but never the best version of myself, at least, not until I met Emma. Does my fairy-tale end with the daughter of my once, mortal enemies? Is this, right here, my happily ever after?

My gaze falls onto the gold chain around her neck and I instantly know what it holds. Hook's ring, the one he gave to her when she became the Dark One. I know that she loves him in the same way that I loved Robin and Daniel, and I respect that. I know that for her, this decision is hard. But I'm now certain that whatever she feels for him, it doesn't compare to what she feels for me. Ultimately, she will choose me. I now believe that as strongly as I believe that I will beat Thanatos.

The thought of my enemy reminds me of our latest confrontation and how much I owe to Emma for feeling as strong as I do.

I lean over to press a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth, "Thank you," I whisper, expressing my gratitude to her sleeping form.

Her smile widens at my tender touch, her arm tightening around my mid-section, and I lay back down and snuggle deep into her side. I'm alive, I'm slowly getting stronger, and I'm wrapped up in the all-consuming presence of the love of my life.

It's with those happy, contented thoughts, that I slowly drift back to sleep.

xxx

 _I push open the doors of the town hall and step out into the garden. It's a gloriously sunny day. The birds are singing, the flowers are in full bloom, everything is perfect in the world._

 _Bizarrely however, I find myself dressed in one of my old three piece suits. The black one with the white piping. One that now sits at the back of my wardrobe, untouched and unused since the day the Dark Curse broke._

 _Out of habit, I smooth down the jacket, my eyes drifting across the lawn until they land on the one thing that probably explains this unusual setting and my strange attire._

 _Emma._

 _She's sat on the stone bench in front of my apple tree, dressed in the exact same outfit she wore on the night we first met. It's as if she mentally rewound the clock in her sleep, forcing us to relive an early, more challenging time of our relationship._

 _Feeling infinitely lighter just for seeing her, I slowly walk over to the bench and sit down beside her._

" _Hello," I greet coyly, unable to ignore the importance of Emma calling me to a time long before Hook and Robin arrived. A time when all the tension in the town was chiefly between its Sheriff and Mayor._

 _She gives me a timid sideways glance, "Hi!" She replies, shyly. "I guess I found you tonight huh!"_

 _Her comment is a reference to her complaint that though she searched, she couldn't find me last night in her dreams. I wonder if she's at all aware that I'm only here now because she protected me against my enemy._

 _I clear my throat, still uncertain of whether or not I want her to know about my fight with Thanatos. "You stayed," I observe, alluding to the fact that our bodies are currently entwined in the waking world._

 _She nods, slightly offended that I'd ever think otherwise, "Of course I did!"_

 _That early awkwardness creeps back in. The long silences and uncertain moments we shared on her first visit to my vault. I can't explain it but it feels as though something has changed between us, as though the mood has shifted to something deeper, something more meaningful._

" _No one's ever done anything like that for me before," I admit, failing to keep the emotion from my voice._

 _She turns to face me at that, swinging her leg over the bench so that she's straddling it. "Regina, when are going to realise that I would do anything for you?"_

 _My mouth works wordlessly, my brain unable to comprehend that she just got as close to a love confession as she ever has. Deep in my chest I feel my heart soar, filling me with a warmth that I've never felt before. I wonder if she's ever said as much to her pirate?_

" _Will Hook be mad?" I ask, finding my voice once more but unable to muster enough bravery to address the real meaning of her statement._

 _She shrugs, "That I stayed to check you were okay? Honestly, I don't care if he is. Besides, he knows what you mean to, Henry."_

 _Just like me she's cleverly evaded the white elephant in the room. By putting the emphasis on our son, she's conveniently detracted from her own feelings. Will we ever find the courage to just sit and down and talk? To open our hearts without fear of rejection or ridicule?_

 _I nervously glance down to my hands and am reminded of the way I'm dressed. On instinct, my eyes flick back up to look at my apple tree. "Why are we here?" I ask._

 _Emma follows my gaze to the now, healthy tree, and the shining fruit that glistens in the warm sun. "This place is the very embodiment of who you are," She replies, as if it's the most obvious answer in the world. "The town hall, your apple tree…I thought if I sat here long enough you were bound to show up at some point."_

 _The thought of her sat here waiting for me does something to my insides that though I'm desperate to confess, I know she isn't yet ready to hear. I take a deep breath to stop myself from revealing my feelings. Emma knows where I stand and what I want, she'll come to me when she's ready._

" _I don't think shared dreams work like that," I explain, more than happy to change the subject out of fear of a slip of the tongue. "It's more of a physical connection, a sort of mental telephone call."_

 _Her smile stretches into a lazy grin, "So who's doing the calling?"_

 _My gaze shifts across to meet playful green eyes and I raise a single eyebrow, "That would be you dear," I inform, with the sort of egotistical pride that fuelled the fire in our early relationship, "You always were persistent when it came to me."_

 _She laughs at that, a rare, cute dimple making itself known. Emma's life – all our lives – are filled with too much danger for that smile to make regular appearances. I want to give her a reason to smile like that every single day._

 _When the smile fades, her gaze moves, drifting across the garden and back to the tree in deep thought. "Do you think we knew then?" She asks absentmindedly. "Despite all the animosity, do you think we always knew that there was something more between us?"_

 _She gives me just about enough information to understand that she's talking about the old us. The two fiercely, independent women who once stood in this very garden and threatened each other._

" _If we did then we weren't aware of it," I reply, remembering the murderous rage I felt when I stepped out of my office to find Emma sawing through a limb of my tree. "I certainly wasn't at any rate. You were lucky I didn't kill you the day you started to cut down my tree. Believe me I've killed for less."_

 _I've never really thought about it before but the strongest of all our emotions – desire, need, want, lust – they're rooted in passion. As are the less enjoyable emotions such as rage, hate and vengeance._

 _My entire relationship with Emma is built on passion. We both have so much of it inside us that even then, it always led to one of two breaking points, fighting or fucking. Only back then we always opted for the former._

 _Beside me, Emma chuckles, "Oh I believe you!" She agrees, "But I never feared you then. Not really." I turn to give her a questioning look and she smiles affectionately, "Sure you were infuriating, and stubborn and downright psychotic at times…but I never believed that you would ever really hurt me."_

 _I scoff at her apparently selective memory and the reminder of one particular attack that nearly killed our son, "How quickly you forget the apple turnover!" I quip._

" _If a sleeping curse was the worst you could do then I really don't understand the whole Evil part of your title," She argues, much to my surprise._

 _My expression falls, the memory of too many unforgivable crimes, rushing back in. "I wish it was the worst I did…" I reply, the sentence dying as my throat constricts painfully. "Anyway," I continue, brushing it off with a shake off my head, "you were hardly angelic. You waltzed into my town and refused to leave it again. You took every opportunity to anger me. You ran for sheriff, you stole my son, you even made a best friend of my worst enemy!"_

 _She grins, that wide smile that I love to elicit so much, "And you loved every second of it," She counters easily, "You thrived off the challenge. You'd been bored stiff for twenty-eight years when suddenly from nowhere, I came and threatened to take away everything you'd spent so long carefully building. I woke you up!"_

 _I find that I can't argue with that. She was a breath of fresh air, a flash of colour in an otherwise drab life, "Indeed you did, Miss Swan."_

 _Her eyes flare with something akin to arousal, "You know I always kind of liked it when you called me that."_

 _Surprised by her admission, I turn to look directly at her, "Really?"_

 _She nods, "Yeah, despite your murderous tendencies there's something very alluring about you, madam mayor."_

 _She looks me up and down in a way that she hasn't for years, a way that makes her look about ready to eat me alive, and I feel the tendrils of desire stirring low in my abdomen._

" _I mean look at you," She comments, gesturing to the outfit that she sub-consciously chose. "You're spikey and mean, and you can make grown men cry with that death stare of yours. You dress so immaculately that you stand out in any crowd. You walk into every room as if you own it…"_

" _That's because I probably do," I sass, feeling something of our old dynamic return._

 _Her grin widens and she presses on, "…You command respect regardless of whether you're right or wrong, and you just stand there on this pedestal, high above the town, looking down on us all. You appear so unapproachable…"_

 _I frown, "Why do I get the feeling there's a but coming?"_

" _Because there is," She teases. "But…." She drags the word out, emphasising its importance and I can't help but smile her how adorable she's being. "Despite all that. Despite looking every inch, the Evil Queen that Henry's book talks about, you're not. When you actually let someone in - when you allow someone to get close - it becomes so obvious that all of that is just for show. Underneath that hard shell you're actually really sweet, and kind, and you're so unsure of everything, you're not confident at all." She shrugs, "You're just a big softie, and it makes me wonder how it took me so long to see it."_

" _Well I didn't exactly make it easy for you," I reply, aware that even in admitting that, Emma's probably said more than she should. "It's funny, you said that I never sacred you, but you sure scared me."_

 _Her smile weakens, a hint of hurt lurking in her gorgeous eyes, "I did?"_

 _I nod, "Since the day I married Leopold I've always been seen as my title, Queen, villain, mayor… You were the first person in a very long time to just see Regina and I didn't know what to do, I'd forgotten how to be…me!"_

 _I take a deep shaky breath, uncertain when our conversation turned so soulful, but now that we've started down this path, I'm not sure that I can stop. "We spent the best part of our early relationship intent on destroying each other," I hesitantly continue, "but sometimes, during rare, fleeting moments, you'd give me this look, and it wasn't one of hatred. You weren't looking through me, you were looking at me, like you wanted to understand me. And the few times we touched you never tried to pull away."_

" _You fascinated me," She admits, as shocked by this newfound openness as I am. "It was so easy to agree with Henry and Mary Margret. To see the cold, cruel mayor that the whole town saw. But when I looked at you…" She dips her head to study my face, "...really looked at you, I saw a beautiful, lonely woman that I never expected to find"_

 _Our eyes lock in a moment of shared realisation. What we have is pure, true and so much deeper than either of us could have imagined. My gaze flicks down to her lips and I want nothing more than to sweep her into my arms and kiss her with everything I feel, to lay to claim to her. But I can't, I won't, when this happens – and it will happen – it will be on her terms and in the real world._

 _I try to express as much but don't get past a long exhale of her name, "Emma…"_

" _I'm sorry," She quickly apologises, shaking her head as if too free it from the undeniable pull dragging us together, "I don't mean to make the situation any harder…"_

 _I know she doesn't, and I know that she's struggling with the sheer power of this as much as I. Neither of us have ever been open with our feelings, we've both spent too long wearing armour to ever willingly let anyone in. When you add Hook to the equation I can only imagine the tangled web of emotions that must be raging through the Saviour right now. I need to give her time._

" _Have you given your relationship another go?" I ask, not wanting to break the tender moment but eager to find out where I currently stand._

" _I've tried but…" She shakes her head, her voice drifting off as green eyes meet mine once more, "It's really hard when all I can think about is you…"_

" _I know the feeling," I mutter in reply._

" _You think about me?"_

 _I hadn't intended for her to hear my response but now that she has, I can't ignore the shocked look on her face. "Are you kidding?" I ask incredulously "Of course I do. I always have. Even when I wanted to kill you I was still thinking about you." My voice drops to a low whisper, "You're not an easy person to forget, Miss Swan."_

 _She sighs heavily and growls, running her hands through her wavy princess curls, "We've really got ourselves into a mess here haven't we?" She states._

" _Yes," I agree reluctantly, "but I'll wait for you. However, long it takes."_

 _She smiles sadly, "And what if I choose Killian?"_

" _Then I'll wait longer."_

 _She laughs at that. A soft, gentle laugh that's as nervous as it is hopeful. "You say that like you know we're meant to be together."_

 _I look her straight in the eye, willing her to see the certainty in my expression, "Maybe I do," I reply._

 _When she looks away to hide a blush, I try to explain the reasoning behind my sudden bluntness, "It bothers you that you've never shared True Love's kiss with, Hook. But did you know that I've never experienced it either?"_

" _With Hook?" She mocks, her vulnerability getting the better of such an intimate moment, "Well thank god for that!" At my pointed look she quickly returns serious, "…no I didn't know that."_

 _I swallow sharply, my stomach twisting at the thought of what I'm about to reveal, "I'll bet you also don't know that when our magic's combined it turns the exact same colour as True Love."_

 _Her eyes widen in surprise, "True Love has a colour?"_

 _I nod, "Rumple made a bottle of it from the DNA of your parents, I saw it once. And the only other time I've seen such a vibrant colour of pink was when our magic was combined."_

 _We both blush a deep shade of red and break eye contact. Try as we might, there's no denying what such a statement means._

" _Wow that's…" Emma clears her throat nervously, "I don't know what to say…"_

" _You don't have to say anything," I quickly reply, having never intended to put her in such an uncomfortable position. The last thing I want to do is force her hand. No, I intend to win it. "Just think about it," I suggest._

 _She studies my expression, intently. Her eyes skimming over every angle and line on my face. "You really are beautiful," she breathes, "Do you know that? Stunningly, amazingly beautiful. You're a living work of art…" I flush a deeper shade of red and drop my head to hide my embarrassment, "…and there's that shy smile that is all Regina and so far removed from the Evil Queen, that it makes me doubt that she ever even existed."_

 _The proud woman inside sparks to life and I throw her a mock villainous glare, "Are you calling me weak, Sheriff?" I challenge playfully._

" _Oh I wouldn't dream of it, Madame Mayor," She grins, her expression quickly becoming serious once more. "But whatever it is that you're fighting right now out there in the waking world, I will give you the strength to get through it."_

 _I think of how she's holding me in her arms right now, of how she protected me against Thanato's magic, "You've already started…" I reply._

 _She reaches out to stroke my cheek but quickly pulls back when her fingers pass straight through me._

" _What the hell!?" She demands, swiping her arm across my torso and achieving the same results._

 _In truth, I'm as shocked as she is, having no idea what this means. Our eyes meet again but this time they're full of uncertainty and fear, both of us knowing that whatever this signifies it won't be good._

 _My instinct is to lie, to make up some ridiculous excuse that will calm her worry and stop her from searching for an answer in the waking world. But I love her, and if this means what I think it does then maybe she deserves to know the truth._

 _Needing more time, more answers, a way out of this ridiculous mess, I momentarily panic. And as she opens her mouth to ask me the one question that I'm terrified of answering, I apologise with a hasty shake of my head, and promptly force myself to wake up._


	19. Chapter 19

AN: Sexy times ahead guys so if you're not into that sort of thing, please don't read…oh who am I kidding with you lot! Enjoy ;-) This chapter is huge, and I'm tired, so please forgive any minor mistakes, and let me know what you think (as you wonderful people always do :-) ) Oh, and FYI, I had this chapter planned when I began this story, Lana's recent video is just pure coincidence…though I'm sure it will help some of you to visualise ;-)

I've never considered myself to be a coward before, but as I walk down the stairs of 108 Mifflin Street I come to realise that's exactly what I am.

After forcing myself awake during our little heart to heart talk, I used my magic to immediately poof myself from the vault, giving Emma zero time to wake and begin demanding answers.

The whole time I was in the shower I questioned my decision to do so. After everything Emma did for me last night it seems ungrateful and unfair to leave her alone without so much as an explanation or a goodbye. I owe her more, I know that, but I can't bear the thought of her expression when she finally finds out the truth. I've disappointed her so many times in the past, and this was supposed to be the one thing that I got right.

I make my way through to the kitchen, trailing a finger through the dust that has gathered on the counter tops while I've been hidden away.

What even was that strange occurrence last night? Emma and I have touched several times in past dreams and nothing like that has happened before. Her hand went straight through me, as though I wasn't even there. Could it somehow tie into my slowly depleting life force?

That thought alone makes me shiver. If it does in anyway relate to Thanatos, then it can only signify that I'm getting weaker - that he's winning – and that's a scenario that I don't even want to contemplate thinking about at this moment in time.

I have to win. For Emma, for Henry, for myself. I have to find a way to beat him so that I can banish the Evil Queen forever and finally claim my happy ending. But considering that I'd be in a much worse state if it weren't for Emma's magic protecting me, is there now anyway I can get through this without her finding out?

Reaching into a cupboard, I pull out two mugs and fill them with the fresh coffee that I set to brew while I freshened up. As if smelling the intoxicating aroma, Zelena suddenly materialises at the other end of the breakfast bar, leaving a cloud of green smoke in her wake.

"The mayoral mansion?" She states by way of greeting, curious as to why I asked her to meet me here and not at Granny's. "To what do I owe this honoured pleasure?" She offers a teasing smirk, "Or are you just worried that the blonde currently sleeping in your bed might overhear our conversation?"

The unnerving accuracy of her presumption causes me to overfill one of the mugs, and I curse quietly under my breath, grabbing a cloth to hastily mop up the mess.

"How do you know about that?" I demand, my voice edgy as I internally curse myself again for so easily revealing the answer.

"Hook accosted me on the way over," She explains, taking the offered mug from me with a grateful nod. "He said that Emma didn't return home last night and asked me if I knew whether she'd stayed with you."

I wince at the thought of unintentionally hurting the pirate. While I've never much liked the overly arrogant man, he's done enough good while here in Stroybrooke to at least warrant some respect. "Was he mad?" I ask.

She takes a sip of her drink and shakes her head, "No, more concerned for your welfare actually."

"And what did you tell him?"

"I said that I accidentally stumbled upon you both naked and writhing together on the floor of your vault…" I choke on my coffee, and she laughs heartily at the sound of my spluttering. "Bloody hell, Regina what do you think I said? I told him that I hadn't seen you but considering you weren't well and his girlfriend is the saviour, it would probably be a safe bet to assume that you were both together."

She pauses to watch me carefully soap a stain from my crisp white shirt, "Though judging from your rejuvenated appearance I'd say my first guess was more accurate…"

My eyes shoot up to meet hers, "What are you talking about?"

"You don't look anywhere near as exhausted as you did yesterday," She replies, gesturing to my smart, professional appearance. "Therefore I can only conclude that you didn't get much sleep!"

I feel flustered, embarrassed by her comment though I have no known reason too. Emma and I have nothing to be ashamed of and yet the knowledge that we would, given different circumstances, plays heavily on my mind.

"I wasn't…we didn't…" I stumble over my words, unable to articulate my defence. Now that Zelena has put the thought in my head it's all I can think about, and the mental images are as arousing as they are distracting.

"It wasn't like that," I finally manage, "Yes, she stayed, but nothing happened!"

"So you didn't see Thanatos?"

I sigh in frustration and stop trying to remove the stubborn stain from one of my favourite shirts, concluding that a change of attire will be required before I return to the vault.

"I did, but he couldn't drain my life force as much as he did the first time because…" The embarrassment returns, "I had a magical shield protecting me."

"A shield?" She asks, suitably impressed, "That's genius. What made you think of that?"

I turn to the counter to add milk to my coffee, a perfect excuse to avoid eye contact once more, "I didn't," I tentatively admit, "The shield was Emma's."

Behind me, I hear Zelena's surprised gasp and feel my entire body tense. Who knew that talking to your sister about your love life could be so mortifying? Taking a deep breath, I pluck up my courage and turn to face her, head on.

"I fell asleep in her arms and somehow her magic reached out to me," I inform, uncertain why I'm suddenly so desperate to explain myself. "She protected me, but she doesn't know what she's done."

The red head blinks, stunned, "Well that's _something_!" She protests.

"What?"

"You said nothing happened," She explains, her smile turning into a playful smirk, "That's something. It's not every day one gets to fall asleep in the arms of the person they've been lusting after for several years."

I flush a deep shade of pink, "I haven't been…"

"Don't even finish that sentence, sis," She interjects, raising a finger in silent warning, "You know what lying did to Pinocchio!"

I clench my jaw, irritated at the fun she appears to be having at my expense. As a child a longed for a sister to play with, to confide in, now I'm beginning to see the benefits of being an only child!

Realising that my patience is slowly thinning, she casually flips her long hair over her shoulder and kindly ceases her torment. "So did Emma completely protect you?"

"Not completely," I reply, stifling a yawn at the thought, "I'm tired and a little sore today…"

"Ooh don't say that to the One-handed Wonder…" She gives me a cheeky wink and wiggles her eyebrows suggestively, completely unable to resist the urge to tease.

I give her a long-suffering glare, "…But I'm not as drained and I don't feel exhausted," I finish, ignoring her overtly sexual connotations.

"So you just need to convince Emma to sleep with you every night?" She concludes, and I can tell by the tone of her voice that she's not done teasing me yet. She shrugs, "Should be easy, just dig out one of your old leather outfits and flash her a glimpse of that fantastic cleavage!"

"You're not amusing!"

She pouts, "Not just a little bit?" When I shake my head she breaks into a wicked grin, "Oh come on, I'm your big sister. I missed an entire childhood of getting to tease you mercilessly!"

"At least one thing went in my favour back then," I sass, without any real conviction.

Zelena and I have certainly had our ups and downs over the last few years – mostly downs if I'm being completely honest – but underneath the hurt of our past and our constantly conflicting personalities, lies true affection. She may annoy the hell out of me, but I'd never wish her gone for good.

"Is there any chance we can use this connection you have with Emma to actually help you fight Thanatos?" She wonders, her tone turning serious as she finally switches her focus to the problem at hand.

"No!" I bark, regretting my abrupt response when her eyes widen in surprise, "I mean, that's what I've been avoiding."

Her eyes narrow suspiciously and I realise that once again, I've said more than intended, "What you've been avoiding?" She carefully repeats, "Regina, what aren't you telling me?"

I take a deep breath and pinch the bridge of my nose, feeling the beginnings of a headache, "Emma and I share dreams," I confess, aware that I can't conceal the truth any longer, "lucid ones. We haven't been doing it for very long but when we're asleep we're able to talk with as much awareness as we do in the waking world."

"Ooh sexy!"

I glare at her again, "It's not like that…" I inform, my brow creasing slightly at the memory of a very vivid, sexual, dream encounter. "…at least most of the time it isn't!"

Thankfully the comment slips by unnoticed.

"So how does she remain unaware of Thanatos?" She asks, confusion marring her features.

I sigh, "He's stopped my ability to invite her to my dreams. We can only meet if she calls me to hers."

"What if she _chose_ to come to yours?"

"I hadn't thought about that," I reply, briefly considering the possibility before rejecting it just as fast, "but it doesn't matter because it isn't happening!"

Though I now have proof that Emma and I are stronger together, this is still a fight that I'm unwilling to allow the blonde to join. Thanatos has already tricked me once, and I would never forgive myself if I endangered Emma's life by giving him the opportunity to do so again.

Zelena doesn't agree with me, however.

"Regina, that's ridiculous," She argues, all traces of humour draining from her voice. "Even Emma admitted that your magic was stronger together…"

I raise a hand to silence her on the subject, "It isn't happening!" I firmly reiterate.

"Okay, okay, don't get your royal panties in a twist," She replies, smiling smugly, "You're just going to have to use my plan then aren't you?"

I feel a swell of hope, a fierce pride that my sister didn't let me down in her quest to find a way to save me, "You've got something? From Rumple?"

"No," She scoffs, dismissing the idea with a wave of her hand, "the only thing he's concerned with is saving his precious, Belle. This is my idea; you can thank me with babysitting when it's all over."

Happy at the thought of spending more time with my niece, I lean forward, "So what is this amazing plan?"

Her smile turns devious, "To challenge him!"

I frown, uncertain as to whether or not she's being serious, "Didn't I already do that?"

"Yes, you challenged him," She replies with an exaggerated sigh, "But you didn't specify a place and you didn't specify how. He took advantage of that by choosing to fight you in _his_ world, so even things up by making it physical, not magical!"

My interest piqued, I take a step closer to her, "What do you propose?" I ask.

She grins, "A duel," Her eyes drift pointedly across to the knife block next to the cooker, "Enchanted Forest style."

"A sword fight?"

She nods, "You're trained aren't you?"

I learned during the early years of my reign, when my magic was unpredictable and the forest was overrun with bandits and would be assassins, but I haven't so much as looked at a sword since my squabble with Snow during the spell of Shattered Sight, and what little of it I do remember is patchy at best.

"Of course," I reply, sounding far more confident than I feel.

She shrugs, "Then there's your way to win."

In fairness, it's a sound plan, and one, that if I brush up on my sword skills, might actually work. Mentally scheduling a practice session for later this afternoon, I begin to feel my hope and confidence return.

I smirk, "I always knew there was a reason I had a, sister."

"Indeed," She replies, wrapping her arm around my shoulder to guide me towards the door. "Breakfast at Granny's? I don't know about you but I'm starving, and I promise we'll run and hide in the bathroom if your blonde sheriff should happen to drop by on her way to work."

I allow her that last little dig - after all she may well have just saved my life - and change my shirt with a magical wave of my hand. Grabbing my keys, I follow her out of the door.

xxx

Fade. Advance. Advance. Lunge. Attack. Pommel. Retreat.

I try to remember the simple instructions that the head of my guard once shouted out to me in the training yard of the Dark Palace. Surprisingly, the well-practiced techniques quickly return. Like riding a bike, one never truly forgets how to sword fight. It's an instinct, a reflex, and back in the Enchanted Forest, it was a means of survival.

I carefully move around the stationary training dummy that I magicked to my vault, and aim a precision strike to the centre of the circle painted on its chest. Not many people know this – mainly because I'm always known to attack with my magic – but I excel at this type of physical combat and I always have. If Thanatos thinks that this battle is already won, then he's got another thing coming when he invades my dreams tonight.

"Regina…" Emma stops short at the bottom of the stairs to my vault, frowning at the makeshift training ground and the blade that I'm expertly wielding in my hand. "What are you doing?"

I pause in the midst of another attack and relax my shoulders, rolling my eyes at the unwanted arrival of the one person I've been trying to avoid all day. If I could have just got through tonight without seeing her, then all of this would be over and I wouldn't have to lie to her anymore.

As usual, fate seems to have a different idea.

"Practising," I reply, wiping the sweat from my upper lip with the back of my hand.

She takes in my appearance, her eyes raking over the tight work-out pants and sports bra that I'm wearing, before coming to a stop at my high, neat ponytail that perfectly matches her own.

"For what?" She replies, her eyes filled with the sort of hunger that makes my thighs clench.

"What does it look like, Miss Swan," I reply holding my sword up for emphasis, "a chess tournament?"

She ignores my biting sarcasm and fully steps into the room, "Who are you fighting?"

My gaze shifts uneasily from hers and I turn my attention to the dummy, "It's none of your concern."

"Like hell it isn't!" She shouts, stepping closer still as her anger rises. "Your heart starts ripping the town in two, you hide out in your vault, you've been ill the last few days and last night you ran out on me in the middle of a dream."

She pauses to suck in a breath and I open my mouth to respond but she cuts me off before I get the chance, "I'm sick of your bullshit excuses and I'm not leaving until I have answers," She demands.

Having never appreciated being told what to do, I dismiss her show of dominance by gesturing to the couch that has been pushed against the far wall while I train, "Then get comfortable," I inform, "because you're going to be waiting a very long time."

She folds her arms across her chest, signalling that she has no intention of going anywhere, and I can almost hear the internal stomp of her foot. "I have been searching everywhere for you," She shouts, her expression one of fierce determination, "and all you can tell me is to get comfortable?"

When my only reply is a nonchalant shrug, she steps into my personal space and squares up to me in a way that she hasn't since her first few months in this town. "If you want to fight someone, Regina, fight me," She boldly challenges, "because I have had just about all I can take of your stubborn, ignorant, arrogance!"

With a wave of my hand the dummy disappears and another sword appears in my non-dominant hand. I offer it to her with a raised eyebrow, and her eyes widen comically in surprise.

"You're serious?" She asks, taking the proffered weapon and testing its weight.

I nod once, "Beat me and I'll tell you everything you want to know."

She swings her blade in a perfect imitation of her father and drops into a relaxed, fighting stance, "You do realise I'm a Charming, right?" She grins, speaking the name as if that in itself is something to fear.

I drop into my own stance and we slowly begin to circle one another, "Yes, dear," I goad, playfully, "It shines through in your stupidity!"

She pauses momentarily to shuck out of her leather jacket. Now, dressed only in her thin tank top, her pronounced biceps flex and pull at every swing of her blade. I force my lustful gaze elsewhere, the pleasant distraction an untimely one given the circumstances.

We continue to circle around each other for a few minutes, each weighing up the unexpected threat of her opponent, until finally, Emma attacks. I block it with my own blade, and we parry for several seconds until the blonde eventually retreats.

"What's going on, Regina?" She asks again, carefully timing the precision of her next strike, "And I want the truth…"

This time it's me who drops my shoulder and lunges into an attack, but her reflexes are quick and she cleverly jumps back out of me reach.

"You haven't won yet," I reply, breathing heavy as I try to catch my breath.

"But I will," She counters, taking advantage of my brief rest to press forward once more. Our swords meet mid-air but she has the slight edge with her physical strength, "We both know that…" I pivot away from what is sure to be a winning attack, and swiftly move around the back of her, swatting her perfect derriere with the blade of my sword as I pass, "…ow!"

I chuckle darkly at my small triumph, "Vanity doesn't suit you, dear."

Frowning, she turns to confront me and we face off once more, "When did you get so good at this?" She grumbles.

My chuckle turns into a full scale laugh, "I've been sword fight since before you were born," I reply.

"So you're old," She quips, feinting another strike to match her verbal one, "I'd hardly call that a reason to gloat!"

I grin, having heard worse insults from the uneducated peasant children of the Enchanted Forest, "With age comes experience, Sheriff," I swiftly reply.

"Tell me why you're doing this?" She demands, grunting in frustration as I deflect yet another one of her attacks.

If I wasn't gaining such cruel pleasure from watching her continued struggle, I'd probably tell her not to glance in the direction of her attack a second before she makes her move.

I raise a questioning eyebrow, "Beating you?" I taunt, "I find it quite amusing!"

"Why are you practicing?"

Her question throws me off guard, distracting me for long enough to allow her attack to almost make contact. I jump back at the last second however, and issue the vaguest response possible.

"It's always good to be prepared."

"Prepared for what?"

As if to prove my point I lunge forward into an attack. She blocks the initial strike and the resulting movement sends us into another, longer parry.

"A fight of course!" I reply, forcing the words out between laboured breaths.

Our swords lock and we begin pushing against each other, our faces reddening against the exertion.

"Why did my hand go straight through you in our dream?" She demands, as headstrong as her father in her determination to win.

When I feel her superior strength begin to gain the upper hand, I unlock our swords and push her away from me to regroup, "I don't know."

"You're lying!"

"I'm not," I reply, more than aware that it's one of the few questions that remains unanswered, "I have my suspicions but it's hardly fact."

She drops back into her fighting stance, "So what's your _suspicion?_ "

I circle around her, "Next question, Miss Swan."

"You are the most infuriating person that I've ever met!" She growls, swinging her sword again and planning her next attack.

Coming from Emma Swan, I see that as nothing other than an achievement. "I'll take that as a compliment," I grin.

"Why are you doing this?" She asks, still refusing to drop the subject despite a lack of any real answers.

She attacks again and we fall into another energetic parry, but she gains the upper hand when she begins to use her strength and begins to force me backwards.

"What's going on?" She demands, backing me into a corner both physically and verbally, "Why can't you just answer me, goddamn it!"

"Because I'm trying to protect you!" I shout, the truth ripping from me in an explosion of frustration.

Her muscles instantly become slack and she stops pushing, giving me the opportunity to shove her roughly backwards and away.

"You're…what!?" She asks, the fight draining from her limbs as my words sink in.

I close my eyes, silently cursing my slip of the tongue. Taking a deep, calming breath, I open them again, "It doesn't matter," I reply, "not now. I've done what I set out to do."

"Which is what?" She demands, not missing a single beat. When I refuse to respond she raises her voice once more, "Regina, answer me!"

I can tell by the fire in her eyes that she won't be satisfied with anything less than the truth, or at least an abbreviated version of it.

"Hook was in danger," I finally admit, confident that if I give her this then it will sate her curiosity for now, "I saved him. I wanted to make sure you got your happy ending." I shake my head, refusing to reveal anything more, "It doesn't matter."

Her expression falls, the sword falling limply to her side, "Killian was in danger?" She repeats, her concern only outweighed by her natural instinct to protect. "From who? I don't understand!"

"Then it's a good job you don't have too!"

Green eyes flick up to challenge me, "Regina!" She barks, and I can tell from her tone that's she's looking for a more informative explanation. It's one that I'm not willing to give.

"That's all I'm telling you, Miss Swan," I state, straightening my back to stare her down, "Take it or leave it."

We stand there in a silent stand-off, both out of breath and dripping with sweat. The tension between us has risen to new heights, fuelled by our disagreement and the burning desire that sparked to life the moment we began to spar.

Her intense gaze falters under the building pressure, and a look of realisation flickers over her face, quickly followed by a glimpse of fear. She looks me up and down, "Are _you_ in danger?"

I try not to think of my impending duel with Thanatos, and try to think of a response that won't trip her so called _superpower_ ,"From tiring of this conversation?" I smirk, pleased that my never-ending sarcasm has saved me again. "Certainly! Now are we talking, or sparring?"

I raise my sword to initiate the fight once more, but her hand comes out to halt my upward movement, "Are you in danger?"

I sigh heavily, warmed by her concern but irritated all the same. I look her square the eyes, "No!"

Thankfully my lie escapes detection and for now, she appears content that whatever untold force threatened the life of her pirate, is long gone.

I choose that exact moment to distract her from the conversation, determined to wipe all thought of uncovering further information from her mind. Launching myself off the wall, I throw myself into an attack which only pure instinct and quick reflexes allow her to block.

We start another parry, this one more intense than the others, and I quickly gain the position of power. Catching her on the back foot, I start to force her backwards in the same way she just did me. She stops abruptly when her back comes into contact with the opposite wall.

"Your amazing!"

At first I think the declaration is a clever ploy, a way to catch me off guard and regain her position, but then I look at her and see that she's not even paying attention to the fight anymore. Her entire focus is centred on me.

I smirk, certain that she's referring to the position of submission that I've expertly manoeuvred her into, "I'm surprised you expect any less of a former queen!" I quip smugly.

She shakes her head, "No…I mean…whatever you did to save Killian - for me - thank you." Her eyes sub-consciously flick down to my chest, and she reaches up to press her free hand gently against my breastbone, over my rapidly beating heart, "It doesn't have anything to do with your problem does it?"

My breath catches in my throat, my skin heating under her affectionate touch, "No," I reply.

Her eyes move back to mine, searching, "Then why did you do it?"

I swallow sharply, scrambling for the right words to respond when I realise that she already gave me them last night.

My expression softens as I relay her words from our dream back to her, but their meaning is no less sincere, "Emma, when are you going to realise that I would do anything for you?" I reply on a breath.

A beat passes between us, and then her lips are on mine. The kiss is hot and desperate, everything all our other kisses have been but this time there's something more lurking just underneath. A deeper, more meaningful emotion.

I collapse against her, sinking into the warmth of her body and we both moan in the heat of our shared need. The hand she'd placed over my heart curls into the top of my sports bra, pulling me closer, and all the moisture in my body instantly rushes south.

But before I can fully relax, that niggling feeling of doubt begins to creep back in. I promised that I wouldn't do this. I said that I'd give her the time she needs to make her decision.

Reluctantly, I break the kiss, fighting the urge to reclaim her lips when her mouth instinctively follows mine.

"No, stop," I gasp, my breath hot against her face, "We can't!"

"Yes, we can," She replies, trailing soft kisses across my jaw and down my neck. "I want this. We _both_ want this."

I growl low in my throat and tilt me head to side, allowing her more access to my sensitive skin. The feel of her lips causes my hairs to stand on end and a delicious shiver to run down my spine. I don't think I've ever been this instantly aroused before.

But somehow, reason still seems to make itself known through the heady fog of lust, "But Hook…" I protest, the rest of the sentence dying on a loud moan as she nips at particularly erogenous area.

"Is a great man," She replies, her mouth never leaving my skin, "and I care about him." She brings her head back up and presses another kiss to the end of my nose, "But Gina…" green eyes burn into mine, "It's always been you!"

Her admission knocks down the final barrier keeping us apart and I drop my sword, ignoring the loud clatter as it hits the ground. Grabbing the hem of her tank top, I pull it up and over her head, distantly registering the sound of her own weapon as she hastily discards it next to mine.

Tossing the tank top to the floor, I support my weight with an arm placed on either side of her head, and press the entire length of my torso against hers. She leans back into the wall, pulling me with her as she crashes her lips back to mine.

I moan at the bodily contact, out sweat slick bodies sliding against each other as our tongues begin a duel of their own. My entire body feels alive, responsive to her every touch, and I just want to forget the upcoming fight and lose myself in her for a while.

Red hot desire explodes through my body making every inch of skin tingle from the tips of ears to the end of my toes. I'd forgotten how good this felt, how strong the euphoric rush could be, and I can't prevent an unrestrained moan as a flood of arousal rushes to my core.

My knees buckle, and I feel strong hands at my hips, steady me. She smiles into our kiss and I bite down on her bottom lip to punish her smugness. At her delighted gasp I suck on the injury to soothe it, releasing it with a wet pop before plunging my tongue back into her waiting mouth. This time she moans, and it's a low, guttural sound that fuels my desire and tugs at my loins. My hand slips down to grasp her breast, but the baby blue lace of her bra prevents me from touching her in the way my body craves.

I give the strap a playful snap, and slowly pull her away from the wall. "Take it off," I instruct, my voice a low seductive drawl.

Without breaking eye contact she reaches behind her to unsnap the back, and the garment falls forward and off her shoulders. I press a chaste kiss to her lips as she shrugs it off and when I pull back, I get my first real look at the beauty that now stands before me.

The toned muscles of her abdomen quiver in anticipation, and her pale skin is exposed and eager for my touch. My mouth waters at the display of raw femininity, and for want of a better activity, my hands ball into fists at my sides.

"You're the beautiful one," I gasp, a response to her compliments of the night before.

She smiles timidly as I reach out to run the tips of my fingers across her shoulder, and I swallow thickly at the feel of her soft flesh. I follow the line of her collar bone from the end of her shoulder to the top of her sternum and stop, my eyes flicking up to lock with hers.

Her pupils dilate, green irises turning almost black with arousal, and in that moment I fail to remember a single reason why I fought so hard to prevent this.

A wicked smirk forms on my lips and like a phoenix from the flames, I feel my old self roar back into life. With a suggestive wink, I slide my finger teasingly down the centre of her cleavage and feel her breathing slow as she tries to hold firm to the last of her restraint.

This is sweet torture for her, and I thrive on the power it gives me. Seduction is a simple game that when played right, can bring royalty to its knees. Luckily for Princess Emma, I am its master.

I slowly begin to circle around her, and when I'm stood at her back, I begin to trail wet kisses down the side of her neck. She throws her head back, panting hotly, but when she turns her head to capture my lips with her own, I pull back playfully and press my body tight against her. The flesh of her back pimples under my touch, and I encircle my arms around her waist to slide them up her abdomen and cup her breasts in my hands.

She groans at the touch, her back arching delightfully into me as I begin to knead the supple flesh in my hands. When my fingers tweak her taut nipples she cries out, reaching back to grab my thighs.

"God, Regina," She pants, the tone of her voice pulling low at my abdomen, "If you don't hurry up I think I'm going to explode."

Her breathy whisper causes the throb of arousal inside me to increase tenfold and I bite back on a moan, refusing to acknowledge that my tiny grip on control is slowly slipping away.

Leaving one hand to lazily tease her breast, I slide the other down her abdomen, past her belly button, to snap the button on her jeans. Her breath hitches, and her head falls back to rest on my shoulder when I deftly slip it inside the waistband.

I cup her over her panties, and she bites her lip and thrusts into my hand. She feels divine. Warm, wet and entirely mine. I'm just about to breach the final barrier separating me from the very core of her, when she snatches at my wrist and pulls my hand away.

Spinning in my arms, she crushes her lips against mine. In a move that has me panting for air, she grabs my ass, grinding our pelvises together. With a rush of maddening desire, the game is over, and I just want to feel her against me – inside me – as fast as humanly possible.

I break the kiss, running my tongue down her neck to capture a perfect nipple in my mouth. Her fingers tighten in my hair, pulling me harder against her, and without a word of warning, she flips me to the soft rug beneath.

Now on top of me, she hastily removes my shoes, pants and panties before casting me a devilish grin. "My turn," She whispers, and buries her tongue between my thighs.

"Emma!" I cry out, shocked by the speed of her actions but desperate to feel that talented mouth working against my aching core. "Oh fuck…that feels…it feels so good!"

I grasp at the faux fur beneath me and arch my hips into her, searching for blessed release. Her tongue traces teasing patterns. Up and down, left and right, but never anywhere for long enough to sate my desire. I groan involuntarily, certain that I might die from the need of her, and clasp my hand over my eyes, "Please!"

She chuckles against me and pulls away, sliding up my body until we're face to face. When she presses a chaste kiss against my lips, I taste myself, and the thought sends a surge of heat straight to my neglected core.

"I'll satisfy yours if you satisfy mine," She growls, thrusting down and into me once more.

Beyond rational thought, I wrap my leg around her hip and flip us over so that I'm the one on top. Running a hand up the inside of her thigh, I slide it past the waistband of her jeans, push aside her panties, and feeling more impatient than usual, thrust two fingers deep inside her.

"Fuck!" She cries, grinding down to meet me thrust for thrust, "Straight to point, I like that."

Determined to share the sensation, I'm not surprised when I feel her hand slide back between my thighs and her thumb brushing over my clit. I cry out, laughing at the intense pleasure her touch brings.

Mirroring my actions, she penetrates me deeply with two fingers, rubbing insistently against my front wall until my eyes roll back and my toes curl.

"Yes, right there," I plead, no longer caring who has the upper hand in this intense tryst.

We quickly find a mutual rhythm that allows us to thrust in tandem and she wraps an around me, forcing me to lay flush against her. I bring our lips together but this time the kiss is sloppy, more a combination of harsh pants and loud groans then any real contact.

I give an extra hard thrust and Emma gasps, laughing into the mating of our mouths. "Oh Gina you're good," She groans, extending the sound when I press the heel of my hand to her clit, "God, you're amazing!"

Rational thought is lost to me after that and a blinding flash of pleasure rushes through me. It heightens the pressure between my legs until at last, it explodes into a tiny thousand pieces. I feel her muscles contract around my fingers and with a loud moan, know that she has reached the same heart stopping peak as I.

Reality slowly creeps back in and exhausted, I collapse on top of her a panting, sweaty mess. Beneath me, I feel her heart beating rapidly in her chest as she slowly comes down from her high.

Utterly spent, I look at her, and suddenly remember Zelena's early teasing about finding us naked and writhing on the floor. I collapse into a fit of euphoric giggles, and without even knowing the source of my amusement, Emma clutches me tightly to her, and promptly joins in.


	20. Chapter 20

AN: First off, thank you all for the wonderful reviews for last chapter. M rated scenes are always the ones I find hardest to write and your comments have really helped my confidence. Secondly, I apologise in advance for the end of this chapter, but before I go and hide behind the sofa please remember that this story DOES have a happy ending :-) Thirdly, I apologise for any minor mistakes. *runs away to a safe distance and carefully peaks out* Let me know what you think :-)

" _Madam Mayor, you look like someone who's wasted far too much energy acting on their baser instincts…"_

 _I open my eyes, disappointed to find myself back at the Acropolis and not snuggled under a blanket, on the rug, in front of the fire with Emma._

 _We're stood in the centre of an ancient Olympic arena. Row upon row of empty, stone seats surrounding us on all sides. Directly in front of me, stands Thanatos, a salacious grin on his face as he taunts me about my recent activities in the waking world._

 _Still caught in a haze of post-coital bliss, I refuse to allow his words to rile me and confidently fold my arms across my chest, "I don't think that's any of your business, Bat!" I reply, surprised to find myself dressed in a tight leather vest, and a pair of leather pants that perfectly match my adversary's._

 _He raises a perfect eyebrow, "Maybe not, but it sure makes my job easier." I roll my eyes at the arrogance of his assumption but it only makes his grin widen, "Was she worth it?"_

 _My mind is instantly filled with thoughts of the blonde. The warmth of her touch, the softness of her skin, the sound of her voice as she cried out my name. I allow a small, dreamy smile, "Always!"_

 _He bows his head in a strange show of respect, the sort of gesture that makes me wonder if he's ever known the touch of True Love, and then promptly raises his hands._

 _Over the last few nights I've seen that move enough to know that he intends to start draining me and remembering Zelena's plan, quickly call out to him, "Wait!"_

 _His arms drop back down to his sides as he fixes me with a questioning glare, "Problem?" He asks._

" _Not at all," I reply, feeling quietly confident, "But I think it only fair to tell you that I'm currently wrapped up in the arms of my lover. The same woman who likes to protect me with a magical shield…" My smile turns into a smirk, "…and considering the events of last night, I'd be willing to bet that you'll find her shield stronger than ever now."_

 _In truth, my words are nothing more than a bluff. I have no way of knowing whether or not our intimacy has increased the strength of Emma's magic – or mine for that matter – but one thing I learnt from the Evil Queen was that no matter the strength of your hand, you always bet as if you'd already won._

 _Unfortunately, Thanatos appears familiar with the rules, "That's speculation at best!" he grins, his own confidence unwavering._

 _Backed into a corner, I decide to test my theory by sending a single fireball towards him with a flick of my wrist. The shot hits his left shoulder and he staggers back a few paces, his right hand instantly rubbing the point of impact._

" _Ow!"_

 _I breathe an inward sigh of relief, quietly grateful that my daring gamble paid off, and offer him a calm, careless shrug. "She's already made me stronger," I confirm._

" _Yes," he observes, using his magic to heal the slight scorch mark marring his skin, "But still not strong enough to beat me."_

 _In that I fear he's correct, but I've never walked away from a fight simply because the odds were against me. I take a bold step towards him, "Which is exactly why I plan to even things up a little. You picked the venue, now I'm picking the weapon."_

 _I wave my hand and the sword from my vault appears, a gleaming, razor sharp blade replacing the blunt, training one that I used while sparring with, Emma. He glances from me to the weapon, and back again._

" _You want to duel?" He asks, barely concealing the disgust in his voice. "How very archaic!"_

 _I find it ironic that a magical being who uses ancient, mythical religion to instil fear in his subjects finds something as honourable as a duel, archaic. I don't call him out on it however, deciding that biting sass may not be the best route to diplomacy._

 _Instead, I focus on the finer details of the amendment to my challenge, "If I win, you return to your realm and leave me and the residents of Storybrooke, alone, for good."_

" _And if I win?"_

 _I shrug, "You can drain my life force."_

 _He rubs his chin in deep thought, considering my offer and any hidden deceptions it may contain. He clearly knows very little about the villains of my realm, for even at my worst I was never one to manipulate. Reneging on a deal is Rumple's cowardly tactic, not mine._

 _His wings flex slightly as he comes to his decision, "Those terms are acceptable," he agrees._

 _I nod once in acknowledgement._

 _A sword swiftly materialises in his hand. It looks heavy, and considerably longer than mine, and the blade is wider at the bottom. It's a nasty design, common with swords from ancient Greece. A weapon crafted to cause maximum damage._

 _We begin to circle around each other, carefully at first. I watch closely for any telling signs as to when he plans to attack, but Thanatos isn't Emma and his years of experience shine through in his exemplary swordsmanship._

 _I lunge forward, and he fades back. He aims a strike, and I'm quick to block it. It doesn't take me long to realise that we're evenly matched, and that a winner will probably only be decided when one of has an unfortunate lapse in concentration. I make a vow then and there that it won't be me._

 _We continue in this manner for several long minutes, several predictable attacks are thwarted on both sides, and as both of us prove worthy competitors with quick reflexes, a few intelligent attacks are also easily evaded._

 _But eventually my opportunity comes, a downward strike - which I see coming the second he raises his sword arm – is swiped away with an upward block. The movement causes a break in his momentum and for a split second, his entire right arm is exposed. Recovering quicker and in the advantageous position, I counterattack with my own strike._

 _My blade catches across the bared skin of his muscular shoulder, cutting into the flesh and slicing it open. He grunts in pain, glancing down to the wound that now bleeds freely and I can tell by the dark look in his eyes that he regrets his amateurish mistake._

 _I smirk triumphantly, aware that an injury of that nature to his sword arm could greatly hinder his ability to wield his weapon, but it only serves to rejuvenates his efforts._

 _He lunges at me, catching me on the back foot, and though I manage to block his initial attack, it forces us into a parry that sees his superior strength force me backwards. I hold him off well enough but he has the clear advantage this time, and as the length of the parry grows ever longer and the sweat begins to bead on my shoulder blades and lower back, human error forces that inevitable lapse in concentration._

 _My breath short and my lungs burning, I push for a break in the fighting by attempting to jump backwards but the move leaves my torso exposed. He swipes a quick attack across my midriff, the longer blade of his weapon taking full advantage as it catches the strip of flesh between my vest and pants._

 _I feel the metal slice across the skin of my abdomen, followed by the warm trickle of blood. I hiss in pain, the wound though shallow and by no means fatal, still stings like hell. He returns my smirk with a cocky grin of his own, and pointedly gestures to the cut on his shoulder. Once again, we're even._

 _The fight picks up pace after that, growing in intensity as the determination to win sparks between us. After another near miss, I let down my walls and allow the Evil Queen to come out to play. She maybe ruthless, buts she's also stubborn and unforgiving, and that darkness is exactly what I'm going to need if I'm going to win this fight._

 _Adrenaline pumps through my blood, numbing the throb of my wound and heightening my senses. It's a drug the Queen thrives on, an energy boost that helps to push me to the edge of madness where blinding rage and my thirst for vengeance are my only goal._

 _It's then that I realise how much I truly appreciate what she does for me. She maybe cold, callous, and unfeeling, but she's also a part of me. A part that I need if I'm to survive in this world of never ending threats and powerful enemies._

 _This shouldn't be about proving that I can live without her, it should be about learning how to live with her. It's true that I don't want her bitterness and hatred to fuel my actions but sometimes – during fights to the death for example – a little of her anger is just what I need to drive me forward._

 _I lunge forward, catching Thanatos unprepared, and launch into an attack in which I clearly have the upper hand. He blocks my attacks but he's back peddling, just like when I had Emma against the wall. A rush of pride swells in my chest, an instinctive knowledge that this battle is mine, but just as I'm about to deliver that final blow, he waves his hand to encompass his sword with magic._

 _The weapon lights up in a red hue, and I feel it's effects instantly. It begins to drain my life force but the effect is stronger than previously, more concentrated. My sword arm becomes weak, my blade suddenly too heavy to lift, and my entire body aches with exhaustion._

 _I hastily retreat, stumbling backwards as I feel the energy being sucked from me at a rapid pace._

" _I should have known you wouldn't play fair," I growl between clenched teeth._

 _He grins, lowering his sword in quiet triumph, "You never specified that we couldn't use magic!" he replies._

 _I silently curse myself for once again allowing him to manipulate the situation and try to use my own magic, but my life force is being drained too quickly and I can barely muster enough to form a fireball. My sword falls to the ground at my feet._

" _You know it gives you an advantage," I reply, sweat pouring from me as my legs turn to jelly, "It shouldn't need to be said but magic has no place in this fight."_

 _He laughs, the sort of laugh I used to give when I knew I'd gained complete control. "Too late," he informs smugly, and in that instant I know that he's right._

 _It is too late. I can feel my energy levels depleting, the last of my life draining from every muscle, nerve and synapse. The only thing keeping me upright is the pull of the magic that comes from his sword. I've lost. I'm defeated. And I'll never see Henry or Emma again._

" _So that's how you God's get so much power. You're all just big fat cheaters!"_

 _The familiar, cocky tone comes from somewhere behind me, and I've never felt so relieved in all my life. I use the last of my strength to glance over my shoulder, unable to hide my appreciation at seeing the blonde and her infuriating red leather jacket stood just a few feet away._

" _Emma!"_

 _As soon as the name has left my lips I feel the pull of Thanatos' magic disappear. I drop to one knee, relishing in the returning feeling of magic in my blood and strength in my muscles, and try to catch my breath._

" _The Saviour…" Thanatos growls, and for the first time since this all began, he looks scared. Emma's arrival has clearly rattled him, so much so that it's forced him to lose his power over me._

 _I smile in awe, always surprised and a little aroused by the fear Emma's heroic presence seems to instil, but the feeling is fleeting. Having sufficiently recovered from Thanatos' attack my senses slowly begin to return, and with them, the realisation of exactly what Emma's arrival means._

 _Blinded by anger and a need to protect what's mine, I haul myself to my feet and turn to face her with a menacing stare, "What the hell are you doing here?"_

 _Her relaxed smile falters, "What the hell am I doing here?" She repeats, her expression hardening as her own rage takes over, "Why the hell didn't you tell me about him?" she counters, pointing in the general direction of my enemy._

 _Thanatos clears his throat, "I have a name!"_

" _Shut up!" We both command, our eyes never leaving each other in our search to find answers._

" _I didn't tell you for this very reason!" I shout, grateful that she saved my life but annoyed that she's risked hers by doing so. "This is my fight, not yours. What am I supposed to say to Henry if neither of us survive this?"_

 _A trace of humour plays through her green eyes, "Well unless your planning on haunting him, not very much!"_

 _I clench my jaw in frustration, "You're not funny, Miss Swan."_

" _Oh Miss Swan again is it," She scoffs, thrusting her hands onto her hips in the same way Snow used to when confronting the Evil Queen. Her lips draw into a thin line trying to mask her emotion, but I can tell by the tone of her voice that my words hurt, "That wasn't what you were calling me last night."_

 _I instantly feel bad, aware that I shouldn't fall back on bad habits just to conceal my feelings. We've got past those days haven't we? We should be at a point where we can talk about our fears instead of constantly deflecting out insecurities back on one another._

 _I take a deep breath and lower my voice, "Emma," I begin, using her first name to convey the extent of my concern, "I'm begging you, please wake up."_

" _No!"_

 _Her obstinate reply causes my anger to spike once more and on impulse, I straighten my shoulders and square my chin. I may not be a Queen anymore, but there's still a part of me that doesn't take kindly to being disobeyed._

" _Do you have any idea how it felt to wake up next to you and find you unresponsive and barely breathing?" She continues, unaffected by my attempt to intimidate after years of facing me down._

 _My shoulders deflate at the realisation that her anger comes from the exact same place as mine, fear, and I can't help but wonder how I would feel if our situations were reversed. "I'm sorry."_

" _No, you're not," She counters, her voice firm, "because you knew you'd be coming here to fight him. You knew and you chose not to tell me."_

 _She's still angry, and though my initial intentions came from a place of love, I can't say that I blame her. I did choose not to tell her. I cleverly evaded every one of her probing questions and promised her that I wasn't in any danger. Given the circumstances, I would be angry too._

" _I did it for you," I protest, but my argument falls flat._

" _I know exactly why you did it," she replies, no less annoyed. "I carried you halfway across town in the middle of the night to find out why. Mom thought you were under a sleeping curse, Killian thought you were drunk, and Henry…" She shakes her head, a sad expression falling over her at the thought of our son, "…I can't even think about how worried he looked…"_

 _I feel a stab of guilt at the unnecessary pain I've caused to those I love. Henry is the last person that I would ever want to hurt, but even when I strive to be a parent that he can proud of, I still inevitably do._

 _I hang my head in quiet shame, "None of them were supposed to find out!"_

" _But they did," She shouts, "I did!" She sighs heavily, "I had to beg your sister to tell me the truth. I am so mad with you right now."_

 _Though a part of me appreciates her concern, a larger part of me doesn't appreciate her condescending tone. I'm not Henry, she can't slap me on the wrist and send me to me my room. I did what I thought was right and let's be honest, she's hardly infallible when it comes to those sort of decisions. She took the darkness for me, and did I stand there and chastise her like a naughty child? No, I tried to help her._

 _And the fact that Zelena broke her promise doesn't help my mood either. Am in incapable of finding someone that can be trusted with a secret? Once again, my anger flares._

" _Well I didn't ask you to snoop into my private affairs," I reply, my voice rising to match the level of hers, "and I certainly never asked you to come here and assist!"_

" _Excuse me?" It's Thanatos' surprisingly polite voice that finally pulls us apart._

" _What!?" We both snap._

" _While I hate to interrupt such an amusing lovers quarrel," He grins, taking far greater pleasure from our argument then I would like, "We we're in the middle of something…"_

 _I take a deep breath and pinch the bridge of my nose, my muscles still sore from the draining they received. "He's right," I reply, suddenly tired of the constant wars going on in my life, both physical and verbal._

 _Emma's eyebrows rise in disbelief, "If you think I'm just going to stand back and watch you two fight to the death then you've got another thing coming." Her gaze flicks pointedly to me, "I know your magic isn't strong enough to fight him here."_

 _I frown, "How do you know that?"_

" _Because Zelena told me everything," She replies, her voice rising once more, "Unlike you, she actually wants my help!"_

" _Ladies…" Thanatos interrupts, his impatience growing._

" _Fine," I bend to retrieve my sword, determined to finish the duel and end this fight honourably. Emma however, has a different plan._

" _No, not fine," She disagrees, stepping into my personal space and placing a restricting hand on my sword arm. "You're not fighting him alone."_

 _Despite this discussion having nothing to do with him, Thanatos shakes his head regrettably, "Two against one would be a breach of the rules!"_

" _What rules?" I bark, seeing red as I fix him with one of my feared death glares. "You've done nothing but twist them to your advantage since the day I sent you that damned apple."_

 _He laughs, self-importantly, "I know, but I'm a God, so I can."_

" _Then so can we!" Emma retorts._

 _She moves to stand shoulder to shoulder with me and though I'm still mad with her, there's no denying the boost her presence gives to my morale. When fighting together I truly believe that there is nothing we can't defeat. Maybe I should just swallow my pride and accept her offer of help, at least that way we'll all get to go home._

" _You're a 'we' now are you?" Thanatos goads, his amused eyes flicking back and forth between us. "Thirty seconds a go you were at each other's throats. At least I now understand why Eros found you so infuriating."_

 _I share a confused glance with the blonde, the name unfamiliar to use both, "Eros?" she asks._

 _He nods, "The God of love. He dropped into your realm a few times in his quest to bring you together. He caused an Earthquake in the town's mines. He opened the portal that allowed Regina to retrieve her cursed apple…"_

 _I remember both of those events as if they were yesterday. Henry getting trapped in the mines led to the first time Emma and I worked together, previous to that we had been caught in a bitter game of one-upmanship. And the apple…well though it was intended for Emma, it eventually led to us nearly losing Henry, I fail to see how an event like that would ever bring us together._

" _Why would he want me to curse, Emma?" I ask, confused._

 _Thanatos grins, "So that you had to be the one to give her True Loves kiss of course," he replies, his answer the most blatantly obvious of them all. He sighs wistfully, "In the end he just gave up. I found him drunk in a tavern one night, he called you hopeless. He said if you were ever destined to find your way to one another then you could do it on your own damned time!"_

 _He shakes his head, a look of sadness passing over his face, "He was never the same after that," he adds, nodding towards Emma, "and to think that his greatest success was with your parents!"_

 _The thought of Cupid giving up on our tumultuous relationship irks me. If the God of love can't make us work, then what chance to do we have? I swiftly clear my head of such negative thoughts, deciding instead to focus on our current winged problem, "Can we just get back to the matter at hand?"_

" _The fight?" Thanatos replies, his eyes shining gleefully as he lifts his sword once more, "Why I thought you'd never ask."_

 _We begin to fight again but it quickly becomes obvious that this is a battle I cannot win. Weakened from my earlier draining, my co-ordination is off. I'm slow, mentally less sharp, and I just don't have the strength to parry with him for any length of time._

 _Emma detects my struggle immediately, and with Thanatos distracted, she slowly moves around behind him so that she's stood at his back. Her eyes meet mine over his bulky shoulders._

" _Regina?"_

 _It sounds like a question but I know that it isn't one. It's a prompt, an encrypted instruction to join forces and end this so called God of death for good._

 _Thwarting his latest attack, I push him away from me and ever so slightly nod my head. Stretching out our arms, Emma and I create a circle of magic the size of the arena floor. My half is purple and hers is white, until it meets in the middle and turns a vibrant shade of pink._

 _With a whoosh our combined magic shoots upwards, creating a sort of pink, shimmering dome that encompasses all three of us, trapping Thanatos with its force. Now the tables have turned, and just like me his power begins to rapidly drain from his form._

 _He screams in frustration, tries to fire back and then fly away but it's all to no avail. He is powerless against our combined attack._

 _Defeated, his lilac eyes meet mine and they're full of hatred, "No one cheats a God, Ms Mills," he warns darkly._

 _I can't prevent a wicked smirk, "Then you should have played fair from the start!"_

 _With the last of his strength he uses his magic to pick up the sword that has fallen from his feet, and laughs almost manically._

" _I never play fair."_

 _His body disappears in a puff of red mist at the exact same time I see his sword fly through the air to embed itself deep into my heart._

 _I gasp in shock and instant pain, the oxygen ripping from my lungs in one violent surge. My fingers and toes instantly become numb, and the metallic tang of blood begins to bubble into my throat, choking me._

 _On instinct, I reach for the hilt of the sword protruding from my chest, and slowly pull it out. My mind clouds over, dark red blood spilling from the wound and when I cough, my mouth. I wheeze painfully, a fragile last breath, and the bloodied sword slips from my grasp to clatter to the ground at my feet._

 _I look up and see Emma's beautiful smile one final time. I return it as best as I can, but my legs buckle beneath me and I drop to my knees. The last thing I hear before blissful unconsciousness consumes me, is Emma's anguished, heartbroken cry._

" _REGINA!"_


	21. Chapter 21

AN: Hey guy's, the love for the last chapter was amazing so thank you all so much :-) I'm really sorry for the delay on this one but work got really busy and I didn't have a lot of free time. Hope it's worth the wait though ;-) One last thing, to anyone wanting know what happens in the waking world during this chapter, all will be revealed in Chapter 22. Thanks to Zelena, Regina will hear and see exactly what transpired while she was fighting for her life ;-) All that remains to be said is, please forgive any minor mistakes, and let me know what you think :-)

 _My hand flies up to my chest where only moments ago a sword had been embedded deep in my heart. There's no gaping wound. No blood. No pain._

 _I feel nothing._

 _I open my eyes, expecting to see familiar surroundings - Henry's castle, the gardens at the town hall, Emma's Bug - but just like the fatal stab wound that has somehow disappeared, I find nothing._

 _I'm surrounded by darkness. A cold, empty void that smothers all light and sucks out all air. I'm alone. Thanatos has gone and I can't feel Emma's presence. The silence is deafening. The sense of emptiness, suffocating._

 _There were nights in the Enchanted Forest when my darkness – the hatred that festered inside every cell – sank me to depths that I never knew existed. I spent entire days in my chambers with the curtains drawn and the world blocked from view. I wallowed in my misery, walking the thin line between my drive for vengeance and downright insanity, but it never felt like this._

 _This is different. This has an undertow of finality to it. I'm trapped here. Stuck in this abyss with no chance of escape._

 _Am I dead? Is this hell? Is this the eternal punishment I face for causing so much suffering to so many people?_

" _You know exactly where you are!"_

 _I spin around, searching for a body to go with the dark, disembodied voice but there isn't one because the voice is mine - or more accurately - the Evil Queens._

" _This is what you always wanted."_

 _The voice echoes around the wall less void, touching me from all sides. It consumes me, engulfs me, reverberates through every fibre of my being in its attempt to seduce me._

" _This is what you strived for so many years to achieve. This is why you created me."_

 _I turn again, spinning three hundred and sixty degrees in my search to find something – anything – that might explain what it is that I'm supposed to see. Only blackness stares back._

" _I don't understand!" I call out, uncertain who I'm speaking to. Is this another one of Thanatos' tricks? A dream? Where exactly am I?_

 _A low, dangerous chuckle crawls over me, "You never did," comes the mocking reply, "That's why you need me."_

" _Who are you?" I ask, disturbed by the disconcerting experience._

 _Another chuckle, "Oh you know exactly who I am, dear."_

 _There's a bright flash to my right, a burst of light similar to a lightning bolt that temporarily gives me sight._

 _I realise that I'm in a room. An empty room, with a stone floor and brick walls. In the corner I catch sight of another figure, a hazy silhouette wearing an extravagant dress with a high collar, but the figure is a shadow, a ghost of the Evil Queen. She's lost to the returning darkness as soon as I see her._

 _I try to find some meaning in the obvious symbolism. I try to understand why an empty room and the haunting spectre of my alter ego is 'the thing that I've always wanted', but my mind draws blank._

" _Am I dead?" I ask, fearing the answer but unable to offer any other explanation._

 _I hear the rustle of a dress as the shadow moves, unseen, to the opposite side of the room. "Not yet," She replies._

 _My gut tightens, "Am I dying?"_

" _Yes."_

 _I frown, unable to comprehend why the Evil Queen would think death was something I sought. I have a son, a family…I have Emma. I have never had more reason to live then I do right now, my fight with Thanatos was never about that._

" _I don't want to die!" I reply, wondering if fate can be changed by will alone._

 _She laughs, "Of course you don't, dear, no one does, but it catches us all out eventually."_

 _I feel my anger rising, a rage born from fear and desperation, "Then what is it that you think I want?" I shout, my voice hollow in the empty room._

 _I can almost hear her half smile as she replies, "This!"_

" _What?" I scream, "This is nothing! This is emptiness, blackness, this is…this is…"_

" _This is true darkness, your only friend for many years. You sought it out like a starving man seeks food. You changed for it, became me in order to fully embrace it. You pushed everyone away, caused endless pain and suffering. You asked for its companionship and it heeded your request."_

 _I shake my head, unable to accept what I'm hearing. Admittedly there was a time when what she's saying was true, but that time has gone. I've let in light – love - I offer forgiveness and show compassion…I help people…._

" _No," I reply, my voice firm, "I was that person but I'm not anymore. I left the darkness behind when I stopped fighting against the world and everyone in it. I'm happy now…"_

" _Are you?"_

 _The question angers me and I clench my fists, my jaw setting tight, "Yes!"_

 _She scoffs, "You live in a town where the citizens fear you. You're the mother of a son who doesn't need you. You're in love with a woman who didn't chose you, and you're tormented by the sins of your past…"_

" _That's not true…" I cut in, my tone sharp. Though if I'm brutally honest my words are hypocritical. I can't deny that her cruel statement contains a string of thoughts that I've, at some point, recently entertained._

" _Isn't it?" She argues, stepping behind me until she's so close that I can feel her presence brush across the nape of my neck. "You say that you've left your darkness behind but it's still in everything you do. I'm in everything you do."_

 _I tense, filled with disgust at such a thought, "You're no longer in control of me," I reply through clenched teeth._

 _She laughs again, a noise that is so familiar but at the same time, sounds foreign to me. "Is that so?" She asks, "Then why did you lock yourself away in our vault, dear?"_

 _There's another flash of light as candelabra's of varying sizes appear from nowhere, bathing the room in soft candlelight. Instantly I realise that I'm no longer in an empty, square box but back in my vault. It's decorated the same as when I left it, but a few unwelcome additions have appeared. A fire burns in the open fire place, the faux fur rug lying directly in front, but the Evil Queens dresses are now prominently on display, and the silence has been replaced with the eerie beating of several enchanted hearts._

" _I was trying to protect the town," I reply, finally finding my voice amongst the confusion._

 _I hear footsteps, sense movement, and before I know it the Evil Queen is stood in front of me in all her glory. Only she's no longer a shadowy silhouette, her form has gained colour and substance, she's as real as I._

 _She glares at me from heavily made-up eyes, the mask she wore to hide her vulnerabilities from the rest of the world. "From what?" She demands._

 _I shrug, thinking the answer self-explanatory, "From the damage my heart was causing…"_

"… _from the darkness that is still inside of you," She angrily corrects._

 _I shake my head, "No!"_

 _Her eyes narrow dangerously and I come to realise just how terrifying a foe she truly is. "When your heart began to fail your first thought was that the death of your lover was turning you dark," she informs, her words the mirror that I refuse to gaze into. "You thought that I was returning to wreak havoc on those you supposedly care about…"_

 _I grit my teeth, "There's no supposedly about it," I reply, unwilling to allow her to so carelessly disregard my feelings._

 _I do care about them, all of them, even Snow and Charming. I'm not the woman she used to know and I'm determined to prove that to her._

 _She grins, that cocky, self-important smirk that I used to utilise so much, "If you truly cared for someone, you would never harm them," she cleverly points out._

" _That's rich coming from you," I huff incredulously, "you killed your own father…"_

 _She shakes her head and smiles almost sadly, "No dear, you killed your own father." She takes a step towards me so that we're nose to nose, her dark, hate filled eyes burning into me, "When will you accept that we are one and the same. We need each other."_

" _I need nothing from you!"_

 _Her smile widens, a fire ball forming on her upturned palm, unthreateningly. "How many times have you saved the day with your magic?" She asks, mesmerised by the flicker of the flame in her hand. "Need I remind you that your magic is dark; it comes from me."_

 _Determined to prove my point I conjure my own magic but instead of my usual fireball, this just appears as a white mist. "I have light magic now too…" I reply._

 _Her eyes flick across to my hand, "Yes," She agrees, supressing a laugh when my magic quickly sputters and dies, "barely. But you wouldn't be where you are today without me."_

 _With a wave of her hand the fireball is distinguished and she stalks over to the fireplace, "Who turned your weakness into strength when our mother used to bully us?" She asks. "Who turned your pain to anger when Daniel died and your depression threatened to consume us both?"_

 _She paces back to me, "Who brought you to Storybrooke and the arms of your Saviour?"_

 _I have no answer, none that I wish to verbalise anyway, and so I remain silent. But the silence only fuels her drive._

" _Darkness is what you wanted," She continues, "it's who you are. Take comfort from it now, in the hour of your death."_

 _I take a deep breath, the fight draining from my body at the finality of her words, "You're right," I reply, lacking the strength to continue denying what I've always known. "Darkness is a part of me and I was wrong to wish it otherwise." I shake my head, "But it isn't all I am. It's true that I need my magic to protect those that I love. I need the darkness inside me to get from day to day. I need you."_

 _My gaze drifts over her extravagant gown and regal pose to settle on her smug expression, "But I also need me," I add, truthfully. "I need the insecure princess who is terrified to fall in love. The mother who would do anything for her son. The mayor who would risk life and limb for her friends and her town."_

 _Our eyes meet, and I briefly wonder if I'm the first ever person to literally see into their own soul. She seems to read my mind, a perfectly plausible situation given the circumstances, and her expression softens to something more commonly resembling my own._

" _Then stop fighting me," She replies, the malice having left her voice completely. "You said you stopped fighting the world but you never stopped fighting yourself. When you embrace me - accept me - then everyone else will accept me too."_

 _She takes a single step back and waves her hand, the room once again falls into complete darkness._

" _This is darkness in its truest form," She explains, "It's empty, black, and above all, lonely."_

 _The light comes back and we're back in the vault, but everything that belonged to the Evil Queen – the dresses, the hearts, the potions – have gone._

 _She points at me, "You are goodness in its truest form. Scared, weak, willing to risk your own life for someone else's happiness. But if Emma Swan has taught us anything at all, it's that when you combine the two you get True Love."_

 _She closes the distance between us once more, her voice dropping to a whisper, "Learn to love yourself, Regina. Learn to love me." Amazingly, she offers me a warm, affectionate smile, "Therein lies your happy ending."_

 _With a click of her fingers she disappears and the vault disappears with her. In the blink of an eye I find myself back at the deserted Acropolis, and suddenly the pain rushes back._

 _I drop to my knees, my hand reaching for the gaping wound in my chest as I desperately try to stem the flow of blood._

" _Regina!?"_

 _It's Emma, and the mere sound of her voice comforts me somehow. It chases away the cold biting through to my very bones and it fills my rapidly failing body with warmth._

 _She drops to her knees at my side, pulling me across her lap to cradle my head lovingly in her arms. Her green eyes are fraught with fear, her hand quickly covering mine to press against the fatal wound in my chest._

" _What happened?" She asks frantically, "Where did you go?"_

 _I think of the empty room, my vault, and the strange conversation with my alter ego… No, she isn't my alter ego, she's the other half to my whole._

" _I don't know…" I reply, the words cutting off sharply as I wince in pain._

 _Her gaze flicks to my wound, tear filled eyes studying the blood that now stains both our skin, "Thanatos he…"_

 _I nod, reaching up with my free hand to gently stroke her cheek, "I know," I reply._

 _I don't need to hear her account of how he stabbed me with his sword in a desperate, final attempt to claim victory. Just as I don't need a conversation with myself in order to know that he won._

 _The other me said that I was dying, and now I know that she was right. I can feel it, a deep, dull, ache in my heart, a faint echo of what's transpiring in the waking world._

 _Another ripple of pain passes through me and I gasp, closing my eyes until it eases. I open them when I realise that I can no longer feel Emma's cheek against my fingertips, and with deep sadness see that it's because my image is beginning to fade away once more._

 _Emma notices it too, "No!" She cries, the first tears escaping her eyelids to slowly roll down her cheek. "No, no no, no, no! Gina, please," She begs and the pain in her voice hurts far more than any physical wound ever could, "I don't know what this is or what it means but you are going to wake up."_

 _I offer her weak smile and slowly shake my head, "Emma…"_

" _Don't you dare Emma, me!" She orders, her voice a harsh bark as the tears begin to roll freely, "Not now, not in that tone. This is a dream, nothing more. You can't be hurt in a dream!"_

 _More than anything I wish that were true, especially now, but I knew the risks when I first challenged Thanatos at the well and I know that nothing can be done. At least I'll take some solace in dying in the arms of my True Love._

 _I cough slightly, speckling her flawless face with flecks of blood, "He has the power to kill in dreams," I gently remind._

" _But not like this," She argues, her determination as fierce as ever, "He has to drain your life force and he tried and failed."_

 _She reaches for the hand I've left hovering over her cheek but her own passes straight through it. Her expression crumples, heartbroken, "Somewhere, in the waking world, you're lying on the couch at Snow's," She informs, giving me the most loving smile. "Your perfectly unharmed and you haven't been stabbed." She takes a deep, shuddering breath, "So whatever this is, it isn't real. We're both going to wake up."_

" _My heart…"_

 _She shoots my argument down before I can even express it, and it's then that I realise that she understands the truth as much as I do, she just can't bring herself to face it. "…Is fine!" She protests weakly, "It's still in your chest and its fine…"_

 _I feel my own tears fall, "My heart is dying, Emma!"_

" _No!" She shouts, as though blind will alone could defeat death itself, "No. Listen to me, whatever he did to you it's a trick. You're at my parent's house and you're uninjured. Now wake up…please!"_

 _I shake my head, wishing more than anything that I could touch her just one more time, "I don't think I can!"_

" _Regina!" She begs._

" _I'm sorry," I reply, "Whatever he did, it affected me in the waking world. I can feel it."_

 _I stare deep into her eyes, desperate to remember every fleck and shade of green, "I never wanted this to happen," I explain, determined to make her understand that if nothing else. "I just wanted to do the right thing for once. Please tell Henry that I'm sorry. Tell him that I love him…" Another wave of pain encompasses me and I fight back the approaching darkness, aware that I'm nearing the end, "Tell him that I always will…"_

 _A single tear runs down the end of Emma's nose and drops of the end, passing straight through me to land on the soft denim of her skin tight jeans._

" _You can tell him yourself because you're going to wake up," She replies, grasping onto the tail of a dream with all her strength. "What we shared, it might have been rough and desperate…" She laughs, "…and several years overdue…but it was real. I want that again. I want to make love to you. I want to take my time and worship every inch of your beautiful body." She sniffs as a fresh wave of tears begin to fall, "Regina, I want you…please don't give up on us now."_

 _Oh how I wish I had the strength and the power to defy fate and the circle of life, but I don't. I smile sadly, tasting the salty tang of my tears, "I don't think I have much of a choice in the matter…" I reply regretfully._

" _Yes, you do," She argues, as headstrong as always. It's one of the things I love most about her. "You may have forgotten what Zelena once said to you but I haven't. She said you had the propensity to love the deepest, that you had the most resilient heart. Draw strength from that love, find that resilience, and damned well wake up!"_

 _The pain seems to numb, to fade into the background with her words but I know that's not a good thing. The world around me is starting to shimmer, fading in and out as blissful unconsciousness beckons. I shake my head._

" _I can't…"_

" _Yes you can," She replies, "You're the most stubborn person I know. Of all the horrors that have happened in your past you have never let anyone decide your fate. Don't let Thanatos be the first one to do that, don't give him the power."_

 _She curls over me, as though to hug me to her, but then quickly remembers that she can't and pulls back at the final moment, "Come on, Baby," She pleads, her voice strained with raw emotion, "You say that you're strong - a fighter – so fight! Wake up and live!"_

 _My eyes drift closed briefly and when I find the strength to open them, the world around us has begun to fade away. The buildings of the Acropolis slowly melt into the approaching darkness, all colour blurring together before melting away._

 _I glance to her perfect face one last time, "Emma I…." but the words die on a breath and my eyes slide shut…_

" _Regina? No…."_

xxx

"Mom?"

I hear my sons voice before I see him and it's a strange, unexpected, happy, sound. When I finally remember how to open my eyes I do just that, and am surprised to find his concerned, hazel gaze staring back at me.

"Henry!?" I exclaim, shocked and confused as to why I'm looking at the relieved face of my son when I just died.

I did just die, didn't I?

I don't get time to contemplate my answer as he breaks into one of the biggest smiles I've ever seen and launches himself at me. Wrapping his arms around my neck as he hugs me tight, "Mom…."

I return his heartfelt embrace, closing my eyes and squeezing back, just grateful to be alive, but I find myself pulled back to the present by another familiar voice.

"Regina?" I open my eyes, peering over the shoulder of my son to see Snow's head appear from around a pillar. She smiles warmly at me, her shoulders relaxing, "Oh thank, God."

It's then that I realise exactly where I am. I'm in Snow and Charming's loft, lying in the same bed I found myself in after my run in with Greg Mendel. Emma was right.

I clear my throat, trying to shake my sense of disorientation but it doesn't help, "Let's not thank any gods," I reply, my dry throat suggesting that I've probably been unconscious for a while. "If a certain God had got his way then I'm pretty certain I wouldn't be here right now"

A shiver passes through me at the memory of my fight with Thanatos and I reluctantly release Henry to push myself up into a sitting position.

"What happened?" I ask, unclear how I went from dying at the Acropolis, to here.

Suddenly remembering my injury, I glance under my shirt to look my chest. I'm met with the smooth, unblemished skin of my breastbone and surprised to discover that for the first time in weeks, my heart doesn't ache. In truth, I feel fantastic, the picture of health.

Sensing my confusion, Henry leans forward to take my hand in his, "You nearly died, Mom," he explains softly. "You fell asleep in your vault and Ma couldn't wake you. When aunty Zelena explained that you'd challenged Thanatos in an attempt to save Hook's life, Ma joined you in your dream to try and help you beat him, but when she woke up, you didn't, and…"

I quickly glance around the small loft, searching for the blonde I remember clinging to in my dreams, but she isn't here. I try to mask the feeling of disappointment that rushes over me at such a realisation. "Where is she?" I ask, interrupting Henry without a second thought, "Where's, Emma?"

An emotion that's difficult to place washes over Snow's face. It's not one I'm familiar with, a sort of mix between sympathy and hope. "She's with, Killian," She briskly replies, "She stayed here until you were out of danger, until we knew for sure that you'd pull through…"

The rest of her sentence fades into the background as cruel reality comes crashing forth. She's with Killian, her one-handed pirate lover. The man I saved so that she could live happily ever after.

Well I guess she made her choice!

"She went back to him…" The exclamation is unintended, and as soon as my words are out I regret saying them. Snow's face seems to soften even further, and Henry's grip on my hand subtly increases.

I wonder how much they know.

"She wanted to be here," Snow replies, quick to defend her precious daughter, "But they had some things they needed to discuss."

My mind flicks back to that night in my vault, a night that to me feels like yesterday but in reality, could be weeks ago. Does Hook know what we did? Has Emma told him? Has she apologised and far more importantly, has he accepted?

My jaw clenches, a lifelong trait that I adopted to hide my emotions, and I feel an enraged jealousy begin to bubble within, "I'll bet they did!" I growl.

My son shares a look with his grandmother, a knowing glance that indicates they just listened to the voice of the Evil Queen. But as I've so recently discovered, it wasn't the voice of her, it was mine. We are one person - a shared entity – and her strength will carry me through this latest heartbreak.

"Mom," Henry carefully begins, his caring voice breaking through the mist of pain, "Why are you angry?"

I look at him, smiling softly as I stroke my thumb over the back of his hand. "I'm not angry, sweetheart," I reply, guarding myself against further humiliation, "I'm just a little tired. I should probably go home and get some rest."

"But don't you want to know…"

He begins what I assume will be an animated retelling of how Emma rode in to save the day. A tale of how she barged her way into my dreams, successfully challenged the God of death where I failed, and then returned home to her handsome pirate captain. But it's not a story that I want to hear, for me, it's a fairy-tale that's just a little too bitter to stomach.

I cut him off with a shake of my head, "I think I can figure it out for myself, Henry," I inform, my voice kind despite my displeasure. "I assure you an explanation isn't necessary."

I affectionately ruffle his hair and shakily stand up. I still feel weak and a little mentally foggy, but I need to get home before my tears start to fall and my anger takes over.

I waver slightly on my feet, and my imbalance doesn't go unnoticed.

"Regina, you're family," Snow starts, reaching out a hand to steady me, "please stay here and recuperate. I can look after you until you're back on your feet, Emma too. I don't like the thought of you being all alone in that mansion…"

While her offer is kind and in truth, appreciated, the thought of having to watch Emma and her pirate nauseates me. In a bid to protect my already fragile heart, I turn to the Queen for a scathing response.

"You of all people should know that I've never needed anyone to look after me," I reply, rejecting her generous offer with a dismissive wave of my hand. "And as for being a part of your family, that is the one thing that I have _never_ been. I appreciate the role you played in my recovery, Snow, but I'd prefer to return home now."

Regaining my balance, I grab for my jacket which has been haphazardly thrown over a nearby chair. I shrug it on.

"Mom, can I come and see you?" Henry asks, following me to the door with Snow close behind.

I turn to face him, gripping his shoulders in a reassuring, loving, gesture, "In a few days, Henry," I reply, having no intention of pushing my son away when I so very nearly lost him for good. "I'm still quite weak. Just give me a few days, okay?"

He smiles warmly, "Okay. I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, darling,"

I lean forward to gently kiss his forehead, thanking whatever force allowed me to return to him, and turn towards the door.

"Regina!" Snow calls out, stopping my hand before it can reach for the door handle. With a frustrated roll of my eyes, I turn back to face her.

"What now, Snow!"

She gives Henry a pointed glance and raises her eyebrows in silent instruction. Being the intelligent one of the Charming family, my son gets the message and hastily retreats to the living room to give us a few moments of privacy.

When her gaze returns to me, its soft and caring, a look that suggests I won't like whatever she's about to say.

"I just wanted to say thank you," She begins quietly, "What you did for Killian and Emma, it was…"

I feel the anger rising inside me once more, the mere mention of their names enough to make my blood boil, and cut her off before she can finish. "…What anyone would do!" I reply.

She tilts her head to one side, studying me carefully, "No," She argues, her voice lacking malice, "It was what any _hero_ would do."

She gives me a smile that is rarely directed my way, one filled with genuine warmth, "The young woman that rescued me from my horse that day…" She shakes her head and laughs, as though she can't quite believe what she's about to say, "…well it's good to finally get to meet her again."

For a moment I'm speechless, having never thought I'd ever hear Snow elude to who I was before this all began. But maybe that was the real reason for my fight with Thanatos. Maybe self-love was the love I was destined to find.

I sacrificed myself to give Emma the choice to love who she chose and she didn't choose me. Today I lost her, but I also found my self-worth, and now together I'm confident that the Queen and I will get over this latest heartbreak.

I offer Snow a small, tight smile, and without looking back, open the door to exit the loft.


	22. Chapter 22

AN: Hey guys, wow your love for this story just keeps on growing, and my appreciation and love for you grows with it :-) One quick thing just to quell the several concerns that were voiced after last chapter, this is a Swan Queen tale and in no story of mine will Emma ever pick Hook over her amazingly, gorgeous soul mate, Regina Mills. Have no fear, the happy ending we all want is on its way :-) This chapter is shorter than most previous ones because otherwise chapter 22 would have been HUGE. It also meant you got an update a little sooner too ;-) It's Zelena/Regina central, and is the set up chapter to lead us towards the end of the story – there's three chapters to go - :-( Anyway, enjoy, and let me know what you think ;-)

It's been a week. One week since I fled Snow's loft in a fit of rage and disappointment. One week since I spoke to Henry, and longer since I last saw, Emma. I haven't left the mansion in days.

Physically, I'm fine. I slept for forty-eight hours straight and have been fighting fit ever since. Despite the hurt that I've been feeling since I learnt that Emma returned to Hook, my heart is stronger than ever. There have been no more earthquakes, no more agonising attacks. Either my heart was healed when I was saved from Thanatos, or embracing my dark side has allowed me to close myself off to such simple human frailties.

I also haven't shared anymore dreams. Though I'm certain that's down to my determination not to speak to the blonde in _any_ sort of capacity. She's called me several times since last week, has left a string of unheard messages on my voicemail - she even paid me a visit. That was an awkward experience to say the least, having to listen to the saviour of Storybrooke beg for an audience out on my doorstep. Awkward for her anyway, I found the whole debacle highly amusing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no longer as twistedly cruel as the Queen was, but I'm also not as pathetically self-pitying as Regina either. I'm somewhere in between, the perfect balance of good and evil, whole at last with no lingering sense of shame. Granted, I still regret many of the decisions I made in the Enchanted Forest, but I'm no longer prepared to keep apologising for them when I've repeatedly risked my life for redemption.

The asinine fairy-tale folk of Storybrooke need me as much as I need them, and it's about time they abandoned their grudges and gave me that long overdue second chance. Yes, I did them wrong, but they were always too quick to judge where I was concerned. Forgiveness goes both ways, and if they're willing to accept that I've changed, then I'm willing to accept them as equals. It's time to put the past to bed.

Emma Swan on the other hand, is something else completely. I don't wish her any ill will and I'm certainly not planning to enact any sort of revenge, but I'm also not ready to allow her past my carefully constructed defensive walls. My emotions are fragile and my feelings erratic. If I allow her near me before I've found a way to deal with the pain of rejection, then I can't promise that I'll be able to control the outcome. Embracing both the light and dark is one thing, knowing which one will react is another. One wrong word from the blonde could see me break down in floods of humiliating tears. Either that or I could vengefully remove her lover's manhood.

No, until I fully learn how to balance the two contradictory sides of my personality, Emma is better off out of my reach.

I sense my sister's magic moments before she materialises in my study, and roll my eyes at her rudeness for breaching the blood spell barrier I've had protecting my home for the last several days.

"Oh!" She states in surprise, her eyes drifting disapprovingly over my less than professional appearance, "I didn't realise that the Mayor was championing dress down Friday's."

I glance down to my unusual choice of outfit – barefoot, in a tank top and track pants – well aware that most of this town's residents would doubt that I own such casual attire, much less ever expect to see me in it.

"Polite people knock!" I offer in response, purposefully ignoring her sarcastic comment and downright refusing to explain my appearance when in my own home.

She arches an eyebrow, "Polite people _did_ ," She replies, referring to the failed visits of Henry, Snow, Tink and Emma. "I, on the other hand, am the Wicked Witch of the West and your big sister. I don't need to knock."

I take off my reading glasses and pinch the bridge of my nose. While her concern is something unfamiliar and altogether new for me, at the moment it's more of a hindrance than a help. Having a sister is something that's going to take a lot of getting used to, especially when I'm pre-conditioned to carry the weight of my burdens, alone.

I sigh heavily, aware that no amount of stalling is going to make her go away, "What do you want?"

"I'm sorry," She snorts, offended. "I didn't realise that your demand for politeness only mattered when referring to how people should address you! Did you leave your manners in the afterlife? That's hardly the way to respond to someone merely enquiring after your health now, is it?"

She scolds me in a manner eerily reminiscent of our mother. She even stands the same way, with her hands on her hips and her head tilted up in a show of superiority.

"Zelena…." I protest, the tiredness filtering through in my tone.

"Oh very well," She concedes, her expression softening as she quickly realises that I'm not in the mood for games.

She moves over to where I'm curled up on the leather couch, and crouches down in front of me. Holding her hand out palm up, she swipes her other hand across the top of it, and a pint of Cherry Garcia appears before us.

"What's that?" I ask curiously.

She smiles, "Ice cream. Ben and Jerry's to be precise. I read somewhere that it's often eaten during times of emotional stress. Or would you prefer a bar of chocolate instead?"

She takes the lid off to offer me the frozen treat, and I can't help but wonder how many copies of Cosmopolitan she had to read in order to discover that piece of useless information.

I decline the gift with a shake of my hand, and hastily stand in an attempt to put a swift end to this unexpected bonding session. "As you can see I'm perfectly fine," I reply, gesturing to my healthy appearance. "And if you only came here to mock me then I'd advise that you leave before I let my dark side out to play!"

She gives me the once over again, scrutinising every last inch of my appearance from my make-up free face to the very tips of my dark painted toe-nails.

"Clearly your fashion sense wasn't all that you lost," She surmises, referencing my spikey, unwelcoming attitude.

When my frown only deepens she magics away the ice cream and forces me to look at her, smiling affectionately, "For what it's worth, you scared me for a while back there…" She states, her voice losing its sardonic edge.

My eyes meet hers, my anger threatening to take over once more, "And you betrayed me!" I reply, coldly.

"I…what!?"

It may seem like a harsh thing to say considering that she's clearly come here to offer her support, but I can't ignore the fact that she placed Emma's life in danger by telling her about my duel. I'm certain that my darkness wouldn't have half as much reason to surface if I could find one person in my life capable of keeping a secret.

"You told Emma about my fight with, Thanatos" I explain, failing to hide my disappointment. "I told you not too."

She scoffs ludicrously, dismissing the accusation with a wave of her hand, "If I hadn't you'd be dead," She brusquely points out, "a simple thank you will suffice."

Unfortunately, that's a truth I can't deny, and though it irks me to say it, she probably did make the right decision by telling Emma. After all, we did all survive the experience.

I'm far too proud to ever admit that aloud however.

Detecting my hesitancy, Zelena moves to stand beside me at the window. We both stare straight ahead, gazing out into my vast garden as she approaches what is obviously a touchy subject for me.

"Now are you going to stop sulking and tell me why you've decided to cut yourself off from the town," She asks gently, "or am I going to have to use magic to _make_ you tell me?"

I chuckle at her misplaced confidence, "You don't have that sort of power," I argue.

"Don't underestimate me," She replies, giving me a knowing, sideways glance, "You made that mistake once before, remember!"

"Yes," I agree, the memory of our fight on Main Street and the broken ribs I suffered as a result, still fresh in my mind. "And if I remember correctly, it got me thrown through the face of a clock tower."

She smirks and offers me an apologetic half shrug, "What can I say, I'm a perfectionist and _you_ were late!"

A comfortable silence falls between us as I take a moment to appreciate the never ending wit of my family. No matter how dire the situation – how desperate the circumstances – you can always rely on a Mills woman for a clever retort.

Beside me, Zelena exhales, all traces of humour dissipating from her voice, "Emma's worried about you," She says, deadpan. "She doesn't understand why you've stopped talking to her. Why you won't answer the door or reply to her messages…"

I make a disbelieving sound in the back of my throat, "How very touching to know that she cares!" I reply.

"Spoken like a true Evil Queen…." She turns to face me, her expression one of real concern, "Regina, what's going on?" She asks.

I focus my attention on the on the swing at the bottom of the garden and try to centre my emotions. Why am I really angry with the blonde Sheriff? It certainly isn't because she didn't choose me. Yes, that hurts, but I instructed her to make the choice. I wanted her to pick whomever made her happy.

No, the real reason for my anger is much more credible. "She wasn't there," I reply after a beat.

"Who?" Zelena frowns, quick to answer her own question, "Emma?" She shakes her head, "I don't know what you mean. She was in your dream, she watched you die. She told us exactly what happened…"

"She wasn't there when I woke up," I inform.

"So?"

I take a deep breath, unable to comprehend that she can't understand why something so seemingly trivial could be so fundamentally significant. "If you don't know why that's so important to me then there's no point in us having this discussion," I reply.

Her expression softens in a way that suggests she understands perfectly, and I feel a supportive hand come to rest between my shoulder blades.

"She didn't move from your bedside for three days," She informs, gently. "She was like a sentry, guarding your every breath. She didn't sleep, barely ate…"

I grit my teeth against a truth that's just a little too hard to swallow, "But when it actually mattered she was gone," I remind.

"Ah," The exclamation is guilt ridden, and when her eyes meet mine it's with an element of regret. "That was my mistake," She admits reluctantly, "I told her that though you were strong enough to pull through, your magic was still weak. I didn't expect you to wake up for several days. She thought she had a little time."

"A little time to what?" I scoff, still unwilling to accept the selfishness of her actions, "To crawl back into her pirate's bed?"

And there it is, the real reason for my supressed bitterness; jealousy. I look away the second my words are out, well aware that I have no right to judge her so harshly when I fought to give her the choice in the first place…

But still, the green-eyed monster has raised his ugly head to the point that I may well start to look like my sister if I don't get control of my emotions soon. I may have conceded defeat to my rival, but it doesn't make it any easier to accept.

Zelena fully turns to face me, a look of bewilderment on her usually stern expression, "What in all of Oz are you talking about?" She demands.

I realise then that she has no reason to understand my envy. She knows how I feel, but she's unaware of what happened that night in my vault. I swallow thickly, having never coped well with discussions involving my personal life.

"We slept together," I explain, flushing with embarrassment.

She huffs, "Tell me something I don't know!"

I'm shocked to learn of the intimate knowledge she appears to have acquired, and briefly wonder if she's been watching me somehow. The Queen raises her disgruntled head, and this time, I'm more than happy to let her.

"How do you know?"

My sister shrugs, "Emma told me," she replies, unfazed by the anger lacing my voice, "right before she begged me to tell her what was happening to you."

She stops to consider me for a moment and takes a breath, "Regina, what do know about what happened that night?"

"Everything," I reply, with far more confidence than I have any right to have considering what I do know is based on assumption rather than fact. "Thanatos beat me. I died. Emma fought him for my life and won, only to return home to her pirate."

She gives me a look of utter disbelief and shakes her head incredulously, "I've never heard such a fabricated version of events in all my life," she gasps, "and I know Dorothy Gale! Who fed you that load of drivel?"

I clear my throat uneasily, and turn to glance back out the window, "I…"

She raises a hand, detecting the hesitation in my tone and stopping me before I can continue. "Oh don't tell me," She replies. "No one _fed_ you anything because you didn't let anyone talk!"

When her suggestion is met with silence and the guilty reddening of my cheeks, her hands return to her hips.

"Regina Mills, you are as stubborn as a mule," She scolds, "And if you haven't learnt by now that blind ignorance gets you nowhere then I don't suppose you ever will." She prods my shoulder aggressively, "The only thing keeping you from your happy ending is that temper of yours…"

I shrug her off, finding the statement difficult to believe, "…that and a one-handed pirate!" I grumble petulantly.

She sighs, "Do you honestly think that Emma would just go back to him? After everything that happened between the two of you?"

A tiny slither of hope briefly flares to life, the memory of her heartfelt confessions that night in my vault and as I lay dying in her arms. She told me that though she cared for Hook it had always been me…she said that she _wanted_ me…

But I've heard similar declarations of love before, from Daniel and Robin, and neither of those relationships stood the test of time. I died, and she wasn't there to greet me when I woke up because she had gone to see _him._ It may sound irrational, but I'm not prepared to put my heart on the line for another doomed love affair.

"I don't need to think about what Emma _would_ do," I reply, determined not to let my guard down regardless of the circumstances. "Snow _told_ me that she was with him!"

The redhead gives me an overdramatic eye roll, "Well, sis, she's been with me a lot too over the last few days but I assure you, not once has she declared her undying love for me."

I feel my irritation bristle at her cavalier response, "It's a little different," I reply, frustrated that it even needs to be said.

"Is it now?" Her question is spoken lightly but I can tell from her demeanour that she somehow intends to direct this back to me.

"Do you know what I think?" She continues, pushing forward when I fail to reply, "I think that you're so scared of getting hurt again that your trying to sabotage your relationship with Emma before it even begins."

I open my mouth to offer a scathing response but she cuts me off before I can voice my protest, "That Evil Queen that everyone's so scared of, she's great at protecting you but she does it a little too well," She criticises. "So do us all a favour and tell her to take a step back, and when you do, take a long hard look at that rejuvenated heart of yours because I think you'll find that it's now a whole different organ!"

My hand instinctively reaches up, covering my chest over the steady beat of my heart. I have no idea what such a comment is meant to imply. Does Zelena know that I've embraced every aspect of my personality? Is this her way of disagreeing with my decision? Does she think that I've changed for the worse by accepting my darkness?

I frown in confusion, "What are you talking about?" I ask, at a loss as to how to respond.

It's then that I sense the frustration brewing within her, the realisation that I'm oblivious to her point, "Oh for heaven's sake you really _do_ know nothing…" she gripes, manoeuvring me across the room and forcing me to sit down on the couch once more. "Now, sit down, shut up, and watch what really happened through the eyes of someone that was actually there."

I sense her magic building in the air around us, and before I have time to ask anything further, she closes her eyes, and a dreamcatcher appears.


	23. Chapter 23

AN: Okay guys, I'm not going to lie, this chapter was really hard to write. I didn't realise how difficult it was going to be to write first person when the narrator is watching a memory in which she's present. My head is totally blown, and I'm still not sure I like the end result so please let me know what you think. Also, this chapter ended up far longer than anticipated so I've had to split it, therefore there may still be 3 chapters left :-D As always, thank you so much for your amazing support :-) I hope you enjoy!

 **The first memory is at the loft. Snow, Charming and Hook are sat at the table, and Zelena is sat on the couch. Robyn is fast asleep in a Moses basket by her mother's feet oblivious to her surroundings, and Henry is presumably asleep upstairs.**

 **Though the image gives me no concept of time, it feels late at night. There's a palpable tension in the air, an unease that sits unspoken, in the heavy silence of the room.**

 **Standing up abruptly, Hook is the first to speak as he begins to impatiently pace the small room. "Where the bloody hell is she?" He demands, his eyes drifting over to the rooms other occupants.**

" **I'm sure she'll be here soon," Snow assures, though her nervous fidgeting betrays her confidence.**

" **If the Evil Queen has done anything to her then I swear…"**

" **Don't blame my sister for this," Zelena cuts in, standing up to confront the pirate as he paces past the couch. "Emma's message to me said it was Regina who needed our help!"**

" **Zelena's right," David adds, his voice calm. "Emma told us the same thing…"**

 **His sentence is cut short as the door to the loft flies open and Emma staggers through. She's carrying me in her arms, her muscles straining with the exertion. Her eyes are wild and filled with fear.**

" **Emma!?" Snow gasps, standing to greet her daughter.**

 **Charming steps forward too, intending to take my lifeless body from the struggling blonde but she clutches me closer to her chest, making it clear the she has no intention of letting me go.**

 **She walks over to the couch, breathing heavily as she carefully lies me down. Then kneeling by my side, she gently swipes a hand through the loose hair at my face.**

 **She's wearing the same outfit she wore when we were sparring, but her hair is a mess and her boots remain unlaced, as though she only half dressed in her haste to bring me here. I on the other hand, look perfect and pristine. From my deep purple top to the leather skirt and knee length boots that I'm now, somehow wearing.**

 **As the last memory I have prior to this event is of being naked on the rug of my vault, I can only conclude that Emma used her magic to make me presentable to the rest of the group. I silently thank her for preserving my dignity.**

" **What happened?" Snow asks, her voice filled with concern as she comes to stand behind the blonde, "Where have you been?"**

 **Emma takes a moment to catch her breath as Charming drops to his knee next to me to begin to checking my vital signs. There's a gentleness to his touch that I've never seen him use with me before, a warmth that shows just how much he cares.**

 **As Emma stands to address her mother, I notice that her hands are shaking slightly, "Regina's vault…" She replies, her cheeks reddening for reasons that only she and I would comprehend.**

" **You carried her all this way?" There's a curiosity in Snow's voice that is hard to ignore. An indication that while she's proud of her daughter's strength and humility, she's also suspicious of its true nature.**

 **Emma shrugs, "What else was I supposed to do?"**

 **The question is rhetoric and as such, goes unanswered. In the confusion of the room, it's Zelena who is next to speak.**

" **Did you find her like this?" She asks, biting nervously on her thumbnail as she studies my prone figure from the foot of the couch. It's a look that I've come to associate with concern, and a dead giveaway that she knows more than she's letting on.**

" **Yes," The blonde replies, an obvious lie. "I promised to drop in on her from time to time to check that she was okay. After the other day at Granny's…" She shakes her head, clearly scrambling for an answer that doesn't require too much explanation given the more intimate events of our night together, "…I just wanted to check that she was doing alright…"**

 **Hook appears from behind to rest his hand on Emma's shoulder, it's a possessive gesture and one that I find I don't like. Especially when it's apparent that all she really needs is a little support and reassurance.**

" **Let her sleep it off," He instructs, watching me closely through disgruntled eyes, "I don't know much about your past, Swan, but I've served on enough ships and drank in enough taverns to know that the Queen is drunk."**

 **Emma glares at him, clearly irritated by his blasé attitude and he scoffs in response, "I would be too if my heart was ripping the town apart."**

" **I can't smell any alcohol," Snow notes, refuting the pirate's theory before glancing back to Emma for a more detailed explanation.**

" **She's out cold," Charming agrees, and I'm surprised to see worry marring his usually easy expression. His fingers press to my pulse point, "She's barely breathing, and her skin is clammy to the touch."**

 **Snow's eyes widen in shock, "A sleeping curse?" she hypothesises, a look of sympathy passing over her serene features.**

 **Emma shakes her head, "No, there are only a few people in the town with the ability to put her under one and none of them would have reason to…"**

" **Ma?"**

 **All eyes flick to the staircase where Henry now stands in his sleep shorts and tank top. His hair is mussed from sleep and his eyes are still half shut. Despite him being barely conscious, it warms my heart to see how quickly Emma tries to shield my body from his view.**

" **Henry?" She gasps, raising a hand in the hope that it will prevent him from coming any nearer, "You should go back to bed…"**

 **Though her voice is calm there's a waver to it that our son doesn't miss. Suddenly awake, his eyes dart open and he moves to peer through the gap between his mother and Grandmother. He steps forward when he catches sight of me, unconscious and unresponsive, on the couch behind them.**

" **What's wrong with, Mom?" He asks cautiously, his gaze drifting to his kneeling grandfather.**

" **We don't know lad," Hook replies, finding his voice as the others struggle to find an appropriate answer, "but don't worry, she's alive."**

 **His shoulders relax at the pirates reassuring promise but he inches closer towards me anyway, determined to offer whatever physical comfort he can. As long as I'm in danger, I know that he'll refuse to leave my side.**

" **Zelena can you detect anything?" Emma asks, her reason for calling the witch here, apparent. "Any unknown magic or dark force?"**

 **The redhead shifts uneasily from one foot to the other, desperate to reveal what she knows but wary of keeping her promise to me. In an attempt to evade the topic, she throws the question back at Emma.**

" **Why am I any more likely to detect it then you?" She asks, incredulously, "You're the bloody Saviour."**

" **Because you're far better at this than me!" Emma argues, fear causing her voice to rise in panic.**

 **Defeated, Zelena steps forward to raise her hands over my body. She moves them in a sweeping motion, scanning for any dark magic residing there, but I can tell by the speed of her movements that it's all just a ruse. She's not actually doing anything at all.**

 **After a few short seconds, she takes a step back and sullenly shakes her head. "No," She replies, "there's nothing."**

" **You're lying!"**

 **I recognise Emma's angry tone only too well. It's one that's been directed towards me several times in the past. Her steely expression is familiar too, and her narrowed green eyes make Zelena squirm uncomfortably.**

" **She's my sister," She argues, a little too passionately to appear completely genuine, "Do you honestly believe that I would deny her the help she so obviously needs?"**

" **You know something," Emma replies, refusing to back down so easily.**

" **Don't be absurd…"**

 **Realising that the redhead isn't about confess, Emma sighs and grabs her by the arm, directing her towards the kitchen and away from the others.**

" **I didn't find her like this," She informs, her voice dropping to a quiet whisper so as not to be overheard. "We were…** _ **together**_ **…just before it happened," Her cheeks flush scarlet at the nature of her confession and my sister offers a wicked smirk in return.**

" **You were** _ **together**_ , **together?" She teases knowingly, "Oh now that is a turn up for the books…or should I say…" her eyes drift pointedly over to Henry's fairy-tale book that's resting on a nearby shelf, "…book?"**

" **It's not important," Emma replies, her gaze flicking nervously back to the pirate. "And Killian doesn't know. I'd like to keep it that way for now. But Zelena, if you know something – anything at all – please, you have to tell me."**

 **My sister's eyes wander guiltily to my unconscious body, and she takes a deep breath, "There's a Greek God of death named Thanatos," She begins somewhat reluctantly, "He feeds off the souls of the dead or dying. After Zeus brought Hook back he became angered that he'd lost his soul, so he tethered this realm to his and started to visit Hook every night in his dreams. He began draining his life force, determined to take back what he thought was rightly his."**

 **A look of understanding flickers over Emma's anxious expression, "Regina said that Killian had been in danger," she replies.**

 **Zelena nods, "I detected Thanatos' presence when we first visited the forest to survey the damage Regina caused. When I told her, she became adamant in her quest to save him. She wanted to give you your happy ending so she challenged him for Hook's life and…" she shrugs, "he accepted. She thought –** _ **I**_ **thought – that her magic could beat him, but he didn't play fair. When he started draining her instead she was powerless to fight back…"**

" **Is that why she looked so exhausted at Granny's that day?" The blonde asks, quickly putting two and two together.**

 **Zelena nods again, "I told her to even things up by challenging him to a duel…" Her eyes fall back onto me, "…but I still fear that he has the upper hand!"**

 **Emma's expression is thoughtful, to the point that I can almost pinpoint the exact moment she realises why I was training the night before. The dark glower that follows indicates that she's not impressed by my attempt to go it alone.**

" **Is there any way we can help her?" She asks, already planning the rescue mission that I tried so hard to prevent.**

" **I know that you share dreams," My sister replies, "I believe that if you found a way into her dream tonight then you could combine your magic and defeat him."**

 **Green eyes light up at the suggestion, a ray of hope creeping into her small smile, "So why didn't she ask for my help before?" She demands, her anger continuing to outweigh all other emotion.**

 **Zelena smiles sadly, "Because she loves you. She wanted to protect you."**

 **Emma's attention darts around the room. First it lands on me, then Henry, before finally settling on the double bed adjacent to the kitchen.**

" **I need to go to sleep," she states, fully prepared for the protest that will come.**

" **Emma," Zelena begins cautiously, "you should know that she begged me not to tell you. If you go and anything happens to you she'll…"**

" **And what's the alternative?" The saviour interrupts, her anger rising once more. "I sit here and do nothing? Wait for this Thanatos to drain her life force?"**

 **When she realises that Zelena's warning is born from concern her expression instantly softens, "I can't do that," she replies honestly, "I can't lose her."**

 **She turns to observe the scene at the couch. Snow is perched precariously near my feet, holding my hand and whispering soft reassurances to me, and Charming is wiping my brow with a cold, damp cloth. My once enemies are trying to comfort me, to encourage me back to the waking world, and the sight of my lifeless figure brings tears to Emma's eyes.**

" **Have you ever just looked at someone and seen everything you ever wanted?" She asks, her eyes focused solely on me as she attempts to justify her reckless decision. "Snow, always said that when it's True Love you just know, and I know…" She smiles warmly, "…I've always known. I just never realised it until tonight."**

 **The memory of Hades, echoes in Zelena's soft smile as she takes the blondes hand and squeezes tightly, "Then go to her," She consents, "and Emma…" Her voice breaks, "Please bring my sister, home."**

 **xxx**

" **Emma, sweetheart, what's wrong?" Snow asks, standing up from the kitchen table as soon as soon as her blonde daughter wakes.**

 **Scared green eyes meet the bandits across the dimly lit loft before drifting searchingly over to my prone figure lying unconscious on the bed. She jumps up from the couch, ignoring Hook's offer of support, and strides across the room to where I'm still sleeping soundly.**

 **Sensing something wrong, Snow follows close behind, "What happened?"**

 **Emma pauses at the foot of the bed, watching me with such a sad sense of longing that it makes my chest ache.**

" **We fought Thanatos," She explains, her voice distant, "and I thought we'd won but…" She shakes her head, trying to rid it of an unpleasant image, "he stabbed her. He stabbed her and she collapsed. She was in my arms and then she was just…" Her eyes flick back to Snow, "…she was just gone!"**

" **Gone where?" Snow asks, failing to hide the rising panic that laces her voice.**

 **Emma shakes her head again, bewildered, "I don't know…"**

 **She looks shocked, stunned to the core, and as Snow reaches out to place a reassuring hand on her daughters back, I can tell that she fears the worst.**

 **Detecting the tension in the room, Henry quickly abandons his video game in favour of sitting next to me on the other side of Snow's large bed. Zelena begins to pace up and down the large kitchen, gently rocking a sleeping Robyn in her arms, and Charming dutifully follows his wife, crouching down by my side as his fingers once again search for my vital signs.**

 **Fear is contagious, and Emma has caused it to spread like wildfire amongst this small group.**

" **She isn't breathing," David declares, turning to snow with horrified concern.**

" **Mom!?" Henry cries, his expression distraught. I watch as he visibly regresses into the scared five-year-old boy that used to cling to me for comfort, and feel a tug deep in my chest when he reaches out to shake my still figure.**

 **Snow quickly intervenes, "Henry, you shouldn't be here, you should…"**

" **I'm not leaving my, Mom!" He screams, in a tone that's as determined as Emma's, and as stubborn as mine.**

 **His grandmother offers him a gentle smile, but the reassuring gesture quickly drains away as she notices David struggling to find a pulse at either my neck or wrist. He turns to his wife and gives a sad shake of his head.**

" **Emma, sweetheart," The bandit begins, her eyes filling with unshed tears, "She's gone."**

" **No!" Emma shouts, rushing forward to push her parents aside as she drops to the floor next to me, "No. She said she was dying in her dream but it can't have been true, she's not even injured here."**

 **She checks for a pulse with her own fingers and when she doesn't find one, slides the hand at my neck to the centre of my chest in her quest to find the comforting beat of my heart. When she doesn't feel that either, her head drops to the bed, her forehead pressing against my lifeless hand. She releases a strangled cry.**

" **It's not true," She states, her voice thick with strained emotion, "It can't be true." When she looks up I can clearly see the tracks of fresh tears on her beautiful face, "He doesn't have that sort of power does he? Zelena!?"**

 **For the first time since I've known her, my sister appears speechless. Her gaze is fixed vacantly on my still body and I watch as a single tear slides down her pale cheek, "He does," She whispers, nodding her head, "that's how he takes souls…"**

" **But he didn't drain her," Emma informs, clinging onto the tiniest flicker of hope where there is none to be found, "He stabbed her, there has to be a difference!"**

 **Zelena frowns, "He didn't drain her at all?"**

" **No," The blonde replies, "if anything I'd say we drained him…"**

 **With renewed determination, Zelena places Robyn in her basket and moves to stand beside the saviour, "Where exactly, did he stab her?" She asks, gesturing for Emma to indicate the exact point.**

 **The hand that still rests on my chest, grips at the fabric of my shirt, "Here," she replies.**

" **Emma…" My sister begins, her shoulders visibly sagging as she closes her eyes, "…her heart was broken. It had already been weakened…"**

 **She doesn't need to explain any further as the blonde understands the rest of the sentence perfectly well, "But it was a dream…" she whispers.**

" **It would have still had a knock on effect in this world," Zelena informs, "A massive cardiac arrest, maybe."**

 **Silence falls over the small room. Henry has laid his head on the pillow next to mine and though he's trying to be strong, it's obvious that he's losing the battle with his tears. David has wrapped his arm around his wife, pulling her close and offering comfort as she silently cries. Zelena is hugging herself tight, her lips stretched into a thin line in an attempt to control her emotions. Even Hook appears somewhat crestfallen.**

 **But while everyone else grieves, Emma grows bold, standing up to face my sister with steely resolution.**

" **Take her heart out," She instructs, her face a mask that hides her pain exceptionally well, "I want to see it."**

 **Snow gasps and Zelena's jaw drops, uncertain why the saviour would make such a macabre demand.**

 **Strangely however, Hook seems to understand perfectly, he even appears to support her choice.**

" **Lad, I really think that that you should…" He attempts to persuade my son to leave, but the teenager is already one step ahead of him.**

" **I don't care you what you think," He snaps, rudely cutting the pirate off, "I'm not going anywhere."**

 **Emma glares pointedly at Zelena, and my sister gives an exaggerated huff. Stepping forward to lean over my body, she takes a deep breath and plunges her hand deep into my chest, ripping it back out just as quickly. When she uncurls her fist, she reveals the broken organ to the rest of the room, and the sight of it alone causes several sharp intakes of breath.**

 **My heart is dull, drained of all colour and perfectly still, but that's not the most shocking part. It sits on my sister's palm in two perfect, jagged halves, torn completely asunder.**

" **It's been ripped apart," Snow gasps, studying the ruined organ with that same pitying look that's she's always aimed at me.**

" **This is all my fault," Zelena mutters, under her breath. "First I killed my True Love, and now I've killed my sister."**

" **Can't we put it back and let Henry give her True Love's kiss?" Charming asks, striving for the happy ending that he never stops believing in.**

 **Snow quickly shakes her head, "Whatever killed her wasn't a curse," She explains, wiping at the tears that continue to fall. "It won't work. She's really gone!"**

 **At the realisation that he's just lost his mother, Henry breaks down. He hugs me tightly to him as he cries into my shirt, and though Snow is quick to comfort him he refuses to let my body go. More than anything I wish that I could reach into the memory and touch him.**

 **Emma on the other hand is as still as a statue. She hasn't moved, nor reacted to our sons obvious suffering, she's stood as if frozen.**

 **Hook watches her closely, stepping forward to rest a comforting hand on her shoulder before changing his mind.**

" **Swan," he instructs, his voice soft, "Split your heart."**

 **All eyes turn to him in surprise, but none more so than Emma's, "What?" She asks, her mouth agape.**

 **He offers her a sad, half smile, "Split your heart," he repeats confidently, "and give half of it to, Regina."**

 **Emma studies the pirate closely, a strange mixture of remorse and relief flitting over her heart-broken expression, "Killian…"**

" **I'm not bloody stupid," he interrupts, his voice firm but no less kind, "I knew how you felt about her all along. I just always hoped that one day you'd feel the same way for me." He laughs, but it isn't a happy sound, and gives a simple one-shouldered shrug, "At least now we know why it didn't work for us in the Underworld…"**

 **Snow has stood at the strange interaction, a look of confusion drifting over her tear stained face, "Emma?" She asks, picking the most inappropriate time to be her usual nosy self.**

 **But the blonde ignores her, unable to focus on anything but the selfless lifeline that Hook has offered. Her gaze flicks to Zelena.**

" **Can you do this?" she asks, aware that no further explanation is necessary.**

 **The former wicked witch nods, "I have the ability yes," she replies reluctantly, "but I have no way of knowing if it will work, or if it will even be enough."**

" **Ma," Henry begins, sitting up in an attempt to convince his biological mother, "If there's any chance that you can save her then you have to try!"**

 **Snow reaches out to grip the blondes shoulder, a jolt of reality during a truly surreal conversation, "What if it doesn't work?" She argues gently. "Honey, I know how much Regina means to you but…"**

" **You have no idea how much she means to me," Emma replies, her eyes narrowing as she glares straight at her mother, "None of you do."**

 **She kneels back down and lovingly takes my lifeless hand in her own, "But you're going to find out," She informs, giving my sister a reassuring nod, "Do it!"**

" **Emma, this could hurt you," Snow continues to protest, but her hope in saving my life is only outweighed by concern for her oldest child.**

" **I've survived a failed attempt before," Emma reminds, refusing to hear her argument, "anyway it's irrelevant. This time it won't fail."**

 **Snow swallows nervously, "How do you know?"**

 **Green eyes meet hazel, an unspoken conversation between mother and daughter, "How did you?" She fires back.**

 **Something changes in the bandit's expression as her eyes drift from Emma to me, and back to Emma again. A warm smile melts the last of her lingering confusion as she finally understands. Without saying a word, she gives the blonde a nod of support and steps back.**

 **Emma's attention switches to the rooms only silent occupant, Hook. Since inadvertently releasing the saviour from their relationship, he has faded into the background, moving away from the group to perch on the corner of the kitchen table. His neutral expression is unreadable, but the hidden pain is evident in his sad eyes.**

 **Raising a hand to momentarily stall Zelena, Emma stands and walks over to him, loosely linking her fingers with his.**

" **Thank you," She says, her soft, caring, smile an indication that she means every word, "I know it doesn't mean much to you right now, but I really am sorry that** _ **this**_ **is how it ends."**

 **He releases her hand and reaches out to gently stroke her cheek, brushing a stray hair back behind her ear. He gives her a small, weak smile, "I know," he replies.**

 **They share a look – the sort that only ex-lovers can – before Emma returns to my sister.**

 **There's a moment of brief uncertainty, a millisecond where everyone appears to doubt what must be done, and then Zelena's hand is thrusting into the saviour's chest and pulling out her bright, beating heart in one swift movement.**

 **Emma grunts in pain at the sudden action, hunching over as her body feels the loss of such a vital part, but she has little time to dwell on the feeling as Zelena rips the heart in two, and hands half back to the blonde.**

 **She tests its weight in her hand, studying its bright red glow before spinning back around to where I lie, lifeless, on the bed. Dropping to one knee, she presses the barest of kisses against the beating organ and closes her eyes, pushing her hand against my hollow, empty chest.**

 **A white pulse shoots out from my body to engulf the room. The light blinds and disorientates, but as awareness slowly creeps back in, Emma realises that her heart has disappeared with it, and gasps in shock.**

 **Though I'm still unconscious, I give a single, sharp intake of breath.**

" **It worked!" Snow whispers, a huge smile spreading across her alabaster cheeks.**

 **Wide eyed, Emma turns to Zelena, "Is she alive?"**

 **The redhead steps forward, using her magic to scan my body, "Yes," She replies, relieved, "but she's weak, it'll be touch and go for a while." She dips her head towards my lover, "You should also get some rest, the split will weaken you too temporarily."**

 **Emma takes back the other half of her heart and adamantly shakes her head, returning what's left of the organ to its rightful place.**

" **I'm not leaving her side," she informs, gripping onto my hand and placing a soft kiss against my knuckles, "not until I know that she's going to be okay."**

 **The sound of the front door slamming shut is the only indication that Hook has left, and a trace of regret slips across the blonde's face. Though she covers it quickly, I can tell by her reaction that neither pirate nor saviour have walked away unscathed.**

" **Emma," Snow begins, reaching out to rest a tentative hand on her daughter's shoulder, "could we maybe talk about what just happened?"**

 **Grateful for the distraction, Emma looks up, smiling warmly, "Of course, Mom, but later, okay?"**

" **Okay, honey," the bandit agrees, gently returning the smile before glancing to Zelena, "So what do we do now?"**

 **My sister shrugs, her concerned gaze shooting my way, "We wait," she replies, with newfound hope, "It's all that we can do."**


	24. Chapter 24

AN: Well, guys, I went to sleep with a huge smile on my face after reading all of your wonderful comments for chapter 23. I really had my doubts about it and your support was simply amazing, so thank you. This chapter is the last of the memories and was needed just to tie up a few loose ends. Get ready for chapter 25, because it's gonna be filled with rainbows and unicorns and so much Swan Queen that you might just melt from the overload ;-) Anyway, onto chapter 24. Please forgive any minor mistakes, and as always, let me know what you think :-)

 **The third memory follows straight after the second, giving me little time to think or absorb what I've already seen. We're still in Snow's loft, though sunlight is blazing through the tall windows, and an array of used pots, pans and cutlery are cluttering up the kitchen. A significant period of time has clearly elapsed since the last memory, though exactly how much I'm not certain.**

 **Snow and Charming have both changed clothes and Zelena is sat on the couch reading a book. To my disappointment, Henry is nowhere to be seen. Though I suppose it's a little unfair to expect a teenage boy to sit still for an indefinite period of time.**

 **Emma sits in a chair by my bedside, keeping a silent vigil. She looks like she hasn't washed or changed in days, and her usually shiny hair is falling limp and dark around her paler than usual face. She rubs tiredly at her eyes and fails miserably in her attempt to stifle a yawn, but she still somehow finds the energy to reach out and take my hand in her own.**

" **Can you remember when Marion came back?" She begins, her voice soft in the quiet room, "And we had that conversation through the door of your office? I told you that my job here was to bring back all the happy endings, and that included yours? Well I didn't know it then, but your happy endings right here, Gina. I'm just waiting for you to wake up. Please don't hurt me by taking away mine."**

 **In the kitchen Snow and David share a look, the sort of look that only parents can. I know that look, it's the same look Emma and I shared when Henry came crying to us because Violet had rejected him. It's a look that says, 'if I could take away your pain, I would'. It's a helpless, aching look, an expression of shared sympathy, one I have no doubt that they've shared several times over the last few hours.**

 **Snow puts down her dishcloth, clearly intending to approach her daughter, and I can tell by her cautiousness that it's a move that has probably met resistance more than once.**

 **Emma is a very private person, it's a left over scar from her rocky childhood, and even though she's grown closer to her parents than I'm sure she ever dreamed of, she still has a tendency to shut them out.**

 **However, in this instance she doesn't have to. Henry comes bounding down the stairs to interrupt and his sudden presence sends the bandit back to the mountain of washing up.**

" **Ma?" He asks expectantly, his hair damp from the shower as he quickly makes his way over to the bed.**

 **Emma looks up to offer him a small smile, having heard the simple enquiry enough times to understand exactly what her son is asking. "She's still sleeping, kid," She informs before yawning again.**

 **David doesn't miss the gesture, calling out to his daughter from the kitchen, "You should get some sleep too…" he instructs.**

" **Not going to happen, Dad," Emma replies, her irritation indicating that it isn't the first time she's heard such a suggestion.**

 **Her father sighs, concern written all over his gentle expression, "Emma, you must be exhausted?"**

" **I don't care," Emma snaps, her fingers interlacing with mine on top of the bed, "She's the only thing that matters."**

 **Silence descends the loft once more, the sound of pans being washed and pages turning, cutting through the sullen atmosphere. It only takes a few minutes before Emma is speaking to me again.**

" **You know, if you wake up I'll let you sell the Bug," She jokes lightly. "Not biting huh? I would have thought you'd appreciate a little bribery, Madam Mayor. Especially as it gives you the chance to finally get rid of my** _ **yellow death trap**_ **…"**

 **Now it's Henry's turn to share a look with his grandparents, and its one that silently pleads for help. Snow returns the request with a reassuring smile and a nod of her head, gesturing for Henry to take over from her in the kitchen. They exchange the dishcloth on the way, and as Henry moves to start drying dishes, Snow gingerly approaches the distant blonde at my side.**

" **Do you want something to eat, honey?" She asks, using the same soft tone that I imagine she uses while talking to woodland animals.**

 **Emma shakes her head.**

" **Do you mind if I sit?" She tries again, grabbing a nearby chair and pulling it up next to her daughter. Emma shakes her head again.**

 **A comfortable silence falls between them, the sort of silence that requires no words because the love and support is felt through presence alone. As Emma continues to stroke my hand, Snow watches her closely, reaching out to run her fingers lovingly through blonde locks.**

" **When did you know?" She finally asks.**

 **Emma's brow creases slightly, "When did I know what?"**

 **Snow sighs, internally debating whether her daughter is ready for such a personal conversation, but when I take a shuddering breath that causes Emma to gasp in false hope, she quickly makes up her mind.**

" **When did you know that Regina was…"**

" **The one?" Emma says, finishing the sentence for her.**

 **Snow nods.**

" **In her vault, two nights ago," Her shoulders deflate as I return to my peacefully sleeping state, and she exhales heavily.**

" **You know, she's been stood right in front of me for years and I never saw her," she continues, her eyes never leaving my body as she watches it for the tiniest sign of consciousness. "I finally find the courage to open my eyes and it might be too late…"**

 **Her voice drifts off, the silence as loud as any words could ever be. I'm not yet out of danger, and my prolonged unconsciousness is taking its toll on my somewhat unconventional family.**

 **With neither mother or daughter daring to finish the unfinished thought, Snow's hand slides down to the blonde's back. An encouraging touch during a time of such uncertainty.**

" **Regina's strong, honey," she tries to reassure, though her voice lacks the confidence required to offer any real comfort. "She'll get through this."**

" **She shouldn't have too," Emma replies, looking at her mother for the first time since Snow sat down. "She did this so that I could be with, Killian. She knew she was in love with me and yet she was prepared to let me go if that's what I wanted. It's not fair that this happened to her."**

 **She's experiencing the same anger I felt after Robin died. Back then, I would have given anything for her to understand how I felt – to realise how unjust the whole situation was – but now that she's discovering that feeling first hand, I find that I just want to protect her from it. Thankfully, Snow does it for me.**

" **It's not fair," She agrees, gently rubbing at Emma's back, "But it does show how far she's come. How much she's changed from the vengeful, hateful, woman that she used to be."**

 **The blonde scoffs lightly, the words little consolation, "I told her that I'd find her happy ending…" She states, circling back to her earlier conversation, "I didn't know that I was it."**

 **A single tear escapes and she quickly wipes it away with her hand, "What if she dies, mom?" She asks, uncharacteristically baring her heart. "What if this is the one fight we both lose?"**

 **The soothing hand at Emma's back slips across lean shoulders to pull the blonde into a loose embrace, and Snow half smiles, "You know what your father and I would say…"**

" **That you'll always find each other?" Emma replies, fully expecting the nod she receives. She snorts but the sound is more like a harsh puff of air, "Yeah, until the one day that you don't," she adds.**

 **The bandit frowns, unaccustomed to such negativity and unsure how to reply to the suggestion of something as certain as death.**

" **You haven't even started yet," She points out, finding light amongst the darkness, as always.**

 **Emma raises a quizzical eyebrow, "Haven't we?" She asks, "Because the way I see it we started the night I first showed up in this town. I think our whole relationship has been about us finding each other. She found out I was the Saviour. I found out she was the Evil Queen. She found us a way back from the Enchanted Forest, and I found her when she was being tortured in the cannery."**

 **She laughs at the irony of our strange, love/hate relationship, "Hell, we even found each other in past and alternate timelines. We've been finding each other since the day we met, we were both just too blind to see it."**

 **Snow smiles sadly, a gesture that suggests that she doesn't disagree with her daughter's retrospective analysis, "All that matters is that you both see it now," She offers encouragingly.**

" **Believe me I do," Emma replies, her expression softening when her eyes flick back to my sleeping form. "It's beautiful, mom. She's beautiful.** **"**

" **So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you." Emma offers her mother a questioning look and Snow grins, "It's from a book called The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho," she explains. "When I first read that line it made me think of your father even though I had no memory of who he was at the time." She shrugs, "Now it makes me think of you and Regina as well."**

 **The blonde returns her attention back to me, studying me intently as her thumb rubs affectionately back and forth across my knuckles.**

" **Is that what you think True Love is?" She asks after a beat, "The universe conspiring to make sure that we all find someone?"**

 **Snow shakes her head, "No, I think the universe conspires to make sure that we all find our True Love," She replies honestly. "I mean look at the circumstances surrounding both our relationships. On paper it's a miracle that either of us are together and yet, here we are…"**

" **Technically, Regina and I aren't together."**

" **Oh honey," the bandit smiles, "your hearts have always been together. It was your brains that complicated everything!"**

 **Emma inclines her head, conceding that the brunette may have a point however insulting it may be, "Does it bother you that Regina's my True Love?" She asks.**

 **Though the question makes me cringe, it's also an issue I was well aware would need to be addressed at some point. Having spent most of my adult life trying to kill her, it would be incredibly ignorant to assume that the bandit would have no opinion on the matter.**

 **Snow gives the question the thought it deserves, "Maybe at one time it would have," she finally replies, "but I've watched how she's evolved in the last few years and honestly, I truly believe that she's as close to the young girl that once saved my life as she'll ever be."**

 **She reaches out to rest her free hand on my leg, giving it a gentle squeeze, "She's earnt her second chance," she states sincerely, "but more than that, she deserves to be loved. Giving half my heart to your father was the most perfect moment of my life. Two days ago I watched you do the same thing, and no matter what happens now, I know that neither of you will ever be alone again. What more could I possibly want?"**

 **Emma's face lights up with her first genuine smile of the conversation, "Thanks, Mom."**

" **You do know that you're going to fight like crazy though, right?"**

 **Emma's smile develops into a gentle laugh, and in that warm expression I can see the memory of every thrown fist and sassy retort, "I wouldn't want it any other way," She replies.**

" **Swan?"**

 **Both women turn to greet the newcomer, and Emma looks surprised to see the pirate standing nervously next to David at the entrance of the loft.**

" **Killian!?"**

 **He beckons her over with a shake of his head and she immediately releases my hand, standing to greet her ex.**

" **How is she?" He asks, his voice quiet as she approaches him.**

 **David discreetly slips away, taking Emma's chair to sit down next to his wife, and the blonde glances back over her shoulder at me. "Okay…I think," She replies, her voice rapidly losing confidence. "She hasn't regained consciousness yet…"**

" **She will," Hook replies, reaching up to rub her shoulders when he notices the concern hidden beneath green eyes. "Do you know why she was so feared in the Enchanted Forest?"**

 **Emma arches an eyebrow, "Because she killed a whole lot of people?" She states, the answer apparent.**

" **Because she refused to lie down," he corrects. "I lost count of the number of battles she lost by the time she was exiled, but I'll tell you one thing. She never stopped fighting. When she wanted something she bloody well refused to give up until she got it. Black magic, Snow White's heart…the dark curse. She was indestructible, a force to be reckoned with, and that scared a lot of people."**

 **It sounds strange to hear my rival – the man who lost his girlfriend to me – speak so earnestly of me. I always knew he admired me, but that was in another realm when we were both villains seeking revenge for the loves we'd lost. Since meeting again in Storybrooke, our friendship has been nothing if not volatile. I'm humbled by his undeserved honesty.**

 **Emma however, fails to see the significance of his little speech. Not that I can expect her to given that she doesn't know the true history of our relationship.**

" **I'm not surprised," she replies sarcastically, "I find that most people fear imminent death."**

 **The pirate laughs, "She was ruthless I'll give her that," he concedes, "but she was also passionate, and focused. I stopped hunting the Crocodile, I gave up. I stayed in Neverland for years, opting to wage war with Pan instead of honoring Milah's death. If I'd had an inch of her resolve things would have turned out quite differently for me, and then I probably would never have met you."**

 **Emma frowns, misinterpreting his meaning. Her smile fades, hurt flickering across her tired features. "Do you regret that you did?" She asks, dreading the answer.**

 **Hook's smile widens and he ducks his head to allow her to see the truth in his expression, "No," he replies softly, "but you're missing my point. I've been out at the docks, watching the sea for hours and trying to figure out where I went wrong. What** _ **she**_ **has that I don't…"**

 **Emma opens her mouth to interrupt, but he's quick to stop her protests, "The answer came to me," he informs, refusing to let her talk. "I fell into your life by chance, but Regina is here by design. She always knew she was going to destroy Snow and because she always knew that, she was always destined to meet you. If I'd had the same resolve as her, I'd have killed the Crocodile and the Dark Curse would never have been cast. You and Regina would have never meet. Don't you see, your paths were interwoven by fate. Ours simply crossed along the way."**

" **That's really kind of beautiful," Emma smiles, and as much as I loath to say it I have to agree. Sometimes it's easier for the people on the outside to see what those closest to the truth, can't.**

 **The pirate grins, grasping the blondes chin in his fingers, "You should know by now that I'm a romantic guy," he replies.**

 **At one time, the intimate moment that they're sharing would have bothered me, but not anymore. If Robin were here, I know that I would look at him in the exact way that Emma now looks at Hook. It's an expression of warmth and affection, the bittersweet memory of a love that's died.**

" **Yeah, I do know that," She admits softly, "I'm just sorry that things had to end like this between us. I should have told you. As soon as I knew…"**

" **Don't apologies," Hook cuts in, not a trace of anger in his voice. "If I'm not your True Love, then you certainly aren't mine. I would have held onto you forever, and we'd have both ended up miserable..." He shakes his head, "No, my True Love is out there somewhere, Swan. And when I find her, she'll be helpless to resist my charm."**

 **The cheeky grin that Emma first fell for makes a return and the blonde replies with a warm smile of her own, her dimples making a brief appearance, "I** _ **do**_ **love you, you know," she states.**

" **Aye," he nods, "I love you too." He gives her a sad, longing look. One that suggests that he's more than aware that this is the last time he will ever be this close to her, "I think a part of me always will," he adds.**

" **Are you going to leave Storybrooke?"**

 **The question is more of a mood breaker than anything, a way to draw a line under their relationship and move on before it has the chance to get unnecessarily messy.**

 **He takes a distancing step back and shakes his head, "Not just yet," he replies. "I never thought I'd say it, but the place has sort of grown on me. Besides, it seems to be where all the beautiful, strong, women live."**

 **He gives her lecherous wink and just like that they find themselves back at the start, when his every word was a sexual innuendo and she met it with impatient disdain.**

" **When things settle down here come and find me," he says, casting another fleeting glance towards the Charming's and I. "Henry and I have been working on a little project we like to call, Operation Phoenix."**

 **Curious, Emma raises her eyebrows, "Now I'm intrigued," she replies. "I'll come as soon as I can."**

 **The pirate nods his appreciation and offers a small wave. "Adios, Saviour," he quips, swinging the door open with his good hand, "Be sure to look after that Queen of yours."**

 **He disappears into the hall, the door closing behind him, and Emma hastily walks back over to me.**

The memory fades away and the dreamcatcher returns to normal. It takes me several seconds to process everything I've just witnessed. My death, my family's concern, the end of Hook and Emma's relationship…the heart split…

My hand flies to my chest and sure enough, I can feel a steady, strong beat beneath my fingers. Emma gave me her heart, a feat that can only be successful between those who share the truest of loves.

Scared to believe that something so right – so perfect – could actually happen to me, I reach into my chest and remove the organ with one swift tug. Sure enough, half a heart sits in the palm of my hand. It's brighter than any heart that I've ever seen, and it's so healthy that it's practically bursting with colour, but I find that I can't ignore the black shadows that have amassed at the edges.

"Is that…"

"The darkness that's inside you?" Zelena asks, anticipating my question. "Yes."

I swallow thickly, suddenly fearful that the evil I harbor will spread like a disease to poison, Emma. The Author said that Emma has the greatest potential for darkness. What if sharing a heart with me is the catalyst for that?

"Don't look so worried," My sister assures, inferring my fear from my less than joyous reaction, "That's _your_ darkness, not Emma's. You may share a heart, but the two halves are completely separate. You can't accidentally pass on your evil tendencies too."

I release a relieved breath, my momentary fear disappearing with the realisation of exactly what this means.

She loves me.

Emma Swan loves me enough to share her heart with me…

And yet I've treated her nothing short of abhorrent since I woke up!

I grab my phone from the desk, making a note of the fourteen missed calls, seven voice mails and twenty-seven messages. Apart from the odd few from Henry and one from Snow, they're all from Emma.

Why did I ignore her? How, after all this time, can I still be _this_ cruel? I should have stopped to listen to her from the start. I should have trusted in the intimacy of our night together.

"Where is she?" I ask, returning the heart to my chest and magicking up a more presentable outfit.

Zelena offers a wry smile at my sudden haste, "Got an apology to make?" She teases.

Refusing to dignify her amusement with a response, I offer her a hard glare instead. She quickly relents, deciding to give me the information I seek.

"I don't know," She replies honestly. "But she's moved back in with the Charming's so I'd suggest starting there."

I'm out of the study and grabbing for my coat before she has time to follow me, determined to right a most unforgivable wrong. I only pray that it's not too late.

As my hand grasps the handle of the front door, I exit the mansion to the sound of my sisters final, departing, dig.

"Just make sure that you film it; there's money to be had for a video of you groveling…"


	25. Chapter 25

AN: Wow, writing something as sickeningly corny as this chapter reminds me why I'm currently single :-D Thank you for your lovely words on the last chapter, and just to let you know, I've decided to write an epilogue. So there is still chapter 26 and the epilogue to come. Anyway, I hope I did this story justice with this chapter, and gave you all the Swan Queen feels that you could possibly want. Sorry for any tiny mistakes, and let me know what you think :-)

I followed Zelena's advice and returned to the Charming's loft, but only to find that no one was home. Not a surprising revelation considering it's a weekday. Snow and Henry would have been at school, and David and Emma at the station.

At first, I decided to go straight there instead. To walk into the blonde's office in exactly the same way that I've always done. To stand in the doorway, maybe lean on the door frame, and make some witty remark about how, after all these years, I still seem to be paying her to play trash can basketball.

But at the final moment I changed my mind, stopping myself short of actually entering the familiar building. It didn't seem right to just fall back on old habits, especially not after what she gave to me. I wanted this apology to be bigger, better, something that would leave her in no doubt of my feelings.

I've never been one for grand romantic gestures, partly because I've barely had reason to make them, but mainly because I've never been the one to bare my soul. My mother taught me that love is weakness. She made me feel guilty for the way I felt about Daniel. To her, relationships were a way to gain power, and sex was the price to pay to keep it. For years I believed her – agreed with her – and so it stands that I've never made any of the grand declarations of love that all the fairytales talk about. The sort of sickeningly, sweet gestures that I'm certain the Charming's make ten times before breakfast.

At first I felt proud that I'd managed to maintain my dignity while those around me made idiotic fools of themselves. But then I realised that though I've never done anything like that in a romantic capacity, I've always had a flare for the flamboyant.

As the Evil Queen I spent most my days thinking up ways in which I could publicly express my feelings. Grand balls where I ordered the execution of the honored guests. Forcing Snow to eat a poisoned apple rather than just outright killing her. Crashing a royal wedding just to declare my plans to the world. Those are just a few examples. In truth, there are hundreds of others. All brutal, all cruel, and all done to exact some sort of vengeance. But the one thing they all have in common, is passion. I was passionate in my desire to destroy all the happy endings, and though that passion came from hatred, it was no less real.

If I've learnt anything over the last few weeks, it's that passion is the fuel for all our emotions and as Zelena so recently reminded me, I have the propensity to _feel_ the deepest. I realised then, that if I could harness my over exaggerated, theatrical tendencies and focus them on something positive for once. Then not only would the residents of Storybrooke finally see just how much I've changed, but Emma would discover just how much I truly love her, and how sorry I am for my recent behaviour.

That was four hours ago, and since then I haven't moved from my booth at the back of Granny's. Don't get me wrong, having put on several _shows_ in the past I'm not short on ideas, but this has to be right. Perfect.

Granny approaches my table with the coffee pot, distracting me from thought as she automatically begins refilling my cup.

"Stay here much longer and I'm going to have to order more coffee!" She quips in her usual motherly way.

I smile my appreciation, but drop my pen and quickly move to hide my handwritten notes when I observe her trying to sneak a peek over my shoulder. I glare at her, and feeling guilty for being caught, she tries to cover her curiosity under the illusion of good service.

"Can I get you anything to eat, Regina?" She asks pleasantly.

I shake my head, still full from the chicken and red pepper salad I ate at lunch, "No. Thank you."

She disappears back into the kitchen and when I'm certain that I'm once again alone, I uncover the paper I've been working on. The sheet is covered with hastily scrawled ideas, some of them crossed out, some underlined, and though I feel as though I have the basics of what I want to say, for some reason I'm still not happy with it.

I never thought that it would take so much effort to put one's emotions into words. I didn't realise how frustrating it could be to spend hours working on something and still not be satisfied with the end result. I'm so close, but I'm not yet there. I just need that final burst of inspiration.

As if on cue the diner bell rings and in strolls Emma. She's wearing her usual. Boots, skinny jeans, a tight polar neck jumper and her red leather jacket, her sheriff badge clipped to her belt. She walks over to the serving counter, casting a cursory glance around the diner as she waits to be served. I sink down into my booth, hiding from view as I observe her interaction with the portly owner.

"Afternoon Sheriff," Granny greets, smiling warmly. "What can I get you?"

"The usual for, David," the blonde replies, taking out her phone and trying to mask her disappointment at the lack of messages.

I briefly feel bad that I still haven't acknowledged any of her contact attempts, and grow determined to make her forget all the confusion soon enough.

She returns her phone to her pocket. "I'll have a grilled cheese, bear claw and hot chocolate to go." She informs, once again reminding me of just how juvenile her appetite is.

I roll my eyes at the predictability of her order and quickly scrawl, _**eats like a child**_ , across the top of my paper.

As she waits for her order, I watch her cheekily sneak a fry from the edge of Grumpy's plate. Never one to miss a beat, the dwarf notices the attempted theft and quickly swats the blonde's hand away. Emma drops the fry, the ketchup staining her jeans, but undeterred she picks the fry back up, eats it, and dabs at the stain with nonchalant shrug.

I screw my face up in mild disgust, uncertain how someone so beautiful can be so…unrefined…and that's when it comes to me, that final burst of inspiration that I've been lacking.

I hastily jot down my final few words and pause to review my work, smiling proudly at the finished result. If a grand gesture is what this town want, then it's damned well what I'm going to give them.

When I look back up, Emma and her lunch have gone.

I check my watch and note that it's early afternoon. If I return home now it will give me just enough time to shower and change before the start of the show, but first, I need to ensure I have an audience.

With a wave of my hand I magic up a poster. Printed on bright yellow paper with loopy cursive writing, it looks as professional as anything I could ever buy. With another wave of my hand, I replicate the poster and magically attach it to every lamp post, building and dumpster in town.

Finishing my coffee, I gather my things and swiftly exit the diner, leaving the prototype poster on the table for Granny to easily find.

 _ **Storybrooke**_

 _ **You are cordially invited to attend a performance of;**_

 _ **The Swan Song**_

 _ **17:00**_

 _ **Main Street**_

xxx

It's five minutes to five when I poof myself on top of the building opposite the library. The sun is shining, the microphone is set, and everything is ready for my bold declaration.

Below me on Main Street, the residents are slowly starting to congregate. Fairytale folk are nothing if not nosy, and as I'd hoped, my vague posters are attracting enough of a crowd to draw the desired attention for my plan.

Further down the street I watch as Granny leads her customers out of the diner, she has her beloved crossbow in hand and is followed by seven dwarfs all carrying axes. Tink and the fairy's make their way down from the nunnery, and Merida and Hook – a strange combination to be sure – exit the woods. From the workshop come Geppetto, Pinocchio and Archie, and Michael temporarily closes the garage. The entire town is here - even Gold - the only person missing is the star of the show.

It's funny, but during my time as Queen I talked freely in front of hundreds of people at court. It didn't faze me, I was always a confident public speaker – it's one of the reasons I make such a good mayor – but stood here, high above the town and preparing to declare my heart, I'm terrified.

I briefly consider abandoning my plan and fleeing my post before anyone sees me. I could speak to Emma when we're alone tonight, avoid exposing myself to the possibility of ridicule and humiliation. But if Snow has taught me anything at all, it's that love is about taking risks. It's about taking chances and putting your heart on the line, and trusting that your lover will always have your back.

Emma saved my life, and though nothing I do will ever compare to the gift that she gave me, I'd be letting her down if I didn't even try.

I hear voices in the street below and look down. Snow, David, Henry, Zelena and Emma have exited the sheriff's station and are making their way over to the unsettled crowd just beneath me.

"Sheriff, what's going on?" Grumpy demands, as always, the loudest voice in the town.

Neither Emma nor David can get a word in before, Granny asks the next question," Where did these posters come from? What do they mean?"

She waves one of the posters in front of Emma, and I briefly wonder if it's the one that I left for her at my table.

"We don't know where they came from," Emma replies, trying to calm the disgruntled mob, "But there's no need to panic until we know exactly what's going on."

The town clock begins to strike five, and taking my cue from my lover's words, I raise my hands and use my magic to conjure up a white, rolling mist. As planned, the mist moves in the exact same way as the purple cloud of the Dark Curse, but instead of bringing a new realm and a strange world with it, this mist simply brings night.

I hear startled gasps from below and watch with amusement as several of the residents set fire to burning torches with disconcerting predictability. My family use battery torches - a far more modern source of light.

"Swan?" Hook asks, inching slightly towards the blonde as daylight fades and the mist draws closer.

"Just wait," Emma instructs, raising a hand to prevent anyone from reacting too soon.

Given the unlucky history of this town, I'm surprised to see it's sheriff remain so calm. If I didn't know better, I'd say that it's almost as if she knows what's about to happen, that she knows it's nothing sinister.

As the mist rolls over the residents of Storybrooke, they all duck. There's a few startled cries and held breaths, but the fear quickly subsides when the mist disappears leaving only night in its wake. When they look up, it's to be greeted by a sky filled with a thousand stars.

Of course the idea behind this impromptu end to the day, was darkness. To have a visual representation of everything they perceive me to be, but to show that just because it exists, it isn't necessarily something to be feared. It can be beautiful too.

I wave my hand again and from nowhere, the sound of music carries across the still night air. Like the darkness, the music is well thought out, an instrumental of Glorious, by Andreas Johnson, a song whose words perfectly describe what Emma means to me.

"Is that music?" Zelena asks, puzzled.

Charming nods, "Sounds familiar!"

I roll my eyes at the sudden, horrifying thought, that I've somehow picked a song that is also significant to Charming and Snow's relationship. The irony indeed. It's becoming more and more apparent that regardless of how I try to steer us off course, the closer Emma and I get, the more we create a modern retelling of her parent's fairytale.

Thankfully, I don't have long to dwell on that saccharine thought, as the slow building introduction suddenly bursts into a wave of sound. I wave my hands again to begin part three of my show, and all eyes instantly turn skywards.

"Is that snow?" Henry asks, watching in awe as what appears to be a blanket of flakes, begin to flutter down from a cloudless sky.

Archie shakes his head, "We weren't forecast snow."

"Yeah?" Grumpy retorts sarcastically, "Well we weren't forecast sudden darkness either, but it's happened!"

As the first of the flakes reach ground level, Snow is the first to realise what they actually are, "They're feathers," She gasps, catching one in the palm of her hand. Her gaze flicks across to her daughter, "They're Swan feathers!"

Emma's eyes widen almost comically, "Should I be worried?" she asks, pulling one free from her hair to examine it. "First we're all invited to a _Swan song_ and now this? Either our next big bad is Mother Goose, or I've seriously managed to piss someone off."

"The magic is strange," Zelena interjects, scanning one of the feathers with her own dark power. "It's a combination of light and dark. I've never felt anything like this before."

"I have," Rumple replies, stepping up the small group with a knowing look. When David raises a questioning eyebrow, he simply shrugs in return. "Just because I've experienced this before, it doesn't mean that I know who's responsible!"

"Well where did you experience it?" Emma demands, quickly losing patience.

I cover my mouth to stifle a chuckle at the blondes protective behaviour. Always the Saviour, she'd never stop to consider the possibility that this was a declaration of love. Her mother on the other hand, is beginning to catch on.

"Don't worry so much, honey," She states softly, resting a calming hand on her daughter's forearm. "Intuition tells me that this isn't a bad thing…"

With the visual part of my plan well under way, I decide to begin the verbal before the natives start to get restless. Nervously clearing my throat, I take a deep breath and step up to the microphone. The sound has been set to just the right level to carry easily over the music.

"The Swan Song," I announce, the words carrying over the rooftops and echoing off the buildings.

Emma recognises my voice immediately.

"Regina!?"

I click my fingers and a giant spotlight appears, lighting up my position for the entire town to see. There are several more gasps and a few groans but surprisingly, everyone – including Grumpy – remains silent.

With shaking hands and unstable legs, I unfold the piece of paper I was writing on at the diner, and begin to read aloud.

"When angered, I'm the first to attack,

During arguments, I have the last word,

I'm stubborn, selfish, quick to stab in the back,

And from vengeance I can't be deterred"

There's a ripple of laughter at the end of the first verse and I find that it actually helps to relax me a little. Too sacred to look for anyone's reaction, I take another deep breath and begin the second.

"I'm defensive when threatened,

Arrogant, when wronged,

I'm naturally mean when I'm scared,

I may not be sunshine, lightness or good,

The truth? I'm emotionally impaired"

At this I dare to look up and find myself staring straight at, Snow. She's leaning into David, and clutching her chest as though at any minute she might melt into a puddle on the floor. Her expression is one of such sickening happiness, that I find myself wanting to hastily continue.

"I'm not much of a hero,

I've made plenty of mistakes,

And I'm certain there's years more to come,

But with you I'm improving; more patient, less rash,

You're the reason for who I've become"

At this my gaze flicks to Emma, and when I see the look of sheer love that she's directing my way, my nerves all but disappear. Feeling suddenly bold, and knowing the words I wrote by heart, I discard the piece of paper and choose to recite the rest of my poem directly to my lover.

"I know that I hurt you,

By shutting you out,

And I'm sorry if I dared you to run,

It took me a moment to banish my doubt,

But believe me, True Love has begun,"

A warm smile stretches across my face as I begin the final verse, knowing that the joy of watching Emma in the diner earlier this afternoon, is written into every word.

"You may be annoying, you eat like a child,

You're slobby, uncouth, an ex con,

But you are my saviour, you drive this queen wild,

My beautiful, imperfect, Miss Swan."

There's a moment of absolute silence, a split second where the only sound is the childish laughter of the children playing amongst the falling feathers, and then Emma takes a single step forward.

"You know; I don't think anyone's ever apologised to me by using so many insults…" She teases, her gorgeous smile widening to reveal her dimples.

Beside her, Snow discreetly wipes away several tears and Zelena gives me the thumbs up. It's then that I know I did good. That I finally got something right.

"Emma," I chastise, easing into the suddenly playful mood that has fallen between us, "You should know by now that wasn't an apology…"

I wave my hands one final time and disappear in a puff of purple smoke. Reappearing a half second later on the ground in front of the blonde.

" _This_ ," I state, "Is an apology…"

Before she has time to react, I sweep her into my arms and dip her down for a breathtaking kiss. The town erupts in loud cheers and applause, and with click of my fingers, fireworks explode overhead.

Breaking the kiss, we straighten ourselves up and I rest my hand against the center of Emma's chest, pressing my forehead to hers.

"Thank you," I whisper, gripping at the fabric beneath my hand in an obvious indication of

her heart, "…for this."

She smiles lovingly in return, "You always had my heart, Gina," she replies, green eyes staring deep into my soul, "I just made it official."

Feeling overcome with emotion I find that I can't express myself with words so instead of trying, I simply tighten my grip on her shirt and pull her lips back to mine. At first the kiss is rough and demanding, but it quickly melts into something so much more. Our tongues stop fighting for dominance and begin to gently coax and caress, and her fingers at my hair begin to stroke rather than tug.

A rush of warmth washes over me, a sense of completion, and I realise that this is True Love in all it's amazing, powerful glory. My mother was so wrong, this doesn't feel like weakness, it's strength.

Emma breaks our kiss to press a trail of chaste kisses across my cheek and towards my ear, "Take me to bed, Gina," She whispers hotly, the command alone making my very core ache with want.

And just like that, love switches to burning lust, a reality I think that we're both going to have to get used to considering our fiery past.

"But I'm not tired, Sheriff," I drawl seductively, offering her a wicked grin.

Her smile widens, "Just as well," She replies, her words dripping with desire, "Because I have no intention of letting you sleep, Madam Mayor."

I pull her lips back to mine, and with the fireworks still blazing in the night sky above us, the crowd fails to notice as we disappear in a puff of pink smoke.


	26. Chapter 26

AN: Well guys, after the sugar-soaked fairytale of last chapter, it's time for some domesticated bliss. This chapter is M rated – as if I needed to say that ;-) and I've also decided that instead of an epilogue there will just be a chapter 27. I know, I changed my mind again, so sue me ;-) As this is the penultimate chapter, I feel now is a good time to tell you all that I've enjoyed writing this story so much that I am going to do a sequel (maybe a few one shots too). However, my muse may take a bit of time to reload so if any of you have any ideas on how you'd like to this be continued, please feel free to drop me a line. Alternatively, if you have a request for a one shot that would work for this version of Swan Queen, then let me know and I'll see what I can do. If I have no suggestions, I'll assume you all think the story has run its course and we'll just leave them to their happy ending at the end of chapter 27. As always, thank you all for your amazing, continued support. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and let me know what you think :-)

We rematerialize in my bedroom, the sound of fireworks still echoing in the distance. In the darkness of the room, I can feel Emma's presence everywhere. The warmth of her body as she presses against me and pulls me closer, her taste on my tongue as I deepen our kiss. The way that her scent lingers in the air around us, spicy sandalwood…

She surrounds me, floods my senses until she's rushing through my veins and touching every single cell. I have never felt so attuned to a lover in all my life. I never dreamed it could be like this.

The gentle caress of her probing tongue stokes a fire deep within, one that I'm certain will never be extinguished, and the feeling of completion reminds me of the dream that started all of this.

Though we didn't know it at the time, we both dreamt that we were making love in this very room. It was a dream that opened my eyes to this amazing woman, my beautiful disaster that I spent years looking at but never really seeing.

Releasing her jumper from my tight grip, I wave my hand and the room is illuminated in soft candlelight, reminiscent of that life changing dream.

Emma breaks our kiss at the sudden burst of light, her gaze flicking around the room and falling momentarily on each individual flame.

"Did you do that?" She asks awestruck, her gaze returning to mine, green eyes dancing in the flickering light.

"Well you certainly didn't," I grin teasingly.

Despite the irreversible change in our relationship, something tells me that we'll always have this fierce rivalry between us. It's part of the passion the ignites whenever we're in the same room for any length of time. A physical manifestation of the raw lust that burns between us. We're equals, alpha females in a very small town, and irrespective of the fact that we're True Loves and share a heart, I think we'll always feel the need to compete against each other on some level.

"Hey, I could do that!" Emma replies, feigning insult.

I scoff, "Need I remind you how long it took for you to light one flame in Neverland?"

She laughs softly and her beauty steals the breath from my lungs. I can't believe that she's really mine.

She presses a kiss to the end of my nose, "I was learning then," She replies. "I got better. You made me better...in more ways than one," Her gaze locks onto mine, her eyes saying so much more than her words ever could.

I smile shyly, dipping my head to hide my blush. It's amazing how quickly an ex-Evil Queen can revert to a nervous teenager when in the right company. I thought that younger, innocent version of me was long gone, but it seems that Emma knows just how to tap into the very root of her soul.

Her arms slide up from my waist to straighten my shoulders and she takes a step back, tilting my chin up with the tip of her index figure. In the silence of the room she studies me, her eyes flicking over every line and scar on my face.

"What?" I ask, shifting uncomfortably under her intense scrutiny, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

She shakes her head, "I'm just looking. I just…I can't believe that we're really here. That you're really mine."

My smile widens, our minds in perfect synch, "I've been thinking the exact same thing," I reply.

Her hands move from my shoulders and down my arms until she interlocks our fingers, pulling me towards her once more. She's pensive, a slight frown marring her expression, and though I know that she's perfectly content, there's a very real concern lying just underneath the surface.

I dip my head to catch her gaze, and give her hands a reassuring squeeze, "What?" I ask, undemanding.

She shrugs slightly and takes a deep breath, a reminder of the hidden vulnerability that her amour works tirelessly to protect. "My whole life all I ever wanted was a family, a place to call home…" she admits, her eyes locking onto mine, "You gave me that. You gave me it all. And now, it feels too good to be true. I'm terrified that I lose it all again."

I feel my heart constrict at the childlike naivety of her fear, the all too familiar reality of a loveless orphan. "Emma…."

"Just promise me that this is it," She pleads, gripping our hands together and lifting them so they're level with our hearts. "Promise me that we'll always have this _feeling_ that's between us right now. Promise me that no matter how much we fight, or argue, or disagree…" her eyes close on a silent wish, "…promise me that we'll never lose _this_."

Her thoughts mirror my own, the deep-seated fears of two women with damaged hearts and a lifetime of broken dreams. In trusting each other, we're taking a risk that neither of us have ever been prepared to take before, and it's a terrifying step. As terrifying as giving voice to those three, tiny words, that we share unknowingly in every look and touch.

I press a chaste kiss to her soft lips, "I promise," I whisper against her mouth.

She pulls back slightly, green eyes meeting brown, "Really?"

I nod, "We're the same, you and I. We wage war against the world and everyone in it, when all we really want is someone to walk beside us."

I release one of her hands to thread my fingers through her blonde locks. Tugging on the back of her neck, I pull her forward and press my forehead against hers. "I've waited a lifetime for you," I confess. "I promise you, I'm not going anywhere."

I take a deep breath, mustering every last inch of my courage. When I speak again, it's to mutter the truest words I've ever said, "I love you. I always have."

She smiles then - that beautiful smile that lights up her entire face - that smile that I'd give my last breath for. "I love you too," she replies, and I feel my heart burst at the words, "and I always will."

I close the remaining distance between us and capture her mouth in a deep, searching kiss. It's sweet and passionate, and filled with so much feeling that I'm overcome with emotion. I want her as close as physically possible. I want to feel her skin against mine, her fingers inside me. I want to give her every last piece of me until she's taken everything I have.

I break the kiss, "Make love to me Emma, please…"

"Gina…" She whispers, giving her head a gentle shake, "…that's the one thing you _never_ have to ask me for…"

We come together after that, a shared meeting of body and mind. Our kisses are deep and passionate, teetering on lust but laden with such all-consuming love that they last longer, and mean so much more.

We undress each other slowly, with playful, teasing curiosity that causes our muscles to quake and heightens our arousal to whole new levels. A ripped shirt here, an unclasped bra there, every newly discarded item only adding heat to the friction already burning between us.

Finally, naked, we both pause in the center of the room. Stunned into silence by the experience of truly seeing each other for the first time. Emma is beautiful – an angel on Earth – far more than this ex-villain could ever deserve.

Her eyes feast on my body, clearly thinking similar thoughts, "You're incredible!" She gasps.

Her words act as a trigger, and white hot desire takes over all rationale thought. She rushes me, lifting me off the floor to carry me to the bed before laying me gently down. Tenderly, lovingly, she maps out every last inch of my body from the scar at my lip to the tips of my polished toes, and when she's finished, I'm only too eager to roll her over and return the favor. Worshipping every ounce of soft, warm flesh with my mouth and tongue.

Our breasts are heaving, sweat coating our bodies as we pant for breath, and when I finally press our warm, wet, centers together, Emma cries out and throws her head back against the pillows beneath.

"I am _so_ in love with you," She cries out, a disbelieving laugh drowned out by a moan of pure pleasure.

I smile, a euphoric happiness flooding every nerve ending in my oversensitive body, and press a kiss to her tilted chin, "I assure you the feeling is mutual," I reply, the words fading into a loud moan of my own.

Wrapping her leg around my waist, she pulls my center tight against hers and we both groan at the new sensation. Cupping my face in her hands she tugs my head towards her, and as I press a soft kiss to her cheek, she whispers hotly in my ear.

"Make me come, Madam Mayor."

Unsurprisingly, we reach that same exquisite high at the exact same time, before slowly floating back down to Earth, together.

xxx

Three rounds and an indeterminable amount of time later, I roll off Emma's delectable body and onto my back, panting heavily.

"Wow!"

She laughs – the 'oh boy am I lucky'- type of laugh, and drapes her arm over her eyes as she tries to catch her breath. "Oh yeah…." She agrees, aware that in our post-orgasmic haze, no further words are required.

My entire body aches with glorious satisfaction, and even as I feel the stretch of muscles that I'm not sure I've ever used before, I can already feel my libido gearing up for more. With Emma, I'm insatiable.

"God…" The blonde groans after a few silent, minutes. It's a groan of pleasure. "…Gina! Fuck! If I'd known it was going to be that good, I would have taken you against your wall on the night we first met!"

I chuckle, a deep throaty sound, and can't deny that even though I would never have allowed it to happen at the time, the suggestion alone would have made me ache with want.

"I have a feeling that I might have had something to say about that, dear," I reply, playfully.

She rolls onto her stomach and looks down at me with a cheeky grin, "Oh yeah?" She challenges, "I bet you would…" She leans down to brush her nose against mine, "Something along the lines of 'Oh god! Right there, Emma. Harder…please…!'"

I offer her a mock scowl and lightly thump her shoulder, offended by her poor imitation. She smiles back innocently, and leans down to press several, chaste kisses against my lips.

"Isn't that what you were just saying to me?" She teases.

I nod once, unable to argue the truth, but save her the embarrassment of repeating some of her more impassioned phrases. Needless to say, they were far more graphic than any of mine.

She collapses on top of me, nestling her head under my chin and wrapping her arms around my torso in a loose embrace. This, right here, is everything that I've always wanted. The passion and intensity of sex, followed by the warmth and comfort of love. I release a deeply satisfied sigh, having never felt more whole than I do right now.

"So…" She begins, in a tone I don't quite recognise, "The Swan Song, huh?"

I glance down at a sea of blonde hair, uncertain how to interpret that particular sentence, "You didn't like it?" I ask, my muscles tensing in preparation to flee.

"Of course I liked it!" She quickly replies, worried eyes flicking up to meet mine. "I loved it. It's just…." She winces, struggling to find the right words, "It was very public, very…un-you…"

I raise an eyebrow, trying to see her point but failing, "On the contrary, I thought it was very much me. I was always putting on shows in the Enchanted Forest, although then they were usually done with the intention to threaten and maim."

"But you've never done anything like that in Storybrooke," she carefully replies. "I mean; you were barely affectionate with Robin in public…"

"Robin wasn't my True Love," I remind, stroking my hand down her back, "And he didn't give me half his heart…"

She sits up then, her mouth wide in shock, "Are you saying that you did it because you felt like you owed me something?" She asks.

I open my mouth to reply but find myself uncertain how to answer. I certainly didn't do it to _even the score_ if that's what she's suggesting, but I guess I was trying to prove that my love was equal to hers after an act so …selfless.

"Emma you gave me your heart," I state, desperately trying to put my feelings into words, "that's the greatest gift anyone could ever give. I just wanted to show you that I felt the same, and the only way I knew how was to be as big and bold as the Queen would have been."

I'm suddenly embarrassed, aware that my gesture was way over the top and probably made me look foolish in front of the entire town. I feel a deep blush flush across my cheeks, and try to pull away.

Emma stops me with a gentle hand to my collar bone, "Hey, it's okay," she soothes, bending down to kiss me again. "Regina, no one has ever done anything like that for me. It was amazing, _you're_ amazing…"

"But…?" I prompt uneasily.

She chuckles, "Maybe forgo any future performances?" She suggests kindly, "You know, unless you want Mom dancing across the rooftops and Grumpy singing in the streets…"

I relax, finally grasping her point. My display was something straight out of Disney movie, and the last thing these fairytale folk need is encouragement to behave any more like their fictional stereotypes.

"Don't worry, Miss Swan, that was a one-time performance, I assure you." My gentle smile stretches into a wicked grin, "Anyway, as Mayor I have certain standards to adhere to. I'm too highly respected to keep making public declarations of love to someone as lowly as the town sheriff…"

She pouts petulantly, "Lowly huh? I don't hear you complaining about how low I am when I go down on you…?"

As she speaks her hand slides down my abdomen and disappears under the covers, stroking teasingly at the aforementioned part of my anatomy.

I gasp, instantly aroused by her touch, "And you never will!" I reply, pulling her down for a deep kiss. She stops me before our lips make contact.

"You did…keep the poem though, right?" She asks, the cutest expression flitting across her gorgeous face.

I shake my head, "I didn't need too," I whisper against her lips, "It's written across my heart."

This time she welcomes the kiss and it quickly turns heated, sparking the fiery desire within us once more. She moves on top of me, her muscular thigh slipping between mine to grind into me and a sensual moan is torn from my throat. Breaking our kiss, she takes the opportunity to kiss and lick a path down my neck until she sucks an erect nipple into her mouth.

I moan again, my fingers gripping at her hair as I hold her to me and thrust my hips up to meet her insistent thigh. I'm just about to demand more, when she abruptly looks up, her eyes darting to the red digits of my alarm clock.

"Shit!" She curses, quickly pushing up and off me.

My brain still foggy with arousal, it takes me a moment to realise that she's already out the bed and half way to the bathroom.

"What!?" I ask, confused by the sudden change of activity.

She pauses in the open doorway of my en suite and glances back over her shoulder, her expression a guilty one, "Baby, I have to go. There's somewhere I need to be very, very soon."

Outraged, I sit up, covering myself with the bedcovers, "Are you kidding me right now?" I reply, in a tone that brooks no argument. Emma knows the tone well, it's one I normally direct her way during town meetings.

"Honey, I'm really sorry. I meant to tell you earlier but…" her eyes rake over my body, the one she's well aware is naked and crying out for her touch, "…you're really fucking distracting and I just lost track of time."

Considering that the last few hours were unplanned and unexpected, I really have no genuine reason to be angry with about having somewhere else to be. Unfortunately, however, I've never been one to take kindly to being cast aside so easily - especially after the intimacy we've just shared – and the queen choses now to raise her ill-tempered head.

"Flattery won't help you here, Miss Swan," I growl, not missing the way Emma's pupils dilate at the formality, "And don't think you can placate me with a few pet names."

I hazard a glance to the clock, noting that it's thirteen minutes past seven, "Where do you _need_ to be at this hour, anyway? Who in Storybrooke requires your presence more than you're highly aroused girlfriend?"

The blonde's look of fear melts into a warm smile at my slip of the tongue. We haven't actually discussed the formalities of our relationship yet, and I tense at the thought that I might have spoken presumptuously.

My worry is misplaced, "Girlfriend?" Emma repeats, grinning broadly, "I like it."

At the almost anticlimax of confirming our relationship status, I'm quickly reminded that she's yet to answer either of my questions, "I'm waiting!" I demand.

"It's just a work thing," She shrugs, passing it off as no big deal before giving me a suggestive wink, "I'll be back to fuck your brains out before you know it, your majesty."

She disappears into the bathroom with an over exaggerated swing of her hips, leaving me alone, sexually frustrated and extremely pissed off.

Five minutes later – and with the help of a little magic – she's showered, changed, and crawling across the bed to give me a parting kiss.

"Don't be angry with me, baby," she pouts, brushing her lips across mine. "The Mayor's a Bitch, and if I don't do my job she'll roast my ass!"

I stare down my nose at her, pretending to be angrier than I really am, "Your girlfriend is the Evil Queen and if you don't tend to her _needs,_ she'll make you very, very sorry indeed!"

She kisses me again, "My girlfriend is the ex-Evil Queen," she corrects, her lips hovering over mine, "and she's sexy as hell and making it very difficult for me to leave right now…"

Gaining the upper hand, I smirk, "So stay," I suggest seductively, "She'll make it worth your while!"

She growls in the back of her throat, a sound that makes my core throb with need. "I can't," she laments, "but get rest while you can because you're not going to sleep much tonight."

She gives me a final quick kiss and jumps off the bed, grabbing her leather jacket as she heads for the door, "I love you."

Despite feigning anger, I find that I can't prevent the ridiculously happy smile that those words trigger. "I love you too," I reply, listening as she jogs down the stairs before slamming the front door behind her.

Alone again, I flop back down on the bed and grab for Emma's pillow, hugging it to my chest. The Egyptian cotton smells of her already, and I find it's a smell I could easily get used too.

Releasing a soft sigh of contentment, I think about how easily we've settled into domesticity in just a few short hours. Tonight was the first time Emma's ever been in my bed, and I already can't remember how it felt without her.

I close my eyes deciding on a short nap before I shower and eat, but just as I'm about to drift off, a loud vibrating pulls me back to the waking world. Opening my eyes, I realise that the sound came from the small cabinet at the other side of the bed. Emma, forgot her phone.

I reach across and snatch up the device, hoping that it isn't a message from David regarding the work they have to do. The last thing I need right now is a trip to the Sheriff's station to drop off a phone. I'm not sure that I'd be able to leave without first ravishing my girlfriend against the filing cabinets.

I smile at my new name for the blonde, already feeling as if it's the most natural thing to call her in the world, and swipe her phone to open the message.

Surprisingly, it's from Henry.

 **Mom, I know you've been busy with Ma but don't forget Operation Phoenix. Your invitation is for 8:30 at Granny's, and the whole town is expecting you to be there. Don't be late.**

Operation Phoenix? Hook referred to such a thing during one of Zelena's memories, but what on Earth is it and why would Emma lie about where she was going?

I try to remain calm but it's not an easy task for a woman prone to temperamental fits of rage. Taking a deep breath, I return the phone to the cabinet and lay back down, staring at the ceiling above. What could Emma possibly be doing with Hook and Henry? And why at Granny's?

I attempt to ignore my sudden fear, to place trust in my girlfriend and forget what I've seen, but turning a blind eye simply isn't in my nature. After a moments deliberation, I push the covers aside and head straight for the shower.

I've got just under an hour to get ready and walk to Granny's, and Emma Swan better have a damned good explanation when I get there.


End file.
